This week I had the privilege of hearing the experience and expectations of a queer male student on our campus. As he described his experience, he kept qualifying each account with a “but we only have” or “but we need to have” or “but we don’t have.” At first, I felt a bit offended by how this student described the glass as half empty and not as half full. I think sometimes in our push for needed reforms, we neglect to recognize and celebrate progress. In this specific case, I left the student’s presentation with a pit in my stomach. I feel emotional distress in my stomach and the stomach ache persisted the entire day. It was a sure sign that something pretty profound was not setting well with me. I spent moments throughout the entire day thinking about the presentation and talking it over with colleagues. By the time I was ready to go home, I was physically sick to my stomach–actually in real pain.
There is something about driving or walking alone in silence that sharpens my thinking, allowing for greater creativity and problem solving. On this day, as I was driving home, it occurred to me that I should be rejoicing over what the student described before each “but”. We have a Pride Club. It’s common to see same sex couples on campus and they aren’t harassed. The campus is openly supportive of LGBTQ people in its statements and policies. There is a faculty and staff LGBTQ affinity group. The Pride Club gets funding from multiple sources. The campus is recognizing Pride Week in April since students are away in June. We have a Drag Show each year. These were the things he recognized before each “but” and I began to add the ones he left off his list. We have gender neutral restrooms all over campus. We have a Safe Zone Allies Program. We participate in the national “Coming Out Day”. We do trainings on LGBTQ issues several times a year for faculty and staff and the issue is always on our dialogue list of topics for campus members. We have Pride stoles that graduating seniors wear proudly at graduation. We have a large number of books, movies and documentaries on LGBTQ topics available in the Multicultural library.
The stomach pain disappeared when I framed the issue in terms of the actual progress we have made on LGBTQ issues over the 21 years I had been on campus. When I arrived on campus, there was zero support and zero resources for LGBTQ students, faculty or staff. It took multiple years of campus infighting and pushing and insisting for strides to be made. The list of all the services and support available today makes my campus an inclusive space for LGBTQ people on campus. This was a cause for celebration. Are we perfect? No, the student wants a LGBTQ Center. And I agree with him that one is needed. But I truly began to celebrate that he didn’t describe the horribly painful experience of those who preceded him. I witnessed that pain firsthand and spent much time consoling students and staff members trapped in a closet. In fact, it occurred to me that this student had no idea about any of that.
And this was my fault. It was also my fault that he wasn’t aware of the other resources and support available for LGBTQ campus members. In the middle of the night, I woke up and spent time drafting a list of actions to remedy to the situation, not just for LGBTQ students, but for all underrepresented groups on our campus. And I would send him an email, too.
Students and campus members from underrepresented groups need to know the history of their group on campus as well as have a list of resources and support available to them. They should also be aware of what is happening behind the scenes to build a more inclusive and equitable campus climate so they can be stronger and more informed self-advocates.
In American society as well as on predominately white college campuses, valuing diversity and multiculturalism is a relatively new concept. To the trepidation of some, the days of demanding assimilation are over. As we push toward building the capacity to be inclusive and equitable, we have to contend with people who value the status quo and feel threatened by changes. There are people who want changes faster than is possible and asking for their patience is a non-starter. The reality is that push back is a normal part of the process and has to be dealt with diplomatically. People like me find ourselves in the middle–pushing too hard for some and moving too slowly for others.
What I learned from the student’s presentation at a very personal level is that while we push for further reforms, we must honor the progress made thus far and the people who fought for and won that progress or we can lose valuable allies. I admit to realizing that I had an emotional need to be recognized along with others for the years of work we had done to get the campus to where it was on LGBTQ issues. I felt slighted and unappreciated. I also knew that to be ignorant of the history of any social justice struggle was to lose the lessons learned. As an aging warrior, I guess I wanted the young warrior to acknowledge the work done on his behalf before joining with him to continue the fight for more. Maybe its petty pride, but I realize that this too, is simply part of being human.
History is best served & preserved by those who lived it. Hard-won knowledge & progress must be paid forward. The young must be urged to tap into past history. To miss it is to miss the full color & texture of their inheritance. Gratitude across the spectrum, from the loudest voice to the softest, will always be more welcome than anger. We need to teach the young that a backward glance makes the forward march worthwhile. My thoughts.
Brava! – I discovered your blog as I was producing the video for Campus Community Day and I was compelled to read it. As a white privileged man in this world I don’t have much of a voice on these issues, but I so admire those who are fighting the fight. My son is trans gendered, and this is a fairly recent revelation. Your post gives me permission to wrap my arms around her cause. Thank you so much.