No Super Bowl Party?

I didn’t even bother to ask the question this year. Should we host a Super Bowl party or even a small gathering? I already knew that I’d be on my own if I had asked because the party days for my introverted husband are truly over except as a grudging concession to me. So, I only hold out for the truly important gatherings and parties like family holidays, milestone birthdays, family wedding receptions, a few events, and retirements. The invitations to such gatherings have slowed too, as our circle of friends have aged, passed, or moved away. I’m questioning whether I should push to stay active in party life and gatherings. Should I accept invitations and just go without him? I no longer drive at night, so I’d have to call an Uber. Is it worth it? Would he feel abandoned?

The truth is that I am no party animal. I’ve never been the life of the party or the center of attention. I’m not the social butterfly flitting from one person to another. But I used to attend a lot of parties and gatherings. I enjoy a party or gathering the way most introverts do. If I’m not the host, then I find a nice spot, flop down and enjoy the company of the few people who join me in my nice corner of the room or banquet table. If there is a game to be played, I gladly play it. If there is dancing, I go to the dance floor and dance. I’m especially fond of line dances. But lately, I’ve been declining most invitations and offering few.

I’m really good at throwing parties and putting together gatherings. I have everything a party planner needs for festive decorations and serving just about everything. I have recipes at the ready and plenty of party games. I have every level of party and event clothing, ranging from fun to the most formal. I’m all dressed up with no where to go. As a host, I’m attentive to the needs of my guests. I enjoy facilitating the fun of others. But, my personal party planning days are becoming increasingly infrequent and I do miss them.

I am coming to accept that this is a concession I make to my introverted husband’s changing sensibility. I’ve noticed how he has resorted to slipping out and hiding away in his office or our bedroom, refusing to socialize for more than a few minutes. I’ve found him in bed sleeping during a gathering. I can’t even get him to open door to greet guests. Parties and even small gatherings have become torture for him. At banquets, he wants to head for the door at the first opportunity. He refuses to dance. He looks sullen and disengaged. He pretty much makes it clear that he doesn’t want to be there.

So, as the Rams take on the Patriots today, I’ll set out the chicken wings, the chips and dip, the cheese and crackers, and a vegetable platter. I’ll even use my football party platters, but it will all be set for just us two. I’ll still enjoy the game, the half-time show, and especially the Super Bowl commercials, but I admit that I will miss the laughter, the hoots, and the hollers of friends and family. This is my new normal and part of the give and take of marriage as we age and evolve together.