I first realized that there were men in this world who genuinely hate women when I heard about the Taliban in Afghanistan. The Taliban use a distorted view of Islam alongside violence to demean and disrespect females as they relegate them to the role of dispensable vessels for reproduction, sex, and housework. They understand that educating females only makes them less manageable. Their thinking is no different than how white American men viewed women and slaves at the founding of this nation. For example, beyond the threats of violence, it was illegal to teach black slaves to read in the United States and women had very little education and few civil rights.
Misogynist men and slave owners are fully aware (despite their claims to the contrary) that women and black people are in fact intelligent and freedom-loving human beings. They know that both can only be controlled through threats of violence, a systemic lack of opportunity, and manipulated emotional dependence. I’m extremely grateful that enough humans had the will, passion and courage to fight the legalized systems of oppression against blacks and women before I became of age. It is because of them that I enjoyed the full extent of civil rights and was able to pursue my education and career choice as well as pursue my financial ambitions. But I fear both racism and misogyny are making a comeback as men (mostly white men) fear losing all control and a hatred of women and black people resurface. I believe their hate is driven by insecurity and envy over the rising success of black people and the independence of women. Some very vocal influencers are going viral with their disdain for women while selling their strategy for returning females to a submissive state.
I raised my son to be a confident man who respects women. I married his father because he honored my intelligence and treated me as an equal. I later learned that his father, although kind and respectful of my ambitions, didn’t believe in monogamy and that truth ultimately ended our marriage. Thankfully, we continued to co-parent without animosity, and I remarried another man who fully shared my feminist values and views on monogamy. Seeing my partnership relationships shaped my son’s views on marriage where both are educated, productive, and ambition. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t have questions.
My son grew up to be an ambitious young man who earned his degree while playing division one college football. While he was in college, he and I debated the merits of Title IX as he watched his school struggle to support female sports at the expense of male sports. That experience deeply affected him, and I was glad to be the female voice defending opportunities for female athletes while supporting his sense of loss and his visceral feeling of unfairness.
Many young men do not have someone to debate with, let alone anyone with whom to express their frustrations. They experienced girls excelling in classrooms and on the job without anyone really addressing their feelings. And then came the “Me Too Movement” where the sexual exploitation of women over many years was finally being prosecuted. Men were viewed as villains who hurt women with impunity and enjoyed years of unearned privilege and promotion at the expense of women. A common meme is to say that a woman would rather encounter a wild bear than a man in the wilderness. No one talks about the emotional effect all of this “male bashing” is having on young men. Many are left confused as to how to approach females without coming off as dangerous or unworthy.
Our society has left them vulnerable to a toxic masculinity backlash emanating from political conservatives, criminals, and church leaders. Their backlash against feminism grabbed scriptures from the Bible and ran with them. They embraced an alpha male (caveman type) persona instead of respect and empathy. Thankfully, my son never fell into the misogyny trap because he was raised by a socially aware mother and two older sisters who were all highly educated and who loved and respected him. He learned early on that women are capable of making their own decisions. And he got to observe his father’s and step-father’s admiration of smart ambitious women.
My son met his wife in the Peace Corps. He financially and emotionally supported her through medical school and residency. They now have three handsome and intelligent sons that they are raising to be respectful and confident men. My son and I still have occasional debates as he finds himself performing what he considers more than his fair share of the cooking and childcare because of his wife’s heavy work demands as a NICU doctor at a prestigious teaching hospital. He sometimes struggles with his wife’s choices, but not with her right to make those choices for herself. While I’m not worried about my own son, I am worried about the society my grandsons are being raised in.
It is true that mature women with civil rights have choices. They no longer have to settle for men who disrespect and demean them. Educated women do not need to be taken care of. They want partners, not overlords. It is also true that both men and women are sexual beings ruled by hormones beginning in the teen years before the prefrontal cortex is fully developed and decisions are made based on impulse without full regard for consequences. This is why teen pregnancy was such a huge problem before contraception and Roe v Wade and girls ended up as child brides, unwed mothers on welfare, or risked their lives not to be.
Feminists (both male and female) are thankful that birth control and access to abortion have made it possible for young women to escape the trap of having to marry young or depend on the state or risk their lives because or of an unplanned pregnancy. On the other hand, conservatives point at the reduced birth rates and think a greater level of misogyny and limiting female opportunities is the answer. Who would have imaged conservatives lamenting the drop in teen pregnancies?
To my chagrin, we are watching the rollback of female rights in real time. Conservatives successfully ended Roe v. Wade and Attorney General Todd Blanche admitted that he is working to make the abortion ban national. As I’ve stated many times, I do not believe the Bible supports the idea that human life begins at conception. If it did, then God is the biggest “abortionist” there is. The Bible does support breath or capable of breath as the beginning of human life. Beyond limiting reproductive rights, this Congress is actively trying to limit women’s access to the ballot box. Some white “Christian” men in prominent positions are calling to repeal a women’s right to vote altogether. And that whole reclassification of professions and limiting access to student loans is a direct attack on women who are pursuing degrees at greater rates than their male peers. And let’s not forget the attack on DEI and the firing of women or withholding their promotions in the military.
It’s no wonder that many women are finding it increasingly difficult to find men they want to marry and have children with. The level of toxic masculinity or open misogyny found on in the Trump administration, in Congress, in churches, and on social media is disturbing. Outspoken misogynists, like the Tate brothers, garnered favor among conservatives, including the Trump administration, as they promoted masculinity and male domination while demeaning and disrespecting women as unintelligent tools who only exist to serve men. It is not surprising that in the wake of the Epstein files that the Trump administration is now allowing them to be extradited to the United Kingdom to face charges of rape and human trafficking. Trump saved them from Romanian justice for their crimes against women and teenagers, but the blatant similarities to Epstein prevent him from doing it again.
We are living in a time where young men are increasingly groomed to hate women. Some of them are no different from the Taliban in their thinking and their plans for women in this country. It is time for passionate and courageous people to once again stand up for the full humanity and autonomy of women. We have the chance at the ballot box this November to be clear about this.
My advice to parents is this: Don’t ignore what is happening in society. Talk to your sons about what they are experiencing as young men today and help them navigate any negative feelings about females. Help shape their perception of what it is to be a real man.
My advice to young men is this: Remember that no human being wants to be a doormat. Women are not mindless vessels or sexual toys to be used and exploited. If you want a meaningful and lasting relationship with a living woman (not an AI generated woman), then be a confident, decent, hardworking, and respectful human being. If you are these things, you won’t have any trouble attracting a female partner to share your life with and with whom to raise children.
