I’m back in Philadelphia completing yet another round of grandparenting while the au pair is back in Columbia for a two-week vacation. After my first week, my younger daughter flew in to finally meet her new nephew in person. During one of our conversations, we both noted a marked difference in how people are relating to each other when it comes to giving and receiving information and feedback. There is a hyper-sensitivity that has creeped into people that makes them explode when confronted with unpleasant information or feedback.
We’ve all witnessed the yelling, the ridicule, and even the violence from people in public places when asked to wear a mask. The unhinged emotional responses to necessary information and honest feedback only serves to silence those around us. And when we become silent when others need important information or honest feedback to make wise decisions, our society ultimately loses. Our public health is in jeopardy. Our environment is in jeopardy.
The deterioration started with our elevation of the ego-manic Donald J. Trump to the position of president. Because of his hyper-sensitivity, his staff now admits to withholding important information from him and to refusing to challenge his wild ideas, to refute his conspiracies, and to contradict his blatant lies for fear of public ridicule. Donald Trump is the poster child for the emperor who has no clothes. Unfortunately, we are quickly becoming a society of naked emperors.
I’ve seen the change in my own adult children’s responses to each other. They’ve become reluctant to share honest feedback with each other for fear of emotional outbursts, arguments, and hurt feelings. I experienced it firsthand when my son literally jumped down my throat when I asked for details surrounding my grandson throwing up overnight. After explaining that I was about to take care of the child and needed to know, I forcefully admonished him not to become a naked emperor. He asked about that reference, and I recounted the tale of “The Emperor Has No Clothes” by Hans Christian Andersen. Without hesitation, he apologized.
Over the years, I’ve learned when to pick a fight and this one is worth having. Because I care deeply about my family’s wellbeing, and because I know it is impossible to make consistently wise decisions without reliable information and honest feedback, I’ve decided to bravely push forward with speaking up when I need to. I may take some uncomfortable arrows, but I’ll remind them of the emperor and let them decide whether to be naked or clothed. So much of the information we need comes from others, but if we cut people off because of our hyper-sensitivity, we limit both the volume and the quality of the information and feedback we receive. And that’s not healthy for us as individuals nor for our society.
Juanita, thanks for this analogy. I also acknowledge that at my age, I need to say what’s on my mind. I often temper it based on the person to whom I’m speaking, and sometimes I have to breathe a bit before I speak so I’m calm and not too loud. But the rest of my time here is shorter than the time I’ve spent holding back for fear of hurting feelings or starting an argument. I now know how to control the argument and make my point. Thanks for sharing.