Humans are social beings. And so this pandemic is wrecking havoc on the mental health of many who are prudently foregoing in person social gatherings with family and friends. Admittedly some people are definitely more social than others and need a constant diet of intimate human contact to feel good. Personality experts say that extroverts gain energy from human interaction while introverts like me, are actually drained by too much interaction. Being alone for most of the time since my husband got sick hasn’t caused me much distress. I was alone in the house, but not at all lonely. It’s enough for me to text or talk to loved ones on the phone, to have Zoom meetings for work, and to grocery shop, chit chatting for a few seconds with the clerk. Even the prospect of spending Thanksgiving alone because my husband was still in the hospital and our family decided not to gather because of COVID-19 didn’t bother me. I easily assured my extroverted children that I was just fine. They saw my situation as sad while I saw it as an opportunity to decorate the house for Christmas a few days early.
However, while happily putting up Christmas decorations, I was interrupted when my husband called at around 1pm on Thanksgiving to announce that he was being released from the hospital. I thought it was strange that just the day before his doctor said he was moving in the right direction but that it would take a few more days before he would be released. I didn’t question it, thinking he had made a faster than expected recovery. So, with two chest tubes still in place and pages of instructions for care along with a ton of medical supplies, I drove him home from the hospital feeling anxious because I have no medical training. Sure enough, once we got home, my husband confessed to insisting upon his release. He said he was feeling depressed being in the hospital on Thanksgiving and wanted to come home. So, they allowed it.
The human drive for warmth and interaction among loved ones is strong and can drive poor decision making. The need is stronger than rational thought and we saw this play out during the Thanksgiving travel season when many Americans decided to have Thanksgiving among family and friends despite the risk. As I drove past my neighbors houses to go pick up my husband, I noticed three houses with quite a few additional cars parked along the street. I was shocked to discover that even my next door neighbors, a retired couple, left for the Thanksgiving holiday. Their need to see their grandchildren was likely the pull they couldn’t resist. And I soon discovered that my own husband’s emotional need muted his rationality.
I heard a healthcare professional warn in a television interview that having a Thanksgiving gathering could mean fewer family members will see Christmas and that there will be family members missing next Thanksgiving. Yet people still boarded planes and drove in cars to gather anyway. The problem isn’t just the people who think the virus is a hoax, although they are definitely the most dangerous, but it is also among the rational who understand that this virus is deadly, but are setting aside the risk. I watched an interview of a family getting a COVID-19 test prior to driving to gather for Thanksgiving with extended family. I guess that is better than nothing. But we all know that you can test negative today and be positive tomorrow. I wondered if they were planning to quarantine from the test until they reach their family. And what about the others at the gathering? I can guarantee my behavior, but not any one else’s. Time will reveal any consequences from these emotional decisions. I’m prayerful that it was worth the temporary emotional boost so many needed and that everyone will be around for Christmas.
But for us, Christmas will be similar to Thanksgiving with no gathering. And we made a few additional adjustments from last year. We acknowledged that while we still have incomes, many do not. We collectively decided not to exchange gifts, but to instead donate to food banks and contribute to toy drives. I did my Black Friday thing and purchased toys to give away. I put up the artificial tree in the family room, but we won’t get a real one this year for the living room and my decorations are a fraction of what I usually do. Perhaps my daughters will cook as they did for Thanksgiving and drop off meals to family members. That was such a thoughtful thing for them to do. It was great to open the door and see my daughter at the end of the walkway and a bag of Thanksgiving fixings at the door. The food was delicious.
As for my husband’s emotional decision to leave the hospital, there were consequences. Saturday morning we had to return to the hospital for a problem with the drainage tubes that we couldn’t resolve. My husband was certain they were going to re-admit him. However, the physician’s assistant took care of the problem and thankfully my husband didn’t have to stay. Because of COVID-19, the beds are few and with his lung issues, he is safer at home.
My hope is that things will get back to normal after this vaccine is widely distributed. If 75% of us get vaccinated, then next year, Thanksgiving and Christmas will be all the more wonderful without the threat of illness. My son and his wife are making plans to visit us next Christmas with their first born, a baby boy who is expected to arrive in April 2021. We’re planning to have a big family gathering in Las Vegas. So, my fingers are crossed that enough Americans will be vaccinated to make our 2021 Christmas gathering a reality.
It occurs to me that the need to gather socially is part of being human, but what makes us mature human beings is the ability make rational decisions and to delay emotional gratification. During this pandemic, introverts clearly have a natural advantage while extroverts will have to dig deep to muster all the maturity and resilience they can in order to survive and to protect those they love.
Happy holidays and stay safe.