I don’t really know if I invented the term, “grand-mothering”, but that’s what I’m calling my stay in Philadelphia for the next two weeks to help my son’s family settle into their new home while also celebrating my grandson’s first birthday.
These two professional working parents have a live-in au-pair from Columbia who is here on a J-1 visa. She takes incredible care of my grandson from 7am – 3pm and then she seems to disappear into thin air until dinner. She does absolutely no housework as per her contract and is here for primarily for cultural exchange. I first met her when she arrived last July 2021 when my son asked me to come to help her transition to the U.S. and to teach her how to care for my grandson. I spent my career primarily working with international students, so it really was a natural fit and I enjoyed it. We got along really well and I was happy to hear that she was eager for my return.
My son and his wife invited me to come this time because they needed help again. My son is busy transitioning to new work duties after a substantial promotion and my pediatrician daughter-in-law is already overwhelmed with long work hours at the hospital and motherhood. A move to a brand-new home was too much. My assignments are to organize and decorate the new house, cook and clean, and enjoy baby James.
I walked into their newly built five-level row house and was simultaneously stunned by the beauty and chaos before me. There is so much to do! And I only have two weeks. I spent the first evening just setting expectations, discovering their preferences, budget, and determining how decisions would be made. One thing was evident, they were stressed out by all the chaos and lack of organization.
As a cook, my first priority was to organize the kitchen and then stock the refrigerator and pantry after determining what they wanted to eat. I should note that before arriving, I switched to a vegan diet (more about that another time). They are in no way vegans, however, and we’re uninterested in becoming vegans. So, our trip to the grocery store took longer than they would have liked since we were shopping for two separate meal plans. In fact, it was their first trip to a grocery store in a few years. They usually order their groceries and have them delivered. It was my grandson’s first ever trip to a grocery store and he seemed fascinated by it. I wasn’t certain how many vegan products I would find in the Philadelphia Acme supermarket, but they were not lacking at all. I did end up ordering a few products from Amazon afterward, though.
This first week has been fun and challenging. I’ve been working from sunrise to sunset to get this place in order. Friday, I spent almost the entire day hanging pictures and mirrors on two levels. I was relieved when my choices met with their enthusiastic approval. I ordered printouts of family photos in various sizes from Costco and my son wanted that to be a surprise for his wife. We worked out a system whereby I provide them with the choices of a variety of home furnishing items. They select the items they like most and we order them. It feels like deliveries are being made two to three times every day. I’d like to spend a lot more time in actual stores for some of the items they need, but it’s been like pulling teeth to get there.
My grandson is handsome, intelligent, and adventurous. He never stops smiling and staring at me whenever we are in close proximity. He allows me to play with him, carry him around and rock him to sleep. For St. Patrick’s Day, his Irish mother insisted that he wear the clover leaf pajamas she had especially ordered for that evening. Of course, my son forgot. After a facetime call with her at bedtime, my son had to change him into those pajamas. For his birthday, we all went to the “Please Touch Me Museum” and enjoyed a specially ordered birthday cake.
I’m hopeful that some of the bigger items will arrive before I leave in another week. But if not, I’ll see them installed at the end of April when I return for another two weeks of “grand-mothering” when the au-pair returns home to Columbia for a visit. Grand-mothering is a wonderful retirement occupation.