I’ll begin this post by saying that I am a huge fan of the book, “Just Mercy” by Bryan Stevenson. He is absolutely right that the current criminal justice system targets and criminalizes our black children as though they were adults with mature brains. I must also state that I support those aspects of the Black Lives Matter Movement that seek to end police brutality, racial profiling, the over-policing of black neighborhoods, for profit prisons, and the unfair incarceration with harsher sentencing of blacks as compared to other racial demographics. However, I am against the notion of “defunding the police” because it would be disingenuous to assert that police don’t have an important role to play in investigating and prosecuting actual crimes, regardless of the race of the criminal. That said, I understand why New York elected Eric Adams as major and why Laurie Lightfoot lost her bid for re-election for major of Chicago. Crime is out of control and victims of crime, many of whom look like me, are scared that the crime situation will continue to get worse, leaving us prisoners in our own homes. And honestly, there is good reason for the fear.
In my early thirties, I considered becoming part of the rehabilitation of young women caught up in criminal activity. However, after just one visit to the juvenile detention center where I talked to individual young women and observed their group therapy session, I was convinced that I was ill-equipped to meet these young women where they were. I couldn’t relate to their way of thinking at all. In fact, I found the chasm between their sense of morality and mine to be too wide to even imagine where to begin to build bridges that would allow us to share a common language, let alone a common set of values to build upon. Some were clearly sociopaths, some had learning disabilities, while others received their moral upbringing from adults unable or unwilling to instill the basics of social norms. They were all victims of trauma, desperate to survive. I had compassion for their situation but no way to reach them. It was like we were from different planets, speaking a different language and living by different social rules.
What I observed were young women with low self-esteem who were raised in poverty, had little to no empathy, were poorly educated, and yet had a sense of entitlement that baffled my mind. There was no sense among them that others deserved respect or had any rights to security in their person or property. They took what they wanted or needed by any means necessary whether manipulation, theft, or violence. Might seemed to make right. In that place, it was apparent that mental toughness and physical strength determined the pecking order. With all the guards around, I didn’t fear for my safety, yet I felt a strange uneasiness by the predatory looks I saw directed at me. I saw young women calculating how they could use my presence to their advantage. These were young women who were in survival mode. They had been abused, neglected, and knocked around their entire short lives and now they viewed others as a means to their survival. I left the facility that day, not only discouraged, but feeling helpless to turn any of these girls around. I didn’t blame them for their predicament; I blamed the adults who were supposed to nurture and protect them but failed to do any of it. I hoped that there were other women who were equipped to mentor these young women into becoming productive members of society as opposed to allowing them to become more cunning and dangerous predators.
I guess I view most actual criminals to this day as predators who have little respect for the lives and property of others. Except for the few with actual social disorders, I continue to blame the system of oppression we live under in addition to the generations of adults who brought them into the world and then failed to raise them. The saying goes that hurt people, hurt people. Among my African Americans peers, I’ve witnessed the emotional trauma caused by discrimination, racism, violence, and low self-esteem. All contributed to a sustained poverty that is difficult to break free of. The reality is that it takes an extra-ordinary level of resilience, resourcefulness, and intelligence to overcome the legacy of slavery and ongoing systemic racism and prejudice in a society that is anti-black at its core. White people like to ignore the systemic obstacles while pointing to the few successful blacks as if their rise from poverty proves that success is likely if only black culture wasn’t so lazy and violent at its core. What a lie and a false justification for over-policing and outrageous incarceration rates, many from unfair plea deals.
So, we have a lot of hurt and neglected young women bringing babies into this society without the capacity to adequately nurture and effectively guide them because they themselves received too little nurturing and not enough proper guidance. Many of the young women at the detention center were already mothers whose children were in foster care or being raised by relatives. The reality is that mothers learn how to mother from their own mothers, passing neglect and abuse from one generation to the next.
Over the years, from childhood to adulthood, I’ve silently observed abusive black mothers in their homes, in church, at the beauty shop, and at the grocery store. Each time, I’ve lamented the damage being done and I knew I had to mind my own business because not one of those women would tolerate my intervention. Impoverished, traumatized, uneducated, and desperate people are the most dangerous people and unfortunately, these people exist among us in growing numbers. The more children born into poverty to traumatized women, the greater the number of desperate people seeking survival by any means available to them. However, there are ways to mitigate the problem.
The first is to nurture other people’s children every chance we get. It means taking the time and effort necessary to engage the children in our lives, especially those who appear to lack nurturing and guidance. We must support community efforts to boost the self-esteem of black girls and boys through role modeling, empathy, education, programs, career opportunities, and access to health care, including abortion care. We need to treasure and raise our children in community to ensure that each black child (and their mother) receives the nurturing, love, encouragement, support, guidance, and financial stability they deserve. If we see each black child as our responsibility, fewer will grow up with that dangerous survival mentality. My mother was a very nurturing person, but so were my maternal grandparents and so were my aunts and uncles. They surrounded us with love, guidance, correction, and financial stability. Because of extended family (including church family) and a few nurturing schoolteachers, we grew up with high self-esteem, a good work ethic, and respect for others. Thankfully, our run-in with law enforcement have only included traffic tickets (sometimes without merit) and profiled traffic stops for driving while black.
The second thing we can do is push our city leaders to reform our police departments. We must insist that they hire mentally stable police officers who actually want to protect and serve the community because we know that bad actors really do exist. We must report every unfair traffic stop and disrespectful police officer. We must demand that there be accountability for anti-black policing, charging, and sentencing in the criminal justice system.
The third thing we can do is demand more of our education system so that our children receive an equitable education. We should be pouring our resources into our schools and insisting that the children in our lives excel in school. We need to show up at School Board meetings to demand that our history be taught and that every teacher in our schools is actually qualified to teach. Under the pressure of violence, crazy parents, and low pay, good teachers are leaving the profession and children will suffer the consequences. A teacher without training will set children back and black children have suffered under this problem for years and it is only becoming worse. As parents and relatives of black male students, we must insist that our boys do better in the classroom than on the playing field. We should ask to see their report card before asking when their next game is. Let’s remind them that they should be scholar-athletes, but not just athletes.
The school to prison pipeline that we are witnessing must stop and we ourselves must be the ones to stop it. Those of us who, by the grace of God, have managed to escape the generational trauma of poverty, neglect and violence have a special responsibility to help others to find their way, too. It may be through mentoring in a juvenile detention center or it may be through tutoring, teaching Sunday School, coaching, becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister, or giving to a local foodbank. It may be getting more involved as an aunt, uncle, older cousin, or grandparent.
For several years, I’ve taught parenting classes. I’ve been on community panels against racial profiling that spoke directly to police cadets. I’ve mentored countless black college students and young black professionals throughout my career. I’ve actively raised scholarship funds. These days, I donate monthly to the Boys and Girls Club of Detroit, Michigan. And now, I am encouraging others to get involved. Each of us can assume a role and we must if we want to combat crime instead of being consumed by it.