Reputation Lesson

At a young age I was taught to guard my reputation carefully as it will be the one earthly thing I will take with me to the grave.  Others had convinced me that taking care to live a life of high moral character would take care of my reputation.  And until recently, I had naively believed that to be true.  But over the past week, I learned a harsh life lesson about reputations.  I learned that there are times when I will need to defend my reputation against those who are inclined to destroy it.I now empathize with James Comey and I actually began listening to his book on CD.  I know I said I wasn’t interested and had no plans to read his book.  That was true, however, my husband had different ideas about it and  purchased his book on CD without telling me.  We were in his car, just pulling out of the driveway to go have dinner at a restaurant much further from home than is usual for us, when James Comey’s voice appeared.   I was immediately captivated by the story he was telling and decided I wanted to hear more.

He shares his life story and the lessons learned along the way. Hearing his background and life experiences, I came to better understand the lens through which he made the unfortunate decisions that I believe delivered us Donald Trump.  Comey is protecting his reputation.  He is actively defending his reputation against the powerful media, this ruthless and terrible president, and now Rudy Giuliani.  I got the impression that he, like me, never imagined such a thing would be necessary.  But when the time came to defend it, he decided he would.  And so did I.

A number of people have had words of wisdom about reputation that I now view as only half truths.  Benjamin Franklin is quoted as saying, “It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation and only one bad one to lose it.”  Wayne Dye said, “Your reputation is in the hands of others.  That’s what reputation is.  You can’t control that.  What you can control is your character.” Napoleon Hill said, “Your reputation is that which people think you are; your character is that which you are.”

At one time I might have been okay with these quotes because I kept to a good character and have no truly terrible deeds to speak of.  I treat people with dignity and respect and I live with integrity, using Christ’ teachings as a guide. But apparently this is not enough to preserve a good reputation.  And none of these quotes take into account the price to pay for a poor reputation.  People lose opportunities both personally and professionally based on the reputation that precedes them.  If you have the reputation as a person who lies, like our president, then you lose credibility.  If you have the reputation as a great negotiator who fights tough, then enough people  will elect you president of the United States to the detriment of an entire nation.

This week I learned that there were incorrect assumptions and false accusations about some things I had supposedly done.  None of them were true. However, I was being treated  as though they were and to my detriment.  Working through the pain, it took some digging to get to the bottom of the falsehoods.  I did not assign motives to the individuals who smeared my reputation with false accusations and misrepresentations.  That is for others to figure out.   I did however, work hard to restore my reputation with documentation of the truth.  The falsehoods and misrepresentations were exposed for what they were.  But I learned a horrible truth.  I either have enemies who will smile in my face and disparage my good reputation when given the opportunity or I am surrounded by people who are so careless with my reputation that they will say or believe anything said about me without evidence and without checking in with me first. Those people should know that I no longer trust them and that I will continue to guard my good reputation.

This week, my former brother-in-law was tragically killed when he was hit by a car while riding his bicycle at night.   A lot is being said about him and I wonder if he would approve.  His reputation goes with him to his grave.  When I die, people will talk about me, too.  They will be talking about my reputation and my hope is that my reputation will be in alignment with my character.  I just learned, and so did James Comey, that achieving that treasured alignment of character with reputation is not necessarily accomplished without a great deal of effort.