Month: May 2024

Throughout my life, I’ve utilized many of the proverbs I learned early in life as sound advice. One in particular fits the moment we are living in. Proverbs 27:12 states, “A wise man sees trouble and hides himself; the simple pass on and our punished.” That proverb is a call to notice warning signs presented to us and to act accordingly to protect ourselves, otherwise we will suffer negative consequences. As I consider the upcoming November election, I recognize signs of trouble ahead.

The first sign of trouble stems from the passionate and cult-like worship of Trump. Never in my entire life have I seen people in this country wave flags and clothe themselves in garments from head to toe in support of a political leader. They gather in rallies like they’re going to a church revival to listen to a man ramble and rant about nothing of actual substance to improve the nation or their lives. He feeds them a steady diet of fear, hate, insults, grievance, and promises of retribution and cruelty against their perceived enemies (immigrants and democrats) while lining his pockets, basking in their adoration, and trying to avoid prosecution his criminal acts. It’s not surprising that Trump says there will be a “blood bath” if he loses. He refuses to commit to conceding if he loses, so we must all be aware that his supporters are armed and will be enraged if he does lose–a dangerous combination. January 6, 2021 should remind us of what they are capable of. I predict that the days following a Trump election loss may be much worse. You won’t find me dancing in the street to celebrate a Biden win.

You also won’t find me at the polls on election day. I have been saying for weeks that Biden supporters should vote early or by mail to avoid MAGA chaos and intimidation at the polls on election day. Voting early or by mail will help ensure shorter election day lines, particularly in minority neighborhoods where there are fewer polls by Republican design. MAGA folks have proven their determination to win at all costs and I would not put anything past them. They will be watching the polls and some of them have volunteered as election workers. The brave among us must do the same. We need just as many election volunteers on our side to ensure a fair count. For fairness and safety, we should implore our county election officials to place additional law enforcement security around the polls and during counting. I’m thankful for surveillance cameras, and for this election, we should insist upon their presence during the entire process.

At this point, there is a good chance that Trump may win this election. I truly hope he doesn’t because I think his administration will destroy the reputation of our nation, will undermine any hope of addressing climate change, and will roll back the individual freedoms we enjoy. I read a synopsis of Project 2025. It provides a playbook for the dismantling and political reconstruction of the administrative state in order to turn this country into a Christian theocracy that lacks presidential accountability to the rule of law and criminalizes citizens who do not adhere to their theocratic laws. The authors of Project 2025 interpret liberty only within the framework of Christianity and reinterpret the “pursuit of happiness” to be the pursuit of “blessedness” that comes exclusively by adhering to God’s laws, explicitly banning abortion, gay marriage, and eliminating all training and adherence to the ideals of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Science takes second place to the Bible, the family is redefined, only ideological loyalists are retained and hired by government, and discrimination is legalized.

How does a person hide from a Trump or Project 2025 administration? Prepare now for a fascist government. Some will be best served by leaving the country for safety reasons. I advise others to move away from predominately minority neighborhoods because environmental injustice and over-policing will worsen. It’s a good idea to gather family and friends and move together to the suburbs of states where housing is affordable, schools are better, and jobs are abundant if telecommuting isn’t an option. Save and invest, rather than spend money. When I was in China, I learned that the people avoid political, social, and religious conversations with people they don’t know. We’ll have to quickly adopt that behavior. Grow your own produce because regulations will not only loosen, but there will be a lack enforcement personnel for those that remain. Stop consuming processed foods that destroy good health and exercise more. I predict that healthcare will become unaffordable and less accessible. Avoid unwanted pregnancy, opting now for permanent solutions if future children are not desired. They plan to prohibit contraception, abortion, and no-fault divorce in order to improve the birth rates and to re-subjugate women. Educate yourself for a better job and be the best at your job for job security. Keep emergency cash on hand in a safe. Get off of social media as surveillance will be used by a fascist state. Start listening to independent news outlets based outside the U.S. like the BBC because fascist lie and withhold factual information to maintain control. And finally, develop a greater collective mindset with family and close friends to ensure better mental health, financial security, and safety.

I suspect many Americans will actively resist the government whether Trump or Biden wins. I won’t be surprised if protests in the streets are met by military violence against citizens no matter which candidate wins. If Trump wins, I’m considering my options. But I’ll begin with prayers that God will intervene and deliver us from this threat of evil as horrific as the Taliban. I recognize that I’m married to a man, retired, financially independent, reside in an affluent predominately white neighborhood, and I live a Christian lifestyle, so I’m not the actual “target” of their oppressive policies. But people I know, love, and care about are, so I’ll have to think about ways to support them and to resist a fascist government should Trump win and adopt the Project 2025 playbook. There are some things worth fighting for. And for me, liberty and justice for all is one of them.

Trouble is foreseeable beginning in November 2024, and we will do well to prepare ourselves for it.

My mother was right. She once said to me that I could have it all, just not all at the same time. Well, by a stroke of luck (or fate), I did have it all and it wasn’t all at the same time. My “haphazard” life story, the journeys of my daughters, and the state of our society today inform my advice for mothers raising daughters, for ambitious and talented girls, and for young women entering adulthood.

The first thing I will say is that we as females in this particular country (for now) are much more than our uterus and our place is wherever we choose it to be, whether that is the boardroom, the studio, or the kitchen. If a girl is blessed with an average lifespan, good health, energy, talent, and intelligence, then with some strategic planning, she can assume different roles throughout her lifetime without foregoing the fulfillment each role has to offer. In other words, I reject the notion that the vocation of a woman is limited to that of wife, mother, and homemaker.

Let me be clear. These are not vocations, but possible roles and responsibilities that change over time. Let’s start with the role of being a wife. For me, being a wife has always meant being a full partner, confidant, and companion, not a servant. I like being married and both times I was careful to marry men who respect women and honored my independence. However, I realized as a 35-year-old “stay at home” mother of three that fidelity was also important to me so when my first husband decided he wanted a side piece, I had the job skills, the confidence, and the education necessary to forge a different path. I was prepared to take the reins when I filed for divorce, securing the property, alimony, and child support the court ordered.

I learned from that experience that a woman must always maintain her own credit, checking, investments, and savings accounts. Total dependance on another human being is a dangerous and unwise decision that has thrown many unprepared women and their children into sudden poverty. My advice is to be careful when choosing a spouse if marriage is desired. These days there are a growing number of men who are eager to offer women “security” in exchange for a return to the days when women were regarded as property to be controlled. There are men looking for a personal slave who will give them sex on demand, who will cook and clean up after them, who will do as they say, and who will raise their babies on their behalf. They demand obedience and exercise total control. They will use religion, financial security, emotional gaslighting, or brute force to break a woman’s will and to undermine the natural human desire for personal autonomy. So, any man who offers to “take care of you” should be a “no, thank you” because there are always puppet strings attached. You want a partner, not an overseer.

Now, let’s move on to motherhood for those who desire children. My first piece of advice is to pay attention to our biology and to utilize effective birth control to protect against an untimely pregnancy. The inconvenient reality is that our biology intends for us to give birth in our twenties. It is far easier to get pregnant, sustain a healthy pregnancy, give birth, recover from giving birth, stay up with crying babies, and run after a toddler when you are in your twenties and early thirties. And it is also much easier and better for the child to do this with a partner, so I highly recommend first getting married after a few years of college, work experience, and savings in the bank. If given the option, choose funds for a downpayment on a house rather than a fancy fairy tale wedding.

Motherhood and career choices is where the idea of having it all, but just not at the same time comes in. Too many women put off serious relationships and having babies in favor of building a career. Sadly, some find they have waited too long. Yes, there is the option of freezing eggs, but youthful motherhood is still better. I think we need to give ourselves permission to prioritize raising children for a decade or even two. If you do the math, say you graduate from high school at age 18. You go to college and work until you are 25, actively dating in search of the perfect partner. You marry and have your children by the time you are 30, prioritizing child-rearing over work. When you are 40-45, you can return to college for a master’s degree and start or continue your career in earnest, unimpeded by childcare demands. You can then work for as many years as you are able or desire.

Being a mother isn’t a vocation. Most mothers know that raising children is both fulfilling and challenging. But some fail to realize that it is a temporary role. Children grow up and the mother-child relationship along with its responsibilities shift. Mothers will always love and worry, but mothers are supposed to stop “mothering” when their children are adults. I’ve seen plenty of women who mistakenly think that being a mother is their primary vocation and identity. While motherhood is a temporary priority for sure, those who think otherwise panic when their children begin kindergarten, and many feel lost or go into depression when their children leave home. I was never like that because I viewed the role as a temporary one, worthy of my best effort.

While not right or not possible for many, I worked undemanding jobs for a bit and then chose to stay home with my children during their formative years because I wanted to give them my full attention. I wanted to monitor their homework, to teach them life skills, and to give them a very broad range of experiences. However, I always viewed staying at home with them as temporary and I looked forward to sending them into their adulthood as well-equipped humans so I could fully dedicate myself to a career. I lamented that the divorce cut some of that plan short, particularly for my son who was only eleven at the time and my second daughter who was a very vulnerable 14- year-old. However, I put aside my personal hurt and anger over the divorce and encouraged their father to remain active in their lives. They needed him, too, and we remained full partners in parenthood. Alimony allowed me the time to earn a master’s degree and to embark on a new career.

And finally, I’ll give advice about homemaking. When I was a stay-at-home mother, I was the classic Suzi Homemaker. However, in truth, anyone who lives in a home (of all genders and ages) is a homemaker. We each assume specific roles to ensure the security, cleanliness, and comfort of the place we reside. In my home, I happen to be the primary cook because I’m much better at it than my husband. He is better at fixing things, building things, and installing stuff, so he assumes that “handyman” role. We each do our own laundry from start to finish and we both do dishes and clean toilets. We garden and grocery shop together. He cleans the showers and takes out the trash. I vacuum, mop, and dust. We both clean windows. At one point we paid a housekeeper when we were working, but since we’re retired, we’ve divided up the household chores.

I’ve been fortunate to have experienced being married twice to men who respected my independent thoughts and aspirations and my autonomy as a human being. I’ve had the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom to focus on my children until the youngest was eleven. I’ve also had the joy of obtaining a full education, earning a bachelor’s degree early in life and post-divorce, I earned both a master’s and then a doctorate. When the children were gone, I remarried, focused harder on my career and traveled around the world for fifteen years. Today, I am a financially independent retired wife and grandmother who writes a blog every Sunday. My mother was right. I was able to have it all, but at different times.

I was frustrated by an online debate this week between a young black man and a black woman. The man argued that it was foolish to continue supporting the Democrat Party because it never does anything for black people. The woman argued that the Republicans do even less and would in fact roll back rights for black people. I was most frustrated with the idea that anyone would expect either political party to center the specific and very particular needs of black people since we remain a relatively small percentage of the population. We need to support the Party that ensures opportunities, public health, and non-discrimination policies that allow us to succeed in spite of our race, not because of it.

Before getting into the personal responsibility aspect of this post, I should define who I’m talking about. The category of who is black has changed and so have the numbers. According to Pew Reseach, the number and diversity of Black people in the country is rising. There are more black immigrants who now comprise 11% of us in 2022 as compared to only 7% in 2000. In addition, Pew expanded the category of Black people from single-race blacks (who alone make up 14.6% of the U.S. population) to include Black Hispanics and multi-racial non-Hispanics. Of the 47.9 million black people in the U.S., 2.9 million are Hispanic, 5.4 million are multi-racial non-Hispanic. Not surprisingly, the percentages of Hispanic blacks and multi-racial blacks are growing rapidly. And it follows that their median age is much younger too. The median age for single-race blacks is 34.9 while black Hispanics is 21 and multi-racial non-Hispanics is a mere 19.5 years.

That said, the windows of opportunity since desegregation, the Civil Rights Act and Affirmative Action have opened in the areas of education, housing, banking, marriage, and employment. There were and remain individual bad actors in every segment of society who exercise covert acts of discrimination based on skin color. The reality is that there may always be individuals who try to circumvent fair treatment, due recognition, acceptance, promotion, and the success of black people. However, we must always exercise our legal recourse and demand fair treatment. When recognized and called out, these individuals usually back off or they end up paying the consequences. We must always call out health care workers, teachers, property appraisers, bankers, and others who treat us unfairly. Many companies and municipalities have paid out enormous legal fees and punitive compensation for the discriminatory behaviors of their employees. Police officers finally face criminal prosecution for the wrongful deaths of citizens they once killed with impunity. This is progress that I would argue the Democrats are largely responsible for.

I would say to young black men and women today that their future success is up to them given the current laws and public policies in place. Black people are no longer restricted to living in poverty-stricken neighborhoods with under-resourced schools and services and greater environmental pollution. In fact, one of the fastest growing black populations is in Utah. The courageous and ambitious will take the opportunity to improve their living conditions, even if that entails moving. However, a majority of black Americans (56%) continue to reside in the South which represent the poorest states in the country, with Texas and Florida having the biggest black populations. The Midwest and Northeast are each home to 17% of blacks and the west, where I live, only has 10% of blacks living here.

There is good news and there are threats on the horizon when it comes to our collective progress. For starters, according to Pew Research, 26.1 percent of black people over age 25 have earned a bachelor’s degree or higher, up from only 14.5% in 2000. Unfortunately, the gap between black female educational attainment and black males has widened since 2000 with a comparison of 28.9% of females attaining degrees compared to only 22.8% of males.

This gap in educational attainment should not be ignored. For one, it means that black males will have fewer life opportunities for high paying jobs and social mobility. Higher education attainment is attached to increased earning capacity, higher level information processing skills, and social status mobility. On this Mother’s Day, I call upon mothers to monitor their son’s whereabouts, associations, and schoolwork. Parents must insist upon the academic achievement of their sons to a higher level to ensure opportunities and avoid exploitation. We must raise our academic expectations for our children to match or exceed the general population. If we continue to raise black boys to believe their opportunities lie only in becoming professional athletes or music moguls, then the school to prison pipeline will only increase. They can pursue a rigorous education while also participating in sports or music. However, without education, their legitimate job prospects are next to none without a trade or formal education if sports or music does not pan out. And for the vast majority of them, it will not!

I contend that it is far easier to adequately monitor kids, especially boys, when there are two parents at home. Unfortunately, many of our black children are being raised by single mothers who struggle to survive and have too few resources and too little time to devote to being an involved parent. It has always been a mistake to expect the government to rescue single moms to the extent that fully nurtures a developing child. And the truth is that it takes a super-woman to provide all the love, attention and educational opportunities a developing child needs to thrive and succeed. In red states where the greatest population of black people live, new abortion restrictions have gone into effect and access to health care is being rolled back. The threat of more black babies being born into poverty to single mothers is a horrifying prospect for our collective future. Education and marriage before babies are essential for our children and our collective future. We should be preaching this from the roof tops. Instead, online conversations feature angry uneducated black men complaining that black women are too independent and money grubbing.

There is definitely something going on in the culture that has affected marriage or the lack of it among black Americans. I suspect that the education and social gap between black men and women likely has some bearing on the fact that only 32% of black adults are married compared to 53% of adults who are not black. Additionally, unemployment, low paying jobs, and extremely high incarceration rates among black men don’t help the prospects for marriage either. And neither does the reputation for infidelity.

Nearly half of black men and women have never been married and of those who have 25% of black women and 15% of black men are divorced, separated or widowed. More black men are married (36%) than black women (29%). Of those, 21% of black men are married to non-black women while 13% of black women are married to non-black men. What I hear from black women is that it is difficult to find worthy partners among black men. Going back to parenting, I’m convinced that it generally takes two involved parents to raise a worthy black man. So, my guess is that more black women will soon be marrying outside their race and the trend of multi-racial babies will continue. Not surprisingly, my daughters are married to white men and my step-daughter is married to a highly educated (PhD) Nigerian immigrant.

It is also not surprising that mixed-race households have the highest median income ($60,000) followed by black Hispanic households ($56,500) while single race households have only $49,500. I attribute this to the likelihood that multi-racial couples meet in higher social circles outside racially segregated neighborhoods, typically in college or on the job. My son met his white pediatrician wife in the Peace Corps after college.

My point is this: for now, laws and policies are in place that allow us to determine our future prospects for success. We must take advantage of the choice to get an education whether that is in the trades or academics no matter our preference for athletics, acting, or music. Higher education is about learning how to process information and gaining social mobility. We can also move out of impoverished, under-resourced, high pollution neighborhoods. And finally, we can expand our marriage prospects beyond black men and women.

I began by saying that we need to support the political party that provides opportunities for success without regard to race. Which Party supports reproductive rights? Which wants to expand access to healthcare? Which Party cares more about clean air and water than corporate profits? Which Party wants everyone to vote? Which Party’s candidate just claimed that discrimination against “whites” is a major problem that must be dealt with?

Pay attention to Biden’s push to forgive student loans. This policy will help young people, many of whom are black men and women who obtained degrees or trades and now find themselves in overwhelming debt. Once free of this debt burden, my sincere hope is that they will be wise enough to save and invest, start businesses, get married, and buy homes. Those who say the Democrats have done nothing for black people are likely stuck in impoverished neighborhoods, are uneducated, and therefore lack the upward mobility a good education can provide.

I’ve been largely silent about the war between Israel and Hamas because I realize that I’m likely to offend people I care about who are personally impacted by what is happening. In truth, I am deeply sympathetic to both the Israeli and the Palestinian people. At the same time, I absolutely despise the leadership on both sides. I’m vehemently against oppression and violence and I am in favor of a two-state solution. I am neither anti-Semitic nor anti-Muslim. I respect the dignity, basic rights, and humanity of all people groups. Having worked with college age students for 25 years, I honestly believe that 99% of the students protesting the historic mistreatment of the Palestinians and the current war in Gaza feel the same way as I do. But their message is being lost.

The main reason for their messaging problem is that this country has a difficult time processing nuance, particularly when emotions are high. Nuance doesn’t make for good sound bites. Nuance takes more time to explain than people have the patience to hear. Nuance requires critical thinking skills that clearly half the country lacks. Nuance requires an exceptionally high level of communication skills that most people, especially college students, haven’t developed to the degree required to be fully understood.

The other reason the students are struggling to gain support for their protests is that there are unruly folks among them who steal the attention of the news outlets that pursue sensationalism for views and profits. I watch in horror everyday as the news media amplifies the occasional anti-Semitic rants and threats coming from a few protesters while putting a mic in the face of the rare Jewish student who feels threatened, not necessarily by specific acts of violence towards them, but by the subject matter of the protest itself.

The news media paints the protesters as anti-Semitic, creating an avenue for conservative politicians to hold public hearings where they could brow-beat college presidents about their radical anti-Semitic colleges where Jewish students are being continuously threatened while they do nothing. Although untrue, university donors only hear the headlines, and some of these presidents lost their jobs. It’s as though defending free speech and the right to protest is limited to donor-approved speech and non-confrontational protest. Nuance is completely lost. The monied interests behind the news media know that the public and politicians aren’t hearing the full story. The reality is that sound bites fit the narrative of those who pay for them. And right now, that means ending the student protests by painting the students as radical, immature, naive, and anti-Semitic bullies who don’t know any better. However, their stated demands prove this isn’t true.

Honestly, these students know enough to understand that the Israeli government has been mistreating the Palestinian people unfairly for many years. They know what oppression looks like. They know that if you kick a dog long enough, that dog might eventually bite you. They know Hamas is evil and visited that evil upon innocent Israelis on October 7th and wrongly continues to hold innocent people hostage while hiding behind a helpless population. They don’t support Hamas. But they don’t support Netanyahu either. They know that indiscriminate bombing and strategic starvation of innocent women and children is wrong. They heard how Netanyahu referred to the Palestinian people as animals and not human. They understand right and wrong and proportionality.

In truth, these are educated young people who are full of energy and who have a stake in the future of the world. They rightly want to shape the world they will live in. So, they protest, demanding that their college sever ties with the Israeli government whom they see as the root cause of the conflict. They want better for Israelis and the Palestinians. To garner greater attention, they set up camps in violation of university rules. They know that the Administration can’t ignore rule breakers and that is the point.

But the public likes order. Disorder gets attention, but when the stance is nuanced, the messaging is difficult. The students believe they are morally right even if the news media convinces the “adults” that they are uninformed radicalized brats who need to study and stop disturbing the peace. The reality is that there are more Jewish students among the protesters than there are Jewish students being threatened. But very few of the Jewish students who are protesting Netanyahu’s policies are being highlighted.

History has shown us that when protest is met with silence, it only gets bolder and louder and more dangerous. The aggrieved will be heard! As a former university administrator, I understand this. I believe Netanyahu is unwittingly creating more future enemies for Israel as he prosecutes his war on Hamas without regard for innocent human suffering. I also believe President Biden was throwing away his prospects for re-election by his silence on the student protests.

So, this past week, I became so frustrated by President Biden’s silence in the face of growing campus chaos that I emailed him three times in 24 hours. I’m certain others contacted the White House as well, especially after Trump went on record praising the police action against the protesters, altogether ignoring student grievances and even their right to protest. He was doing what authoritarians do.

Within two hours of my final email, President Biden did an unscheduled press conference. He touched on pretty much every talking point I articulated in my emails, except the reason for the protest: a ceasefire and humane treatment for Palestinians moving forward. While he emphasized the right to protest peacefully, he fell short in acknowledging the actual grievances the students had. He didn’t tell them that he is doing his best to bring an end to the violence and starvation in Gaza and to have the hostages released. He didn’t push hard enough against the characterization of protesters as anti-Semitic. His curt responses at the end showed everyone that he is above all else a politician who relies on donors to fund his campaign, so he can’t say too much to disrupt the fully funded media narrative against the students.

When all is said and done, I support the students. I believe that 99% of them are fighting for the right thing: an end to the slaughter of innocent lives and a peaceful transition to a two-state solution where Israelis and Palestinians can live in security, dignity, and opportunity. I hope these same students will vote to re-elect President Biden this November because he really is the lesser of two evils with regard to protecting the lives of the Palestinian people and mitigating a growth of anti-Semitism because of Netanyahu’s inhumane policies.