Month: June 2022

I keep saying that elections have consequences. And perhaps now people who have treated their right to vote as an inconvenience will finally wake up to the reality that it truly does matter who is representing them at the local, state, and federal level. While voting for the president is important, voting for mayors, governors, local and state lawmakers, and federal lawmakers is just as important.

Since Friday, I’ve looked at a lot of Facebook postings and Tic Tok videos of people either praising or lamenting the Supreme Court decisions on public funds supporting religious school education, expanding gun rights, and now banning abortion rights at the federal level. Personally, I find these decisions deeply disturbing and not in the best interest of everyday Americans. However, these judges are in place because this country elected Donald Trump and because people in enough states elected Republican senators who ensured the Trump nominees were confirmed. Set aside the fact that two of them misrepresented their views to Senators on protecting longstanding precedence that would have kept Roe v. Wade in place.

On the subject of this detrimental abortion decision, I must add that women, mostly poor women of color, will suffer from this bad decision. Some will die from self-imposed abortions or inadequate pre-natal healthcare and many others will have to endure the derailment of their life ambitions. To add insult to injury, this country has no safety net to adequately support mothers and children and no good system in place to hold men financially and socially accountable for the unplanned children they sire. Ironically, forcing poor women of color to carry unplanned pregnancies to delivery will result in an even faster demographic change that white supremacist fear so much. Maybe then we will be able to fully free ourselves of their desired tyranny.

I told a gleeful religious zealot on Facebook not to be so short-sighted. I pointed out that his own daughters could die if they had an unintended pregnancy that they were too afraid to disclose to him and then tried to end that pregnancy on their own. I pointed out to him that his daughters could die from a tubal pregnancy that doctors refuse to end because of this abortion ban. I also shared my alternative view that personhood begins with the “breath of life” and that the womb is just a place where a body is formed. I asserted that if abortion is murder like he claims, then God must be the biggest murderer because so many pregnancies end in miscarriage. These federal Republicans vow to do away with abortion in all 50 states and to eliminate abortion pills that allow women to end early unwanted pregnancies, so his daughter would be left in desperation, taking us back to the pre-Roe days of coat hangers, falling down steps, and back-alley butchers.

The decisions of the Supreme Court do not represent the will of the people, but they represent the will of a minority of people who voted for Republicans and won because other Americans failed to show up to vote. So, I have a message for the religious male zealot on Facebook who gleefully but mistakenly rejoiced that abortion was banned across the nation by the Supreme Court (it wasn’t), or the young black female on Tic Tok who said voting is a scam because Biden didn’t stop the ruling and because we have majorities in the House and Senate, but this still happened. My message is two-fold. First, learn how our government works. Second, vote in every election for intelligent people who represent your interests and who will pass laws that protect your fundamental rights and who will help ensure public safety.

I’ve made it my mission this year to use my voice to encourage people to vote in the November 2022 mid-term election to secure stronger majorities in the House and especially in the Senate. Historically, the party in the White House loses seats both in the House and Senate. But with the Trump Republican Party on the march, we cannot afford to allow them to govern. They are harboring too much bigotry, too much lawlessness, and too little care for marginalized people and the environment. Their agenda for America would be a disaster for women, LGBTQ people, communities of color, children, and the environment. And they have no answer for high gas prices nor inflation. They lie about Biden being the cause of high gas prices and inflation, depending on the ignorance of people like that religious zealot and that Tic Tok girl to either vote for them or stay away from the polls.

The young woman on Tic Tok didn’t understand that passing legislation in the Senate requires 60 votes, not just 51. The religious zealot didn’t understand the concept of states’ rights. So, consequently, neither understood the importance of their votes in mid-term elections. In fact, the young woman was advocating against voting because she was so disappointed. I countered her argument in the comments as was my civic duty.

I understand that a lot of people are angry today and will be again taking to the streets. And they should. But my hope is that these same people and many others will take to the polls this November to vote. Positive changes will happen when we have lawmakers in place at all levels of government who are committed to gun safety, pro-choice, civil rights, the environment, and public health. The numbers are on our side so we can have the lawmakers we desire if we show up to vote.

Until recent years, I had never officially joined an organized fan group. I was a fan of the Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Elton John and later Michael Jackson. I liked many other artists, but these were the ones I really followed. My financial loyalty to them extended to buying albums and attending concerts. I marveled at my friends and cousins who had posters in their rooms of their favorite artists. I never did that. I was content to enjoy their music live or on the radio, on albums and then cassettes, or on television. I followed the trajectory of their lives through television or magazine interviews. I genuinely cared about the art and the artist. But my investment in what it means to be a fan changed when I was introduced to BTS and became an official card-carrying ARMY just prior to the pandemic.

A colleague discovered that I liked Astro, a K-pop group that I stumbled across on YouTube one day and she suggested that if I liked that group, I would really like BTS. I didn’t think much of it until Astro did a cover of this really catchy tune and I wanted to know the original artist. Well, the original artist turned out to be BTS. Of course, I watched their MV of the song and was a bit disturbed and yet intrigued. From there, I watched additional videos and became amazed by their artistry. Then one day I spent an entire Saturday watching all their music videos in order on YouTube. It took hours. I became curious about who these members were individually and so I watched every introduction to the members video that I could find on YouTube. I found myself intrigued by their backgrounds, their personal story, their relationship to one another, their work ethic, their challenges and personal growth, their message, their personal quirks, their perseverance, and their talent. Their rise to the top was bumpy and unexpected, but well deserved.

Aside from Michael Jackson, I had yet to find another performer putting in the kind of effort to present full performances. Like Michael, these guys provided high quality music, incredible choreography, beautiful staging, handsome visuals, and both a storyline and a powerful social message. To top it off, they invited the fans into their work process and into their personal lives to see the fun, the embarrassing, and the struggles through their own reality shows, documentaries, and personal interactions with fans on V-live. Because of the video coverage that extends from before their June 13, 2014 debut to the present, I could watch them grow, struggle, triumph, struggle again, mature, and then triumph with Grammy nominations and then fail to secure a Grammy Award two years in a row after “Dynamite” and then “Butter“, songs they didn’t write, but sang in English during the pandemic.

For the first time in my life, I purchased more than just albums (and I have them all); I purchased fan items. I have t-shirts and sweatshirts, necklaces, BT21 plushies and figurines. However, I am most proud of my BTS pin collection that chronicles their journey.

In addition, I’m active in four BTS ARMY Facebook groups to share my enjoyment of their content and what they mean to me. I’m a member of the ARMY International Mom’s Group, the BTS ARMY Over 40 group, the BTS! Dope Old People! group and the official BTS FB group. Until this week, the groups have been mostly lighthearted, informative, supportive, and fun (except during in-person concert time when securing tickets to shows is difficult and some are unable to secure them). And then this week happened.

Let me start by saying that anyone who works non-stop for 10 years straight without time to rest and reflect will burn out. And that is what happened for all the world to witness this past week. What was supposed to be a lighthearted nine-year anniversary “Festa” dinner between ARMY and BTS turned out to be a heartfelt announcement that the guys would be taking a break from creating group music to re-discover what their group message will be moving forward and to use the time to put forth individual projects beyond mixed tapes and occasional covers, movie soundtracks, collaborations, etc. While I found this positive, many ARMYs literally lost their minds.

I spent the entire week with my counselor’s hat on trying to help mostly the younger ARMY to see this break as a positive and necessary move. So many people, young and old, discovered BTS during a time of personal crisis. Their message helped those with mental health issues, relationship issues, and health issues to get back on their feet. Many others discovered them during the Pandemic and found comfort in their music and message. For many ARMY members, BTS is their inspiration as well as their happy and safe refuge from the harsh and unpleasant aspects of their lives. Many gained new friendships and found outlets for volunteerism to improve the world. So understandably, many of these fans were terrified that the boys were about to disband, leaving them out in the cold.

This wasn’t at all what the boys were saying, but so many were triggered. Helping ARMY to reframe the abandonment they imagined they heard or actually heard from nefarious sources became my project for the week. Along with others, I did my best to help ARMY understand the humanity of these seven young men and their need as artists to express themselves as individuals and to reflect on and refocus their message as a group. Some found it hard to understand that singing in English for the sake of Grammy recognition, contributed to an identity crisis for the group. However, if one listens to the lyrics in their new title track, “Yet to Come” it is unmistakable that they are returning to their first love, music, and will no longer be seeking industry recognition.

In addition to walking people away from an emotional cliff, I spent time on the Weverse BTS comment line to express my support for their new direction. I even participated in the Purple String Event yesterday, a creative way to share support for their 2nd chapter. It was clear from the dinner that the guys were fearful of disappointing ARMY. It didn’t help that they were drinking pretty heavily because that only unleashed the full expression of their emotions of exhaustion, fear, guilt and identity crisis. Most of them cried and kept asking for understanding and support during the Festa dinner.

Many, like me were upset that they had hidden their exhaustion and that they were fearful that ARMY would not understand them. That hurt my heart. I felt like we were collectively living the lyrics to their song, “Fake Love” with them pretending to be strong when they were weak and putting on a mask to please us while losing their true identity.

Admittedly, it is hard to hear that the two English songs I really enjoyed, “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” sent them into an identity crisis and left them unsure of their next direction as BTS. Because of the immediate misunderstandings and a poor translation, the company and individuals in the group had to quickly clarify that BTS was not disbanding after people seeking click bate said the group was breaking up to pursue solo careers. Even my husband came to me and asked if I had heard that BTS was disbanding. I explained the situation to him in great detail and returned to my Facebook groups.

In conclusion, I love this new anthology three CD album, “Proof”. Not only is the packaging incredible beyond belief, but the three new songs tell the truth of their past work pace, a reflection of their past work and optimism for their new direction, and their love for ARMY. Anyone wanting to get to know BTS can listen to CD #1 and hear all their title tracks from their 19 albums. CD #2 has their individual choice of a solo song, and CD #3 showcases selected demo and studio works. I am convinced that there is going to be more content coming when we have seven men going in seven different directions and also coming together to produce music as BTS. BTS love ARMY and the song dedicated to us on this new CD, “For Youth” is just beautiful. I am convinced that the best is truly “Yet to Come“.

In my early twenties, I was a black conservative. I had become disillusioned by the generational poverty, the petty crimes, the drugs, the teen pregnancies, the jealous rages, the child abuse, the senseless competition, the devaluing of education, and the constant gang violence in the communities of my childhood. Even in church, the scandals were too numerous, the pastoral greed ridiculous, the gossip obnoxious, and the hypocrisy disgusting. Despite my father’s alcoholism and physical abuse, my mother managed to love us kids and to instill in us the core values of non-violence, caring for others, getting an education, and working hard to get ahead. However, those values were contradicted almost everywhere I looked, and so I found myself relieved when she finally escaped my father and the big city for a predominately white suburban neighborhood.

For a while, we continued to make the long drive into the city to attend our black church, but eventually my mother found a white church that was close by. My brothers passed on that, but my mother and I attended together. It was my first intimate glimpse into how white “born again” Christians worshipped and lived. They accepted us without prejudice nor reservation as sisters in Christ.

I was happy to see how they embodied the same values my mother was instilling in us. And honestly, I was liking the short 90-minute Sunday Services and the single “unpressured” offering per service. I missed black gospel music but made do with Sunday night radio, my tapes, and albums. On occasion, I would visit Audrey Crouch’s church in Pacoima on a Sunday night. I traded my Sunday best and fancy hats for blue jeans because I heard that Jesus was concerned about my insides and not my outward appearance. It was the height of the Jesus Movement, so a lot of young people were flooding the church with enthusiasm and a desire to really live by Christ’ teachings. I fit right in. We flooded the Wednesday night Bible studies at The Church on the Way in Van Nuys, California and then dined together afterwards at Bob’s Big Boy. The music changed from traditional hymns to conversions of popular songs into worship songs until we came up with our own genre of worship music using guitars and later entire bans.

For the first time in my life, the values my mother taught us were being reinforced outside our home. The competition for scarce resources was gone and with it the backstabbing, the theft, and the constant pull of people trying to drag me down. In high school, I was encouraged to excel in school, speak proper English, work hard, and be kind to others. I was praised and not ridiculed by my peers for doing well and being kind. I was no longer living in constant fear, and I had escaped the constant threats of crime, the police, and church gossip. Then I graduated from high school and went to USC which was a return to the city and a constant reminder of the mentality, the crime, and the violence I had escaped.

When I married, I returned to the suburbs and to the white church that had been my refuge and strength during my teenage years. It was then that things slowly began to shift in the church. I had been a Democrat since I was able to vote at 18. But all of a sudden, members of the church began talking about how the Republican Party lined up with our family values. The Republicans were the Party that freed the slaves, valued hard work, supported self-determination, and personal responsibility. They were for ridding the streets of all the criminal activity that I had witnessed as a child in the big city.

So, for a brief time I became a Republican. Then Rodney King happened. Then the OJ trial happened. I found myself seeing things differently from my white church friends who sided with the police and saw OJ as obviously guilty. A series of personal events along with graduate school challenged my thinking about the role the government had in perpetuating many of the problems I experienced in my neighborhood as a child. I had experienced school segregation and the lack of resources in our schools compared to the white schools. I experienced housing discrimination firsthand when we tried to rent apartments in a white neighborhood. I knew what it was like to have a store clerk threaten to call the police because she believed I had no right to own a credit card. I had experienced being called the “N” by a hateful person. I had experienced a maternity nurse telling me that my contractions probably didn’t hurt before seeing on the monitor that showed they were at the top of the chart. I had experienced the discrimination of teachers who tried to track my children away from rigorous reading groups and courses based solely on their skin color and not their test scores or academic record. Life was teaching me the truth about opportunities and self-determination.

I soon understood that my white church friends did not see bigotry because they were not bigots. They did not see racism because they were not racists. They did not see discrimination because they would not discriminate. They were classic projectionists. They made excuses for or denied what I was experiencing in my daily life outside the boundaries of the church walls. However, my black skin did not allow me the luxury of looking away and pretending that the systematic racism I was experiencing wasn’t being held in place by the Republican Party.

To prove I wasn’t crazy, I took a deeper dive into American history, government policies, and government resource allocations. I discovered the systems of oppression, discrimination, and white privilege that fed into the police brutality, longer prison sentences, and lack of investment in black communities. The bottom line was that this was no meritocracy. The idea of self-determination was in too many circumstances a mirage. I eventually left that politically minded, now Republican, white church and returned to being a Democrat.

From the outside, I watched the “born again” movement of my teens and early twenties become Trump supporters who completely abandoned the teachings of Christ for the hope of a tyrannical government that will force others to live by their rules and their values. It is easy to be a black conservative among them if you are an ambitious person who is also willing to ignore or work around historical oppression, white privilege, and ongoing blatant discrimination. It is probably comforting to hear people say that they never see you as a black person because your own internalized notion of what it means to be black is negative. It is even easier to be a black Republican if you buy into the evangelical judgement against abortion and gay rights and if you believe that immigration harms poor black people.

These are not the “born again” Christians I once knew. They no longer welcome the stranger but vilify immigrants. They see the poor as deserving of their poverty because they are lazy, drug addicted, immoral, and promiscuous. I’ve watched them become mean-spirited people who arm themselves with weapons, join militias, and refuse to wear masks or take vaccines during a pandemic. And of course, these are the same people who want to ban books that point out the true history of oppression, discrimination, white privilege and systemic racism in this country. They call themselves pro-life but everything they stand for is the opposite.

When I see black conservatives and black Trump supporters, I understand their frustration with the apparent failure of our black clergy, black parents, and public schools to overcome monumental hurdles and to broadly instill the values of respect for human life, brotherhood, education, and hard work in our youth. I understand the frustration with drug addiction, crime, and sexual promiscuity among people who are in survival mode. They believe our black communities are failing us apart from the systems in place to ensure failure. I understand the desire for a safe haven where you are affirmed for your ambition and hard work.

But I also understand that Republicans are not truly offering that haven; they are offering a mirage.

On a personal level, I’m confident that I will thrive no matter which political party is in office because I’m old enough, wealthy enough, educated enough, heterosexual, cyst-gender, Christian, and I reside in a liberal part of California with easy access to voting and minimal physical threat from white supremacists. But I know this sense of safety isn’t true for many Americans and that motivates me to fight against an “American Taliban” that now holds the Republican Party hostage to their religious and white supremacist’s views of what America should be. To be clear, these fanatics are using the 2nd Amendment to arm themselves with high powered weapons of war in case they must overthrow the government itself should Republicans betray them. These dangerous people view the killing of innocents as collateral damage.

I am not personally threatened by Taliban inspired Republican attacks on women’s reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, banned books, voting rights restrictions, or even climate change denial (since I’ll be gone before the world experiences the worst effects of it). Yet, I find myself ready and willing to fight on behalf of those who are threatened, especially my children and grandchildren. Years ago, I recognized and came to accept four of my strongest attributes. First, I’m an introvert. Second, I love learning and being knowledgeable. Third, I’m highly empathetic. And finally, I’m driven to pursue justice.

Within my personality and ability, I fight. I’m too much of an introvert to protest in the streets and I tried joining political action groups, but I’ve found them too exhausting. The exhaustion from being around groups of people has gotten worse over the years and I find myself dreading most gatherings. I think I’m one of the few who found the social distancing aspects of the pandemic kind of refreshing. I really enjoyed working from home and retired in part because I dreaded having to return to the office full time.

So, my activism as a bonified introvert consists primarily of solo actions like letter writing and emails to lawmakers and government officials and postings on social media to spread awareness on issues and to encourage voting. In addition, I donate to political campaigns and political activism groups. And I do what I can to protect the environment. I drive a hybrid, we have solar panels, conserve water, compost and recycle. What I don’t do is purchase a gun, although I’m seriously wondering if target practice is in my immediate future should civil war break out.

The point is, I care deeply about the future of my children and grandchildren, the country, and the planet. Even if I am not personally affected by the discriminatory and harmful policies of the Republican Party who are beholden to white supremacists and misguided evangelicals, I am determined to use my time, my energy, my ability, my lifestyle, and my vote to do battle on behalf of others who are threatened by those who seek to harm others for their own tyrannical impulses, monetary profit, and political power. I’m just hopeful that it doesn’t come to having to put my body on the line as well.