Backstabbers

When I was in the seventh grade, I had a classmate named Joyce who went around talking about everybody.  She wasn’t just a gossip, but she was also a person who used the information she obtained by cozying up to people for her own purposes.  Sometimes she used the information to boost her own favorability in the eyes of a teacher by tattle telling on someone.  Other times she used the information to undermine the credibility of someone she saw as competition.  And at times she used information as revenge.  Many times she wasn’t completely honest in her representation of what she knew.  She stretched or contorted the information to make herself look good or someone else look bad.  She created conflict where there was little or none.  Her behavior was disruptive.  On the surface Joyce was caring and likable,  but beneath her charming façade she was devious and manipulative and we all knew it and hated that destructive behavior.  One day, I had had enough and I was determined to do something about it.So, knowing that Joyce thrived on talking to people and that she was good at prying information out of them by seeming to be friendly and open, I decided to set a trap for her.  I planted a rumor that one of her victims (by a completely made up name) was so angry by what Joyce said about her that she was going to beat Joyce up after school.  My goal was to scare Joyce straight.  I wanted her to realize that her actions not only angered and hurt people, but that they could have dire consequences for her.

The plan worked.  By the middle of the day, Joyce was terrified.  So much so that she went to the principle’s office to report that a girl she didn’t even know was going to beat her up after school.  After some research, the principle figured out that I was behind the made up plot.  Being assured by the principle that there was no student at the school with the name Joyce provided, Joyce was still terrified, convinced that her source must have just gotten the name wrong.

The source gave up my name and I was called into the principle’s office where I immediately confessed without fear or trepidation in front of Joyce that I hatched the plan to try to rid Joyce of her hurtful snitching, undermining, and gossiping ways. I described in detail how she pretended to care, but really just wanted information that she would use in harmful ways.  The principle laughed and told me I was wrong to make her so afraid, but that I was clearly brilliant and that my heart was in the right place.  He advised that next time I find another way that didn’t involve empty threats or actual violence to deal with busybodies.  Needless to say, Joyce left our circle of friends and magically all the drama ended with her departure.  Mission accomplished.

Over the years, I’ve encountered women and a few men like Joyce.  I find these people to be insecure, immature, and untrustworthy.  I don’t even bother to call them out because I know that what they fail to realize is that most grown-ups will listen to what they say about others and immediately become suspicious of their motives.  The next thought of the listener is: “So what do they say about me behind my back?”

Life experience has taught me that people will eventually discover for themselves that the co-worker or member characterized as incompetent or disloyal by one of these back stabbers is not all that incompetent or disloyal, if at all.  Grown-ups quickly recognize that both the information and the informer are flawed.   Most snitches,  busybodies, and gossips are found out for what they are: resentful,  insecure disrupters with too much time on their hands and lacking adequate talent and maturity to be truly respected based on their own merits.  And so, they build relationships in order to build up their arsenal of information to use as weapons to prompt themselves up and tear others down.  Sadly, it is a self-destructive strategy.

These individuals should know that their sins will eventually find them out.  Being a victim of a back stabber on several occasions, I have seen how the truth comes to light and how the damage the perpetrator hoped to cause their victim boomerangs right back toward them.  And despite the continued smiles from the listeners, the reputation of the back stabber is destroyed and they don’t even realize it.  I know, because I’m one of the smiling faces.

I don’t know what kind of woman Joyce turned out to be.  My hope is that she grew up and stopped tattle-telling, stopped being the source of malicious and divisive gossip, and that she is promoted based on her own merits and not on tearing down other people behind closed doors.

In  1972, the  O’Jays  released a song that best describes these kinds of people.  The lyrics were:  “They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place.  Those back stabbers.”