Surviving 2020

About twice each day, I have to remind myself that 2020 is almost over. For some reason I feel a bit confused and perhaps stuck in March 2020 when the world stopped. What was normal everyday life changed overnight by COVID-19. Perhaps some of my confusion stems from my neglect. I’m still carrying my green spring purse. I left the Easter pillows in the living room until last week when I decorated for Christmas. Perhaps it is because I never put away my spring clothes in favor of summer, then fall, and now winter. I didn’t bother with my 4th of July decorations nor my fall decorations. I literally ignored these self-imposed rituals that followed each season to signal a mental progression throughout the year. in truth, I’ve never experienced anything like 2020 and didn’t know how to respond.

A few days ago, I caught myself mid-sentence about to proclaim 2020 as the worse year ever when I realized a few bright spots. First and foremost, I realized that in the midst of this pandemic that turned life upside down, none of my immediate family members caught COVID-19 and that each family member retained a livable income. We all had toilet paper and plenty to eat. I realized that my husband would survive his lung cancer. I realized that my first biological grandson was conceived and is genetically healthy. Another huge highlight is that my 38 year old daughter finally found her calling and her platform to help others who struggle with mental health issues like she has struggled with since college. I also discovered BTS in February 2020 and took refuge in their extensive musical offerings and delightfully real personalities pretty much every evening. I experienced the love and concern of my sorority sisters who, like my family, prayed for us and checked in on me regularly. And perhaps one of the greatest positive highlights was that Joe Biden beat Donald Trump by some 8 million votes and most importantly won the electoral college.

So, I can’t say that 2020 was the worse year of my life, but I can say that it was the most challenging both physically and mentally. Worrying and caring for a sick loved one takes a toll and that has been true. The transition to working from home has been a major adjustment along with many workplace changes. Even moving our family reunion from an in-person event to a virtual one in July was stressful, doable, but not ideal. And of course, this high stakes presidential election was an unintended and unavoidable stressor for me as a patriot who couldn’t divorce herself from the process.

In the course of all this mayhem, my ulcer flared up and my blood pressure has shot through the roof. I put off going to any of my medical appointments because of COVID-19 and because I was busy with my husband’s illness until I couldn’t avoid it any longer. And of course, my health has taken a hit. So, I’ll take my new medications and try to do better with stress reduction, drink more water, get more sleep, eat better and exercise a bit more.

With 2021 just weeks away, I am hopeful. My husband is recovering. A vaccine will be available soon. My grandson is due to arrive in mid-April. We’ll have a new president and hopefully, a new senate leader. And I’m thinking about how I can make 2021 a better, less stressful year.