Before my husband left for the golf course at 5:00am yesterday morning, he admonished me to get off the couch today and do something. He is tired of seeing me sitting on the couch and frankly I’m tired of sitting there. However, I felt a surge of frustration when he said that. He really doesn’t understand what it is like to struggle to breath when the air is polluted with smoke and debris. I have asthma and I’m struggling. I hear myself wheezing through my own ears. I feel the constriction in my chest. My noise is clogged with mucus and I can capture very little air needed to move. The fires in California impose great restrictions on my movements as they have become an annual occurrence.
I skipped a lunch with colleagues on Friday because I couldn’t walk across campus to the cafeteria where we had agreed to gather. I felt bad having to cancel my Friday evening plans to attend two outdoor events scheduled by student groups who went out of their way to invite me. They understood that I couldn’t be outside when the air was this bad because of my asthma, but they were still disappointed. With my mask firmly placed across my face, I at least looked at their decorations before making my way back inside the building. I even wear my mask to walk the short distance between my car and my office and my car to my front door. Asthma is no joke and asthma attacks are frightening and could be deadly.
I was diagnosed with asthma when I was two. I thought I had grown out of it until it reared its ugly head again in my late twenties and early thirties when I was plagued by constant attacks and was prescribed steroids. I eventually whined myself off of them and my rescue inhaler. I keep the rescue inhaler handy for days like this. But mostly, I have learned to control my environment and curb my behavior to avoid attacks. I’ve never had the benefit of full breath, but I’ve managed. I had to train my husband to stop polluting our home air with beach and other harsh chemicals that set off asthma attacks. I have houseplants in every room, particularly pothos, snake plants, peace lily and a few others that purify our air and I dust and vacuum more than many, using a vacuum with a hippa filter. I’m careful with my bedding and I get a flu shot every year. I’ve gotten the pneumonia vaccine, too.
These last two weeks, I haven’t been able to walk on the tread mill or ride the stationary bike in my garage because of the bad air. I’ve taken to stretching and a bit of yoga instead. But this can’t last forever. When I finally retire in a few years, we’ll need to move to a state where fires are rare. I don’t do well with humidity either. So, Nevada or Arizona might be in our future. Right now, I just need to find a place where I can breathe and sadly, that is my couch. Sorry, hubby.