Month: September 2024

The parting words of the man who came to measure for our new countertops on Friday were: “Good luck in November; I hope Trump wins.” Then he shut our front door. To be clear, I didn’t start the banter that ensued after he remarked that he couldn’t believe people were trying to tie Trump to Project 2025. His surprising comment was in response to a CNN report on the television about where the candidates were headed that day. His comment was unexpected and came out of nowhere.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I rarely allow suspect comments to go unchallenged. It’s the educator in me. I’m a huge fan of intellect, knowledge, and factual information and I don’t accept assertions from just anyone nor anywhere. I politely remarked that Project 2025 was written on his behalf and that members of his administration had a hand in writing it. I said that it is tied to him because his name is mentioned in the document hundreds of times. His defense of Trump made sense. He replied that just because someone gives you a present, doesn’t mean you have to accept it. I nodded that he had a point, however, we should also know that Trump hasn’t read the document, and I reminded him that members of his administration said they couldn’t even get him to read the daily national security briefings when he was president. They had to give him a short summary. So, he is publicly disavowing a document he hasn’t read because it is unpopular, yet its authors will serve in his administration should he be elected.

He then went on to say that he preferred how Trump closed the border and stopped the flow of illegal migrants. My husband stepped in, a very rare occurrence, and said he didn’t like how Trump separated babies from their parents without keeping track of their whereabouts. The man replied that Trump didn’t do that, but that people around him made a mistake. I jumped in and said that the documented purpose was to use this act of cruelty as a deterrent. He tried to defend Trump by saying that people who break the law deserve the maltreatment they receive. This man was clearly an immigrant himself, so I reminded him that presenting yourself at our border and seeking asylum is not against the law. Under the current law, we have an obligation to process asylum seekers and give them a court hearing. He responded that letting them into the country with a hearing at a later date meant risking never seeing them again. I conceded that point, but also reminded him that the problem exists because we have a broken system with a shortage of judges, causing long wait times. It was this law that prompted Trump to use cruelty to stop the flow until the courts stopped him. He praised Trump for the remain in Mexico policy that stopped the flow of asylum seekers into the country. I didn’t say it at the time, but that policy exposed migrants to attacks in Mexico while they waited for processing. And imagine how we would respond if people seeking to immigrate to Canada were told to remain in the United States until they could be processed. He expressed his fondness for Title 42 and I had to remind him that Trump was able to thwart asylum claims using Title 42 specifically because of the pandemic. He conceded his ignorance on that subject, so we didn’t even get to the bi-partisan border bill Trump prevented. I turned the subject to Trump’s character.

On this subject, he had little to say in defense of Trump because he hadn’t really heard about all the allegations except the housing discrimination case, and he wrongly believed Trump had won that case. The reality is that Trump settled the civil suit and had to agree to no longer refuse to rent his apartments based on race. I laid out a few of his sexual abuse problems. His response to the sexual assault remarks and his bragging about watching naked teenage girls at his pageants in a Larry King interview was to point out that Larry King was dead. I responded that King may be dead but tape of the interview lives on and he should watch it. He then excused Trump’s bad behaviors as being acceptable in a different era. His racism was excused on the same basis, that it was years ago, and times have changed.

And finally, we ended up with his satisfaction that there weren’t wars all over the place when Trump was in office. I reminded him that we were still in Afghanistan and that there are always conflicts going on that we don’t even hear about. He said he admired how Trump got along with Putin and North Korea as a show of keeping the peace. At this point, he was done with the counters and had prepared to leave, so I had no time to respond to how dangerous that actually was and how it simply meant that Trump would hand over Ukraine to Putin and Taiwan to China without objection.

I learned a few things about MAGA and Trump defenders from this conversation and others. First, I learned that they don’t like Project 2025 either but that they choose to believe Trump’s claim that he isn’t associated with it and won’t enforce it. In fact, it only has a 4% approval nationwide. Second, I learned that they have internalized Trump’s fearmongering rhetoric about migrants and are desperate to close the border. Third, I learned that they know he was a racist and a sexual predator and that he has poor character, but they excuse those bad behaviors as relics from his past. And finally, they want to avoid war no matter the cost to others in the world or that American isolationism is a gift to anti-democratic tyrants.

We didn’t get into the economy in this conversation, but I know many of them believe they were better off economically under Trump because of inflation and high interest rates. However, they tend to ignore the root causes of inflation and the fact that we have fared much better in our recovery from the pandemic era economic disaster than the rest of the world. They ignore the record low unemployment, the sky-high stock prices, increased consumer protections, and rising wages.

Even though I could not convince this staunch Trump supporter to change his allegiance in one conversation, I think the seeds of doubt were planted that perhaps another person will water and yet another will one day harvest. My conclusion is that it is worth having the conversation even if it may become a bit loud and heated at times. Allowing people to remain in their MAGA echo chamber doesn’t help them escape the clutches of a conman and if their numbers grow, we will not only lose this election, but our democracy along with our basic freedoms.

I raised my son at a time when it wasn’t so confusing what it meant to be a good man. I was grateful that he had two older sisters who essentially conditioned him to be respectful and considerate of their talents and desires as females. Following the advice of multiple child experts, I ensured his cognitive development, self-control, discipline, and attention to his body. He had an adequate supply of male role models, including his father and stepfather, my brothers, men at church, scout leaders, and a stream of athletic coaches. None of these men were perfect human beings, but they demonstrated a form of masculinity that was confident, caring, considerate, competent, and protective. It takes a village to raise a child and that applies to sons in particular. Today my son has a beautiful wife who is a physician and two handsome young sons. He works hard at being a nurturing father and a full partner to his wife.

In reality, considerate partnership is all women want from the men in their lives. Sadly, too many young men say they are lonely and can’t find a partner. They think women are too independent to want them or that all women think men are too toxic. The reality is that they are not being the kind of man women today are looking for. They have spent too many hours playing video games, scrolling on social media, and watching television and too little time preparing themselves socially for a productive life that will make them an attractive partner.

There is a crisis happening before our eyes when it comes to young men in the United States. The rate of male college attendance and completion has fallen significantly below that of their female counterparts. Low teacher salaries have resulted in fewer male teachers who understand male learning patterns and who can serve as good role models. Male disciplinary problems in school and lower achievement are the result. And worse, the actual levels of testosterone and libido have fallen by nearly 50% in men under age 30. The percentage of men who want to marry and have children hasn’t fallen that much, but the ability to find a partner and then to produce enough healthy sperm has fallen drastically.

Researchers have looked at a variety of reasons for this biological change and have found a connection between excessive porn viewing and low testosterone. This is why China actually banned porn. Testosterone is responsible for more than just producing healthy and adequate amounts of sperm. It is also responsible for competitiveness, muscle strength, sex drive and making new red blood cells. Thankfully, there are now effective therapies available to boost testosterone levels.

Beyond low testosterone, young men are reporting a crisis of identity. They are struggling with the loss of their traditional role in this society as leader, provider, and protector. They mistake job competition for discrimination. They aren’t being discriminated against; they just aren’t automatically entitled to the job, that raise, or that promotion ahead of women like they once were. Women have been working harder to get ahead, delaying marriage and pregnancy that once hindered their career progress.

In my youth, many of the women attending college with me were seeking a “Mrs.” degree above academic achievement. That has changed. Is it a good thing that birth control and reproductive choice liberated women to make their own money and to pursue careers outside the home? I think it is good that women are no longer expected to become a wife and mother or face the once stigmatized life of a lonely spinster who owns cats. I recall the days when my 25-year-old girlfriends were in full out panic mode if they were still single. As a solution to this male identity crisis, some men are trying to drag women back to those days. However, shaming women will solve their problem and banning birth control and abortion has its negative consequences that no one is ready to deal with.

As greater numbers of women put off family life, rejecting the traditional roles of dependent wife and mother, to take advantage of enhanced access to higher education, well-paying careers, politics, and even sports, many men have been left wondering what they are supposed to be doing. They are tuning in to alpha male pod casts in record numbers for answers. Let me just say that Andrew Tate does not offer good answers and thankfully, he was arrested for sex trafficking this past week. But we can’t ignore the distressing fact that young men are turning in increasing numbers to Trump and Vance in the hope that they will restore their place of power and authority in society.

Many men wrongly think that most women do not need nor want them. They think that if they can’t be the head of the family and the main provider, then what good are they? They want to cling to the notion of the bread winning husband who comes home from work and is greeted by a loving wife who caters to him. On social media, some men (and a few women) have taken to insisting on that traditional order of things, insisting that a real woman’s role is to obey men, do the cooking and cleaning, and mother their babies while allowing their man to provide for them. Others have given up on women, marriage and children altogether, choosing to concentrate on themselves. And many others are left wondering what to do and how to be a man that women desire.

The answer in my humble opinion is simple. Most women today want a partner (not a master) who is educated, competent, hardworking, considerate and who uses his extra muscles to help around the house and to protect, not to abuse and dominate. Some men are clearly getting it, and they post videos online of themselves cooking and nurturing their children. My son and sons-in-law don’t post videos like that, but they are those men.

I see my children are raising my grandsons to nurture their physical and mental strengths, to be athletic, to respect women, to be considerate, and to value and pursue a fulfilling education and career so that one day they will be attractive as potential partners in life.

A very kind-hearted young man I know posted the following message on Facebook: Because someone doesn’t share your opinion doesn’t mean they are lying.” My guess is that he’s taken a lot of flak from others around him for many of his opinions that seem to support a contrarian point of view. I happen to know from my own extensive back and forth messages with him that he listens to people in who spread information favorable to a certain viewpoint that includes ideas about protecting the country from dangerous immigrants who are stealing jobs and destroying the culture. Although he doesn’t seem to support Trump (he was going to vote for RFK, Jr.), at various times he defended Trump to me, and I soon discovered that he knew almost nothing about Trump’s history of racism and housing discrimination nor his criminal behaviors before, during, or after his presidency. I passed on the history to him via credible news articles, intending to inform him and laid out the criminal and civil charges he faces and the ones he lost.

I responded to his post explaining that the problem is that these days too many opinions are formulated based on lies and misinformation. His response was that he likes to engage in hearing people’s opinions to eventually get to the truth. I further explained to him that opinions cannot be lies because the very definition of an opinion is that it is a belief based on insufficient grounds to produce certainty. I used the example how a doctor gives his opinion on how to treat a patient’s disease diagnosis. However, if the diagnosis is changed, the doctor’s opinion on how to treat the ailment also changes. I explained how scientific evidence proved that the earth is not flat, rendering anyone’s current opinion that the earth is flat worthless. That person is simply uninformed, not lying.

My point is that everyone has opinions but not all opinions are worthy of consideration. When there is factual evidence available, a person’s opinion about an issue ought to be based on credible evidence to be worth considering. However, opinions based on lies can actually be dangerous. Someone’s opinion might be that certain people deserve to be killed based on false accusations. For example, there have been death threats and bomb threats in Springfield based on lies spread about Haitian immigrants eating pets.

With widespread access to social media, corporate news outlets should be doing a much better job disseminating credible information that debunks the many conspiracy theories, lies, misinformation, urban myths, and false accusations floating around. Instead, some outlets are either silent or actively spreading confusion. Opinions are being confused for facts by many people. Rumors and disparaging innuendos spread by news media figures is being defended as entertainment and free speech by corporate media who were once counted on for reliable information. We must stop giving them views until they return to the actual news.

In the end, we are all entitled to our opinions. Today, more than ever, it is important that we have access to as much information, actual facts, and evidence before forming those opinions or they will be horribly flawed. Opinions based on the lack of credible information can lead to huge mistakes. The biggest decision we are collectively facing is who will lead our nation forward. That individual decision will be based on our individual opinions of each candidate when we cast our votes. But, because the media is slow, silent or unwilling to be completely upfront, it is incumbent upon us to listen to each candidate’s words, watch their actions, and read their policies for ourselves so that we can form our opinions based on what we know for ourselves. I’d hate for millions of Americans to cast their vote based on opinions formed from a lack of information or downright lies. I’ve made it my mission to gather accurate information and to spread that knowledge to as many people as I can so that they can form reasonable opinions ahead of election day.

Given the character, rhetoric, and resumes of the two major candidates for president, it boggles the mind of onlookers around the world that this election is basically tied. I’m greatly disturbed by it, but not surprised. There are forces behind this election that not only ensure a nail-biter come November but also provide avenues to contest the election should Harris win. In an ideal world, she would easily win, and we could move on.

But this isn’t an ideal world. We live in a country where hidden forces are suppressing accurate information, limiting access to voting, stoking unhinged fears, and peddling hate. Aside from a few courageous Republican leaders, most Republicans who oppose Trump remain silent cowards amid this very real threat. It’s no wonder half the country thinks Trump is worthy of their vote for president. I hate that fifteen percent of the voters in this country still have no idea who they will vote for despite the fact that one candidate is a pathological liar, convicted felon, adulterer, draft dodger, fraud, and tax evader while the other is a boot-straps courtroom prosecutor who worked her way up to district attorney, attorney general, U.S. senator, and then Vice President without glaring character flaws and scandals. But she happens to be a female of color in a country that still struggles with racism and misogyny.

Those of us who have managed to look beyond the veil, must find a way to combat the powerful forces that are keeping this race close. The first culprit is corporate media and social media outlets. Given its desire for views and advertising money, television news outlets minimize the lies, character flaws, insults, and lawlessness of Trump while constantly seeking any disqualifying words or moves by Harris. They do this under the guise of being “fair and balanced” when there is nothing fair nor balanced in their reporting. The “neutral” outlets suppress stories while conservative outlets like Fox and Newsmax engage in fearmongering. They refrain from fact-checking, continually hurl insults at democrats and Harris and spread unfounded rumors about Harris while labeling such content as entertainment, commentary and opinion to avoid further lawsuits.

In the realm of social media, the situation is just as bad. Mark Zuckerberg, who was publicly threatened with prison by Trump, recently admitted that Meta platforms suppress political content. Perhaps that explains why my Facebook account was “accidentally” deleted and my political posts now have almost no views. At the same time, X, which is owned by Elon Musk, endorsed Trump and pushes content fueled by conspiracy theories and hate. Anyone can post anything on Tic Tok and YouTube. Some are seeking to fill the information gap left open by television news outlets. However, when reliable information is hard to find, the electorate will be confused. And it is. Too few people, especially busy people, know half the horrific things Trump has said or done during this campaign, and they know very little about Harris. If they are unable or unwilling to invest any time, they must rely on ads, flawed news and social media posts, and word of mouth.

The second culprit are religious conservatives who use their pulpits to spread fear and opposition through exaggerated claims about late-stage abortions on demand and the murder of newborns. They claim that anti-bullying lessons in schools which are designed to create tolerance and understanding of the sexual diversity among human beings is dangerous grooming. They preach against the actual science that supports the fluidity of gender beyond the binary of male or female. They deny the science of climate change. They cling to the tradition of female subordination to male domination as the ordained order of life and villainize independent childless women. They engage in judgement instead of the love and compassion of Christ. A good portion of voters are choosing Trump as a vessel to enshrine these antiquated views into “Taliban-like” laws of the land through Project 2025. Examples of MAGA Republicans who are pushing this agenda are Speaker Mike Johnson, Byron Donalds, J.D. Vance and Margorie Taylor Greene.

The third culprit are white suprematists and their sympathizers who are insecure about the rising numbers and prominence of black and brown people as well as religious minorities. They are against the immigration (legal or not) of black and brown people and non-Christians. They are voting for Trump because they want to secure supremacy in positions of power throughout the nation. They align themselves with autocrats who despise democracy because at their core, they believe this country should be run by white Christian men who, like Trump, aren’t afraid to mercilessly wield power. They believe that the vote rightfully belongs to white Christian males only. They claim the election was stolen because they don’t believe all citizens truly have the right to vote. They believe white cultural values are under attack by educators, liberals, and immigrants from “shit hole” countries. Under the guise of safety and security, they exaggerate crime statistics and engage in fearmongering as an argument to retain their access to guns. But in reality, their gun ownership is tied to their ability to forcefully regain their power. Consequently, a few mass shootings are an acceptable price to pay to retain gun ownership. They march on the streets as a recruitment tool and train in camps for race wars. They are ready for another January 6th if called upon. They see the culture and values of America as “their” culture and values being under threat by “multiculturalism”. They resist diversity, equity and inclusion as guiding principles because they think it is their birthright to hold the best jobs, have the most money, and wield power and influence over the country. Their whiteness is their claim to superiority and Trump, along with wealthy white donors, covertly share their views and will close the border, deport the migrants, end birthright citizenship, limit voting, and restore their numbers and “safety”. They will never vote for a woman nor a person of color.

And finally, we allowed religious and alt-right conservatives to take over state legislatures and the Supreme Court where they are actively working to suppress the vote and remove individual freedoms. They know that there are not enough white Christian nationalists and low information voters to legitimately win this election, so they are passing laws and making rules to make it difficult to vote. I’m grateful for those in the legal community who are fighting these voter suppression efforts in courts across the nation and often winning. Not surprisingly, the national news outlets rarely highlight these legal battles.

These are the main reasons this election is so close. We have a severe lack of accurate information getting through about the candidates, the religious right is fighting for supremacy over secularism in our civic lives, and blatant racism and misogyny are seeking a triumphant comeback under the of guise of preserving traditional American values to “Make America Great Again”. Those values exclude the lived experiences and current realities of millions of citizens while simultaneously limiting access to future opportunities and silencing opposing voices. If Trump wins, many will essentially become guests and servants in this country, lacking both dignity and full citizenship rights.

There is little that can be done to convince solid Trump voters to switch to Harris because they have their reasons for voting for him despite his obvious flaws. It’s sad that there are so many of them, but that is something we must work on post-election. Today, our job is to reach the undecided and low information voters. We must be informed enough and bold enough to engage with family and friends about the sakes in this election at every opportunity and then ensure that they make it to the polls.

Conservatives think that liberals should be embarrassed by their unwillingness to narrowly define human beings in the strict binary of male or female. We are not embarrassed, but practical in our observation of reality and acceptance of scientific evidence that indicates the diversity found in the biological sex of humans. We find it difficult to convince those who cling to religion as their final authority that the lived experience of a few and science itself clearly indicate that humans are not confined to the convenient strict binary that makes conservatives comfortable.

I find it amazing that conservatives choose to ignore our collective early life experiences that demonstrated to us as children that not everyone fits comfortably within the confines of these two narrowly defined boxes. As children we were quick to label girls who behaved more like boys, “tomboys” and boys who behaved more like girls, “sissies”. Not surprisingly, early on my mother did as many mothers of daughter’s would do. She dressed me in frilly outfits and enrolled me in dance and music classes. However, she soon discovered that I preferred plain clothes and sports. She was wise enough to allow me to skateboard, play basketball, volleyball, and baseball with the boys, eventually enrolling me on sports teams. I suppose she wasn’t too concerned about me because I also enjoyed classic “female” pursuits like literature, cooking, decorating, and playing with dolls. I was athletic enough to consistently be picked first for teams during P.E. but feminine enough to never be labeled a “tomboy” by my peers.

I was in high school when I first encountered truly non-binary female athletes. Some of the girls I played with and competed against in basketball and volleyball were exceptionally taller, stronger, faster, and more agile. Their voices were deeper, their mannerisms more masculine, and they preferred other girls as romantic partners. In those days, no one spoke openly about this very real situation. It must have been difficult for them to be open. In fact, one of my closet teammates was so good at hiding her personal reality that I didn’t learn about how she identified until our 25th high school reunion. I’m glad that she is proud and out and I never want her to have to live in fear again.

This election is about whether we as a nation will accept people for who they are, whether male or female or non-binary. I get that learning new pronouns is inconvenient. But we are capable of learning. I get that parents are afraid that their child may learn something new about the world. Their underlying fear is that their own child might not conform to their vision of what a boy or a girl should be like. Every parent should know that a book does not have the power to convince a child to change sex. However, books are about teaching acceptance of others or if necessary, about accepting oneself. I get that some people would rather not see or deal with transgender complications when it comes to restrooms or athletic competitions or medicine. But we are capable of figuring these things out.

The bottom line is that any loving parent will want their child grow up to be a healthy and happy productive adult. And any caring person would not knowingly push others to the brink of suicide by their prejudice. I’m discovering each day that being a liberal means accepting reality rather than pushing a narrative that ostracizes and demonizes individuals who are different. This election is ultimately about accepting our diversity as human beings and creating an inclusive society where everyone is free to be who they truly are and free to pursue opportunities free of discrimination.

For the religious who cling to the male and female binary, I would say that Jesus calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves and to allow God to be the judge of all.