One of the only things I enjoy about visiting my dentist’s office is the friendly conversations with the staff. In particular, the dental assistant almost always asks to see the newest photos of my grandsons. Of course, I’m happy to share them. This week’s visit was no different until after viewing the pictures she entreated me to ensure they are homeschooled because teachers are teaching kids weird things. I asked what “weird things” were being taught? And of course, it was that whole right-wing propaganda surrounding gender and homosexuality. After I internally rolled my eyes and let out a sigh, I realized that it would be irresponsible to forego the opportunity to share a different perspective with her.
So, I did. I began with my experience as a former teacher, as a person with many teacher friends, and a former educator in a school of education. I calmly explained that teachers aren’t teaching children to question their gender nor are they grooming children to become homosexuals. I explained that teachers may need to explain human differences as a means of creating a learning environment free from bullying and discrimination on the basis of actual differences that children are already encountering. I explained that in the process of normalizing differences, some children might then feel safe and comfortable enough to admit to being “different”.
I relayed my experience with an enraged mother who accused the University of “turning her son gay”. I told her how I patiently explained to the mother that we lack both the ability and the motivation to do that. I continued to relay how I explained to the mother that her son was already gay when he arrived but that he finally felt safe enough to come out of the closet society had shoved him in. I explained how I understood that parents are afraid for their children because they know that being different will make life difficult for that child who identifies as gay or transgender.
After relaying my experience, I assured the dental assistant that teachers understand the hardships as well, which is why they don’t encourage students to question their gender or sexual orientation, but instead work diligently to create a safe learning environment for everyone, especially for those children who are different. I felt a sense of satisfaction when she expressed relief at my explanation. But she is just one of many people poisoned by a right-wing agenda to garner votes by propagating unfounded fears of teachers and books. Since the legalization of gay marriage, the introduction of new gender pronouns, and the popularity of pride parades and drag shows, religious conservatives are seeking ways to shove LGBTQ+ folks back in the closet.
I grew up in a family and a Christian community where we simply didn’t acknowledge the non-binary gender differences nor the non-heterosexual orientation of members of our family or church. The closet was a real thing and those who ventured outside of it were punished severely. It’s accurate to say that we rolled our eyes at the girl who dressed like a guy. We quietly referred to the gay pianist as “different” but didn’t ask any questions. Our belief was that only God had the right to judge, so we better not judge them. Instead, we engaged in this strange “don’t ask, don’t tell” social arrangement that was convenient for the majority, but devastating to those who were different. That tacit ostracization was not only disrespectful in its denial of the full humanity of fellow human beings, but it was hurtful and lead to murder, broken families, and high rates of suicide. It’s sad that in 2023, Black transgender murder rates are increasing and violent attacks on the LGBTQ+ community are also on the rise.
As with any legal and social progress that expands the rights and protections of minorities, there will be those who long for what they perceive as the good old days. As a society in 2023, we find ourselves arguing over whether a spectrum of human gender actually exists even as people who identify as non-binary present themselves publicly. Some people will go to their graves believing that God created only males and females. Period. They become confused when they learn that a few people are born with an indeterminate sex. They become even more confused when they learn that the human brain can be mapped as male or female and that a person’s brain gender may not match their genitals. They become enraged at the thought of these truths coming to light because it not only challenges their religious beliefs but calls upon them to expand their view of humanity itself.
It pains me to watch people I care about look upon a transgender person with disgust. I realize that no amount of reasoning can extricate the disgust they were socially conditioned to feel over a lifetime. And that is frustrating. All I can do is demonstrate my acceptance of that person by treating them with the same dignity and respect I afford all human beings. The same is true when confronted by a gay couple. While others look on with distain, I can model respect, acceptance, and kindness and hopefully bring some sustaining joy, comfort, and hope to people who are different.
As members of the human race and voters, we have a duty to recognize that violence and laws motivated by prejudice, bigotry, and discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community are on the rise. Even social media support for LGBTQ+ is attacked. I was shocked and disheartened by the negative feedback I received when I promoted the idea that better humans are inclusive and utilized a pride flag as an example of expanded inclusion. Laura Ann Carleton, a mother of nine and a storeowner was murdered for displaying a pride flag.
As I write this, there are mean-spirited and extremely vocal religious zealots and social conservatives pressuring politicians and lawmakers to shove people back in the closet. Too many apathetic parents are allowing groups like Moms for Liberty to ban books and to punish teachers when they address the full range of humanity in service to a safe learning environment. These books and conversations not only build awareness and empathy, but they increase the capacity of children to accept differences without resorting to bullying and discrimination. Creating a safe and inclusive environment in our schools increases learning, reduces suicides, and likely will reduce school shootings that are often an angry response to bullying and feeling ostracized.
Let’s not shy away from a fight with a few closed-minded people who are trying to shove our friends, family members, fellow citizens, and human beings who are different, back in the closet. As educated and decent human beings, it is up to us to stick our collective foots in the door and refuse to return to the days of shame, disregard, and discrimination against human beings who just happen to be different. Are there complicated issues to address around sports? Sure, there are. So, let’s address them together using our knowledge of science, a commitment to fairness, and all the compassion we can muster.