Month: May 2020

For Americans who care about social justice and basic human dignity, silence is not an acceptable option in this moment. The recent events in which video captures the murders of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd and the endangering of Christian Cooper by a privileged white woman (Amy Cooper, no relation) who calls the police with a false claim of threat. As I watch protests give way to full out rioting including the spectacle of both fires and looting across the country, I ask myself which path is the most effective.

Speaking as a black woman in America, I know we need change. We demand it. We have been demanding it since slavery and Jim Crow. I understand that blacks aren’t the only ethnic group who need a more equitable system in this country. Our nation’s history has shown that skin color determines treatment. And in this particular moment, black people are once again the ones under attack from multiple sides.

Years of economic, environmental, and healthcare discrimination have left us particularly vulnerable to dying from COVID-19. The virus doesn’t see skin color, but seeks opportunities. The economic and social systems in place created the heath disparities in conditions like asthma, high blood pressure, and diabetes coupled with an overrepresentation in frontline essential work that leaves us particularly vulnerable. And the fact that it is more difficult for blacks to even be tested speaks volumes about who is valued and who is not in this nation.

It wasn’t enough that COVID-19 is ravaging our families, but once again we have unjustified murders and a justice system dragging its feet toward accountability and justice. We only know about the murders caught on video. My guess is that many more go unreported, particularly involving police, because the cameras are not rolling. And just how many are serving prison sentences or paying large fines because of police malfeasance?

How can any decent American stay silent? At the very least protests are called for. Protest in social media. Protest among friends. Protest from microphones. Protest in writing to newspapers and lawmakers. Protest in the streets, but while wearing masks and practicing social distancing.

But has the level of offense against black lives reached the level where rioting is called for? Perhaps. But this is not my preference because it is scary and riots have proven to be self-destructive rather than constructive. I get that there is a symbolic meaning behind burning down buildings. It is a symbolic call to destroy an entire system. Burn it down to the ground in order to start again is the meaning. There is meaning behind looting, too. The meaning is that the economic transactional system currently in place is unfair in which the rich always win and the poor always loose. So, looting is a way to reject the transaction. For some, they think its just an opportunity to get free stuff. But even that mentality itself is a byproduct of an unjust system.

At this moment in time, I side with both the protesters and the rioters. I worry because I don’t see the street protesters and rioters wearing masks or practicing any social distancing. In 2-3 weeks there will likely be a horrible price to pay in more COVID-19 illnesses and deaths. This sad reality makes me even more hopeful that our business leaders, educators, and political leaders really see, really hear, and really understand that the present system is unjust and cannot persist.

People like me are longing for the current system that is built on structural racism to collapse. Death, destruction, and chaos are in our future if these leaders do not act to change things quickly. If these leaders just look at the burning cars and buildings and the looters as irrational acts of violence, then they are missing the point and eventually the whole system will be burned down with them inside it.

I’m a fan of Asian dramas in general and South Korean dramas in particular. Beyond gaining insight into the culture, history, and landscape, I like them because they spotlight, in the most real way, the human condition. Inside a K-drama I can laugh, cry, be scared, be angry and experience the harshest of human frustration and finally satisfaction. Netflix recently released its newest K-drama titled, “Itaewon Class”. The 16 episodes depict the reality wherein the rich and powerful ruthlessly trample on the both the rights and the dignity of the poor and weak. In one scene, the arrogant heir brags that laws are in place to control the poor, but didn’t apply to people like him. Sadly, I think this reality is true all over the world, including here in the U.S.

We have huge numbers of black, brown, and poor people in prison for crimes that the well-connected and wealthy get away with every day. Watching both Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen both be released from prison this week says a lot about our society and our two-tiered justice system. Both men will get to spend the rest of their prison sentences in the comfort of their luxury homes surrounded by family and eating great food. Yes, they are on “house arrest” but look at the houses. And yet, this is the society we have collectively allowed to exist. We shrug our shoulders, stay silent, and accept that this is just the reality of things, recognizing the perversion of justice but feeling unable or unwilling to do anything about it.

In our society, like that depicted in the South Korean drama, the rich and powerful get to lie, cheat, steal, kill, and break all the laws of human decency and honor while pointing their dirty fingers at others with impunity. And despite this shameful reality, we not only allow this strange order to exist but in 2016, we actually elected a person who epitomizes this perverted order to be president of our country. Since Trump’s election, the perversion of justice and decency seems to worsen every day. Now we even have to contend with lies being spewed about Obama, the continual firing of any person who tries to hold wrongdoers accountable, and with an abuse of power that has never been so blatant and so overtly cruel. This president has actual blood on his hands with his handling of the border and now COVID-19.

And yet, we’ve become so perverted that there is still a question as to whether we would re-elect such a person in November. The sad thing is that a lot of this perversion can be laid at the very feet of Evangelical Christians who once were the standard bearers for what is good and right and decent and loving. Jesus told us that we would know a tree by the fruit it bears. But too many of them refuse to look at the fruit because they want judges who will trample on the rights of those who disagree with their theology. Too many Christians have turned away from the teachings of Christ and have embraced a man who breaks every law of love that Jesus has taught us. The poor and strangers whom Jesus told us to embrace don’t stand a chance with Trump in power. They want to protect the rights of the unborn while enacting death-sentence policies for the people who are already walking this earth. The perversion is not only real, but growing with these Trump supporters protesting against public health policies designed to keep us safe from a deadly virus.

The first step in solving a problem is to realize there is one. I’m calling out the perversion I see in the hope that others will recognize it and join me in helping to turn the tables. In the K-drama I just watched, the main character is fighting hard to turn the tables. The struggle was hard and painful and hellishly frustrating at times. But in the end, with the help of others, the table is turned and justice prevails.

The point I took away from the story is that “liberty and justice for all” doesn’t happen on its own. We have to bravely and collectively make it happen. For us in the U.S., this begins with voting in the presidential election this fall against Donald Trump and convincing our friends and loved ones to do the same.

Places are opening, perhaps too soon, but still opening. One such place is our local golf course. So, my husband, an avid golfer, went. While at the golf course, my husband told me about an old golf buddy who tried to approach him without wearing a mask. He stopped him from coming any closer and the friend accused my husband of being “one of them”. I guess the “one of them” are the mask-wearing, handwashing, surface sanitizing, glove wearing, social distancing people. My husband replied with a simple “Yes, I believe the science and this virus is nothing to play with.” And herein lies the problem and why I’m scared of too many of my fellow Americans.

Our communication with one another has been poisoned by too many lies in the public sphere. Because our political and corporate leaders who were supposed to be trustworthy have shown themselves to be self-serving liars so much of the time, the average person has to choose whom to believe. Sadly, too many are choosing to believe conspiracy theorist who occupy spaces on the radio and on social media and who themselves have an ego or profit motive for spreading their lies and misinformation.

But now the stakes are really high, even deadly. People are going to get sick and others will die because of the lunacy we have allowed to take root in our public discourse. Certain people have shown us who they are and that we definitely cannot trust them. We know we can’t trust this lying president Trump and his muzzled administration. We know we need to be skeptical of what business people say because of their profit motives. Certain news media outlets have ceased being committed to the truth. But we can and should seek truth from our scientists and health professionals who remain dedicated to the survival of humans and the planet.

I am terrified of people who show up in supermarkets without masks. I am frightened by people who defy stay at home orders to show up at beaches and frequent house parties either denying the risks or ignorant of them. I am even more terrified of people who show up at government buildings with guns demanding the lifting of all restrictions because some of them believe the whole COVID-19 thing is a hoax and others are protesting government infringement on their “freedom”. I suppose these same individuals are opposed to speed limits and stop signs as well.

We have the freedom to be stupid. We have the freedom to believe what we want to believe. We have the freedom to risk our own lives. But should we also have the freedom to put others lives at risk without consequence? The most vulnerable among us are being offered as sacrifices to the gods of money and freedom of movement. The scientists and health experts have made it clear that we are not yet adequately prepared re-open the country in a way that will protect human lives. But too many American leaders are ignoring these warnings re-opening businesses. And way too many Americans are rushing into bars and restaurants.

I am really afraid. The cost in the coming months will be the premature deaths of vulnerable loved ones, healthcare workers, first responders, and people working on the front lines who provide the essentials. I’m not ready to become a victim of insensitive, selfish, or ignorant Americans who do not take this COVID-19 threat seriously.

So, my husband and I will continue to be “one of them”: the mask-wearing, handwashing, surface sanitizing, glove wearing, and social distancing humans with even less freedom of movement because of the scary Americans out there who ignore the science and choose to act as if there is no danger.

I’m in love with K-Pop which is South Korean pop music. I enjoy it with or without the English subtitles. The K-Pop world paid close attention to the artistry of Michael Jackson that combines catchy music, incredible dance choreography, a moving storyline, mad aesthetics with attention paid to makeup, clothes, set design, camera angles and lighting, and production. K-Pop captures and nurtures my soul in the same way Michael Jackson captivated me. Surprisingly, it was my pre-debut Astro boys who lead me to the most popular K-Pop boy group on the planet, BTS. It was while watching pre-debut Astro members dancing to catchy songs that prompted me to find the songs. I discovered that both the songs and the choreography were from BTS. And so, I delved into BTS and became a huge fan.

The name BTS stands for a few things. Originally, Big Hit Entertainment had them slated as a hip-hop group when they debuted in June 2013 and BTS stood for Bangtang Sonyeondan which translates to Bulletproof Boy Scouts. They soon switched over to K-Pop and they became idols, wearing makeup and losing some of the hard edge. The seven member group, BTS, then became also known as the Bangtang Boys. In 2017 they added Beyond the Scene to the meaning of BTS. I get it, people evolve. And this group has definitely evolved over the 10 years they have spent living and working together as a unit. Like Astro, the members each have a unique personality, appeal, and role.

The leader of the group is RM (Rap Monster). Like his name implies, he is a rapper. Apparently he took a lot of heat from the hip hop scene when he became an idol, switching to K-Pop. He is the only member fluent in English and talks about learning English by watching the sitcom “Friends”. There are two other rappers, Suga and J-Hope, although Jungkook also raps. Suga is an introvert like me. He is an award winning and prolific songwriter who never intended to become famous. They call him the grumpy member. J-Hope is the exact opposite, full of positivity and great dance moves as the lead dancer, donning the strict dance teacher mode at times. Jin is the oldest in the group, born in 1992, and he is a really great singer. He is considered the visual, meaning the really good-looking one. And yes, he is good looking. But beyond good-looking is the incredibly sexy and charismatic Jimin. He was formerly a contemporary dancer and it shows. This young man is so attractive that even straight males have a hard time resisting his sex appeal. He is the shortest member, a lead vocalist, and a main dancer. He is the member my eyes are drawn to the most. I would call him my bias (K-pop for favorite). V is another that was recruited as a visual. He too is a lead dancer and vocalist. And finally, there is my other bias, Jungkook, the youngest in the group. This kid, born in 1997 does it all. He is the main vocalist, a main dancer, he raps, and on top of that he is so handsome. He is also quite the athlete. That’s the low down on the members, now on to my favorite songs and videos.

I mentioned that Astro introduced me to BTS by covering two of their songs. Those songs were Boy in Luv (2014) and Dope (2015). Other songs that have gained widespread popularity include I Need U (2016), Danger (2014), and Mic Drop (2017). Although the videos of these songs are well done, I prefer the live performances because videos depict such harsh realities and a harder edge of hip hop. My favorite early videos are Dope (2015) and Blood Sweat & Tears (2016) which is artistically beautiful. Also artistically wonderful is Fake Love (2018) and Black Swan (2020).

And finally, their most recent releases have captured my attention with more views than I care to admit. I’m captivated by the pure fun of Boy With Luv and the music and power of On, the Kinetic Manifesto Film. There are so many other BTS songs and videos that I am fond of. I have officially joined the fandom of BTS, called the A.R.M.Y.

This week I saw and also experienced the emerging mental health challenges stemming from the Corona virus pandemic. I think combining major life changes, social separation, physical threat, ambiguity, conflicting information, and financial stressors is a recipe for a widespread mental health crisis that differs among individuals affected. I saw a variety of manifestations of the crisis this week, starting at home.

My husband has always struggled with claustrophobia. But this week, the condition hit him hard and he couldn’t stay home. The back and front yards were no longer enough. I didn’t realize what was going on until he insisted beyond any iota of rational thought that he had to go to the car dealership to get a replacement for a cracked tail light that was under warranty until December. When I pointed out that it was still April and that the tail light could wait, he protested to the point that there was no stopping him. With mask and sanitizer in hand he left the house. No surprise that the dealership didn’t have the tail light and would have to order it. The following day, he made an unnecessary trip to COSTCO for snacks. Friday, it was another trip to the car dealership without even a call to see if the part was in. Saturday, he went golfing since they reopened the golf course. Needless to say, his irrational behavior was cause for tension between us as I reminded him of the need for social distancing, the risks of exposure in the places he was going, and the pre-existing conditions we both have that put us at particular risk. His emotional need to get out of the house was much stronger than his fear of the threat of what he might bring home. That was my husband this week, but I’ve had my own struggle.

I’ve been overly stressed by work-related changes and challenges along with a coincidental flare up of my asthma. In addition, and not surprising, my gastric ulcer flared up, leaving me in enormous pain. I haven’t been physically well, but I pushed myself to at least keep working Monday – Friday. I’ve been eating my ulcer diet, sleeping seven hours, and exercising with stretching, the treadmill, hand weights and gardening a few minutes a day for sunshine and fresh air. And then out of the blue, something else hit me. It was either burnout or mild depression. For about an hour and a half on late Friday afternoon, I was overcome with this feeling of wanting to just give up. I felt like I couldn’t move. I couldn’t read another email, do another Zoom call, respond to another question or take another phone call. I wanted to quit everything. If this was what life was going to be like, I wanted no part of it. I went and sat on the front porch. I went and sat on the back patio. I felt tired of it all. I was thankful that it was late Friday afternoon, meaning I had the weekend ahead to recover and to think of a way forward.

Experiencing my own mental health issues and that of my husband’s this week, helped me understand a little better why people are out there protesting and demanding an end to the shut down even before it is safe to reopen. People with anxiety issues are likely more anxious. People with anger issues are likely more angry. The list goes on about how underlying mental health issues are being exasperated by the crisis. As we collectively experience the death of society as we know it, we had better pay attention to mental health. Let’s recognize that our lives have been completely disrupted by the death of loved ones, the fear or reality of financial ruin, the absence of social gatherings, the massive adaptations to lifestyles, the pressure to be productive, and the loss of freedom of movement. Add to that the threat of contracting an unpredictable disease and the constant barrage of news, misinformation, and ambiguity about the future. There is no end in sight and that makes the situation more difficult for all of us.

I know I’m not alone in struggling to maintain a healthy outlook in the midst of this pandemic. But one thing I do know is that we can’t deny what is happening and pretend like we can go back to life as we knew it. Change is hard and coming to terms with a new normal is not without heartache, setbacks, and yes, pain. But if we can listen to cooler heads, acknowledge our struggles, give ourselves a break, take better care of our body, mind, and spirit, and then figure out reasonable solutions, we’ll get through this as stronger individuals and as a stronger and hopefully more equitable society.