Author: tonihall805@outlook.com

I haven’t donated a dime or lent my voice to advocate for any of the present democratic presidential candidates. I thought I would have a better idea after the first debate among the twenty candidates on stage over two nights. But I’m only a little bit closer to deciding. I have ruled out a couple of people, though.

The first to cross off my list is Marianne Williamson, the spiritual guru who decided to run for president. Although I like her message of love, it can’t be the only message in this complicated society that needs true solutions to big problems and policies that make sense. Her answers were a little too out there for a pragmatist like me. She seems to be more suited for a pulpit than the Oval Office.

Another was Andrew Yang. Not enough there for me to advocate for. He’s an accomplished businessman and philanthropist who has ideas about universal income and human centered capitalism. I’d like his voice and ideas to be widely heard and he is accomplishing this by running for president. His ideas are novel, but not a winning platform at this point in time.

And then there is Bernie. I’m not supporting Bernie Sanders this time. He seemed more radical to me than before. I’m for universal health care but I don’t really want to outlaw private insurance. He presented his ideas in such an inflexible way that I was put off.

The other thing that became apparent to me was that some of the candidates might be better suited for the vice-presidency. Given our current political climate and where we are in minority relations, I think we’re going to need a straight white guy out front to beat Trump. I hate saying it, but I think that’s where the swing states are. If they would go for a woman, then I think Amy Klobuchar, Kristin Gillibrand, and Elizabeth Warren have a chance, but I think the vice-presidency is more likely for any of them. Some of my other favorites for the vice-president position are Kamala Harris, Cori Booker, and Pete Buttigieg.

Before the debates, I was thinking that a Biden – Harris ticket looked great. But I liked what I heard from a few of the other white males who might not have all the baggage of Biden. I want to hear more before I pick an actual candidate to back. For certain, I want a candidate who can beat Trump and who can deliver for the nation while also restoring a level of trust, integrity, and dignity to the office of the President.

One thing was evident to me from the debate: any one of the twenty candidates on stage could restore dignity to the office of the President and for that I am encouraged.

As an educator, I’ve been hopeful that when people know better, they will do better. But with each passing day and incident by incident, I am losing that hope. I don’t want to become a cynical person, but it seems that the emotional side of humanity seems to overrule sound judgement and good decision making. Several incidents this week, some big and some small, made me question the role education actually has in moving humanity towards a better future.

I was involved in a simple conversation over lunch this past week with colleagues about the financial planners advice to keep a mortgage during retirement. Although the financial reasoning clearly demonstrates the benefits to keeping a mortgage over purchasing a new smaller house outright, the emotional pull one colleague felt over being debt free kept her from being convinced that paying a mortgage was the thing she would do in retirement.

Another small incident that contributed to my disappointment in education was when a colleague from a different department called me at home to ask advice about how to handle a situation in which she felt she was being unfairly treated by a superior. Both she and the supervisor have PhDs and advocate for social justice. They are highly educated and I personally have great respect for them both. Looking at the situation from an educated standpoint, the treatment made no sense. It wasn’t until the probable emotions were exposed that the ill treatment began to make perfect sense.

Humans are emotional beings. We are motivated by positive emotions like love, compassion and empathy to do good. However, we go to war, we steal, we kill, and we will even tear down our own house behind negative emotions like fear, jealously, blind ambition, saving face, hatred, and rage. When enough negative emotions are stirred up, people are willing to injure themselves in the process of destroying others. Sometimes we have to go to war to stop evil from spreading, like in the case of Hitler’s Germany. But other times, we are driven by the greed and ego of a few who in turn ignite the negative emotions of the masses to do their bidding.

The big events of the past week involving Iran and immigration make we wonder if we have learned anything from our history. This administration has stirred up enough negative emotions towards human migrants that too few people protest when he announces a round up of 11 million undocumented immigrants. The family separation and human suffering that such an act would cause would be unpresented. What did we learn from the recent war in Iraq? It was predicated on the lies of a few men in high places. We were easy to fool because of our collective emotions surrounding the horrific events on 9/11. What emotions will lead us to go to war in Iran? I’m convinced that war in Iran will not be based on logic or even truth, but on human emotions and we will all lose.

I don’t want to be cynical and I can’t give up on education entirely. But clearly education alone cannot win over emotions. So, I’m wondering if those of us of good will need to begin to combine education with positive emotions like love, compassion and empathy to try to combat the negative emotions this president is using to do harm to humanity. The very idea of tapping into the powerful human emotions of love, compassion and empathy in combination with education about our common humanity and lessons from history gives me a renewed sense of hope.

I thought it was harmless when my doctoral class photoshopped me into a retaken class photo that I was absent for. I gave my approval for them to photoshop me into the new picture. At the time it seemed like a convenient solution to a problem. That was when the technology and the concept was new. The idea that this was deceptive didn’t occur to us because the central truth was that I was in fact part of this class and the picture they used was from the previous group photo. But today, the innocence of that solution feels utterly lost. Perhaps there should have been a tagline that read, “Juanita Hall was photoshopped into this picture”.

I’ve begun to ask myself how much lying we can endure before we lose all faith in what we hear and what we see? In the age of technology, when people can use free computer software to place people where they are not, make people appear to say something they didn’t say, or simply remove people from where they shouldn’t be or edit out what they should not have said, truth is becoming elusive. There are too few taglines to correct the actual record. We’ve come to rely on news media to tell us when a video has been altered. But what if it doesn’t serve the corporate interest to tell us?

Add to this that we have a president who lies almost every time he opens his mouth. Without any real consequences, the lying in our society has become the norm. Just look at the parents who made their children complicit in lies about their sport participation or SAT scores to get them into elite colleges. It used to be that the public shame faced by lies being revealed was a deterrent. No one wanted to be labeled a “liar”. But no more. I hate looking at the smug face of Lori Loughlin. At least Felicity Huffman shows remorse and humility born from her public shame. Loughlin is the opposite, refusing to admit that her lying and bribes were wrong. The question is who do we want to be as a collective human society?

At the beginning of the Trump presidency, people labeled his lies as anything other than lies out of respect for the office. They would say things like, “The president misspoke”, or that his comment wasn’t accurate, or that he misrepresented this or that. They would say that he was wrong about this fact or that fact. But now after so such a blatant disregard for the truth, they openly say, “The president lied”. Some call him a pathological liar. Others are actually counting the number of lies he has told. What we have lost is the ability to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. We have a president who tells us not to believe what we see or hear. He will make a ridiculously false statement and claim the next day that he never said it.

The fact is that President Trump has no credibility and neither do those who surround him. It appears that those in his administration are willing to lie along side of him. I’m glad Sarah Sanders has resigned, but I will never look at her as an honest person worthy of trust. She has violated the public trust. People in Arkansas would be foolish to vote for her for governor or any other office. The attorney general lied about the findings in the Mueller investigation and he is the top law enforcement officer in the nation!

What happens to a nation when truth becomes elusive? Who and what can you believe? It’s a scary thought, but that is where we find ourselves and I’m scared. My solution is that we need a law that requires taglines whenever non-fictional public video or pictures are altered to substantially change time, place, and content of an event. We have to demand truth or it will become unbearably elusive.

I’m still trying to figure out what it will mean to retire. I accept that part of it is about getting old and the reality of dealing with health issues as the body weakens and breaks down. In fact, I spent three hours yesterday morning in urgent care with my retired husband. He injured his knee at the golf course while simply putting on his golf shoes in preparation for his fourth round of golf this week. We left urgent care with his knee in a brace, crutches, a subscription for 600mg of Ibuprofen, a list of orthopedic surgeons, and my commitment to play nurse maid for several weeks while he heals. My husband has been retired now for almost three years, but I am still working. The majority of our friends are now retired or considering it. It’s been a few weeks since I attended a retirement planning session and I thought I had some things figured out, but my husband’s unexpected injury yesterday jolted my thinking.

I’m grateful for the financial planning professor who conducted the retirement workshop I attended during our community day on campus. She was not only funny and knowledgeable, but she provided great advice and a lot of food for thought. Like any lesson, some of it is worthy of implementation and some requires a bit of tweaking to fit one’s particular circumstances.

Her first bit of advice was to not retire until someone shows you the door. In my thirties, forties, and even into my early fifties, that was something I might have said myself because I really enjoy my job. I enjoy working in an environment where lifelong learning and youthful enthusiasm is central. I’m happy to get up every morning and to go to work. But these days, I’ve noticed a change in myself. I come home exhausted after a normal days work and I almost dread those days when I need to be there after hours, partly because I’m tired and partly because I don’t see well at night and it is dangerous for me to drive in the dark. There are physical limitations that I never anticipated and actual health issues that appeared out of nowhere that I have to deal with. For the first time, I realized that retirement might be physically necessary. And with the injury yesterday, I realized that caregiving could easily force the issue should a more serious health issue arise with my husband or me.

Her second bit of advice was to consider what you’ll do after you retire. How will you spend your time? I took inspiration from a friend’s “Second Act” retirement party and although a retirement party is not something I would desire, I fully embrace the idea of a second act. I’m just not certain yet what mine will be. I’m toying with a few ideas but nothing is solid yet. The financial advisor is fond of working part-time during retirement as a means of keeping the mind sharp and interacting with people for emotional well-being. Isolation and loneliness lead to rapid declines in health. I realized that this too must be tempered with a contingent plan for possible health related issues.

The financial advisor shared a map of the United States and pointed out the most retirement friendly places to live. We had already picked Arizona for its weather and cost of living, and thankfully, it was on the list of best places. Personally, I prefer the idea of moving to Nevada and building a family compound where we could enjoy a shared courtyard and separate homes living among family members. Nevada is a retirement friendly destination too, but my husband had a really bad experience with gambling early in his life and I think he fears the draw of the ubiquitous casino.

Along with the where to live was the physical space. The planner talked about downsizing or reverse mortgages as part of the retirement plan. We’ve chosen downsizing and the next house will be a one story. I was surprised when the planner recommended keeping a mortgage. We had planned to sell our current house and purchase a new one outright. Apparently, that wasn’t the best fiscal management option for tax purposes. But again, the events of yesterday raised questions about our current plan. It had never even occurred to me that we might not be in good enough health to move, however, I can see now that a one story is a must. My husband couldn’t navigate the steps to come to bed last night. He slept in the family room downstairs. And how wise would it be to move so far away from family and friends? We don’t know a soul in Arizona and we would be entirely isolated in case of an emergency.

And then there was the issue spending money in retirement. The financial planner kept reminding us that retirement means you are living on a fixed income that will have to last for an undefined amount of time. She showed a graph that showed how retirees spent their savings. They start off spending a lot for travel and leisure. Then they settle down. But in the end, the greatest amount of their savings is eaten up by health care. The reality is that catastrophic healthcare costs can hit at any time in retirement. All it will take is an accident or a devastating diagnosis. Again, the time spent in urgent care yesterday drove this truth home to me. Thankfully, we have both already fulfilled most of our need to see the world. Few trips remain on our to do lists.

In the end, her greatest pieces of advice were to stay healthy as long as possible, be kind to your children because you will eventually need to rely on them, have a good financial team (attorney, tax accountant, and financial planner), put off taking social security as long as possible to receive the maximum benefit, and never pay the restaurant bill when you dine with your kids. Remember that they are earning and you are on a fixed income.

Except for a solid plan for a second act, I’m ready for retirement. I give myself five years until I’m actually ready, but after yesterday, I realize that I am in desperate need of a contingency plan for everything.

I’ve come to believe that who wins the 2020 elections for the senate majority and the presidency will depend on which party is most successful at tapping into human emotions as opposed to winning rational arguments.

If our elections were about legitimately rational arguments such as ensuring the rule of law, protecting the environment, solid economic policies, smart foreign policy, and expanding constitutional equal protection under the law, then in 2020 there would be no contest. But it’s not about these important issues. It’s about our emotional state as individuals and groups trying to live in an increasingly connected world. For many people, fear has become the driving force behind their political choices while for others a sense of frustration with the current state of affairs is central. Both sides are angry. But which side will be angry enough to actually go to the polls in November next year? I’ve been watching people these past few weeks to see if I can pinpoint the emotions that will make the biggest difference for Republicans and Democrats and everyone in between. And what I’ve seen has convinced me of a way forward for Democrats.

Two days ago, I heard a white male trucker from Pennsylvania whose business is really suffering as a result of Trump’s tariffs say that he is 100% certain that he will vote for Trump again in 2020. He claimed to believe that Trump was “fighting for him” despite the tariffs. I scratched my head as I struggled to understand what rational business person could look at the policies and actions of this president and think that. Then it occurred to me that this trucker, and many farmers who are also suffering great losses, might be more fearful of immigrants, other countries, people of color, gay rights and a woman’s right to choose than their own financial well being.

I realized that if someone is able to convince you that “others” pose a real threat to your survival, then you become willing to suffer in the short-term to get rid of that threat. Trump has been able to use false narratives, wild exaggerations, and skewed statistics (lies) to activate people’s pre-existing fears and prejudices, making those emotions seem based in rational thought when they aren’t. The constant barrage of deception makes their emotions stronger and more difficult to overcome. When listening to Trump supporters, it is evident that they believe that only Trump can protect them against the very threats that they don’t seem to realized that Trump himself has conjured up. The fear is very real. Never mind that it is based on lies and exaggerations.

Sadly, Fox News and other conservative media outlets are complicit in pushing these false narratives while Republican lawmakers are too afraid to correct them. History will record this group of Republican leaders, especially Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, as cowards and hypocrites who failed to do their jobs to protect and depend the Constitution against all enemies, both foreign and domestic. These pernicious lies are doing damage to our democracy and to the welfare of the people in our nation. It is an informed electorate that the framers believed would protect our democracy. But what if the information is false? And sadly, true conservatives know their constituents are being fed lies on a daily basis but they are too afraid to speak up because Trump has captured the unwitting masses in the party by mastering the art of illusion.

On the other hand, the democrats are feeling frustration. It is difficult to expose the daily deluge of the lies, misdeeds, and attacks on human rights and the environment by Trump, especially when half the media and lawmakers are silent about them. Even when exposed, Democrats are frustrated by the inaction among Republican lawmakers who refuse to hold this administration accountable. In 2018, some argue that the House of Representatives was retaken because of issues like health care. I know I voted and campaigned more out of my frustration over this lawless administration that I wanted to hold accountable.

But is frustration as strong an emotion as fear? Can it be sustained? I don’t know. Both fear and frustration can lead to anger and anger can lead to action. But frustration can also lead to hopelessness if the actions taken prove ineffective. After this whole Mueller Investigation, we are left with more false narratives that contradict the actual statements by Mueller himself to characterize his own report. Right now we are in the position of determining whether having elected a Democratic House can and will hold this president accountable even when the Republican Senate will not. Any other president would have already been impeached. But emotions have clouded rational thought and it might be wise to censor, rather than impeach as we move toward 2020.

In my opinion, for 2020 Democrats need to ignite the fear of losing our democracy, losing the rule of law, losing a woman’s reproductive choice, and the threat of losing our planet. At the same time they must stir up another powerful emotion: love. We love our country and we love our children. We want our children to have a planet that is inhabitable. We want a country that is ruled by democracy and the rule of law. We all desire fairness. The narrative of the Democrats can be more powerful if it focuses on our common humanity.

There are plenty of examples. Start with the fact that we are all immigrants. And isn’t it understandable since we all love our children and want a better life for them that any one of us would cross a border if it meant saving the lives of our children? Isn’t having clean water to drink and fresh air to breath a priority? Aren’t we for freedom and opportunity for every American? Don’t we value patriotism, truth, freedom, fairness, and the rule of law? Do we want selfishness, cheating, and lying to become acceptable behaviors? Or do we want to restore mutual respect and decency to our nation? These should be everyday talking points for Democrats if we want to win the senate and the presidency in 2020.

It’s all about emotion. I contend that frustration isn’t enough, but fear of losing so much coupled with love of country and its foundational values might just form a winning combination in 2020.

I recently heard that suicide in the U.S. was highest among middle-age white males. The 2017 statistics indicated that nearly 70% of all U.S. suicides were carried out by white men. Over half of the suicides involved the use of a gun. Although white men have occupied the most privileged position in our society, they are facing a growing demand by women and people of color for increased access to the opportunities once only afforded only to them as white males. The return to a zero-sum game promoted by Trump wherein they continue to be the winners and women and people of color remain at the bottom is dangerous for all of us.

I can only wonder what goes through the mind of a white male who loses his job, fails to get a promotion, or is denied admission to his dream school? What does he think when he sees a woman or minority succeed where he has not? In a country where he has been taught to believe that he will ascend to the top because of his ambition, hard work, and intelligence, he likely was never asked to notice how the obstacles to his success had once been removed. He never saw how competition by equally gifted women and minorities for admission to the best schools or for the best jobs had been squelched for years by “Need not apply” signs explicitly or implicitly erected for women and minorities. Competition for societal prizes is new for them. And they don’t like it! Who would?

The under-educated whites likely view immigrants and globalization as a threat to their livelihood. The social climbers see women, Jews, and people of color as competition for social promotion. Perhaps having the Obamas in the White House for eight years was too much for many of them. White male success is no longer a given and if they do not succeed they are looking for someone to blame. But many know that they cannot with integrity blame other human beings who also have the right to pursue their dreams and aspirations. Their own sense of fairness will not allow for that. So, finding themselves lacking or without the where-with-all to compete and win, are they dealing with their failure in this lethal way?

But other white males are taking a different path. The rise in white supremacy is no joke and the narrative that they are feeding themselves and others is meant to provide them with a way to overcome their feelings of failure and to roll back competition because they have a “right” to the best jobs and to be at the top. Make America great again is code for relegating minorities and women to the lower classes. When young white males are chanting, “Jews will not replace us”, what are they saying? Who benefits when abortion rights are rolled back and women are saddled with children? What happens to a woman’s education and job prospects with an unplanned pregnancy? Who benefits when communities of color are over-policed and prison sentences for black and brown people are systematically longer than that of whites? Who benefits from a broken or severely limited immigration system?

On the surface, some might think that white males benefit from the oppression of others. But in truth, everyone loses. The economic cost, the lost of productivity, as well as the loss of human talent in order to sustain a growing prison system, provide public welfare to raise children born to poor women, and limits on immigration hurt everyone.

Change toward meritocracy is necessary and good for everyone except those who find the change a challenge. Older white men are killing themselves while younger white men are picking fights that they know are morally wrong. A few white males are becoming terrorists, shooting up schools, malls, houses of worship. What is evident, is that our society better come up with a narrative that brings people together in a win-win scenario. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best, “We either learn to live together as brothers, or we’ll perish together as fools.”

I was surprised that this year’s graduating class at my University only heard commencement addresses given by their fellow students. There was no celebrity, no politician, no successful alum to give advice to the graduating class. Instead, the onlookers got to hear the compelling stories of the resilience it took to finally make it to graduation. That was great to hear and confirming of the relief and celebration that everyone felt, but it didn’t point to the massive future that lies ahead. I felt like we missed an opportunity this year to share a final bit of wisdom with our students leaving the college bubble for the real world.

In truth, I’ve listened to commencement speeches for the inspiration and wisdom they provide not only to the graduates, but also to me and to the many others in attendance. The varied life experiences of past speakers have inspired and broadened my thinking. I’ve always learned from what they have to say. In the absence of a speaker this year, I got to thinking about what I would say to this particular class of graduates.

First, I would say that it is important to start saving money with that every first job, no matter how high or low the pay they negotiated. And ladies, you must negotiate! A wise person never spends everything he or she makes. Start saving for a house, for emergencies, and for retirement immediately. Don’t let that $25 or more even reach your bank account. Make your lunch or forgo a Starbucks coffee once a week, and you’ve got your savings started. The power of compound interest is always greater than you imagine.

Second, I would say that it is important to keep on learning. Technology changes, knowledge keeps growing, and those who will be successful will be lifelong learners who are capable of changing with the times and nimble enough to continuously add to their skill set. Be intellectually curious and cutting edge. Keeping your brain busy will keep you sharp for a lifetime. Exercise both your mind and body. Physical exercise helps improve your emotional and intellectual well being.

Third, I would say that it is imperative to pay attention to the actual news, not just the spin or opinion of pundits. Vote in every election for local, state, and national government. The attention given to civic responsibility will determine the policies for the environment, the economy, social issues and can make the difference between war and peace. Politicians have to be pushed in the right direction by an informed public or we’ll end up with ridiculous laws and rampant government corruption.

And finally, I would say to invest the greatest amount of your time and energy in the people you love and the vocation you love. The gift you give to the world will be greatest if you put your gifts, talents, resources and this expensive education to work investing in the people and the career you are most passionate about. The fruits of that labor will become your ultimate contribution to the world and will become your legacy.

There is so much more to say, like the importance of guarding your reputation, living with integrity, and maintaining good credit, but time is always limited. So, those four points would likely make up the essence of any commencement speech I would give to graduating students. If these words of wisdom are worthy, I hope they will be heard by graduates at my University and those across the nation.

I’m a mother by choice and by good fortune. It’s a blessing to get pregnant on a timetable that is acceptable to you and under circumstances of your own choosing. It’s also a blessing to sustain a desired pregnancy through to the birth of a healthy child. I recognize that I am one of the blessed women. And because of this fortune, in my twenties, I rarely empathized with the pro-choice movement. In fact, I had once considered myself to be pro-life, but that changed as I became aware of the plight of other women. Now the choice of many women is in peril.

I was appalled to learn about the new heartbeat law, HB 481, that just passed in the state of Georgia that bans abortion as soon as a heartbeat can be detected, around six weeks into pregnancy (except for cases of rape and incest). I didn’t even know I was pregnant at six weeks and I’m certain many women don’t. I saw news reports and read three separate articles on the new law because it sounded so unbelievable. I feel like I am witnessing a true life version of “The Handmaid’s Tale” wherein a bunch of powerful religious white men take over the reproductive rights of women as though they are nothing more than baby-making machines. Only in this real life scenario, society is not in danger of extinction from infertility. These are Republican religious zealots seeking to impose their will to dominate women using forced motherhood.

The new law criminalizes abortion to the point that women can be sentenced to life in prison or even the death penalty. Doctors who perform abortions can be sentenced to 99 years in prison. What’s more, women who travel to other states to get an abortion can be prosecuted. If this wasn’t bad enough, the law gives the unborn full personhood rights. The ramifications of that alone were not well thought out. Women who miscarry can be scrutinized to see if they contributed to the miscarriage. And if found guilty, they can be prosecuted for murder.

My mind is blown. Not only is this very bad public policy, but the law ignores all manner of privacy and personal decision making among women. How will the state know if I am pregnant? How will the state know whether or not I traveled to another state to visit my grandmother and got an abortion while there? How will the state determine that my miscarriage was nature taking its course or an accidental fall down the steps? They can even question whether or not I was truly raped. Beyond these absurdities, it is important to look at whose life prospects are really being determined by these mostly white male Republican legislators.

I did a little research into who is having an abortion and how many we are talking about nationwide. I got the statistics from a pro-life website . Of the approximately one million abortions carried out each year, 85% are unmarried women, 75% are low income, and 60% are in their twenties. These are women who are looking at their situation and deciding that the timing isn’t right for them to become mothers. And by the way, 55.4% are black and Hispanic women. Surprisingly, 60% are already mothers who are deciding not to have another child at that time. According to NBC reporting, about 1/3 of American women have had an abortion. The great majority of abortions are carried out early in pregnancy. To pro-lifers, like those in Georgia that doesn’t make any difference. But to me it does.

Anyone who has heard me talk about this topic knows that I believe life begins with breath. Just as God formed Adam out of the dust of the earth, it wasn’t until He breathed the breath of life into him that Adam became a living soul. I see the womb as a forming place. I believe when the fetus takes breath outside the womb, then there is a living soul. I don’t like late term abortions except in very rare medical circumstances. Given the chance, fetuses as early as 24 -26 weeks gestation can survive outside the womb, so give that baby a chance because life is precious. But so is the life of the mother.

Does pro-life mean ending the life of a desperate woman who doesn’t hold your religious belief about when life begins and so chooses for herself and her family to end a pregnancy? Does pro-life mean removing mothers from their growing children by throwing them in prison because they can’t afford to feed and nurture another child? Does forcing desperate women to go underground like they did before legalized abortion sound like a good idea? The Republican legislature in Georgia and the other states who are passing these ridiculous anti-abortion laws need to think seriously about what they are doing. Forcing young, poor women into motherhood or prison does nothing positive for anyone. And about 1/3 of these would be black women. And beyond all this, who is going to provide for the health, education, nurturing, and general welfare of all the accidental children that will be born? The Republicans seem to be rolling back social safety nets, not broadening them to actually enable these women to choose motherhood. Or better yet, how about expanding access to free and affordable contraception in the first place?

I love being a mother, but I wonder how much I would love motherhood had it been forced upon me at a time and under circumstances that were much less than ideal for me and my child.

My blood pressure is a concern. I’m on blood pressure medication and I hope that helps to relieve my burgeoning anger over the blatant attacks on our democracy these past few weeks since the Mueller Report was released and Attorney General Barr put his thump on the scale. I sent emails every day this past week to lawmakers who were involved in shaping what happens next. By Thursday, I began calling for impeachment of both Barr and Trump. Then the jobs report came out. This week highlights a turning point for some Americans who must now choose between their conscience and their pocketbook.

I admit to being one of the Americans who is doing well in this economy. My undergraduate degree was in business and my early career choice was finance. I started saving and investing early on and never stopped. Even with a change of career to education, which pays considerably less, I still manage to save and invest. My husband and I are among the few lucky people who never faced budget-busting medical bills or a natural disaster that destroyed everything. We were never victims of a Bernie Madoff type Ponzi scheme. We were able to work the financial crisis to our advantage because we had stable-good paying jobs, great credit, and adequate savings. The Trump tax break allows us to contribute more to our savings accounts. But for people like us, I realize that we have the luxury of favoring our conscience over our pocketbook. We don’t worry about money the way many Americans do.

Amid the collective Trump administration giving the middle finger to Congressional oversight while also suing to remove Obamacare, the jobs report came out. Unemployment is at its lowest point since 1969 at 3.6%. However, wages are still too low. I heard that the current minimum wage would need to be around $18 an hour to keep in step with inflation over the years. In other words, the buying power of minimum wage pay has eroded over decades. It is daily news that many people are not sharing in the spoils of this “booming” economy. But I wonder if a promise from Trump that they will eventually experience it be enough for him to win again? In 2016 he promised to bring back the good of days of high paying coal and manufacturing jobs. He promised to punish the countries that stole our manufacturing industries with tariffs. Tariffs raise prices on consumers and coal destroys the environment along with the health of its workers, but all some people heard was the promise of high paying jobs.

In 2020, the democrats will need to offer solid economic ideas that boost wages, protects the environment, and provides affordable healthcare and educational opportunities for the middle class while also promising to restore the dignity and morality of the presidency. At the same time, they can’t punish the wealthy for being wealthy. That, too, is an attack on the American dream itself and on Americas longstanding love of capitalism. This is a tall order.

In my opinion, I think any of the 22 democratic candidates can restore the dignity and morality of the presidency. For me, this is just as important as the economic concerns. The question is, whose economic ideas are sellable to the American public and the Congress? Who can put forth responsible capitalism as the way to go? I’m thinking along the lines of someone less radical than Bernie and Elizabeth and more in line with Joe Biden, Beto O’Rourke, Kamala Harris, and Amy Klobuchar. I don’t know enough about the others to have an opinion yet. I just know that whomever the democrats put forward must satisfy both the conscience and the pocketbook of the American electorate. I fear having to choose between the two because our democracy and our environment might just lose.

I admit to being undecided about which of the twenty one democratic presidential candidates to back. As of today, I haven’t contributed one dime to any one of them. I’ve been watching the coverage of their town halls and interviews, but I’m still undecided. I have a few ideas about how I will make a decision though.

First, I won’t support an elderly candidate unless that person is paired with a competent younger running mate who can take over should the older president’s health fail. Of course, I’m referring to Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden. They would need a younger running mate. And in 2020, I would prefer that running mate to be a female. On policy issues, I’m more in line with Joe Biden than Bernie Sanders on many issues. So, I’m actually a little to the right of Bernie Sanders.

Second, I appreciate intelligence. I am impressed by major Pete Buttigieg. He is a Harvard grad, a Rhodes Scholar, a former Naval Intelligence officer, and he speaks eight languages proficiently. He is the opposite of the current president in intelligence, articulation, and good character. The fact that he is gay will matter to Christians in middle America who won’t be able to overlook that when every day they give this lying, adulterous, draft-dodging, thief of a President a pass in the face of what they should understand to be good moral character. At only 37, Buttigieg brings great energy to the table. I’ve liked how he talks about his reasons for running and how he defends his faith against those who would judge him. I haven’t heard enough about his policies though. He’s a wait and see for me.

Quite the opposite of Buttigieg, Elizabeth Warren is clear about where she stands on a host of issues and she is ready for a fight. I like her energy. She is passionate, articulate, and bold. She is a tough lady and would make an interesting president. I just don’t know if some of her more radical ideas will be accepted or just lead to greater gridlock. Sure the rich need to pay more. But I don’t necessarily agree with tuition free public colleges. I agree that student loan debt is too high, but I think the government should provide greater financial aid in the form of greatly increased Pell Grants for the poor and middle class to afford to go to college. Rather than simply forgive student loan debt like she suggests, I would like it forgiven in exchange for public service. I’d like to see her embrace government funded merit based grants for STEM areas as well. I’m for regulating the big tech companies like Facebook, but not for her plan to break them up as they are working together to create greater technological advances in competition with China.

Kamala Harris is one of my sorority sisters, a proud Alpha Kappa Alpha woman, so I support her. I’m in the process of reading her book, “The Truths We Hold” and I find her to be likeable, thoughtful, and honest. She, too, is smart and passionate and I love watching her in senate hearings. She’s a stand out. However, I’m having a tough time figuring out where she stands on a few key issues like health care and reparations. She needs to be more concrete on a few key issues. I have been thinking that she and Biden would be a Dream Team with her as Vice President and then as President in 2024.

There is Beto O’Rourke. I love his energy, but I’m not entirely sure of what he stands for on a number of issues. I know he seeks a different policy on ICE immigration enforcement, meaning fewer deportations of undocumented immigrants and no more family separations. He has endorsed a more moderate healthcare plan that I like called Medicare for America https://slate.com/business/2019/03/beto-orourke-health-plan-medicare-for-all-america.html

There isn’t a candidate among the 21 that I’m against. All recognize climate change as a threat. All of them care about a woman’s right to choose. All of them recognize that we have a huge problem with wealth inequality and want to do something about it. All recognize that we need to do something about gun regulations. And every one of them has a better moral character than our current president and want to restore dignity to the White House. I find that I am leaning in the direction of the more moderate candidates with ideas that are both sellable and doable.

For now, all I can do is watch and listen and learn. I’m paying close attention and as soon as I decide who to back, I will back that person with my voice and my pocketbook.