Month: February 2021

Earlier this month, my husband returned home from a visit to our longtime mechanic with a frown on his face. He explained his disappointment and frustration over encountering a life-sized cut out of Donald Trump and the absence of masks on the faces of the owner, our trusted mechanic, and his employees. Without a word, he said he turned around and left. I was surprised by the news and then had to stop myself from stereotyping all older white males like our former mechanic as members of the Trump cult.

It is undeniable, however, that many of the insurrectionists caught on camera were clearly older white males and females. Then, the people making their way to Cpac this weekend were those same older white people. Again, I remind myself that not all older white people are Trump cult members. But if someone is a Trump cult member, are they are likely to be an older white person? It could be that older white people are the ones we see on television because they have the financial means and free time to attend these events. No matter the actual demographic of Trump loyalist, I’m baffled by how otherwise decent people fell prey to the Trump cult. And by definition, it is a cult.

A cult is broadly defined as misplaced excessive devotion directed to a particular person or object. Those who continue to swear allegiance to Donald Trump in place of our Constitution and the value of common decency are members of a cult. And that cult has taken over the Republican Party. There are a few old school Republican holdouts, but they are vastly outnumbered and they have targets on their backs. In my view, they have already lost their party and its traditional values.

The Republican Party no longer represents policies around fiscal responsibility, small government, low taxes, law and order, family values, and individual freedoms. Instead it has become a Trump Cult rooted in xenophobia, white supremacy, voter suppression, anti-science, anti-intellect, and targeted discrimination, with lying, corruption, arrogance, mean-spiritedness, scapegoating, and selfishness as a acceptable norms. We got a taste of what happens when these people are in power: 500,000 Americans dead, innocent children in cages and separated from their parents, setbacks in clean water and clean air, a rise in hate crimes, and of course an insurrection over lies about a “stolen” election.

It is not surprising that people who know Trump cultist have reported on their personality changes. Many have abandoned their Christian values altogether in favor of a selfish and unhinged kind of arrogance that means they refuse to wear masks, they openly ridicule minorities, and they choose to accept obvious lies instead of the truth. It’s as though their constant consumption of conspiracy theories about evil democrats and lowlife minorities have so filled them with fear and hatred that they unwittingly fell prey to the Trump con game, believing that he will protect them from these imaginary enemies. He convinced them that he alone can save them and the country from those who are hellbent on destroying “their” country. They are paying his legal bills, pumping his already over inflated ego, and paving the way for a second Trump presidential candidacy in 2024.

We must be vigilant in these dangerous times. We now know that these Trump cultist are armed and dangerous. We now know that they exist among our armed forces and our police departments. We now know that they are running for office at the city, state, and national levels. They have declared war on our democracy in misplaced loyalty to a tyrant. Imagine what our country will become if Trump cultist are fully in charge. We already had a taste! And none of it was good!

I’m glad my husband walked out of the auto-shop. Perhaps it will take acts like my husband’s along with family and friends who are courageous and loving enough to challenge loyalty to Trump when they encounter it. My real hope is that Trump is convicted and imprisoned for his years of criminal behavior and is precluded from ever running for office again. I hope the insurrectionist of January 6th are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I hope the current Congress will protect voter rights. I hope Americans will pay closer attention to whom they vote for. And I hope Americans will refuse to support media outlets who spread conspiracies and lies. Maybe then, the cult will die and the true Republicans can get their party back.

I’m still carrying the green purse I was carrying in March 2020 when the pandemic stopped us in our collective tracks. That’s highly unusual for a person who changes her purses in concert with holidays, seasons and special events. My green purse ushers in springtime. My red purse is reserved for Valentine’s month and Christmas. My pink purse is for Breast Cancer Awareness month in October. My purple purse is for the start of the new school year in September and my gold purse is for the end of the school year in May since my University colors are purple and gold. I use a navy purse for summer. But for this entire year, I have not bothered to change purses. It was as though I was emotionally stunted in some way. I realize now that not changing my purses was simply an unconscious way to acknowledge this life disruption.

Because the end of the pandemic is in sight, I decided to acknowledge my emotional escapes that made this year of hell somewhat bearable. It was hell dealing with the pandemic, my husband’s lung cancer, and this presidential election this past year. I learned that I’m not the kind of person who runs towards others to talk about my challenges, but rather I retreat to a solidary place where I can fill my soul with the sights and sounds of life that are more pleasant than my current situation.

I found those sights and sounds in the music and performance of BTS and in the emotional storytelling found in K-dramas. It’s strange that I had to escape to South Korea for a reprieve from what life had become this past year. Many of my evenings were spent watching YouTube videos of BTS live performances, music videos, behind the scenes stuff about them or various reaction videos to the group. I was watching so much YouTube that I purchased an $11.99 premium subscription to rid myself of the commercials. Because the seven members of BTS came to mean so much to me, I became a member of their fan club, called “ARMY”, even purchasing the special membership. My kids, unaware of my purchase, also purchased a membership for me. I fell in love with BT21, a cartoon representation each of the boys created of themselves. For my own birthday I gifted myself the BT21 figurines and stuffed dolls and purchased several of their albums. I highly recommend their newest album, “BE”, in which they write about their emotions during the pandemic. The title song, “Life Goes On” is a masterpiece and many have now heard the song, “Dynamite” which is their first all English track that was released with the expressed intent bring cheer to the world during the pandemic.

As for K-dramas, I watch them on Netflix and Viki. My favorites this past year were the romance dramas that included such titles as, “The King: Eternal Monarch”, “Because This is My First Life”, “Itaewon Class”, “100 Days My Prince”, “Cinderella and the Four Knights”,”1% of Something”, “Strong Woman Do Bong Soon”, “What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim”, “Oh My Venus”, “Halo”, “Crash Landing on You”, “While You Were Sleeping”, and “Goblin”. I just finished “Sky Castle” which isn’t a romance but an excellent critique on the competitive South Korean educational system.

I think it might be mere coincidence that I relate so strongly to South Korean culture. My mother loved South Korea and visited there seven times before she passed away. She was planning another trip there when she became ill. South Korean culture is similar to African American culture in emotional energy which might explain their musical affinity for hip hop, rap, and R&B and our affinity for their performance of it. BTS music and dancing strikes a cord with many African Americans as seen through the reaction videos that feature many black males and females across generations and countries.

Whatever the reason, I am glad that I found an emotional escape in the artistry and creativity provided by the South Korean entertainment industries. The escape from the realities of 2020 was necessary and I’m thankful for the opportunity to do so.

The closing line of our national anthem claims that the United states is the “home of the brave”. Observations of the impeachment trial this week confirm my conviction that we are instead “the home of the cowards“. While I am disgusted and disheartened by the cowardice the majority of senate Republicans demonstrated by their stubborn resistance to convicting Trump who clearly incited his followers to violence, rioting, or insurrection at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, I am also aware that these cowardly senators are a reflection of us as our representatives.

When given the opportunity in 2020 to oust Trump enablers like Senators Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham, American voters re-elected them. American voters also elected Senators Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley and Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. Their election speaks volumes about we, the American people. It says that we lack the moral courage to stand up for truth and what is morally right. It says that we lack the courage to condemn evidence of corruption, to honestly face our historical injustices, and to do the work of pursuing the value of justice for all. It says we don’t have the courage to hold wrongdoers accountable if there is a personal cost to pay. We have been too afraid to lose friends, family, followers or tax breaks by speaking the truth. Silence in the face of wrongdoing is also cowardice. We only have ourselves to blame for the fragile state of our nation. The lack of courage we witnessed on Saturday is our collective failure. So, we are no longer the home of the brave, but the home of the cowardice.

The moral depravity that we have condoned for too long (perhaps in ourselves and now in our representatives) is evident by the outcome of this second impeachment trial. Even the lawyers for Trump boldly lied in their defense argument without consequence. The senators who took an oath to be impartial jurors, openly strategized with the Trump defense lawyers and received appallingly little criticism. And the argument that Trump shouldn’t be tried after he left office was by made possible by McConnell’s refusal to call the senate into session to try him before he left office.

As a parent, an educator, and a citizen, I take personal responsibility for not fighting harder to send the message to my children, my students, and my fellow Americans to value the courage to seek out and stand up for the truth when presented with lies and corruption. I have failed along with the rest of America to demand better of our representatives, maybe because we have demanded too little of ourselves and each other for too long. While many of us have rightly spent our energy securing women’s rights, gay rights, criminal justice, and making Black Lives Matter, we have simultaneously witnessed the deterioration of moral courage.

I looked in the mirror and decided that I have to do better. With a grandson on the way, I thought about the kind of country he will inherit if we continue to behave like cowards and to elect representatives who lack moral courage. It is important to bolster our own commitment to being courageous enough to speak out against the cowardice we are witnessing today and to vote the cowards out of office, but it is just as important to build up the capacity of future generations to be morally courageous.

I thought about what my part in this could be and decided that during my retirement, I will dedicate myself to writing children’s books that focus on the virtue of possessing courage to confront lies, adversity, danger, and corruption. That is what I can and will do. I hope that parents, grandparents, teachers, preachers, and all patriots will take up the challenge before us to reclaim our place as “the home of the brave”.

It’s time to retire. Both my mind and my body are telling me it’s time. Of course, my husband is in excited agreement since he retired four years ago. I am thankful for the years of diligent saving and investing, rather than spending, that allows us to retire in financial peace. We have done well in that regard, but neither of us can say the same for our health.

Admittedly, some of our issues are inherited, but too many others stem from poor daily lifestyle choices. Michael is addicted to sugar and I’m addicted to salt. Both of us prefer a southern diet with fried chicken, fried fish, and macaroni and cheese being our favorite comfort foods. He loves candy and ice cream while I love potato chips. Although we garden and I work out for an hour five mornings a week and he has returned to golfing once a week, we both sit too much. Nearly all of my hobbies: reading, writing, doing puzzles, watching K-dramas, painting pots, and knitting are all sitting down activities. Even my work requires long hours sitting in front of a computer. Michael has always been a couch potato at home when he isn’t working on a project. We are both overweight by a lot and neither of us sleeps as well as we should. The time for a lifestyle change is past due if we want to live and actually enjoy a substantial time in retirement.

Since the new year, I have given up potato chips altogether. In consultation with my doctor, I am eating only broth soups or salad with homemade dressing for dinner on the nights I have dinner. He has recommended intermittent fasting and so I’m skipping dinner three days a week. I’m getting up and walking around more frequently during the work day and eating considerably less, cutting down on the size of my meals and nearly eliminating rice, pasta and potatoes. I haven’t figured out how to stop Michael from bringing home his sugary treats, though. Threatening and nagging hasn’t worked.

I’ve begun my countdown to retirement by putting a preparation timeline in place. I’ve schedule a training transition for my colleagues. I’ve scheduled all my health and body maintenance checks. In fact I just had my annual mammogram last Wednesday. In addition, my car just received a clean bill of health after paying nearly $500 for maintenance at the dealership to hear the great news. With only 35,000 miles on a fully paid for 2014 Lexus 300 Hybrid, I would think it should be doing well. My only plan is to change out the floor mats. In the next house, I’ll need to park it in the garage to preserve the paint. It was well worth the money to pay for the paint sealing treatment when I purchased the car in 2014 but it is beginning to show signs of wear. I had thought of purchasing a new car at retirement or us making due with just one car, but I realize a new car it isn’t necessary and Michael didn’t like the idea of sharing one vehicle. So I will take my 2014 Lexus into retirement with me.

This month I finally paid off the last of my substantial student loans from my master’s and doctorate degrees as well as my middle daughter’s student loan. It’s crazy in retrospect that I have spent my entire working life paying off student loans. However, that means that with the exception of our mortgage, we are 100% debt free. And our house is worth a whole lot more than our mortgage, so we’re in the positive there. We refinanced from 3.25% down to 2.75% last year and now I wish we had waited because rates moved even lower. But since we plan to move to Las Vegas in a year or two, it may not be worth pursuing refinance again. I suppose I’ll have to make some calculations and find out if it’s even possible.

On Friday, I began removing a few items from my on campus office. My goal is to remove a few items each of the three times a week I go to campus. I will either bring the items home, throw them away, or gift them. My goal is to make leaving my campus office as thoughtful and relaxed as possible when the time comes. Over 23 years, I’ve collected a lot of stuff, so it is a pretty big task. I’ve also collected a lot of unused vacation time, and the payout will be a nice bonus.

The same is true for my wardrobe. I have three closets full of clothes for different occasions. However, when it comes to my clothes, I plan to leave them behind as well. Most will go to Goodwill and my professional clothes will be donated to a shelter for abused women’s shelter to help outfit women seeking work. My goal is to lose 75 pounds in the next year and with that weight loss, I plan to purchase an entirely new retirement wardrobe. It’s going to be fun figuring out my retirement style.

My greatest expense is going to be purchasing an individual healthcare plan while I wait for Medicare to kick in. Even after that, I realize that managing healthcare expenses and supplemental insurance plans will be the greatest challenge and frustration. I see it with my husband and its shameful that things are so complicated.

My last day of work will be June 30, 2021 and I’m finding that as I begin planning my transition, my excitement about what comes next is growing. I’ve already announced that I’m not up for a big party or any fanfare. As a true introvert, I will be the most content to simply slip away quietly when the day arrives.