Author: tonihall805@outlook.com

I’m asking myself this week if our American culture has become one of swift public condemnation when presented with offense from a person’s distant past. Is there ever the possibility for redemption? And if there is, when do we allow for it?

I admit to feeling disgust over the revelation that the Virginia governor Ralph Northam wore black face or dressed as a Khan member for a picture that appeared in his medical school year book back in the 1980s. The unabashed racism he displayed back then is appalling and deeply offensive. And his later confession that he isn’t sure that it was him in the photo didn’t help at all. That was merely an admission that he could have, might have, or would have done such a thing. It spoke to his racist mindset back then. Inside, I screamed at the television: “You’re NOT redeeming yourself at all with those comments.”

But I might have thought differently about the possibility for redemption had he sincerely apologized for his small-minded and harmful thinking and behaviors back then. He should have explained how and why his thinking had evolved and then pointed to the many things he has done since then to further civil rights and racial justice in Virginia. I understand that he has a pretty good public policy track record. In fact, 58% of blacks in Virginia don’t won’t him to resign. If he were to do the things I suggested, then I would say redemption is called for and Virginians could reasonably let the man continue as governor. I hope he will do this. And then there was the bombshell of his lieutenant governor Justin Fairfax, just days later being accused of sexual assault. Really?

In cases like his, we must be even slower to condemn. Our swift condemnation is dangerous after accusations of sexual abuse has become the norm. We have an investigative and judicial process that can and should be followed before we start condemning people and in his case, trying to throw him out of office. The alternative is that we condone the immediate ruin of any and everyone’s lives and careers based on mere allocations. None of us wants to be condemned without the ability to defend ourselves. Last year, I learned first hand how destructive false accusations can be and how easily they can be made by people who are motivated to make them. We must exercise caution. For now, I think Fairfax should remain in office and submit to a thorough investigation. In fact, he is asking the FBI to conduct one.

We’ve become too quick to condemn. I’ll be glad if we take a collective breath and consider our own past mistakes, the ways in which we have evolved, the good we have done since our change of heart and attitudes, and how we too believe in the possibility of redemption. And finally, I hope we return to a reliance on due process for those accused of wrong doing before we condemn them.

I didn’t even bother to ask the question this year. Should we host a Super Bowl party or even a small gathering? I already knew that I’d be on my own if I had asked because the party days for my introverted husband are truly over except as a grudging concession to me. So, I only hold out for the truly important gatherings and parties like family holidays, milestone birthdays, family wedding receptions, a few events, and retirements. The invitations to such gatherings have slowed too, as our circle of friends have aged, passed, or moved away. I’m questioning whether I should push to stay active in party life and gatherings. Should I accept invitations and just go without him? I no longer drive at night, so I’d have to call an Uber. Is it worth it? Would he feel abandoned?

The truth is that I am no party animal. I’ve never been the life of the party or the center of attention. I’m not the social butterfly flitting from one person to another. But I used to attend a lot of parties and gatherings. I enjoy a party or gathering the way most introverts do. If I’m not the host, then I find a nice spot, flop down and enjoy the company of the few people who join me in my nice corner of the room or banquet table. If there is a game to be played, I gladly play it. If there is dancing, I go to the dance floor and dance. I’m especially fond of line dances. But lately, I’ve been declining most invitations and offering few.

I’m really good at throwing parties and putting together gatherings. I have everything a party planner needs for festive decorations and serving just about everything. I have recipes at the ready and plenty of party games. I have every level of party and event clothing, ranging from fun to the most formal. I’m all dressed up with no where to go. As a host, I’m attentive to the needs of my guests. I enjoy facilitating the fun of others. But, my personal party planning days are becoming increasingly infrequent and I do miss them.

I am coming to accept that this is a concession I make to my introverted husband’s changing sensibility. I’ve noticed how he has resorted to slipping out and hiding away in his office or our bedroom, refusing to socialize for more than a few minutes. I’ve found him in bed sleeping during a gathering. I can’t even get him to open door to greet guests. Parties and even small gatherings have become torture for him. At banquets, he wants to head for the door at the first opportunity. He refuses to dance. He looks sullen and disengaged. He pretty much makes it clear that he doesn’t want to be there.

So, as the Rams take on the Patriots today, I’ll set out the chicken wings, the chips and dip, the cheese and crackers, and a vegetable platter. I’ll even use my football party platters, but it will all be set for just us two. I’ll still enjoy the game, the half-time show, and especially the Super Bowl commercials, but I admit that I will miss the laughter, the hoots, and the hollers of friends and family. This is my new normal and part of the give and take of marriage as we age and evolve together.

I won’t live forever, but I do care about the future quality of life for people whom I will eventually leave behind. I care about the animals who struggle to live through the virus humans have become to the their very survival. After watching a “60 Minutes” episode about plastic, I was moved to examine my daily habits and I realized that I’m a real part of the problem. So, I’ve decided to make some changes.

I already drive a hybrid and after owning my car for 5 years, I’ve only just reached 28,000 miles. So, I’m not a big driver and my next car in 2024 will be electric. I’m already pretty good about consolidating my trips and making a circle so as to minimize mileage. I carpool when it’s feasible and use public transportation to go to Los Angeles or San Diego whenever possible. Living where I do, nothing I need is in walking distance and I don’t own a bicycle any longer. Frankly, I doubt I would want to cycle anywhere with these roads. Hopefully, this is not true for others.

Several years ago, we switched to cloth napkins for breakfast and dinner. I use paper at work, but hadn’t considered until now that I could carry one of my cloth napkins to work with me along with my lunch which is carried in one of my fancy lunch pails–no paper bags for me. If I must use a paper napkin, I’m going to cut them in half as was suggested by an environmental blogger. We only purchase paper towels that are perforated into halves to cut down on waste. However, I do sometimes overuse them, so I’ll be more aware of the times when a towel will do. When I’m out and about, the paper towels and napkins used to clean or dry my hands or to wipe up food spills can be composted and so I’ll do better with that, too. It won’t hurt me to keep a bag in my office and car to simply collect those and put them into my composter at home.

We already recycle paper, glass, aluminum and some plastics. Our magical kitchen trashcan (because it opens with a sensor and surprises guests) has two sections already built in and is convenient for recycling. My husband exchanges the recycling items for cash. It’s rewarding to use it to purchase our live Christmas tree for the living room each year. However, I’d like to switch to a quality fake one next year like the one we have in the family room. I might just win this argument this year since it’s become increasingly difficult for my husband to get down to water that live tree everyday. Thankfully, we agree on other recycling matters. We have a lovely counter size composter to collect food waste. My husband found on Amazon. Each week, he empties the contents into the huge composter in the backyard that we got for free from the city. I love that kitchen composter because it also has a filter built in to guard against odors and it works great.

While it sounds like we’re doing a lot, I know that we should be doing more. Water is a huge issue in draught stricken California, so we take 5 minute showers and collect the warm- up water in pails to water plants. I skip one shower on weekends. My son, a former Peace Corp volunteer, only showers every other day as he learned that it was actually acceptable and even healthier. So, I gave up one day on the weekend. I switched from disposable bottled water to personal Britta water bottles. I keep one by my bedside and one at work. Beyond the initial purchase of the Britta water bottles at Target and the periodic purchase of replacement filters, I think they are a great alternative to plastic water bottles. I also learned that a car wash uses less water than washing the car at home because the water is recycled. I purchased a pass for $12.99 per month that allows me unlimited car washes. We only wash full loads of clothes and our garden has a drip system. But I am in a constant fight with my husband over washing dishes methods. Dishwashers save water if you don’t wash them before putting them in the dishwasher. This is a constant battle in our house. My husband rinses everything to excess and washes too many dishes by hand. He doesn’t believe in soaking, so the constant running of water to loosen food drives me crazy.

I’m determined to do better as I learn better. So much is about changing simple habits like remembering to bring my reusable bags at the grocery store, Target, and even places where they don’t charge you for bags like, TJ Maxx. I’ll try to be better about turning off lights when I leave a room, eating less beef, and composting that paper towel or napkin that I accidently use to dry my hands.

I love technology and I’m excited by technological advances. In fact, I want to make a yearly pilgrimage to the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas when I retire. But while I am completely fascinated by innovation and the promise of greater efficiency, I realized that I am woefully falling behind each year in my utilization of it.

At work this past week, we had a training facilitated by one of our computer techs to maximize our use of the email and calendar system. He admitted from the start of the training that we will likely only use about 10% of the features available, but that was normal. I was awestruck by some of the features he showed us and even incorporated a couple of them right away. It was crazy to realize during the training that my computer and operating system were actually obsolete in terms of the software he presented. Because of all the moving and reorganizations that occurred, my scheduled upgrades had been missed. And I never noticed! I could do everything I thought I wanted or needed to do. Until the tech started showing us features that my old system wasn’t capable of doing, I would have continued on with my old computer and Windows 10 operating system. So, I’m scheduled to get a whole new computer and the newest operating system in the next couple of weeks.

But this just brings me to my point. It is easy to get stuck and to fall behind when it comes to technology and to never even realize what you’re missing. A couple of summers ago, I laughed at my aunt’s flip phone and then showed her all the cool features and things I could do with my smart phone. Thankfully, she now has a smart phone and I hope she’s utilizing at least some of the conveniences it provides. I find with each passing year, that I’m not much better than my aunt because I still have an iPhone 6. I’ve refused to spend the money to upgrade to latest and greatest because I’ve grown accustomed to the one I have. I don’t know what I’m missing by not upgrading to the newest technology. Admittedly, I’ve avoided going into the Apple Store to see because I’d probably leave with a new phone. But my aunt and I are not alone in our tendency to get stuck.

As I begin preparations for my family’s reunion in 2020, I’m finding that we have to prepare for family members on all levels of technology use. I actually stuffed and mailed 136 letters to family members who lacked email addresses. Most with emails, didn’t respond for days, if at all. I learned from one person with an email address that she didn’t know how to scan and attach documents to an email and so would rather just mail things to me. We are preparing to receive payment via check, Pay Pal and Zelle. I had family members email me to tell me that certain family members don’t do technology at all. So, expecting everyone to register on-line for the reunion is a no-go. Others told me they preferred text messages over emails. We are in a constant state of flux as technology progresses and individuals move along at their own comfortable pace.

My daughter, who is a technology master, insisted that we share everything related to our reunion planning on Google Docs and Google Sheets and I’m fine with that, but I had a moment of pause the other day when I opened Google Sheets to record expenses for postage stamps and copies only to find that the expenses had already been posted. I felt like the bank and Google Sheets had become “Big Brother” knowing and recording for me these expenses even though I had not connected the two accounts. It’s like that feeling you get when you’re shopping on-line and the item you looked at but didn’t purchase mysteriously shows up in your Facebook feed. After the shock wore off, I thought, well, this was going to save me a lot of time. But when I mentioned what occurred to my daughter, she informed me that the expenditures showed up on her family reunion bank account app and she entered the expense on Google Sheets. I was both relieved and disappointed.

Which brings me to apps. I have so many of them. Every good idea, including online banking, seems to become an app for me. I counted and then recounted the apps on my phone for this blog because I couldn’t believe that I actually have 125 of them. That is six pages of apps! So, today, I’m going old school, Martha Steward housekeeping on my cell phone apps. If I haven’t used it or don’t need it, I’m getting rid of it. I might also do the same with the 1,714 photos I have stored on my phone.

I love technology, but it is nearly impossible to keep up with.

I’m tired of hearing the talking point, “Build the wall!” Even more ridiculous was the promise that Mexico was going to pay for it. First, Trump said Mexico was going to gladly write a check and now he claims they’ll pay for it indirectly with a promised new trade deal. Until then, the president is demanding that Congress allocate American tax dollars to pay for it. My response is, “Oh hell no!” Walls don’t work. Desperate people will use a ladder to climb over it, dig a tunnel to go under it, or drill right through it. At the heart of the issue is why people are coming and perhaps our tax dollars can be used to get to the root of the problem.

Human migration is as old as humanity itself. Intelligent and able-bodied people will flee less than ideal circumstances in one location to a location that offers a better opportunity for economic survival and/or safety. And who can blame migrants for fleeing war or violence or persecution or oppression or starvation? Proverbs 27:12 says, “A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge; but the simple pass on, and suffer for it.”

The Evangelicals supporting this president and his call for the wall should know better than anyone that migration is a strategy that is repeated throughout the Bible with the righteous fleeing oppression, starvation, and persecution. They should recall their Sunday School lesson about the walls of Jericho that came tumbling down found in Joshua 6: 1-27. The fearmongering strategy put forth by this Administration is nothing but a proposed waste of tax payer dollars and a valed nod to racism against brown people.

I’m glad that some media outlets are countering the misrepresentation of statistics, gross exaggerations, and outright lies about the people seeking refuge and the danger we are in because we do not have a wall. The fact is that we are not being overrun by murderers, rapists and human traffickers. Drugs are coming in through legal ports of entry and through the mail to meet the demand of Americans for those drugs. The statistics show that fewer immigrants commit murder and rape than Americans. The few human traffickers won’t be deterred by a wall.

Here’s my point. If my family was facing the kinds of challenges these Central Americans are facing in their home countries, I would flee as well. I would hope that the 5.7 billion dollars we want to spend on a stupid wall would instead go towards helping to shore up the countries affected by our demand for drugs and finding ways to end the insatiable demand for drugs by Americans. People don’t migrate unless they are desperate. And a wall will never stop a desperate person who is fleeing for her life and for the lives of her precious children.

Already? Really? That was my reaction to the news that Senator Elizabeth Warren has established one of those interest committees for would be presidential candidates. The campaigning for the 2020 Presidential election is ramping up and I’m not ready. These last few years with Trump at the helm and then the resistance that successfully flipped the House of Representatives have left me exhausted. But I’d better take an energy drink and get ready.

What is clear to me is that our nation cannot afford another four years of Donald Trump. I’m amazed how he has lowered our expectations for what a president should be. His anti-intellectual, anti-law, anti-information, anti-immigrant, anti-truth, anti-news, and anti-decency and anti-morality has not only embarrassed our nation in the eyes of the world, but he has lowered the standards of common decency and further divided us. He has put the earth itself in further danger with his anti-environmental policies. So, I will gear up to support the candidacy of a person who actually deserves my respect and support. A hundred million Americans showed up to vote in the mid-terms. More will need to show up to elect someone new because of the way the electoral college works.

The next president won’t be perfect (no one is), but he or she will need to be intelligent, articulate, honest, experienced, and thoughtful. He or she will need a respect for the rule of law, knowledge of history, an appreciation for diversity, and a thoughtful approach to the environment. Only a candidate with these qualifications will deserve my support.

I hope the last two years have taught my fellow Americans that character matters and their votes matter. It’s been eye opening and disheartening to hear some fellow Christians continue to support this president who is clearly against pretty much everything Jesus taught us to be in relationship to God and our fellow human beings. I doubt Evangelical Christians understand how much their stance has revealed their hypocrisy and damaged the message of the Gospel. They have become a stumbling block.

I’ve also seem how gullible other Americans can be, blindly believing the lies of Fox News, the president, conservative radio hosts, and friends. Because of their own prejudice, ignorance, and fear of others, they cower behind this wall of lies that surrounds them. Trump, Fox News and conservative radio prey on these vulnerable people. With so much fear and hope for a return to a fictional past, the truth can’t penetrate their wall of lies. They will likely remain closed off while we tear down the wall with this next election.

The 2020 Presidential campaign is on our doorstep. This year I’ll be listening and watching carefully those who aspire to be the next president. The bar has been raised because we’ve all experienced the consequences of lowering the bar for the highest office in the world. It is clear that a huge fight is coming for the soul of our nation and the meaning of the presidency. Despite my political weariness, I’ve resolved to take a deep breath and gear up.

I have a wonderful son in law who just became a U.S. citizen last year. One of the things I appreciate most about him is that he brings a different perspective to discussions about life, health, and especially money. For Christmas this year, he gifted me the book, “12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos” by Jordan B. Peterson (whom he admires). He vowed to pay me $60 or $5 per rule to read the book and write a reflection on each rule. So, my first resolution is to read and reflect on this book in 2019 and collect that $60.

My second resolution is to find a way to improve my sleep. I’m on a quest to sleep more than 5-6 hours a night, convinced that getting more sleep will help me lose more weight and improve my overall health. I’m open to suggestions because everything the experts have suggested thus far has had very little affect on me. I’m grateful that I don’t wake up sleepy and I don’t have trouble concentrating during the day. But sleep is essential to a healthy body and a healthy brain. Sleep is an important time of healing and restoration for the body and mind. I simply need more of it.

My third resolution is to pay off my daughter’s student loan this year. I took on the loan because of her ongoing health struggles that sometimes causes gaps in her employment. Too many deferments only caused the loan to grow over the years and I wanted to release her from this added burden. Financial planners don’t like it when people who should be saving for retirement take on their children’s debts. However, I’m on track with my retirement savings and taking on this debt really only meant not taking another vacation to a far away land for a few years. Besides that, I don’t like the terms of this loan. The interest rate is high at 5.125% and making extra payments below a certain amount does not go strictly reduce the principle. So, I will be happy to get rid of it this year.

My forth resolution is to put my heart and soul into the planning of our 2020 family reunion in San Diego, California. At our 60th reunion in Charleston, South Carolina this past July, I volunteered to host the reunion in California since it has been 20 years. My goals in taking this on are to strengthen the commitment of younger family members to continue the reunion tradition that my grandmother started, create more interaction and stronger connections between family members at the reunion, and to establish a digital information transition process to pass along to the next host. I’m looking forward to building a California host family team to work on the reunion. The creative juices are already flowing and my daughter and I began the work of developing our infrastructure during her holiday visit.

My fifth and final resolution is to continue to do my best everyday to: a) Love and show love to my family and friends; b) Contribute to society as a citizen of the country and world; c) Make healthy eating choices; d) Exercise 5 days a week; e) Save money; and f) Continue writing my blog.

Here’s to a very Happy New Year!

It’s no surprise to those around me that I’m a planner. I tend to be forward looking, thinking about the opportunities and challenges that are known and hedging against the unknown. I’m cautious, but generally optimistic. I embrace innovation and change as avenues toward improvement. In order to plan, I need time to reflect on the past and how my actions, inactions, and decisions have played out over the year. I would say that 2018 was a mixture of good, not so good, and the downright horrific.

Anyone who has adult children knows that your love and deep caring about their welfare doesn’t end when they reach adulthood. Parental love never diminishes and therefore the worry never ends. So when one of my children hurts, I hurt. The difference is that I no longer exercise control over the response to a crisis. I no longer have the right to put a bandage on the booboo. And nor should I. That is the very definition of adulthood: the ability to take responsibility for oneself. As a parent of adults, I can only offer my wisdom, love, and support. Above all, I am silenced. I don’t feel at liberty to openly share the fear, the pain, and the worry I experience with the entire world. This was one of those years when I often had to cry alone, pray alone, and hope against hope for a good outcome. Enough about what I can’t control and on to areas where I’m the master of my ship.

First, I failed to improve my Spanish in 2018. I didn’t practice everyday as planned or even once a week. I chalk this up to the distraction in spring where major workplace changes, precipitated by false accusations had to be dealt with. That emotional fight left me too exhausted and a little too demoralized to work on my Spanish. Although the issue did get resolved, the whole ordeal sent me to the therapist couch for three sessions and two key people running for the exit. They understandably left our department, finding employment elsewhere where they thought they might be better appreciated and treated. On the bright side, to relieve stress, I found a new happy place in Chinese and Taiwanese soap operas on Netflix and I’ve picked up some Chinese phrases and learned a lot about modern Chinese and Taiwanese culture.

On the health front, I’ve had all my screenings, including testing my DNA with 23 and Me. Thankfully, I’m no worse off than the year before. I have a little peace of mind that I don’t have DNA markers for some of the more frightening health concerns that I was worried about. With the exception of my avocado oil potato chips, I’ve been pretty good with my 80% Paleo diet. I haven’t lost all the weight I had hoped to, but I have been consistent with 35 minutes of exercise on the treadmill or bike five days a week and the addition of weights three of those days. My Fitbit shows that I reached my 10,000 steps a day almost daily, and I’ve hit my 250 steps per hour, averaging 10 out of 12 hours each day. I continue to fall short in the sleeping department, rarely hitting my seven hours. I consistently get between 5-6 hours each night. I’m not sleepy during the day, but the experts all say I’m falling short in this area. My lack of adequate sleep and my refusal to give up on my avocado oil potato chips have likely prevented me from losing all the weight I want to.

It’s been a good year financially if I ignore the recent stock market downs on my retirement accounts. I’ve been a big saver this year, increasing an already adequate emergency fund, adding to my 403b, and starting a separate Roth IRA. I’ve made big dents in the student loans and I even paid off my Lexus. Being on an automatic savings system takes away the urge to spend that money on other things. It’s as though it doesn’t even exist, so there is no temptation.

I’m glad we traveled to Charleston, South Carolina for our family reunion this past July. It was my first time in that state where the greatest number of people who share my DNA reside. That’s according to Ancestry.com. But Ancestry disappointed me when they sent me an update on my DNA this year. I was happy to be 48% Nigerian for the last several years. But now they say I am only 3% Nigerian. Instead, I am 34% Benin/Togo; 31% Cameroon/Congo; 13% Ivory Coast/Ghana and 16% (Great Britain, Scotland, Norway and Sweden). That gigantic shift really threw me off, especially since I know a lot of Nigerians and they share my love of education. I was planning to visit Nigeria as a heritage trip. But not anymore. This change really messed with my thinking about my heritage and personal pride in it. When I’m ready, I’ll invest some time in learning more bout Benin, Togo, Cameroon, and Congo as I did with Nigeria.

I don’t think I need to reflect too much on the politics of 2018 except to say that I am glad that the Democrats took over the House and I am especially happy that we were able to flip the 25th District, getting rid of Republican Steve Knight and putting in Democrat Katie Hill. That was huge.

The myth of living in one of the safest areas in the country was shattered by the mass shooting at the Borderline where many of my students spent so much time. My own kids frequented that club when they were college students and beyond. Our community suffered through that shooting followed immediately by wildfires without being able to catch out breath. Collectively, it has been an emotionally exhausting few months. Personally, it has been an emotionally exhausting year.

Overall, 2018 is not a year that will go down as one of my favorites. There were too many periods of turmoil, stress, pain, and disappointment. There were moments of joy, learning, and victory, too. Progress was made on a few fronts, but not nearly enough to tip the scale into the favorite year category. However, I am optimist about 2019.

When I observe the many indictments against those who worked for the sitting president, I can’t help but wonder why so many Republicans are still supporting him.  I heard nearly 80% of Republicans continue to support this president.   It seems like a strong case  of cynicism has taken hold of too many Americans, making it exceedingly difficult to hold this president accountable to the rule of law.  Think about it, if Obama had been implicated in just one of this president’s many scandals, to say nothing of the numerous accusations of actual criminal behavior, we would have already been in impeachment proceedings. 

The difference is that we’ve entered an era of cynicism.  Too many people hold the view that it is normal and even acceptable that human actions are only motivated by selfishness.  When cynicism takes hold of people’s thinking it becomes okay for a person to lie, steal, cheat and break all kinds of laws in the interest of becoming president.  And since that president is doing their bidding by nominating judges to overturn laws they don’t like, then they’ll overlook the corruption.  It becomes okay for a sitting president businessman to use his public office for personal gain.  If we have actually become so cynical in our thought processes, then moving forward we will get even more corrupt government officials.  

This will be a short post because my thoughts around this subject are simple.  We cannot afford to allow cynicism to define our expectations of each other.  We absolutely must raise our standards to once again value the collective good.  Public service officials must be of service to the public not to their own personal interests.  Anything less becomes a fleecing of the public trust and wallet.  This is happening before our eyes and too many people are looking the other way as if this is not only okay, but expected.  That is cynicism and it leads to widespread corruption. We and our children and their children’s children will all pay for it if we refuse to hold the blantant corruption of this current administration to account. 

Impeachment isn’t just a political choice, it is a responsibility to the American people.  Our Founders put it there to protect our country against corrupt and self-dealing high public officials. They knew what we are experiencing today could happen and impeachment was the safeguard against it.   We must hold our House and Senate members fully responsible by ensuring that they hear our collective voices demanding a strong defense of our nation, its Constitution, and the rule of law.  We cannot allow cynicism to rule the day and ruin our nation.

Despite the very best intentions, the strongest discipline, and possession of the highest esteem for morality, no one is publicly perfect.  And in the day of social media and the 24 hour news cycle, each imperfection is quickly put on display to ensure a swift and public shaming.  I’m all for accountability, but how that accountability is executed in our society is far from ideal.

This past week Kevin Hart was announced as the master of ceremony for the Oscars. There was a lot of excitement around the announcement.  After all, he’s a funny guy.  But just two days later, he backed out of the gig when 8-10 year old negative (and hurtful) comments he made about the LGBTQ community resurfaced. Several years ago he had publicly apologized for those comments and expressed how his thinking had evolved.  Not wanting to revisit the issue and not wanting to be a distraction to the event, he pulled out.  I was sad because I think he would have done a great job.  But at greater issue is that I think our society is shooting itself in the foot with this kind of accountability.

True, we absolutely need to hold people accountable.  However, I question the fairness of holding people accountable today for actions that society had deemed acceptable at the time of their occurrence.  The collective social morals of society change over time.  At one time, it was unacceptable for a girl to call a boy on the phone.  It was considered scandalous for unmarried couples to live together. Such a couple were whispered about as “living in sin” or “shacking up”.  It was a normal part of the workplace for men to flirt with and even pursue women.  Now we call it harassment, but when it  first became an issue, the offense had to be unwanted, persistent,  and “pervasive”.   So, men who once tried to kiss a female employee without express permission in the past, got a pass.  But I wonder if it is fair to derail any person’s career or life today by bringing up a once acceptable (though obnoxious) behavior from ten, fifteen, or twenty years ago?  

The rules in the past did not honor nor protect minorities or women.  I quit science behind the unwanted sexual attention of a teacher.  I quit a lucrative job in finance behind the unwanted amorous attention of the boss.  Both men were considerably older than me, so I assume they are either long retired or more likely dead now.  But what if they weren’t?  Would I seek to derail their careers if they apologized and explained how they had evolved with the changing societal norms?  Most likely not.  Would I want to be held accountable for things I said and did 20 years ago when times were different and I was different?  No, I wouldn’t.  

Times are changing more rapidly than ever and so our societal norms.  I think it is counterproductive to hold people accountable for past behaviors using present day norms.  We need to give people space to express their moral movement with the times.  I would really like to see our society hold people accountable in real time for real time offences like constantly lying to the American people, posing with Nazi salutes, and shooting innocent black young men.