It’s disheartening to see that some people are so resistant to change that they refuse to accept new information if it threatens their previous understanding of the world and the people in it. I was on another Tic Tok Live discussion where a black conservative male led a discussion on whether the term “cisgender” was offensive.
At first, I wondered why this was even a topic. But when I heard one woman after another complain that it was highly offensive to them to be referred to as cisgender, I realized this was yet another aspect of the culture wars. They agreed that they as original or authentic women saw no reason for anyone to add the “Cis” to their label because there are only two sexes: male and female. One woman was adamant that transgender folks were mentally ill or confused and that because transgender women could never give birth, they were not “real” women. She and others concurred that transgender women will never know what it is to be a woman and that adding “cis” in front of any gender was a slap in the face. They espoused the outdated science that people are genetically and anatomically strictly male or female at birth. They had no notion that there was a difference between sex and gender. Some said they had nothing against transgender women, because people can be who they want to be, however, they resented having to play along with their folly by being called “cis”.
Eventually, a brave transgender woman entered the Live discussion and tried to share her story and said that not all women experience womanhood the same way and pointed out that some biological women can’t have babies either. She tried and failed to convince them of a difference between sex and gender. She tried and failed to convince them that cisgender simply means that your sex assignment usually determined at birth matches your gender identity or comfort with set gender roles for males or females. She explained her own journey to her true gender identity, saying she felt like a girl trapped in a boy’s body from childhood. They belittled her feelings and attacked her horribly. One woman told her she would never know what it feels like to be a woman.
There were dissenters in the chat, like me, who tried to explain that “cisgender” is neither derogatory nor threatening to anyone’s gender identity. I asked them to educate themselves on the current science regarding chromosomes and how they have found that it is not actually the binary we once thought. I asked them to read up on the brain findings that biological sex is also determined in the brain and that sometimes the brain sex does not match a person’s genitalia. Others tried to explain that not everyone is born with clear physical appearance as a male or female and that a parent’s guess for sex assignment can turn out to be different from the biological brain sex.
And then an actual neuroscientist entered the live chat and explained in great detail using scientific language how about seven years ago they discovered that sex is a biological brain function as much as it is determined by genitalia and how sometimes they do not match. The scientific language proved too challenging for the women in the Live discussion, and they refused to even try to understand her. Upon request, the neuroscientist broke it down in plain language and they refused to accept it, saying if this was true, it would be all over the news. The neuroscientist explained that it is widely known in the medical field and in academia but that scientists aren’t necessarily the best communicators with the public. They were trying to get the word out as best they could but that scientific news that contradicts religious ideas and political agendas receives inadequate coverage from some new outlets. This was her reason for joining the discussion, but she was disheartened by the lack of basic science to build upon and by their refusal to even try to understand. One woman actually said she was too busy giving her biology teacher a blow job to learn the basics.
And the neuroscientist was absolutely right. The women reacted as poorly as people did when others first claimed that the earth was round and not flat. One woman said that she was taught in high school biology that people have either xx or xy chromosomes and she’s sticking with that. It was impossible to convince her otherwise.
Because I kept emphasizing the need for them to educate themselves on the current science to appreciate the actual sex and gender diversity that has always existed and in the sex chromosomal make up beyond the xx and xy, and because I insisted that “cisgender” is the language of the informed, educated, and inclusive, the moderator commented that they didn’t need to listen to me because I didn’t have a lot of followers. Others accused me of being transgender. I assured them that I was a “cisgender” female who was a mother and grandmother who happened to be educated and that I found nothing to be angry about because someone identifies me as “cisgender” which is simply the opposite of “transgender”. I wrote repeatedly in the chat that cisgender simply means that gender expression matches my sex genitalia.
Some of the women were outright bigots and bullies. The man who hosted the chat sat back silently and let the women attack and insult the transgender woman who joined the discussion in an effort to educate. She finally further identified herself as an academic professor and a practicing therapist who thought she could be provide information and a useful perspective to the discussion.
Sadly, some on the panel and others in the chat used that information to attack her professionally as well. It was appalling and I was among a few who stood by her side, on the side of empathy, science, an open mind to developing information, and educating oneself. Transgender people may be a small minority among us, but they are none-the-less people deserving of safety, dignity, and respect.
One principle of the Fully Present Better Human Project is to be a lifelong learner. Not only it is healthy for the human brain to keep active through learning new things, but it is good for humanity itself. We need fewer bigots and bullies in our society and lifelong learning is essential for good decision making and for understanding the people with whom we live and interact. For transgender folks, our collective learning and acceptance of the full range of human sex and gender could be the difference between a complete denial of some people’s right to even exist.