What a week! I’ve always seen life at any given moment as a mixed bag of things happening that are good and others that are pretty bad. That’s normal and expected when you live on this planet. But right now, at this moment, I feel like my bag is filled with more bad than good. Without going into details, I’ll just say that I’m dealing with my husband’s life-threatening illness, my daughter’s mental health, finance related changes at work that changed both work conditions and benefits, bad air quality, the pandemic, the white supremacy/racism conflict, and a consequential presidential election. To say that I am emotionally overwhelmed is an understatement. As a person with stress-related ulcers, asthma, high blood pressure and kidney disease, I’m not feeling well. But there are a few bright spots that have become my happy place to rest.
Beyond feeling the love of God and the inner peace that I will eventually get through all this that comes from my faith in Him, I am thankful for my family and friends. They are a loving and supportive group. I am especially grateful for my eldest daughter and her husband who have stepped up to emotionally support me and to provide actual help with my daughter struggling with mental health. I have an aunt who is a long time nurse, who is providing advice and a girlfriend who keeps checking on me. My boss has been supportive, too, encouraging me to take care of myself and my family. I’ve rarely taken a sick day, but that is about to change.
I am also finding a happy place listening to the music and watching the performance of BTS. I don’t understand how seven young men from South Korea can provide a respite from the chaos that surrounds me, but they do. They make me smile and give me energy. Their performances improve my mood and add to my well-being. I think it is the combination of music, dancing, and aesthetics working together that touches me. Their message is uplifting, their music is really good, their choreography and swag is amazing, and their staging and outfits are always so pleasing to the eyes. I have been so moved by them that for the first time in my life I took the time to write a fan letter to each member to let each one know how much I appreciate their individual contributions to the group. I found the address to mail fan letters and then mailed them. I heard that RM, one of the members, actually carries fan letters around with him. Of course, mine will have to be translated for most of the members, but I hope they feel my appreciation and are encouraged to keep working hard at their craft. I know I’m not alone in this sentiment. With songs like Dynamite and Stay Gold, specifically released to boost the spirits of their worldwide audience during this pandemic, they have gained my admiration and appreciation to an even greater extent.
Times are tough and right now I am trying to reserve my energy and protect my health for the fights in front of me. It means that I’m doing less outside my home and work. It means that I’m taking on fewer projects and temporarily stepping away from groups and organizations I love. My priorities right now are my husband, my daughter, my students, the November election, and of course, my own health. This is all the capacity I have right now. I covet prayers and well-wishes. And as always, I am optimistic that the bag will eventually shift from mostly bad to mostly good.