Author: tonihall805@outlook.com

I’ve had an interesting week on Facebook since I launched my Fully Present Better Human page. Since it is a public page, it is seen by anyone and everyone and apparently there are some older white men who came across my posting and felt compelled to attack the notion of encouraging people to be fully present better humans. They surfaced when I posted that Better Humans tell the truth. My comment accompanying the poster read, “The truth is the foundation for good decision making. Better humans value the truth and refuse to spread conspiracies, misinformation, speculation and lies. How do you find the truth these days?”

I was called a Marxist, a Socialist and a sellout. I was told I was pushing a mob narrative. I was rightly accused of being a Trump hater. And of course, one of them assumed I was in favor of murdering babies. They acted in tandem, agreeing with each other in their synchronized attack on my page. At one point, I wondered if these men actually knew each other and were a gang of bullies trolling Facebook for people to bully. They were clearly hostile. One blamed people like me for the culture wars and division in the country. One of them said he had done research on who I was, having read some of my writings, for which I thanked him. At the end, two of them summed up their remarks by telling me to be keep quiet about my ideas. Of course, I refused.

But one of the conversations ended on a positive note. The man had been a police officer who initially called me brainwashed and pointed to my support for inclusion and social justice as the root of the division in the nation. He’s the one who claimed to have read some of my writing. I explained that if advocating for inclusion rather than discrimination or justice as opposed to injustice was divisive then I hoped for more “divisive” people like me. It was when we disclosed our personal backgrounds, me as an educated black female and he as a police officer with PTSD that we finally came to an understanding. He stopped calling me names. We came to a common understanding that we both spent our lives in service to others both in our professional and private lives. Saturday morning, I noticed that he deleted most of his posts from the page and that what remains are my rebuttals.

It is interesting and a bit unsettling that grown white men feel so threatened by simple ideas to be better human beings in service to our planet and our society would invite such an attack. But it did. And I was more than ready to defend my position. I do admit that I spent a few minutes revisiting the basics of Marxism, Socialism, and Capitalism in the process. So, here’s where I landed.

I’m not a Marxist. A Marxist centers class warfare between capitalist business owners and workers to the eventual overthrow of capitalism in favor of communism or state-controlled production of goods and services and the elimination of private ownership and profits. I am a capitalist in favor of regulation that prevents the extreme exploitation of workers, politics, and the environment for the purpose of expanding profits. I don’t think the market economy can fully protect individuals and the environment from unscrupulous greedy business owners in the short-term, so regulation is necessary. And I do believe that we have allowed too much capitalist money to unduly influence our politics and policy making as well as our news media. I think our news media should be funded independently with public funds and not owned by wealthy businessmen like Rupert Murdock. However, when it comes to healthcare, criminal justice, infrastructure, and education I prefer to keep the profit incentive of capitalism out of the picture. So, in these sectors, I am more of a socialist. Socialism calls for the production and distribution of these services to be regulated by the community as a whole.

In the end, I’m grateful for the attacks this week. They lead to greater personal clarity on my positions, and I was able to articulate them in my rebuttals. These public arguments provide the opportunity for others to hear different sides to an issue. I avoid name-calling and insults, opting instead to respectfully state my position and my rationale. I’m a kind person by nature and I’m able to genuinely wish them well, although they seem to become even angrier by it. In the future, I will likely continue to engage with people who attack me on Facebook. That is their right. But it is also my right and I feel it is my responsibility to onlookers to defend my ideas and my right to voice my opinion. As a person striving to become a better human for a better world, I will never shrink away from advocating for what I believe is right and good.

This past week it became evident that we needed to purchase a new oven range. In the past, we had maintained a paid subscription to Consumer Reports, and we would rely on their descriptions, ratings, and rankings on products before making a purchase. However, after purchasing three major appliances that had received top ratings but proved to be less than stellar, we cancelled our subscription. Consumer Reports lost their credibility. So, last year we purchased a microwave without Consumer Reports. We did the leg work of considering each model’s brand reputation, reading the specs, consulting salespeople and customer reviews, and closely examining all the features of each model in person. Unlike the Consumer Reports recommended washer and dryer and dishwasher we purchased; we are 100% happy with the microwave we chose without its help. And so, we again followed the microwave method this week and on Friday purchased a lovely oven range that has incredible features that we are confident will meet our needs. But here’s the thing, in a busy and complicated world, it’s helpful to have credible information sources to rely on for good decision making. But like Consumer Reports, many previously reliable sources have loss credibility. The difference is that many have lost their credibility because they are under attack, not because they have failed to deliver.

Certain sectors have lacked credibility for a long time. Few people trust a used car salesman. Perhaps even fewer trust the advertisements of large corporations. And fewer than that trust politicians. Most of us realize that the greedy self-interest of these parties creates their credibility problems. We recognize their bait and switch tactics, their obvious lack integrity, and their long record of failing to deliver. It’s our common knowledge of these shortcomings that has provided us some protection. Their lack of credibility is attached to their consistently poor performance record. However, many Americans today are questioning the credibility of important information sources based on the narrative of a few bad actors rather than actual merit.

In just a few short years, Donald Trump, Rupert Murdock, and their Republican allies managed to destroy the credibility of sources in our lives that we have historically relied on for vital information. Using the cult of personality, the public’s lack of critical thinking skills, and exploiting institutional weaknesses, they infiltrated the television and radio airways and used the internet and social media to strategically sow doubt and confusion about the information coming from previously credible institutions that provided us with news, history, science, and health information.

Without hesitation, they took every opportunity to characterize scientists and health professionals as liars when they rightly needed to revise previous statements with evolving or new information on a topic. They used minor mistakes in journalism to characterize mainstream news media outlets as purveyors of “fake news”, ignoring the many corrections and updates. They manufactured false accusations against their enemies without evidence, calling democrats pedophiles, socialists, or communists and President Biden senile. They exaggerated basic lessons in human sexuality, American history, and science to characterize schools and teachers as evil masterminds who are corrupting children’s minds. They mischaracterized a prayerful knee during the national anthem in protest of police brutality to be un-American.

These days, many Americans have ceased to trust the news, the science, the teachers, the researchers, and even worse, our public health officials. The proliferation of lies and omissions, conspiracies, deflections and misinformation directed toward a largely uneducated and gullible general public in this country has not only wreaked havoc on civil discourse but has cost people their lives due to COVID-19 and has stressed our medical system.

When I listen to the Washington Journal public forum on C-Span early each morning, I am both amazed and disheartened by the people who call in to repeat conspiracy theories, disproven lies, and their own feelings of hatred and distrust of the government, science, the news, and public health officials. When asked where they get their information, they often cite the internet, their own research (whatever that means), or they won’t admit to the obvious source, Fox News political pundits. The moderators are careful not to scold the viewers who call in spouting nonsense; they leave that task to other viewers. I admit that it is often frustrating, but it demonstrates a couple of things important observations about what we must do as individuals who desire to preserve our sources of credible information.

There are seven things we must do: 1) We must protect our schools and teachers by showing up to school board meetings and PTS meetings so that we can support the efforts to teach basic American civics, history, science, and critical thinking in K-12. 2) We must financially support investigative journalism with paid newspaper subscriptions and only watch actual news reporting on television, not the hours of commentary about the news. 3) We need to label our own protestations as either opinion, speculation or fact while asking our friends to do the same. 4) We need to remind our children and each other that new information rightfully leads to a modification in recommendations and actions and does not mean we were lied to. 5) We need to gently remind our religious brothers and sisters that when they insist that their religious beliefs become law, they are inviting a theocracy no different from the Taliban. 6) We need to expose the nature of cults and cult leaders. 7) We need to remind ourselves and encourage others to allow our reason to temper our emotions.

As a community of friends and family, we have a duty to help each other return credibility to sectors of our society who have had their credibility stripped away by nefarious actors hell-bent on causing confusion and distress so that they can rule with impunity and unfettered power. Credibility is earned and sustained, not by perfection, but by integrity and the delivery of reliable information over time. It should never be given nor removed on the basis of mere accusations by a charismatic personality whether that personality occupies the White House, is on television, or is heard on the radio.

I hate watching the news these days because it leaves me angry, frustrated, sad, fearful, and feeling overwhelmed by incidents of evil perpetrated by evil doers. Too often, it feels like our world has been completely overtaken by evil. But then I go to the grocery store and experience the everyday common courtesies of human beings just trying to live happy and peaceful lives. I enjoy spontaneous conversations with “masked” individuals in grocery store aisles or at the checkout line and the unexpected insertion of humorous life situations that often present themselves while I’m out and about. These little gems remind me that most people are decent, peace-loving, fair, and kind-hearted. I realize that most people value truth and reliable information. But I also realize that most people make up a silent majority who need to do much more to make our demands for goodness heard.

There’s this song from a children’s album titled, “Music Machine” that I often played for my kids when they were growing up. The lyrics were taken directly from Bible verse Romans 12:21 that reads, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” To this day, the melody and the words continuously ring in my head and have become an anthem for my life. Evil exists, but I have enough faith to believe that it can be overcome by good. So, what exactly is evil in my thinking and how do I define good?

I’ve come to define evil as the intentional and unprovoked perpetration of harm upon others. Evil doers are people driven by unfettered internal bloodthirst, sadism, masochism, greed, and self-interest. Evil doers inflict pain and suffering upon others with or without remorse. They have little to no self-control over their emotional need to see others suffer or to amass wealth, exert power, obtain fame or gain prestige at all costs. They are the devil incarnate who come only to kill, steal, and to destroy. Their tools are confusion, deceit, fearmongering, coercion, and violence. I believe the truly evil are rare individuals among us, but they are so outrageous in their behavior and so loud in their proclamations that they capture the headlines of our news media every day. In our collective desire to be entertained, we give them the biggest platform to efficiently spread their poison on television, at rallies, and through social media. Unfortunately, enough of us ushered these evil doers to prominent places of power in our government. And with their prominence they have sowed and then watered the seeds of evil in vulnerable hearts that had held evil in check for most of their lives. Evil begats evil and evil doers have entered the realm of our politics in recent years, threatening to tear our country apart.

I would classify Donald Trump, Steve Bannon, Tucker Carson, Matt Gatz, Margarie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Rupert Murdock and numerous others as evil doers whose unregulated thirst for wealth, power, prestige, and fame has driven them to water the seeds of racism, sexism, homophobia, and xenophobia throughout the Republican Party under the guise of preserving a white morality that never embraced equality, liberty and justice for all. Jesus told us that we would recognize a tree by the fruit it bears. It is not difficult to recognize the fruit of these individuals. And sadly, their reach has extended to the white evangelical Christian church. Through persistent lies, conspiracies, and deception they have convinced many white evangelicals to push for a theocratic government that harms many and ignores the suffering of human beings while believing that they are acting on God’s behalf. History has shown us that this never ends well. They are following Trump rather than Jesus with their disdain for immigrants, the poor, and the powerless. When did Jesus ever embrace weapons (guns) instead of love?

I watched the Congressional hearing on abortion this past week, and it was disheartening to hear lawmakers talk past each other and repeat the same arguments over and over. The Republicans repeatedly mischaracterized Democrats as being pro-abortion people who want to kill babies just before they are born because of the gender or disability of the baby. If that were true, then that is evil. However, the reality is that Democrats are trying to protect the health of women and the bill seeks to acknowledge the rare medical need for a late term abortion. In another hearing a few weeks ago, they entertained testimony from a practicing OBGYN who testified that something has gone terribly wrong if there is an abortion in the third trimester of pregnancy and that doctors do not provide late term abortions on demand, nor do they kill babies just before they are born. The doctor had to continually correct the Republican talking points meant to mislead the public. It is evil to knowingly and intentionally harm women for political gain, but that is what the Republicans are doing. It is good to protect women and viable life.

And that’s what good is. Good is promoting the well-being of others. Do-gooders act in ways that promote the health, welfare and happiness of others. Again, we can tell a tree by the fruit it bears. The problem is that too many people do not bear any fruit at all. They act on the basis of convenience as they go about their daily lives. They aren’t evil doers, nor are they do-gooders. They simply mind their own business as though they were an island unto themselves. If they witness someone in need, they simply walk by, ignoring the silent plea or sometimes even the loud plea for assistance. They wear invisible headsets and blinders so they will not be bothered. They are apathetic, distracted by their own needs, or simply disinterested in the plight of others.

These are the people whom I hope to reach because they can help reverse the tide of evil we are facing. This is their fight as well. The people on the fence can be activated into action to overcome evil with good if they are recruited by do-gooders.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve launched the Fully Present Better Human Project for the sole purpose of further empowering and enabling do-gooders to inspire fence-sitters to become fully present better humans who take small actions in their everyday lives to help overcome the evil that is now all around us. Small collective actions of good can improve our lives. Together, as fully present better humans we can overcome evil and create the kind of society that we want to live in.

My website is now available and the products to help promote the project are available for purchase to support the efforts. Visit the website at www.fullypresentbetterhuman.com and leave your email for access to the monthly newsletter. I also started a Facebook and Instagram under Fully Present Better Human. Taking a moment to like the page will help me reach more people, especially those fence-sitters. We don’t need to be perfect humans, just better humans who are fully present. Together, we can overcome evil with good.

The pandemic changed a lot of things for a lot of people. I know I retired a few years sooner than I had planned for several reasons. I retired earlier than expected in part due to the requirement to return to the office sooner than I felt safe, in part because of unfavorable changes in the work environment itself, in part because I could afford to comfortably retire, and in part due to the demands of my husband’s cancer treatment. While it may seem like there are many older people like me who greatly contributed to the “Great Resignation” statistics, the actual data shows otherwise. According to a great article I read titled, “18 Great Resignation Statistics” by Jack Flynn from Zippia, young people seeking better pay and more favorable working conditions make up the greatest percentage of people quitting one job to find another. What is evident though is that the shortage of workers and the abundance of new workers makes everyday life a little bit more difficult for everyone.

Over the past several months, I’ve found many of the local businesses I relied on for goods or services have gone out of business. Others are experiencing a remarkable decline in customer service because of either a shortage of employees or employee inexperience. For example, it’s become normal to wait four to six months for a non-emergency doctor’s appointment. Then in dealing with a hospitality company, I fought over a $1200 simple mistake made by an inexperienced employee that took me several months to rectify by a combination of emails, letters, and multiple phone calls. I had to find a store manager to convince a checker that in California food items in their small food market are not taxed. I’ve noticed that it takes longer to receive some items that I ordered, sometimes by a wait-time of months. On Friday, I called my bank’s customer service phoneline and was greeted by a recording that informed me that my estimated hold time was 60 minutes. I’ve waited on hold for as much as 90 minutes to talk to a representative. Most times when I ask a store employee for assistance, I hear the words, “I’m new here, so….” But it’s only getting worse.

Anyone traveling by airplane knows that its pure luck these days to have a flight that isn’t either delayed or cancelled because of pilot or crew shortages since the airlines provided incentives for workers to retire or leave during the pandemic. The stress of the pandemic has also led to a shortage of healthcare providers as many of them exited the field with emotional scars. My son places healthcare technicians and says they have more job openings than trained technicians to fill them. Even though the pay and signing bonuses rise, the stress of dealing with an ungrateful and irresponsible public is just not worth it.

Dealing with an increasingly angry, irrational, inconsiderate and demanding public in addition to unreasonable laws banning history and books, banning abortions, and loosening gun carry restrictions is likely to push even more workers out of public service professions like teaching, healthcare, social work, law enforcement, and poll workers. There will be women in red states who will have a more difficult time finding an OBGYN. There will be overworked social workers dealing with an even greater demand for foster care and family services among poor women forced into giving birth. There will be confused law enforcement officers who can’t tell the difference between a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun. Some will be too cowardly to act in the face of an AR15 like we saw at the Uvalde school in Texas. There will be public schools without enough qualified teachers to teach children actual history or science because they can no longer deal with irrational laws and parents ready to criminalize them in addition to the daily threat of gun violence. There will be a lack of experienced election officials at the voting polls because of crazy people with guns “monitoring elections”. And there will be overwhelmed mental health professionals dealing with heartbreak and hopelessness among LGBTQ youth and adults who are ostracized.

Every day, my email inbox is filled with companies looking to hire. I see help wanted signs in the windows or entries of nearly every place of business I enter. With unemployment at a 50-year low and inflation at a 40-year high and wages rising by about 5% over last year, I fear that even though our pain with higher prices will eventually settle down, our pain with worker shortages and inexperienced workers is just beginning. I predict more deaths caused by inexperience in the air, domestic violence and child abuse, suicide, guns on the streets, and errors in hospitals.

I once read an article that explained how it takes two full years for a new employee to become fully competent and comfortable in a new job. However, when the people who would otherwise serve as mentors or trainers are absent, the training time increases, and more mistakes will be made. It’s scary to think about the effects of pilot error, hospital errors, social worker errors, and police officer errors due to inexperience.

Where there is challenge, there is also opportunity. The opportunity now exists for employers to work harder to retain their existing and new workers by better valuing them, paying them living wages with benefits, and providing them with good working conditions and flexibility to care for family. We know that it costs much more to recruit and train than to retain good workers. There is also the opportunity for workers to demand more of their current employer or to find an industry that is personally rewarding while also meeting their financial and family needs. For many people, it may be time to move to a state where they can practice their profession without fear of arrest or being overburdened. Until public policy and elected lawmakers in red states recognize the detrimental effects of loose gun laws, abortion bans, LGBTQ bans, and bans on teaching history and science, it’s probably wise to steer clear of certain professions in red states. You couldn’t pay me enough to work in these states.

The time to retrain, rethink, and revise our relationship to work is here. Those help wanted signs put workers in the driver’s seat and I hope workers are wise enough and persistent enough to demand better conditions and demand more pay. As a society, I hope we realize sooner rather than later that we must treat public servants with the respect they deserve and also pass laws that help them do their jobs well. If we continue to fail at this, we won’t have the teachers, the doctors and nurses, the social workers, the poll workers, nor the police officers we need to protect and serve any of us.

I enjoy everything about being retired. What I enjoy most is the time and freedom to pursue my passion projects without the time and energy limitations from a job. Now, my only limitations stem from pandemic restrictions, a husband recovering from lung cancer, and family obligations. Other than these, I have been free to discover what I care about and how I want to spend the bulk of my time and energy moving forward.

I intentionally gave myself a full year of retirement to allow my passions to organically rise to the surface. I tried new things like calligraphy and graphic design and social media. And what I discovered is that I’m the same person I was at age 12. I crave order. I crave safety. I crave justice. And I crave beauty. My passion for creating spaces that are safe, orderly, just, and beautiful extends beyond my home and garden; it extends to society. So, as I watched our country descend into a place that I no longer recognize nor admire, I created the Better Human Project consisting of nine principles which I laid out in 11 separate blog posts over this past year (weekly posts beginning October 17, 2021, through December 26, 2021).

I had initially agreed that the Better Human Project would fall under the Inclusion Media Group, a non-profit that my daughter created. However, after deep consideration, my daughter and I decided that its rightful home is under my Fully Present Post 50 sole proprietorship because my purpose isn’t really to push the media to be more inclusive; it is to encourage everyday people to become better humans. I have to thank my brilliant daughter and her other degree in marketing for giving me clarity and then helping me forge a pathway towards inviting others to commit to being better humans and then helping to spread the movement.

Starting August 1st, I will be launching a website and a monthly newsletter for the Fully Present Better Human Project. I will not only feature the nine principles and practical guidelines for fulfilling them, but I will be offering Better Human promotional products to allow like-minded supporters to help spread the notion of what it means to become better humans. There will be mugs, notecards, prints, posters, water bottles, mouse pads, reusable bags and t-shirts for purchase to help spread the message and to financially sustain the efforts. In brief, here are the nine Better Human principles:

Better Humans practice brotherly love, protect the environment, demand social justice, challenge bigotry, are lifelong learners, are inclusive, help the needy, speak the truth, and vote for better humans.

I firmly believe that together we can create a safer, more just, and livable society for ourselves and our families and so I’m dedicating my retirement to helping to make that happen.

I keep saying that elections have consequences. And perhaps now people who have treated their right to vote as an inconvenience will finally wake up to the reality that it truly does matter who is representing them at the local, state, and federal level. While voting for the president is important, voting for mayors, governors, local and state lawmakers, and federal lawmakers is just as important.

Since Friday, I’ve looked at a lot of Facebook postings and Tic Tok videos of people either praising or lamenting the Supreme Court decisions on public funds supporting religious school education, expanding gun rights, and now banning abortion rights at the federal level. Personally, I find these decisions deeply disturbing and not in the best interest of everyday Americans. However, these judges are in place because this country elected Donald Trump and because people in enough states elected Republican senators who ensured the Trump nominees were confirmed. Set aside the fact that two of them misrepresented their views to Senators on protecting longstanding precedence that would have kept Roe v. Wade in place.

On the subject of this detrimental abortion decision, I must add that women, mostly poor women of color, will suffer from this bad decision. Some will die from self-imposed abortions or inadequate pre-natal healthcare and many others will have to endure the derailment of their life ambitions. To add insult to injury, this country has no safety net to adequately support mothers and children and no good system in place to hold men financially and socially accountable for the unplanned children they sire. Ironically, forcing poor women of color to carry unplanned pregnancies to delivery will result in an even faster demographic change that white supremacist fear so much. Maybe then we will be able to fully free ourselves of their desired tyranny.

I told a gleeful religious zealot on Facebook not to be so short-sighted. I pointed out that his own daughters could die if they had an unintended pregnancy that they were too afraid to disclose to him and then tried to end that pregnancy on their own. I pointed out to him that his daughters could die from a tubal pregnancy that doctors refuse to end because of this abortion ban. I also shared my alternative view that personhood begins with the “breath of life” and that the womb is just a place where a body is formed. I asserted that if abortion is murder like he claims, then God must be the biggest murderer because so many pregnancies end in miscarriage. These federal Republicans vow to do away with abortion in all 50 states and to eliminate abortion pills that allow women to end early unwanted pregnancies, so his daughter would be left in desperation, taking us back to the pre-Roe days of coat hangers, falling down steps, and back-alley butchers.

The decisions of the Supreme Court do not represent the will of the people, but they represent the will of a minority of people who voted for Republicans and won because other Americans failed to show up to vote. So, I have a message for the religious male zealot on Facebook who gleefully but mistakenly rejoiced that abortion was banned across the nation by the Supreme Court (it wasn’t), or the young black female on Tic Tok who said voting is a scam because Biden didn’t stop the ruling and because we have majorities in the House and Senate, but this still happened. My message is two-fold. First, learn how our government works. Second, vote in every election for intelligent people who represent your interests and who will pass laws that protect your fundamental rights and who will help ensure public safety.

I’ve made it my mission this year to use my voice to encourage people to vote in the November 2022 mid-term election to secure stronger majorities in the House and especially in the Senate. Historically, the party in the White House loses seats both in the House and Senate. But with the Trump Republican Party on the march, we cannot afford to allow them to govern. They are harboring too much bigotry, too much lawlessness, and too little care for marginalized people and the environment. Their agenda for America would be a disaster for women, LGBTQ people, communities of color, children, and the environment. And they have no answer for high gas prices nor inflation. They lie about Biden being the cause of high gas prices and inflation, depending on the ignorance of people like that religious zealot and that Tic Tok girl to either vote for them or stay away from the polls.

The young woman on Tic Tok didn’t understand that passing legislation in the Senate requires 60 votes, not just 51. The religious zealot didn’t understand the concept of states’ rights. So, consequently, neither understood the importance of their votes in mid-term elections. In fact, the young woman was advocating against voting because she was so disappointed. I countered her argument in the comments as was my civic duty.

I understand that a lot of people are angry today and will be again taking to the streets. And they should. But my hope is that these same people and many others will take to the polls this November to vote. Positive changes will happen when we have lawmakers in place at all levels of government who are committed to gun safety, pro-choice, civil rights, the environment, and public health. The numbers are on our side so we can have the lawmakers we desire if we show up to vote.

Until recent years, I had never officially joined an organized fan group. I was a fan of the Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Elton John and later Michael Jackson. I liked many other artists, but these were the ones I really followed. My financial loyalty to them extended to buying albums and attending concerts. I marveled at my friends and cousins who had posters in their rooms of their favorite artists. I never did that. I was content to enjoy their music live or on the radio, on albums and then cassettes, or on television. I followed the trajectory of their lives through television or magazine interviews. I genuinely cared about the art and the artist. But my investment in what it means to be a fan changed when I was introduced to BTS and became an official card-carrying ARMY just prior to the pandemic.

A colleague discovered that I liked Astro, a K-pop group that I stumbled across on YouTube one day and she suggested that if I liked that group, I would really like BTS. I didn’t think much of it until Astro did a cover of this really catchy tune and I wanted to know the original artist. Well, the original artist turned out to be BTS. Of course, I watched their MV of the song and was a bit disturbed and yet intrigued. From there, I watched additional videos and became amazed by their artistry. Then one day I spent an entire Saturday watching all their music videos in order on YouTube. It took hours. I became curious about who these members were individually and so I watched every introduction to the members video that I could find on YouTube. I found myself intrigued by their backgrounds, their personal story, their relationship to one another, their work ethic, their challenges and personal growth, their message, their personal quirks, their perseverance, and their talent. Their rise to the top was bumpy and unexpected, but well deserved.

Aside from Michael Jackson, I had yet to find another performer putting in the kind of effort to present full performances. Like Michael, these guys provided high quality music, incredible choreography, beautiful staging, handsome visuals, and both a storyline and a powerful social message. To top it off, they invited the fans into their work process and into their personal lives to see the fun, the embarrassing, and the struggles through their own reality shows, documentaries, and personal interactions with fans on V-live. Because of the video coverage that extends from before their June 13, 2014 debut to the present, I could watch them grow, struggle, triumph, struggle again, mature, and then triumph with Grammy nominations and then fail to secure a Grammy Award two years in a row after “Dynamite” and then “Butter“, songs they didn’t write, but sang in English during the pandemic.

For the first time in my life, I purchased more than just albums (and I have them all); I purchased fan items. I have t-shirts and sweatshirts, necklaces, BT21 plushies and figurines. However, I am most proud of my BTS pin collection that chronicles their journey.

In addition, I’m active in four BTS ARMY Facebook groups to share my enjoyment of their content and what they mean to me. I’m a member of the ARMY International Mom’s Group, the BTS ARMY Over 40 group, the BTS! Dope Old People! group and the official BTS FB group. Until this week, the groups have been mostly lighthearted, informative, supportive, and fun (except during in-person concert time when securing tickets to shows is difficult and some are unable to secure them). And then this week happened.

Let me start by saying that anyone who works non-stop for 10 years straight without time to rest and reflect will burn out. And that is what happened for all the world to witness this past week. What was supposed to be a lighthearted nine-year anniversary “Festa” dinner between ARMY and BTS turned out to be a heartfelt announcement that the guys would be taking a break from creating group music to re-discover what their group message will be moving forward and to use the time to put forth individual projects beyond mixed tapes and occasional covers, movie soundtracks, collaborations, etc. While I found this positive, many ARMYs literally lost their minds.

I spent the entire week with my counselor’s hat on trying to help mostly the younger ARMY to see this break as a positive and necessary move. So many people, young and old, discovered BTS during a time of personal crisis. Their message helped those with mental health issues, relationship issues, and health issues to get back on their feet. Many others discovered them during the Pandemic and found comfort in their music and message. For many ARMY members, BTS is their inspiration as well as their happy and safe refuge from the harsh and unpleasant aspects of their lives. Many gained new friendships and found outlets for volunteerism to improve the world. So understandably, many of these fans were terrified that the boys were about to disband, leaving them out in the cold.

This wasn’t at all what the boys were saying, but so many were triggered. Helping ARMY to reframe the abandonment they imagined they heard or actually heard from nefarious sources became my project for the week. Along with others, I did my best to help ARMY understand the humanity of these seven young men and their need as artists to express themselves as individuals and to reflect on and refocus their message as a group. Some found it hard to understand that singing in English for the sake of Grammy recognition, contributed to an identity crisis for the group. However, if one listens to the lyrics in their new title track, “Yet to Come” it is unmistakable that they are returning to their first love, music, and will no longer be seeking industry recognition.

In addition to walking people away from an emotional cliff, I spent time on the Weverse BTS comment line to express my support for their new direction. I even participated in the Purple String Event yesterday, a creative way to share support for their 2nd chapter. It was clear from the dinner that the guys were fearful of disappointing ARMY. It didn’t help that they were drinking pretty heavily because that only unleashed the full expression of their emotions of exhaustion, fear, guilt and identity crisis. Most of them cried and kept asking for understanding and support during the Festa dinner.

Many, like me were upset that they had hidden their exhaustion and that they were fearful that ARMY would not understand them. That hurt my heart. I felt like we were collectively living the lyrics to their song, “Fake Love” with them pretending to be strong when they were weak and putting on a mask to please us while losing their true identity.

Admittedly, it is hard to hear that the two English songs I really enjoyed, “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” sent them into an identity crisis and left them unsure of their next direction as BTS. Because of the immediate misunderstandings and a poor translation, the company and individuals in the group had to quickly clarify that BTS was not disbanding after people seeking click bate said the group was breaking up to pursue solo careers. Even my husband came to me and asked if I had heard that BTS was disbanding. I explained the situation to him in great detail and returned to my Facebook groups.

In conclusion, I love this new anthology three CD album, “Proof”. Not only is the packaging incredible beyond belief, but the three new songs tell the truth of their past work pace, a reflection of their past work and optimism for their new direction, and their love for ARMY. Anyone wanting to get to know BTS can listen to CD #1 and hear all their title tracks from their 19 albums. CD #2 has their individual choice of a solo song, and CD #3 showcases selected demo and studio works. I am convinced that there is going to be more content coming when we have seven men going in seven different directions and also coming together to produce music as BTS. BTS love ARMY and the song dedicated to us on this new CD, “For Youth” is just beautiful. I am convinced that the best is truly “Yet to Come“.

In my early twenties, I was a black conservative. I had become disillusioned by the generational poverty, the petty crimes, the drugs, the teen pregnancies, the jealous rages, the child abuse, the senseless competition, the devaluing of education, and the constant gang violence in the communities of my childhood. Even in church, the scandals were too numerous, the pastoral greed ridiculous, the gossip obnoxious, and the hypocrisy disgusting. Despite my father’s alcoholism and physical abuse, my mother managed to love us kids and to instill in us the core values of non-violence, caring for others, getting an education, and working hard to get ahead. However, those values were contradicted almost everywhere I looked, and so I found myself relieved when she finally escaped my father and the big city for a predominately white suburban neighborhood.

For a while, we continued to make the long drive into the city to attend our black church, but eventually my mother found a white church that was close by. My brothers passed on that, but my mother and I attended together. It was my first intimate glimpse into how white “born again” Christians worshipped and lived. They accepted us without prejudice nor reservation as sisters in Christ.

I was happy to see how they embodied the same values my mother was instilling in us. And honestly, I was liking the short 90-minute Sunday Services and the single “unpressured” offering per service. I missed black gospel music but made do with Sunday night radio, my tapes, and albums. On occasion, I would visit Audrey Crouch’s church in Pacoima on a Sunday night. I traded my Sunday best and fancy hats for blue jeans because I heard that Jesus was concerned about my insides and not my outward appearance. It was the height of the Jesus Movement, so a lot of young people were flooding the church with enthusiasm and a desire to really live by Christ’ teachings. I fit right in. We flooded the Wednesday night Bible studies at The Church on the Way in Van Nuys, California and then dined together afterwards at Bob’s Big Boy. The music changed from traditional hymns to conversions of popular songs into worship songs until we came up with our own genre of worship music using guitars and later entire bans.

For the first time in my life, the values my mother taught us were being reinforced outside our home. The competition for scarce resources was gone and with it the backstabbing, the theft, and the constant pull of people trying to drag me down. In high school, I was encouraged to excel in school, speak proper English, work hard, and be kind to others. I was praised and not ridiculed by my peers for doing well and being kind. I was no longer living in constant fear, and I had escaped the constant threats of crime, the police, and church gossip. Then I graduated from high school and went to USC which was a return to the city and a constant reminder of the mentality, the crime, and the violence I had escaped.

When I married, I returned to the suburbs and to the white church that had been my refuge and strength during my teenage years. It was then that things slowly began to shift in the church. I had been a Democrat since I was able to vote at 18. But all of a sudden, members of the church began talking about how the Republican Party lined up with our family values. The Republicans were the Party that freed the slaves, valued hard work, supported self-determination, and personal responsibility. They were for ridding the streets of all the criminal activity that I had witnessed as a child in the big city.

So, for a brief time I became a Republican. Then Rodney King happened. Then the OJ trial happened. I found myself seeing things differently from my white church friends who sided with the police and saw OJ as obviously guilty. A series of personal events along with graduate school challenged my thinking about the role the government had in perpetuating many of the problems I experienced in my neighborhood as a child. I had experienced school segregation and the lack of resources in our schools compared to the white schools. I experienced housing discrimination firsthand when we tried to rent apartments in a white neighborhood. I knew what it was like to have a store clerk threaten to call the police because she believed I had no right to own a credit card. I had experienced being called the “N” by a hateful person. I had experienced a maternity nurse telling me that my contractions probably didn’t hurt before seeing on the monitor that showed they were at the top of the chart. I had experienced the discrimination of teachers who tried to track my children away from rigorous reading groups and courses based solely on their skin color and not their test scores or academic record. Life was teaching me the truth about opportunities and self-determination.

I soon understood that my white church friends did not see bigotry because they were not bigots. They did not see racism because they were not racists. They did not see discrimination because they would not discriminate. They were classic projectionists. They made excuses for or denied what I was experiencing in my daily life outside the boundaries of the church walls. However, my black skin did not allow me the luxury of looking away and pretending that the systematic racism I was experiencing wasn’t being held in place by the Republican Party.

To prove I wasn’t crazy, I took a deeper dive into American history, government policies, and government resource allocations. I discovered the systems of oppression, discrimination, and white privilege that fed into the police brutality, longer prison sentences, and lack of investment in black communities. The bottom line was that this was no meritocracy. The idea of self-determination was in too many circumstances a mirage. I eventually left that politically minded, now Republican, white church and returned to being a Democrat.

From the outside, I watched the “born again” movement of my teens and early twenties become Trump supporters who completely abandoned the teachings of Christ for the hope of a tyrannical government that will force others to live by their rules and their values. It is easy to be a black conservative among them if you are an ambitious person who is also willing to ignore or work around historical oppression, white privilege, and ongoing blatant discrimination. It is probably comforting to hear people say that they never see you as a black person because your own internalized notion of what it means to be black is negative. It is even easier to be a black Republican if you buy into the evangelical judgement against abortion and gay rights and if you believe that immigration harms poor black people.

These are not the “born again” Christians I once knew. They no longer welcome the stranger but vilify immigrants. They see the poor as deserving of their poverty because they are lazy, drug addicted, immoral, and promiscuous. I’ve watched them become mean-spirited people who arm themselves with weapons, join militias, and refuse to wear masks or take vaccines during a pandemic. And of course, these are the same people who want to ban books that point out the true history of oppression, discrimination, white privilege and systemic racism in this country. They call themselves pro-life but everything they stand for is the opposite.

When I see black conservatives and black Trump supporters, I understand their frustration with the apparent failure of our black clergy, black parents, and public schools to overcome monumental hurdles and to broadly instill the values of respect for human life, brotherhood, education, and hard work in our youth. I understand the frustration with drug addiction, crime, and sexual promiscuity among people who are in survival mode. They believe our black communities are failing us apart from the systems in place to ensure failure. I understand the desire for a safe haven where you are affirmed for your ambition and hard work.

But I also understand that Republicans are not truly offering that haven; they are offering a mirage.

On a personal level, I’m confident that I will thrive no matter which political party is in office because I’m old enough, wealthy enough, educated enough, heterosexual, cyst-gender, Christian, and I reside in a liberal part of California with easy access to voting and minimal physical threat from white supremacists. But I know this sense of safety isn’t true for many Americans and that motivates me to fight against an “American Taliban” that now holds the Republican Party hostage to their religious and white supremacist’s views of what America should be. To be clear, these fanatics are using the 2nd Amendment to arm themselves with high powered weapons of war in case they must overthrow the government itself should Republicans betray them. These dangerous people view the killing of innocents as collateral damage.

I am not personally threatened by Taliban inspired Republican attacks on women’s reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, banned books, voting rights restrictions, or even climate change denial (since I’ll be gone before the world experiences the worst effects of it). Yet, I find myself ready and willing to fight on behalf of those who are threatened, especially my children and grandchildren. Years ago, I recognized and came to accept four of my strongest attributes. First, I’m an introvert. Second, I love learning and being knowledgeable. Third, I’m highly empathetic. And finally, I’m driven to pursue justice.

Within my personality and ability, I fight. I’m too much of an introvert to protest in the streets and I tried joining political action groups, but I’ve found them too exhausting. The exhaustion from being around groups of people has gotten worse over the years and I find myself dreading most gatherings. I think I’m one of the few who found the social distancing aspects of the pandemic kind of refreshing. I really enjoyed working from home and retired in part because I dreaded having to return to the office full time.

So, my activism as a bonified introvert consists primarily of solo actions like letter writing and emails to lawmakers and government officials and postings on social media to spread awareness on issues and to encourage voting. In addition, I donate to political campaigns and political activism groups. And I do what I can to protect the environment. I drive a hybrid, we have solar panels, conserve water, compost and recycle. What I don’t do is purchase a gun, although I’m seriously wondering if target practice is in my immediate future should civil war break out.

The point is, I care deeply about the future of my children and grandchildren, the country, and the planet. Even if I am not personally affected by the discriminatory and harmful policies of the Republican Party who are beholden to white supremacists and misguided evangelicals, I am determined to use my time, my energy, my ability, my lifestyle, and my vote to do battle on behalf of others who are threatened by those who seek to harm others for their own tyrannical impulses, monetary profit, and political power. I’m just hopeful that it doesn’t come to having to put my body on the line as well.

Back in August 2019, I blogged about the desperate need for gun control. Since then, absolutely nothing has changed legislatively at the federal level while more Americans lie dead leaving behind grieving and traumatized parents, children, brothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, grandparents and friends. We find ourselves in the midst of another massacre of young elementary school children in Uvalde, Texas. It sickens me to hear that number one cause of death among children ages 0-14 in the U.S. is now gunshot wounds, surpassing car accidents. And the greatest percentage of these deaths is among black children. For my post today, I revisited my 2019 post and decided to make updates and add additional thoughts. Here is that revised post:

I’m not a cynical person, but I find myself inwardly expressing a sense of cynicism as, yet another call goes out for thoughts and prayers and vigils for victims of three more-gun massacres by angry young men fueled by a hatred of themselves and humanity and enabled by Republican lawmakers who refuse to pass reasonable gun regulations. These Republicans like Senator Ted Cruz argue that guns aren’t the problem; the decline in morality and mental health is the problem. But if you know that to be the case, then why continue to provide easy access to deadly weapons to the “monsters” you know exist? There is a reason these same senators want to keep nuclear weapons out of the hands of certain leaders; they know they can’t be trusted with them. They argue that the way to stop a bad person with a gun is to have a good person with a gun. Well, we saw these last two weeks how good people with guns didn’t prevent nor protect against bad people with guns. The armed security guard in Buffalo was killed and the police in Texas were too afraid to go in. The armed security guard at Parkland was also too afraid to confront the shooter. We must collectively do more than console ourselves.

I acknowledge that there is value in a community coming together to mourn the senseless loss of life and to encourage and find strength in the resolve of one another to move on. I know this from 2018 when my community was the victim. But my thoughts have once again moved to the need for change. And my prayers have again taken on the nature of “Lord, have mercy on us and help us change our ways.” I don’t want more vigils; I want protests. I don’t want hollow thoughts and prayers; I want legislative changes. In particular, I’m calling out Senator Ted Cruz and “Massacre Mitch” also known as “Moscow Mitch” who is the U.S. senate minority leader to push their party members to pass the gun control legislation already passed by the House.

Since these shootings, this past week, I’ve emailed every Republican senator with an active email address, calling on him or her to pass sensible gun regulations. I’m skeptical of Mitch’s recent public announcement to work with Democrats because back in 2019 he also promised to at least consider passing some form of gun legislation aimed at background checks. Nothing passed back then and now under 2022 pressure from Americans after the three most recent shootings, he is essentially making the same promise. Same political playbook and so I’m doubtful of actual action by Republicans. They are owned by the NRA and the Trump white supremacist base whom I fear are arming themselves for a civil war. Watch Senator Cruiz being interviewed.

The Second Amendment is confusing and has been interpreted in different ways throughout our history. It reads, “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” Times today are different than they were in 1791 when this Amendment was ratified. The question is whether or not normal citizens who are not part of a militia should be allowed to possess military style weapons without any sort of “regulation”? The thing is, we the people have the right to demand that our lawmakers pass laws that protect the general welfare and public health, especially when it is evident that the status quo isn’t working on our behalf.

I would like to return to the ban on assault weapons. Since it was lifted, mass shootings significantly increased. I would also like there to be full background checks, gun safety licensing, and insurance attached to gun ownership. There must be a ban on the number of bullets a person can purchase and each one should be registered to the individual buyer. These are common sense restrictions that any reasonable person who cares about public safety should agree to. We require safety licensing and insurance to drive a car because we understand it is important to keep people safe. Shouldn’t the same be true of owning a lethal weapon like a gun? And perhaps raising the legal age to 21 for such a consequential responsibility is appropriate too.

As for those who already own assault weapons, I think the government should follow the example of Australia and New Zealand who bought them back. We can either give them to the military or destroy them. What we can’t allow is for these guns to remain in the hands of local gangs, gangsters, white nationalist groups, and angry men. True hunters don’t need these guns to hunt. For those gun enthusiasts who enjoy the experience of shooting assault weapons for fun, make them available at shooting ranges where they must remain under strict protection.

The time is past due for Americans to abandon our perverted love affair with guns. We are turning ourselves into prisoners who are afraid to go to the movies, places of worship, concerts, schools, parks, malls, festivals, and even work. The very fabric of our society is being destroyed. The root of the problem with creating “monsters” might be poor parenting, drugs, hatred, resentment, loneliness, anger and some say, mental illness, but giving them easy access to guns turns them ruthless murderers. The time has come to be truly pro-life and to only elect lawmakers who support sensible gun regulation. These politicians should be earning an “F” rating from the NRA and gun lobby. In the meantime, we must maintain the pressure on Republicans to pass new gun legislation even if it is only for background checks as a start.