As a society, I think we’re headed in the right direction toward respect for the female body as more than a playground for men. As a female who has been the victim of unwanted sexual contact on three separate occasions and one horrific stocking incident, I fully support the Me Too Movement and the Time’s Up Movement. Our culture is past due for a change, but with the Biden non-sexual touching issue being raised this week, I wonder if we are about to lose valuable human contact.
My first reaction to the young woman recounting her experience with Joe Biden’s hands on her shoulders, smelling her hair, and kissing her on the back of her head, was that he was a grandfatherly guy trying to show his support, encouragement and affection. We’ve been watching the touchy-feely affectionate Joe Biden for years. It is one of the things I have appreciated about him. We need more caring people like him in the world. That said, perhaps he takes it a bit too far at times and doesn’t recognize that some people don’t want to be touched that way, particularly by mere associates. This is the reality that we must all recognize to be the case. Biden must be more sensitive to this reality and watch for cues that signal a reception to his affection or an aversion to it. I believe we tend to give these signals to one another. Biden just needs to pay attention to them.
With all the women coming forward to talk about how uncomfortable they felt about Biden’s non-sexual touching, I’m afraid our society is about to lose the kind of physical contact that helps connect us to one another. We need to acknowledge how sometimes a hug and a pat on the back are welcomed. Physical touching of this sort actually boosts our immune systems, improves our emotional well being, and builds human bonds. This is healthy for our society and confusing it with real sexual assault is a mistake. Lets keep touching. Many people touch as a means of greeting through hand shakes, hugs, and kisses. Granted, some people don’t like any of it, but we can respect these people’s “hands off” approach by paying attention.
I would say that people have an aura about them. Some are warm and approachable and exude a welcoming of affection. Just this past week, a former student of mine and now colleague, saw me while on a walk across campus. As I approached her, she opened her arms wide, signaling an oncoming embrace. We hugged. In a separate incident, I met a campus visitor at a meeting in our office on Monday and invited her to a luncheon that Thursday. When I arrived, she was already present and she greeted me with a warm embrace. A male international student whom I hardly knew hugged me after a meeting where I helped him resolve an issue important to him.
Each time, the hug seemed natural, warm, and welcome. I hadn’t initiated any of these hugs, but I was definitely receptive to them. I’m glad that these three people were able to rightly discern my vibe, otherwise they might find themselves being talked about on the six o’clock news. Joe Biden doesn’t need to stop being affectionate, he just needs to read the signals better. Granted he has a tougher job by being surrounded by so many people and trying to make quick connections, but he has to do it.
In reality, I guess this is true of all of us, because while we need the touch of other human beings we must also respect other people’s space. However, in the world we live in today, now is not the time to throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you see me, bring on the hugs and kisses. I open to “respectful” human touching.