Month: February 2019

It’s so disappointing when someone who has a platform on the national stage completely blows the opportunity to do good for apparently selfish reasons.  If what the police are saying is true about Jessie Smollett staging an attack against himself, then this young man has done a lot of harm to the people he claims to care about.

The intersectionality that he represents as a gay black man in a nation that continues to struggle with both homophobia and racism doesn’t need a staged hate crime to draw attention to the animosity that is evident almost everywhere.  If what the police allege is true, then his ridiculous scheme only heightens the skepticism faced by true victims of hate crimes.  Crime victims may hesitate to report incidents for fear greater skepticism and doubts from law enforcement and juries.  The public will question the veracity of victims more often.  The reporting of these crimes will be much more cautious and rare. Crime victims and their families will loose. It’s already rare to for crimes against people of color to make the headlines; that might just get worse. Actual perpetrators will be given a pass to victimize marginalized individuals because they will realize that no one will believe the victims. 

Jessie Smollett has done real damage.  He has given the racist and homophobic Trump supporters the ability to call themselves victims of false accusations. They can claim that the left are out to get them and to make them look bad. 

I find it hard to believe the reports that say that Smollett staged the attack in the hopes for more pay on his television series.  That doesn’t make sense.  I think it’s more likely that he wanted to highlight the truth that gays and black men are targets of violence in this nation by white nationalists in the age of Trump.  I don’t doubt that this is true, but instead of helping to highlight the problem, he has only created more problems for those with credible complaints and given cover to the actual haters.  So, what is to be done?

First, since for the moment he is sticking to his story, let it play out in court.  If he never admits wrongdoing, then we move on with the ambiguity expecting that he will be a model citizen moving forward.  Some will believe him and others will not. He will have to find a way to live with the damage to his career, reputation, and doubts about his character.  If he admits to wrongdoing, then I hope he will apologize, admit to his true motive, seek therapy because his thinking is clearly amiss, and then find a way to redeem himself through community service and positive activism. Whatever the outcome, I hope he is able to find his way back to the stage as he is a very talented singer and actor.

One of the things I love about working at a university is the opportunity to listen to and consider innovative ideas. On February 5th I heard the most radical idea for our society from a speaker representing the Black Lives Matter Movement. When I read through the beliefs they espouse on their website, I feel empowered and moved. But, apparently every belief is not found on the website. I had to really think about the unpublished call from the Black Lives Matter Movement to abolish the police and prisons, too.

This idea was presented by the one of the organizers of Black Lives Matter who I invited to campus as part of my year long series on social and political movements in the country. I was right there with her as she talked about the tenants of the Movement and their activism until she described the Movement as a group of abolitionists who want to abolish the police and prisons.

I do understand and agree that black bodies are too often the target of police and the criminal justice system. I listened to her argument that because modern day policing has its roots in slave catching, that black and brown bodies will always be unjustly targeted, killed, and incarcerated by the current system. So, their answer is to abolish the entire system. In one of my more private moments with the organizer, I asked her who or what would replace the police? Her answer was simple: the community.

I have been thinking about this for weeks and talking it over with people I believe care about society and social justice as much as I do and none of us can fathom the idea that completely abolishing the police and prisons is a viable solution to police abuse, police brutality and an unfair criminal justice system that operates to criminalize and incarcerate black and brown people at higher rates and for longer sentences.

Two things are clear to me and to everyone I spoke to about the situation. First, we cannot continue with the current system where police are far more likely to kill black people in encounters. It seems that a white mass shooter is more likely to be taken away alive in handcuffs than an unarmed black man who poses no threat except that which resides in the imagination of the police officer. And a judicial system where judges routinely give black and brown people longer prison systems than white people for the same crime has to be replaced.

The second thing we agreed on was that we were for police reform and criminal justice reform rather than abolition. None of us can envision a system where the community enforces social and civil rules. Humans put laws or social rules in place to deter humans of ill-will from stealing, killing, or destroying the property of others in the shared community with impunity. In a small village, the rules are enforced by the chief. That might work just fine when everyone knows each other and the villagers endorse the chief as legitimate and just. But in a community made up of people who hardly know each other, where people move in and out, and where access to firearms abound, I’m not sure the community is actually capable of policing itself.

In the absence of a trustworthy police force, the biggest bully with the greatest fire power rules the neighborhood. There are countless examples of how miserable life can be for average people in the absence of police who are willing and able to fairly enforce the law. Look at Central America today with thousands of women and children fleeing countries where gangs have literally taken over and continually exploit the weak. I heard a Central American woman who made it to the U.S. tell her story about being gang raped multiple times and then fleeing with her daughter because that daughter was becoming a teenager and was now vulnerable to the same treatment. This is an example of a failed law enforcement system. In absence of police, the community wasn’t strong enough to take over.

Our police system isn’t great for communities of color, but it isn’t a complete failure either. We know that money or bribes can corrupt a police force and that racial bias is also a corrupting factor. What we need is a complete overhaul of the our police system, one that ferrets out the police of questionable character. There are too many who are racially biased and morally corrupt. In the prison system, we have to remove the racial bias permitted by judicial discretion and the profit motive created by establishing privately owned prisons. No prison should ever be for-profit! I’m for restorative justice rather than imprisonment for most people. Only people who are a real danger to society should be in prison. The others should be subject to fines, community service, repayment of loss property, mental health and addiction treatment, and education.

While we are not facing the complete collapse of a police system capable of enforcing the laws to protect its citizens like in Central America, we do need to pay better attention to who we recruit as police officers and how we train them. I’m for police reform and prison reform, not the complete abolition of the police and prisons. I’ve seen what that looks like, and I don’t think its better. It is in fact, much worse. My fear is that if we abolish the police and prisons that Canada will need to build a wall to keep us out.

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I’m asking myself this week if our American culture has become one of swift public condemnation when presented with offense from a person’s distant past. Is there ever the possibility for redemption? And if there is, when do we allow for it?

I admit to feeling disgust over the revelation that the Virginia governor Ralph Northam wore black face or dressed as a Khan member for a picture that appeared in his medical school year book back in the 1980s. The unabashed racism he displayed back then is appalling and deeply offensive. And his later confession that he isn’t sure that it was him in the photo didn’t help at all. That was merely an admission that he could have, might have, or would have done such a thing. It spoke to his racist mindset back then. Inside, I screamed at the television: “You’re NOT redeeming yourself at all with those comments.”

But I might have thought differently about the possibility for redemption had he sincerely apologized for his small-minded and harmful thinking and behaviors back then. He should have explained how and why his thinking had evolved and then pointed to the many things he has done since then to further civil rights and racial justice in Virginia. I understand that he has a pretty good public policy track record. In fact, 58% of blacks in Virginia don’t won’t him to resign. If he were to do the things I suggested, then I would say redemption is called for and Virginians could reasonably let the man continue as governor. I hope he will do this. And then there was the bombshell of his lieutenant governor Justin Fairfax, just days later being accused of sexual assault. Really?

In cases like his, we must be even slower to condemn. Our swift condemnation is dangerous after accusations of sexual abuse has become the norm. We have an investigative and judicial process that can and should be followed before we start condemning people and in his case, trying to throw him out of office. The alternative is that we condone the immediate ruin of any and everyone’s lives and careers based on mere allocations. None of us wants to be condemned without the ability to defend ourselves. Last year, I learned first hand how destructive false accusations can be and how easily they can be made by people who are motivated to make them. We must exercise caution. For now, I think Fairfax should remain in office and submit to a thorough investigation. In fact, he is asking the FBI to conduct one.

We’ve become too quick to condemn. I’ll be glad if we take a collective breath and consider our own past mistakes, the ways in which we have evolved, the good we have done since our change of heart and attitudes, and how we too believe in the possibility of redemption. And finally, I hope we return to a reliance on due process for those accused of wrong doing before we condemn them.

I didn’t even bother to ask the question this year. Should we host a Super Bowl party or even a small gathering? I already knew that I’d be on my own if I had asked because the party days for my introverted husband are truly over except as a grudging concession to me. So, I only hold out for the truly important gatherings and parties like family holidays, milestone birthdays, family wedding receptions, a few events, and retirements. The invitations to such gatherings have slowed too, as our circle of friends have aged, passed, or moved away. I’m questioning whether I should push to stay active in party life and gatherings. Should I accept invitations and just go without him? I no longer drive at night, so I’d have to call an Uber. Is it worth it? Would he feel abandoned?

The truth is that I am no party animal. I’ve never been the life of the party or the center of attention. I’m not the social butterfly flitting from one person to another. But I used to attend a lot of parties and gatherings. I enjoy a party or gathering the way most introverts do. If I’m not the host, then I find a nice spot, flop down and enjoy the company of the few people who join me in my nice corner of the room or banquet table. If there is a game to be played, I gladly play it. If there is dancing, I go to the dance floor and dance. I’m especially fond of line dances. But lately, I’ve been declining most invitations and offering few.

I’m really good at throwing parties and putting together gatherings. I have everything a party planner needs for festive decorations and serving just about everything. I have recipes at the ready and plenty of party games. I have every level of party and event clothing, ranging from fun to the most formal. I’m all dressed up with no where to go. As a host, I’m attentive to the needs of my guests. I enjoy facilitating the fun of others. But, my personal party planning days are becoming increasingly infrequent and I do miss them.

I am coming to accept that this is a concession I make to my introverted husband’s changing sensibility. I’ve noticed how he has resorted to slipping out and hiding away in his office or our bedroom, refusing to socialize for more than a few minutes. I’ve found him in bed sleeping during a gathering. I can’t even get him to open door to greet guests. Parties and even small gatherings have become torture for him. At banquets, he wants to head for the door at the first opportunity. He refuses to dance. He looks sullen and disengaged. He pretty much makes it clear that he doesn’t want to be there.

So, as the Rams take on the Patriots today, I’ll set out the chicken wings, the chips and dip, the cheese and crackers, and a vegetable platter. I’ll even use my football party platters, but it will all be set for just us two. I’ll still enjoy the game, the half-time show, and especially the Super Bowl commercials, but I admit that I will miss the laughter, the hoots, and the hollers of friends and family. This is my new normal and part of the give and take of marriage as we age and evolve together.