Month: October 2019

Before my husband left for the golf course at 5:00am yesterday morning, he admonished me to get off the couch today and do something. He is tired of seeing me sitting on the couch and frankly I’m tired of sitting there. However, I felt a surge of frustration when he said that. He really doesn’t understand what it is like to struggle to breath when the air is polluted with smoke and debris. I have asthma and I’m struggling. I hear myself wheezing through my own ears. I feel the constriction in my chest. My noise is clogged with mucus and I can capture very little air needed to move. The fires in California impose great restrictions on my movements as they have become an annual occurrence.

I skipped a lunch with colleagues on Friday because I couldn’t walk across campus to the cafeteria where we had agreed to gather. I felt bad having to cancel my Friday evening plans to attend two outdoor events scheduled by student groups who went out of their way to invite me. They understood that I couldn’t be outside when the air was this bad because of my asthma, but they were still disappointed. With my mask firmly placed across my face, I at least looked at their decorations before making my way back inside the building. I even wear my mask to walk the short distance between my car and my office and my car to my front door. Asthma is no joke and asthma attacks are frightening and could be deadly.

I was diagnosed with asthma when I was two. I thought I had grown out of it until it reared its ugly head again in my late twenties and early thirties when I was plagued by constant attacks and was prescribed steroids. I eventually whined myself off of them and my rescue inhaler. I keep the rescue inhaler handy for days like this. But mostly, I have learned to control my environment and curb my behavior to avoid attacks. I’ve never had the benefit of full breath, but I’ve managed. I had to train my husband to stop polluting our home air with beach and other harsh chemicals that set off asthma attacks. I have houseplants in every room, particularly pothos, snake plants, peace lily and a few others that purify our air and I dust and vacuum more than many, using a vacuum with a hippa filter. I’m careful with my bedding and I get a flu shot every year. I’ve gotten the pneumonia vaccine, too.

These last two weeks, I haven’t been able to walk on the tread mill or ride the stationary bike in my garage because of the bad air. I’ve taken to stretching and a bit of yoga instead. But this can’t last forever. When I finally retire in a few years, we’ll need to move to a state where fires are rare. I don’t do well with humidity either. So, Nevada or Arizona might be in our future. Right now, I just need to find a place where I can breathe and sadly, that is my couch. Sorry, hubby.

I had a great conversation with my son this week following the democratic debates. He’s a millennial so I was expecting him to be for Sanders or Warren, but he wasn’t. He was for Andrew Yang and strongly against Joe Biden and Tulsi Gabbard. And his reasons were sound except when it came to Buttigieg whom he disliked at a gut level. It got me thinking that I really needed to do more policy research along with an examination of my own gut feelings about these candidates. What follows is who I’m supporting today. And my preferences have shifted since the last time I wrote about this.

A while back I was all in for Michael Bennett for president. I even donated to his campaign. I still like him a lot, but I believe we need a presidential nominee who has a fighting chance at actually winning the election and he simply isn’t gaining enough momentum to win the Democrat nomination. There are a few others that I would put in that same category but who I would be happy to see as Vice President along with Bennett: Booker, Buttigieg, Castro, Harris and Klobuchar.

At this moment, I’m no longer in favor of Biden, Warren, nor Sanders for president. Biden seems too feeble at times and I’m not thrilled with the issues surrounding his son’s foreign business dealings even though he technically did nothing illegal. While I like Warren and would wholeheartedly support her if she were the nominee, I think her ultra liberal policies would throw too many voters toward Donald Trump. And even if she were elected, I don’t believe she could get any of her big ideas past Congress. And as for Sanders, I’m not just vary because of his recent heart attack, but his policies are too left for me and ultimately wouldn’t get pass Congress either.

Additionally, the presidency is a high stress job and both Biden and Sanders don’t seem up to it in my opinion. They already show all the signs of age-related decline. Reagan was in mental decline and they kept his condition from us until after he left office. I don’t want history to repeat itself. However, I must admit that Warren appears to be in exceptionally good mental and physical health and so I’m not as concerned with her age. But even still, I do feel it’s time to move to the younger generation.

So, in this moment, I am leaning toward Amy Klobuchar, the senator from Minnesota. I agree with her policies. She is from the mid-west, has a working class upbringing, appears to have integrity, and she won’t scare off more moderate voters who could be pushed towards Trump if Sanders or Warren were our nominees. She’s a pragmatist who wants to get things done that can actually be passed through Congress. I think she can stand up to Trump simply by her intelligent and dignified presence. She doesn’t bring the baggage Hillary had. Her likability is high. But she isn’t all that exciting and her support would need to skyrocket to win the nomination. So, to build the excitement, I would pair her with either Senator Cory Booker or Mayor Pete Buttigieg.

Booker would bring the fire, forthrightness, and fight to her ticket. Together, I think they would be impossible to beat. He is intelligent, energizing, and represents the urban parts of the country. Buttigieg, although another mid-westerner, brings the ability to explain things in a clear and concise manner. He makes great arguments with a level of articulation that is impressive. He’s also a veteran and gay. Both Booker and Buttigieg have executive experience, having served as mayors. They would be a great asset to any candidacy and are young enough to again become future presidential candidates.

If Joe Biden were to secure the nomination, then I would pair him with Senator Harris. She brings youth and leadership ability and a sense that she could take over if needed. She will sharpen his message on issues and help him with the duties of president as well as giving him cover on women’s issues. Another good running mate would be Amy Klobuchar for the same reasons. Given his past history where he could be vulnerable on his behavior towards women, he needs a female running mate.

If Elizabeth Warren pulls off the nomination, then she would need to be paired with either Bennett, Buttigieg or Julian Castro who will each bring her down to earth a bit in the minds of voters with their pragmatic outlooks and calm demeanor.

There is still so much to consider and I truly like all of our candidates. But only two can people will make up our democratic ticket. My first choice today is a Klobuchar-Booker ticket. But the next debate might change that. This is why I hope Americans are paying attention.

In the last presidential election, 42% of eligible voters didn’t vote. And look what that got us. In the words of the late (and very great) Senator Elijah Cummings, “We are better than this”. Rest in peace, Senator Cummings, and may we live up to the promise of our democracy as you admonished us.

This was my first week taking on the job of two people. I learned something surprising about myself: I become hyper-active when faced with too much to do. And being a task-oriented person, I can easily become insensitive to the needs of others when I become hyper-focused on my “to do” list. I realized that was happening on Monday morning when by 11 a.m., I hadn’t even said, “Good morning” to my co-workers. It took an unexpected encounter with a colleague in the mail room to help me begin the process of time management.

As I mentioned last week, there are a lot of changes happening at work. My new boss has a lot on her plate. She also brings plenty of new ideas to our newly formed department that she wants implemented quickly. I appreciate the ideas and I am content doing my part to help implement them and I even enjoy it. But this week, I was handed nearly all the duties that had been the responsibility of my colleague who went on leave. My initial response was “Wow, this a lot of extra work for one person to take on”. My second response was, “Okay, I love a challenge”.

And then my inbox blew up with demands coming in fast and furious from all over the place. The problem was that there with no sense of what was urgent. Every request seemed to be on the same high level of priority. And some people are impatient by nature, including me. So, I started to take it all on at once. Admittedly, the sense of accomplishment was invigorating. I felt my energy level go into this hyper-active “gotta get it all done” mentality. I was on a roll but I was also difficult to deal with on a personal level. I stopped chit-chatting with colleagues, instead focusing only on what I needed from them to accomplish a task. I realized Tuesday morning that I didn’t even greet people when I came into work for the second day, heading straight for my office to dive in.

Thankfully, I had to walk across campus to the mail room Tuesday morning. It was there that I ran into a colleague known for his caring attitude towards people. He knew about the changes in our office and about my situation and insisted on showing me the item he had purchased from Amazon that he was going to use on his desk to help calm students. I think he could sense my uncomfortably high energy level.

He demonstrated the power of this spinning desk toy. If you turn it one way, it brings your energy level up. Turn it the opposite way and it calms you. It had an immediate affect on me and he volunteered to send me the link so I could purchase one myself. But being the kind and thoughtful person he is, he later showed up in my office and presented his to me as a gift, saying he would simply order another for himself. That’s kindness.

The ball calmed me down immediately. In fact, it helped me to relax enough to be able to put my inbox into perspective so that I could set priorities for what was immediate and what could actually wait. I asked for some requested items to be wait-listed until other things were accomplished. I took my time with people instead of rushing them out the door. And I took a full hour for lunch. I greeted my colleagues and started treating them like human beings again.

Yes, there is a whole lot to do and I’m lucky that I am passionate about completing each item on my “to do” list. But striking a balance between getting things done and caring for people is important for the kind of work I do. In reality, this balance is good for all of us as human beings working and living together. While it is true that the things that need to be done are in service to people, I’m reminded by a quote by Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Managing my energy allows me to manage my priorities and my time so that I can make room for the humans I care about. For me, help was found through a chance encounter with a caring colleague who made time for me and the ingenuity of a spinning metal ball.

The Kinetic Spinning Desk Toy can be purchased on Amazon here.

In the past year and a half, my department at work has undergone major changes in personnel and operating procedures. Two people left rather than deal with the changes. Others have been in a perpetual state of stress. And just this week, my closest work companion of the last ten years announced that she was going on medical leave until January because the stress was too much given her ongoing medical condition. I understand and fully support her decision. But now I am left with the added stress of doing her job and mine for an undetermined amount of time. I’m thinking about how to manage it all and remain sane.

I acknowledge that upon hearing her news I reacted in unproductive ways, doing some things that will prove counterproductive if I allow myself to continue. I went to bed later. I stopped my normal early morning exercise routine, opting to stay in bed and try to sleep a little longer. And I ate a lot of the bad comfort food that you purchase in a drive through. None of these behaviors will ultimately help me; in fact they will only add to my stress and worsen my ability to be productive. But they were my way of coping with the immediate emotional distress that I was feeling. I forgive myself for that human response and I vow to treat myself better.

So, with the four days of transition completed with calendars, accounts, student groups, responsibilities, and office keys turned over to me, Monday will be the start of a whole new work life. This weekend will be my restart although I found myself in yet another drive through yesterday for lunch. Back to normal sleep hours, 5 days of early morning exercise, a walk at lunch and no more fast food or sugar starting today. I put some things in place at work to help me better manage the calendar of things to do, but it’s going to be difficult and I will need to press others in the office to take on more tasks.

Change is difficult for most of us. It causes stress no matter who you are. But what matters most is how we handle it. I have always chosen to see change as an opportunity to learn more and to grow. I have a personality that tends to welcome challenge. However, I realize that my mind, body and attitude must be in sync to handle the challenging changes that will continue to present themselves. If my mind is overwhelmed, my body is unhealthy, or my attitude is negative then I won’t be equipped to handle change and I’ll need to find the fastest way out of the situation to survive. Change is a part of life and evokes a flight or fight response. At this moment, I choose to stay and fight but I don’t blame anyone who chooses to flee.

Given the change I’m facing starting tomorrow, I’ll have to do everything possible to keep my mind sharp, my body healthy, and my attitude positive if I am going to make lemonade out of this lemon of a change.