Author: tonihall805@outlook.com

My husband couldn’t sleep last night. When I asked him what was wrong, he explained that the despicable behavior of the Republicans had finally gotten to him. He was distraught over their dismissal of Trump’s incitement of insurrection, the continuing lies, and over the inability of law abiding Americans and Democrats to hold them accountable. The one word we could agree upon to describe the behavior of Republican leaders like Kevin McCarthy, Senator Josh Hawley, and new congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene was “depravity”.

These folks (and others) are representative of human beings who have a platform despite being morally corrupt, perverted, mean-spirited, and shameless. The sad part is that we see how everyday decent human beings can be gradually brainwashed by charismatic leaders who repeatedly lie, demonize others, fear monger, and threaten the ruin of those who openly oppose them. In the Republican Party, decency was silenced for too long. There simply were not enough courageous Republicans to publicly challenge the constant barrage of conspiracy theories, perversions, and lies from the liars in their party and in their party media. And now they are losing the war between decency and depravity.

As it stands right now, a decent human being who values the Constitution, democracy, and our actual freedoms, who values the truth, who cares about the poor and justice, who values science, and who actually understands that wearing a mask in public is for the welfare of the collective, shouldn’t remain a Republican. That party has left decent human beings on the sidelines in favor of a kind of moral depravity where freedom means being a Christian, not freedom of religion to be Muslim or Jewish or atheist. It is a party that is actively working in states to strip the vote from people of color. It is a party that promotes false accusations without any actual evidence. It is a party that has no answer for health care, no remedy for the economy except to give hefty tax cuts to the wealthiest among us, demonizes immigrants, and oppresses women and minorities with its policies. At this moment in time, they meet the definition of perversion and depravity. And they are willing and able to kill innocent people based on lies and a perversion of freedom, democracy, rule of law, and the Constitution itself. Their willingness to execute lawmakers without a trial is a throwback to the southern lynching of black people. They are filled with “unrighteous” anger because it was anger fueled by lies and they are dangerous people because they have guns.

However. I slept just fine. I had vented my disgust at Congressional minority leader McCarthy over his deplorable behavior and over Congresswoman Greene in a faxed letter on Friday. I had emailed Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi on the need to hold liars accountable with truth hearings about the 2020 election and a host of other conspiracies. I responded to a Facebook posting that was perpetuating hate through false accusations. I’m committed to doing my part to defeat the depravity that has taken root.

There is a Bible verse that says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” I’ve made a commitment to be good and to do good. Silence in the midst of injustice and evil is not doing good. Jesus taught us this Himself when He overturned the tables of the money changers. I will wear a mask in public because that is what it means to “love my neighbor as myself”. I will treat people with dignity and respect in my words and actions. I will expose lies when I hear them. I will demand evidence from those who make accusations about others. I will vote for leaders who stand up for actual freedom, for democracy, for evidence backed truths, for science, and for social justice. That’s what I can do. I hope others who are the directly and negatively affected by lies will follow the example of Dominion (the maker of the voting machines) and sue the perpetrators for millions or billions of dollars.

In reality, the major battle will be among the Republicans themselves. The decent Republicans versus the depraved Republicans. The winners will retain the title of Republican and the losers will become independents or form a new party. I heard in the news that many have left the party and that some high profile GOP donors like Jacob Monty are exiting too. I hope that we as consumers will boycott companies like “My Pillow” that support depraved Republicans, much like Americans boycotted South African businesses over the issue of apartheid.

However this war plays out, at this moment in time there is a window of opportunity for Democrats to deal with COVID-19, the economy, immigration, healthcare, voter rights, climate change, and of course, the trial of Donald Trump. So much to do, but at least we are blessed not to have a depraved party in charge of doing it. I’m thrilled that the Senate is also in our hands.

I agree with many that 2021 got off to a rocky start with thousands ill or dying from COVID-19, an insurrection aimed to destroy our democracy, and a dismal economic outlook for many. But then January 20th happened and a new administration was inaugurated. I actually felt an emotional and mental shift as I listened to Lady Gaga sing the national anthem, and marveled at the magic of poet laureate, Amanda Gorman, and then bathed in the Biden address itself. By the end of the ceremony, I felt optimistic that our republic was on the road to recovery and that I had awakened from a terrible nightmare that lasted four long years.

There is positivity in the air. There is optimism. There is truth. There is humanity and respect. There is a sense of decency, caring, and competence from our leadership that has been absent and has been missed for too long. I feel lighter. It’s as though a weigh has been lifted from my chest.

In the midst of this relief, I realize that there are people who are afraid of Biden and the Democrats. A large segment of our society have been fed a steady diet of lies that democrats run child sex rings, are all socialist or communists who want to take away their freedom, kill babies, and destroy their heterosexual marriages. Some are just now realizing that they were duped by these conspiracy theories. I heard that many were dismayed that Biden was actually inaugurated after repeated promises that Trump would remain president. Many who stormed the Capitol are shocked that they are not being hailed as heroes, but as domestic terrorist who are not going to receive pardons from the man who sent them there. For them, the nightmare has just begun. Some have lost jobs, family, and friends and one 36 year old zealot lost her life.

The work of restoring our country to be better than we were before falls upon each of us who can see and appreciate the diversity of our nation. And it was some of those diverse individuals like secretary of states and election officials who held their ground by standing up to presidential pressures to cheat. It was people like Stacy Abrams who successfully lead voter turnout efforts in Georgia, or the Capitol policeman, Eugene Goodman, who stealthily led insurrectionists away from the senate floor who became heroes of democracy. But it falls upon us to truly value democracy by honoring the vote and ensuring that voting is widely accessible rather than restricted by voter suppression schemes. The work of “building back better” will take patriots who not only understand the constitution and the working of our government, but who demand the truth, demand justice for all, and demand liberty. We must all work together to promote the general welfare by wearing masks, being environmentally conscience in our decision making, and by getting vaccinated.

It feels great to once again have an actual adult in the White House who has the intelligence, fortitude, and character to lead our nation. I hope Trump supporters can see and feel the difference a day can make. I have hope that they will turn away from the plethora of lies they have feasted on for four years and become true patriots. As the vaccine rolls out, the economy recovers, and Trump is prosecuted for his crimes, I have hope for our nation in 2021. This will be the year we pivot towards a better version of ourselves.

The lies just keep coming. It’s appalling to hear intelligent people who are entirely bankrupt of morality use their position and communication skills to continue to spread lies about the election. And now they are lying about those who lead the insurrection at the Capitol. I’ve heard numerous pundits and individuals blame the violence at the Capitol on Black Lives Matter and Antifa, claiming that these groups dressed up as Trump supporters and stormed the Capitol to make them look bad. One woman vehemently claimed to a news reporter that she knows for a fact that Trump supporters would never cause a riot and that the trouble was caused by BLM and Antifa. Deranged supporters, absent any evidence, are still declaring that Trump won the election and that the White House is being stolen from him. Sadly, these Republicans are fed a continuous stream of lies from each other, right wing news outlets, political pundits, several lawmakers, conspiracy websites, and Trump himself. Amazingly, they don’t demand actual evidence to substantiate any of the false claims. It is enough for them that a public person makes these accusations because it feeds into what they want to believe.

It is difficult to break through the echo chamber to reach the dedicated members of the Trump cult. Many who call themselves Christians have apparently chosen a belief in Trumpism over their belief in the teachings of Christ. The love of neighbor is nowhere to be found. Others have swapped allegiance to the American flag for allegiance to Trump or to white supremacy or both. I believe there is little hope that these people will be transformed by the truth because they want and actually need to believe the lies. But most of the 74 million Americans who voted for Trump are not this radical and the truth might in fact set them free.

I think we need a public day of reckoning in this country to expose what brought us to this place. I want Congress to hold hearings on the 2020 election and to call witnesses to testify about what they did, what they saw, and what they said in the run up to the insurrection. Under oath and threat of perjury, the witnesses should include pundits, lawmakers, news casters, journalists, election officials, and everyone who had anything to do with or who spread information about the election. People like former major Rudi Giuliani, Senator Ted Cruz, Senator Josh Hawley, congressmen who publicly spread rumors and lies, each secretary of state of the swing states, lawyers in the 62 court cases, the Trump children, poll watchers, poll workers, and others. The Congress should force the people to present evidence of their claims of election fraud. The American people need to hear the truth loud and clear.

To reiterate what I said in my post last week, our country needs to hold news media legally accountable to present facts based on evidence moving forward. Opinion shows need to be clearly labeled as such. Since news outlets are owned by large corporations driven by profit motives or a desire to socially engineer the society, too many news broadcasters are currently compelled to set aside ethical journalism standards. This has to stop and it is apparent that the corporations need regulations to compel them to do the right thing.

Lies are and have always been dangerous. It was shortsighted of us as a nation to think that we could allow ourselves to be subjected to a myriad of lies everyday without dire consequences. I hope we have learned our lesson and that we will publicly expose the truth. If we fail to act, then the poison of these lies will kill our democracy and many more innocent lives will be taken.

I saw it coming and so I am baffled as to how law enforcement did not realize (or willfully ignored) that Trump supporters were going to storm the Capitol. Thank God many more people were not killed or injured and I’m sad for the Capitol policeman who lost his life. I have compassion for the families of the other four who died, but not for those insurrectionists. They made their choice, albeit after being radicalized because of their own character flaws that made them receptive to Trump and right wing conspiracies. I hope every one of the insurrectionists are arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Yes, I am pissed off. But I am also frustrated and sad. However, I recognize that my strong emotions must be a catalyst to pushing for systemic changes in our government and laws.

For starters, the House needs to impeach and the Senate eventually needs to convict Trump of the crime of inciting the insurrection against our government. Doing this even after he has left office ensures that he can never run again for public office. This needs to happen! I think Biden is smart to stay completely out of this decision and to concentrate on his responsibilities as president. I’m hopeful that the Senate will first confirm the Biden cabinet and then take up the impeachment hearings. By then, Trump people will have cooled down a bit and perhaps some Republicans will have the good sense and courage to objectively do what is right.

Second, I think Congress needs to pass laws limiting the pardon rights of the presidency. Pardoning friends and family who break the law in duty to the president should be illegal. And of course, self-pardon should never be a thing. I doubt the framers of the Constitution even thought these two situations were even in the realm of possibility when they wrote the pardon provisions.

Third, I think regulations need to be put in place for social media. It isn’t right nor fair to leave it to these young men and women to decide whose speech should be magnified and whose should be silenced. I’m glad they finally decided to suspend or band Trump from their platforms, but the damage of the last five years has already come to fruition. Further damage is possible, so I’m glad they finally acted. However, moving forward, Congress needs to place parameters on what can be spread on social media. Promotion of violence, insurrection, and dangerous rhetoric to public health should be illegal.

Forth, Congress needs to step in and regulate the news media, making it illegal to knowingly pollute the airways with stories blatant lies, with stories that are not based in facts nor backed by actual evidence. We need to bring journalism back! The law should require a warning ahead of opinion shows that clearly states that the views presented are not necessarily based in fact nor evidence and only represent the views of the person(s) presenting. News media should be required by law to publicly and quickly correct the record on their platform when they get facts wrong. Although these are ethical principles of good journalism, they need to become actual law. We have experienced the results of misinformation coming from what should be reliable sources. When trust is gone, democracy is imperiled.

And finally, Congress and the Senate need to deal with the members in their respective chambers who have been spreading misinformation in support of their own political ambitions and contrary to the service of the Constitution and the people of the country. At the very least they should be censured and the worst among them should be expelled. It is time to clean house. Those who have not lived up to their oath of office have no business in Congress nor the Senate. The Ethics committees should take up this situation and come down hard.

What the Trump administration has taught us is that our democracy is fragile and needs actual laws, not just the reliance on decency and norms, to ensure that it can endure. I hope you’ll join me in making these suggestions to lawmakers. And now that we have the majority in the House and Senate, maybe we can get these things accomplished.

I only allow myself a few minutes of CNN each day and an occasional few minutes of Tik Tok, Facebook and Twitter every few days. The anger and angst fomented by President Trump and his supporters frustrates me and empowers Trumpians. It makes sense that nefarious characters are behind a scheme to destroy our country using the greed of social media companies, news outlets, and politicians as vehicles to spread division and chaos. I recently re-watched the Netflix dramatized documentary, “The Social Dilemma” and realized that we are in fact under attack by actors who want to undermine our entire system of government. And so fighting over America has commenced in earnest but the underlying conflict is between a few wealthy individuals who use the rest of us a pons in their war. However, the outcome of this war will determine the kind of nation we live in.

It should come as no surprise that America, past and present, is a country where individuals can amass a great amount of wealth and power through personal ingenuity or talent mixed with connections or luck. Of course, it also helps a lot to be a white male. And attending the “right” schools is also an advantage. But sadly, history has shown the ruthless tactics employed by many who desire to preserve and increase their wealth. The system America created allows wealth to be passed on to posterity, making for a powerful upper class possibly absent any of the talent or ingenuity of their ancestors. And yet their massive amounts of money can buy or influence media companies and politicians, thereby controlling the policies and narratives we encounter. Trump is a product of this system. He has inherited both the wealth and the ruthless nature of his father along with a white supremacist mindset that was unfortunately given a very loud platform.

I’m convinced that the force standing between Trump and authoritarianism are wealthy liberals who oppose him. I feel like we as Americans are mere pons in a fight among the gods. The Trump side is fighting for continued white male dominance and the opposition is fighting to open the windows of opportunities to others, trying to end generational poverty and oppression. However, our wealthy benefactors are really only talking about crumbs compared to their wealth. For whatever reason, they are disturbed by the massive inequality and blatant discrimination they see. I suppose I should be grateful.

However, in a fight for oneself versus a fight for others, the fight for oneself seems to have the most passion and energy. At the same time it is true that the fight for others has a moral basis and can garner the support and collective energy of the masses, us pons. This is what happened in the election. More Americans showed up to vote for Biden or against Trump than showed up for Trump. Thankfully. However, the Trumpians haven’t conceded and are using their misinformation machines in the media and social media to spread lies about a stolen or fraudulent election while the truth is that they are the only ones actively trying to steal the election.

Even as Trump loses court battle after court battle and fails to provide evidence of widespread voter fraud, Trumpians are putting forth theories that judges, even the Supreme Court judges, have been threatened if they support Trump. They are prime to believe the lies because at stake is an America they cannot fathom: an America where white “Christian” heterosexual males are not on top simply because of their whiteness. Their delusion threatens us all because of the lengths they are willing to go to in order to protect what they believe is rightfully theirs. So, a number Republican senators and congressmen now feel they have to pander to this nonsense by opposing the election results on January 6th. They are cowards and should be branded as such forever. Shame on them!

On January 20th, we should have a new president. But what will January 21st look like? I couldn’t wait for 2020 to be over, but my greatest fear is that 2021 may be even worse if we don’t get a handle on how, and what, information can be spread through news outlets and on social media. We need to move back to actual journalism and newsreaders and push the pundits aside. We need to be careful in our consumption of social media and must push for regulations that limit algorithms so we don’t remain in echo chambers.

The months ahead will be tough. I believe I’ll gear up for it with a third viewing of “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix.

I live in a nation wounded by insults cheered as entertainment turned toxic yet amplified by media as newsworthy

A place where truth itself is pierced by a barrage of lying arrows reaching the targeted ears of the vulnerable ripe for distortion

My country where many exchange a mythical America for reality, a noose around the neck of the strength of who we are together

A place where justice lies bleeding internally from repeated blows to the body of laws that once guided right and wrong and where wrongdoers now go unpunished

I mourn the 300,000 American deaths from a poisoned freedom that interprets freedom as a right to expose others to a deadly virus that knows no party and thrives on mythical thinking

This nation where a thousand cuts from the sharpened knives of racism, bigotry, xenophobia, and homophobia cover the bodies of the unemployed, environmentally poisoned, and food insecure everyday

My country where democracy itself remains on the chopping block with its spinal cord severed and a court of law blocking its final end.  For now.

I live in a nation where leaders cower in silent fear of the ruthless Trump Twitter pistol firing lethal rhetorical bullets at any righteous voice that dares to oppose him

So, who will rescue my nation in this final hour?  Who will bind our collective wounds with music, art, healing words, truth, kindness, and love for ourselves and others? Who will defend our nation by all means necessary?

The answer must be we ourselves

Both this election and this pandemic have revealed areas of systemic weakness in our society that are fixable if we put our collective voices and votes to work for us. At the top of my list is the prevalence of deadly misinformation campaigns, voter suppression tactics, and bigotry, all propagated by heterosexual white male supremacists.

I value the First Amendment that guarantees the freedom of the press. From the start, this freedom has allowed journalists to investigate and reveal what is happening in our country without government censorship. As citizens, we rely on this information to decide who is and who isn’t worthy of leading our city, county, state, and country. Until now, journalists have enjoyed the public trust because they were largely independent of political and profit motives. That has changed as white male corporate leaders and political leaders joined together with an agenda to preserve a nation whose actions and systems once greatly benefit white heterosexual males to the detriment of everyone else.

When listening closely to the information and misinformation that is pushed by conservative press outlets, it is evident that they are willing to lie and distort the truth in a way that injures people of color, non-white immigrants, outspoken women, LGBTQ people, and non-Christians. At first they work to damage the reputations of black and brown men and women by characterizing them as lazy, violent, absent of values, over-sexed, and dangerous. Non-white immigrants are characterized as job-stealing, law-breaking, welfare leeches who are a strain on our economy. Outspoken women are unattractive, subversive, emasculating, and shrill. LGBTQ people are a threat to children’s welfare and threaten the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. Non-Christians are a threat to Christianity and to national security with their un-American values. Under the guise of just reporting the news, these outlets poison white Americans and some members from these minority groups, into believing that America must be saved from its growing diversity. They are even willing to lie about the pandemic, knowing that COVID-19 will kill many more black and brown people than white people. This “make America great again” slogan is code for make white heterosexual male Americans unequivocally dominate again. And Donald Trump epitomizes this effort.

So it really matters who we listen to for our news. We have got to find a way to remind our fellow Americans about how news works, how science works, and how a democracy is supposed to work. We must remind our friends that opinions and commentary is not news. We have to gently point out to our family and friends that allocations and accusations without evidence are not news stories even if they are widely repeated by people on news channels. We have to shut these news organizations down by educating their viewers.

The epidemic of fake news is precisely why Trump and his supporters can’t accept defeat, even after doing all they could to suppress the vote and then after court after court rejected their calls to discard the will of the people. The only rigging of this election was done by Trump and his administration! The only one trying to steal this election is Trump and his band of supremacists. Thankfully, it hasn’t work. Trump and those in his camp are still scheming while also looking to 2024 to try again and they will try to suppress the vote even further if we do nothing.

This is why we absolutely need a new voter’s right act that will effectively end the Republican playbook of suppressing the vote of people of color. It is no coincidence that there are fewer polling places in areas where minorities reside. We need a House and Senate majority while Biden is president to push through a new voter’s right act that will make it illegal to enact laws that disenfranchise voters. They could make election day a national holiday. At the state level, we need to insist that our legislators make voting by mail open to every citizen who desires it. Early voting should be the norm to eliminate long lines and there should be polling places and drop boxes in proportion to population size. These are things we as citizens can and must demand of our legislators, starting now.

And finally, the most difficult weakness to deal with is the bigotry that has been illuminated since President Obama took office. The only solution I can offer for bigotry is what the studies by psychologist Gordon Allport revealed many years ago. People from different backgrounds who get to know each other personally while on equal footing experience a reduction in prejudice against people from the differing background. Mega studies of his theory have shown that the effect is especially strong among college age people, but it is true for all ages. Unfortunately, because America is so segregated in our neighborhoods and churches, it is largely up to workplaces and schools to make this happen. Our work to overcome bigotry has to be intentional and ongoing if we are ever going to overcome the dangerous force of white male supremacy that threatens our democracy through misinformation using freedom of the press and through voter suppression.

I understand that it is human nature to want to preserve the prestige, power, and privileged place one has enjoyed in a society. So, who can blame this small band of white males for resisting removal from the top of the American food chain? They are afraid. They are afraid they will have to compete with people of color, women, immigrants, LGBTQ and non-Christians for opportunities, resources, power, and wealth that was once guaranteed to them based entirely on the luck of their birth. America must continue to move toward a more perfect union. The alternative is to abandon democracy in favor of authoritarian rule by white heterosexual males who prove to not be the brightest nor the most competent among us. Exhibit A of the worst that can happen again is Donald J. Trump. Let’s learn from our mistake and not repeat it. It’s going to take the prudent among us to save our society.

Here we are again. In 2020 it is hard to believe that we were once a nation divided over the morality of one human being owning another human being for financial gain. It took the blood of over 400,000 Americans to decide that issue. In reality, the core issue was human decency versus human depravity. White Americans had not only convinced themselves that God made them superior beings but southern whites were also convinced that God sanctioned their right to subjugate, humiliate, torture, and exploit the labor of black skinned people. To do this, southern society and slave owners had to first ignore and then outright deny the humanity of slaves. I can’t imagine waking up every morning feeling superior to others and knowing that I was going to exploit and harm others for money. Southerners were able to reject the inherent intelligence, emotions, ambitions, talents, pain and suffering that was visibly evident in the people they enslaved. I am reminded that the human psyche is capable of deep levels of depravity when motivated by self-interest. And we are seeing it again. And once again, God is being utilized to sanction the depravity.

It isn’t enough for me to just shake my head when 74,000 Americans vote for a man to lead our nation who has proven himself to be corrupt, incompetent, unpatriotic, and morally bankrupt. It isn’t enough for me to scream at the television when Trump falsely claims election fraud and his supporters, including lawmakers and right wing media encourage his bullshit lawsuits and bullying. It isn’t enough for me to throw up my hands when white women echo how the election was stolen without one shred of actual evidence other than Trump said it, so it must be true because God put Trump in the White House. It isn’t enough for me to sigh when Trump supporters protest shouting “Stop the Steal” and stupidly contribute $200 million to his war chest. It isn’t enough for me to be disgusted by Trump supporters who issue death threats to election officials who protected the election process and then publicly validate its outcome. But what is enough?

I really wish I had an answer for defenders of human freedom. For now, all I can think to do is write about it and lend financial support to Democrats to fight for control of the Senate through the Georgia senate races. For now, I can like and share the voices on social media like Tic Tok of articulate and passionate individuals who are calling out Trump and Trump supporter bullshit. I especially like DJPJ, M.D, Breakfastrant, and Jeremycradio. For now, I can financially support and highlight political action groups like the Lincoln Project, Black Lives Matter, and Indivisible . I can use my pen, my voice, and my pocketbook. Others have different weapons at their disposal.

The 2020 Civil War is at our doorstep and this time decent freedom-loving humanists (and the courts) are fighting against the depraved reprobate thinking of cowardly Republican leaders, bigoted human beings, uneducated gullible Americans, religious zealots, and greedy media corporations. These people are blatantly craving dictatorial power over our society. They want to return to the oppression of women, people of color, and LGBTQ. At their core is America’s original sin, white supremacy and religious bigotry. And they are willing to do make “America great again” through dictatorship rather than democracy if that is what it takes.

I hope this conflict doesn’t come to more violence than at yesterday’s protest in D.C. where several people were stabbed, but Trump supporters own guns and intimidation and death threats are their normal mode of operation. There are more of us, but how far are we willing to go to preserve our freedoms? I am hopeful that perhaps we can utilize the power of persuasion, the courts, and the vote to bring enough of our fellow Americans back to their senses before it is too late. It didn’t work in 1861 and I’m not entirely certain it will work today. But we’d better do something quick because our democracy and ultimately our freedom depend on it.

About twice each day, I have to remind myself that 2020 is almost over. For some reason I feel a bit confused and perhaps stuck in March 2020 when the world stopped. What was normal everyday life changed overnight by COVID-19. Perhaps some of my confusion stems from my neglect. I’m still carrying my green spring purse. I left the Easter pillows in the living room until last week when I decorated for Christmas. Perhaps it is because I never put away my spring clothes in favor of summer, then fall, and now winter. I didn’t bother with my 4th of July decorations nor my fall decorations. I literally ignored these self-imposed rituals that followed each season to signal a mental progression throughout the year. in truth, I’ve never experienced anything like 2020 and didn’t know how to respond.

A few days ago, I caught myself mid-sentence about to proclaim 2020 as the worse year ever when I realized a few bright spots. First and foremost, I realized that in the midst of this pandemic that turned life upside down, none of my immediate family members caught COVID-19 and that each family member retained a livable income. We all had toilet paper and plenty to eat. I realized that my husband would survive his lung cancer. I realized that my first biological grandson was conceived and is genetically healthy. Another huge highlight is that my 38 year old daughter finally found her calling and her platform to help others who struggle with mental health issues like she has struggled with since college. I also discovered BTS in February 2020 and took refuge in their extensive musical offerings and delightfully real personalities pretty much every evening. I experienced the love and concern of my sorority sisters who, like my family, prayed for us and checked in on me regularly. And perhaps one of the greatest positive highlights was that Joe Biden beat Donald Trump by some 8 million votes and most importantly won the electoral college.

So, I can’t say that 2020 was the worse year of my life, but I can say that it was the most challenging both physically and mentally. Worrying and caring for a sick loved one takes a toll and that has been true. The transition to working from home has been a major adjustment along with many workplace changes. Even moving our family reunion from an in-person event to a virtual one in July was stressful, doable, but not ideal. And of course, this high stakes presidential election was an unintended and unavoidable stressor for me as a patriot who couldn’t divorce herself from the process.

In the course of all this mayhem, my ulcer flared up and my blood pressure has shot through the roof. I put off going to any of my medical appointments because of COVID-19 and because I was busy with my husband’s illness until I couldn’t avoid it any longer. And of course, my health has taken a hit. So, I’ll take my new medications and try to do better with stress reduction, drink more water, get more sleep, eat better and exercise a bit more.

With 2021 just weeks away, I am hopeful. My husband is recovering. A vaccine will be available soon. My grandson is due to arrive in mid-April. We’ll have a new president and hopefully, a new senate leader. And I’m thinking about how I can make 2021 a better, less stressful year.

Humans are social beings. And so this pandemic is wrecking havoc on the mental health of many who are prudently foregoing in person social gatherings with family and friends. Admittedly some people are definitely more social than others and need a constant diet of intimate human contact to feel good. Personality experts say that extroverts gain energy from human interaction while introverts like me, are actually drained by too much interaction. Being alone for most of the time since my husband got sick hasn’t caused me much distress. I was alone in the house, but not at all lonely. It’s enough for me to text or talk to loved ones on the phone, to have Zoom meetings for work, and to grocery shop, chit chatting for a few seconds with the clerk. Even the prospect of spending Thanksgiving alone because my husband was still in the hospital and our family decided not to gather because of COVID-19 didn’t bother me. I easily assured my extroverted children that I was just fine. They saw my situation as sad while I saw it as an opportunity to decorate the house for Christmas a few days early.

However, while happily putting up Christmas decorations, I was interrupted when my husband called at around 1pm on Thanksgiving to announce that he was being released from the hospital. I thought it was strange that just the day before his doctor said he was moving in the right direction but that it would take a few more days before he would be released. I didn’t question it, thinking he had made a faster than expected recovery. So, with two chest tubes still in place and pages of instructions for care along with a ton of medical supplies, I drove him home from the hospital feeling anxious because I have no medical training. Sure enough, once we got home, my husband confessed to insisting upon his release. He said he was feeling depressed being in the hospital on Thanksgiving and wanted to come home. So, they allowed it.

The human drive for warmth and interaction among loved ones is strong and can drive poor decision making. The need is stronger than rational thought and we saw this play out during the Thanksgiving travel season when many Americans decided to have Thanksgiving among family and friends despite the risk. As I drove past my neighbors houses to go pick up my husband, I noticed three houses with quite a few additional cars parked along the street. I was shocked to discover that even my next door neighbors, a retired couple, left for the Thanksgiving holiday. Their need to see their grandchildren was likely the pull they couldn’t resist. And I soon discovered that my own husband’s emotional need muted his rationality.

I heard a healthcare professional warn in a television interview that having a Thanksgiving gathering could mean fewer family members will see Christmas and that there will be family members missing next Thanksgiving. Yet people still boarded planes and drove in cars to gather anyway. The problem isn’t just the people who think the virus is a hoax, although they are definitely the most dangerous, but it is also among the rational who understand that this virus is deadly, but are setting aside the risk. I watched an interview of a family getting a COVID-19 test prior to driving to gather for Thanksgiving with extended family. I guess that is better than nothing. But we all know that you can test negative today and be positive tomorrow. I wondered if they were planning to quarantine from the test until they reach their family. And what about the others at the gathering? I can guarantee my behavior, but not any one else’s. Time will reveal any consequences from these emotional decisions. I’m prayerful that it was worth the temporary emotional boost so many needed and that everyone will be around for Christmas.

But for us, Christmas will be similar to Thanksgiving with no gathering. And we made a few additional adjustments from last year. We acknowledged that while we still have incomes, many do not. We collectively decided not to exchange gifts, but to instead donate to food banks and contribute to toy drives. I did my Black Friday thing and purchased toys to give away. I put up the artificial tree in the family room, but we won’t get a real one this year for the living room and my decorations are a fraction of what I usually do. Perhaps my daughters will cook as they did for Thanksgiving and drop off meals to family members. That was such a thoughtful thing for them to do. It was great to open the door and see my daughter at the end of the walkway and a bag of Thanksgiving fixings at the door. The food was delicious.

As for my husband’s emotional decision to leave the hospital, there were consequences. Saturday morning we had to return to the hospital for a problem with the drainage tubes that we couldn’t resolve. My husband was certain they were going to re-admit him. However, the physician’s assistant took care of the problem and thankfully my husband didn’t have to stay. Because of COVID-19, the beds are few and with his lung issues, he is safer at home.

My hope is that things will get back to normal after this vaccine is widely distributed. If 75% of us get vaccinated, then next year, Thanksgiving and Christmas will be all the more wonderful without the threat of illness. My son and his wife are making plans to visit us next Christmas with their first born, a baby boy who is expected to arrive in April 2021. We’re planning to have a big family gathering in Las Vegas. So, my fingers are crossed that enough Americans will be vaccinated to make our 2021 Christmas gathering a reality.

It occurs to me that the need to gather socially is part of being human, but what makes us mature human beings is the ability make rational decisions and to delay emotional gratification. During this pandemic, introverts clearly have a natural advantage while extroverts will have to dig deep to muster all the maturity and resilience they can in order to survive and to protect those they love.

Happy holidays and stay safe.