Fully Present Post 50

While making small talk with my dentist this week as she prepared to clean my teeth and examine the progress from my Invisalign braces, she mentioned that she hadn’t watched any news for two years to preserve her mental health. Coincidentally, my husband confessed on one of our walks this week that he can no longer watch the news in the morning because it ruins his entire day. I, too, have limited my consumption of news for the same reason as the two of them. Watching the news, particularly the political news is like watching a slow-moving train wreck happening before my eyes and feeling helpless to stop it.

However, I am not entirely helpless. People say that to address a problem one must first acknowledge that a problem actually exists. As a human, it’s tempting to ignore, avoid, or to pretend like a problem doesn’t exist, especially when you feel like you don’t have the means to address it. Today, our nation faces a collective problem presented by the MAGA Republican agenda. They are white “Christian” nationalists, not very different from the Nazi Party and they want to take over the nation.

In my lifetime, I have never encountered a group of people so determined to lean into conspiracy theories, debunk ideologies, and wishful thinking as opposed to actual science, history, and social and psychological research. Their willingness to promote dangerous misinformation, lies, and to distort facts is difficult to swallow. The level of blatant racism, xenophobia, and hypocrisy is disheartening and uncomfortable to watch. The fact that MAGA Republicans are willing to allow a fraud like George Santos to continue to be seated in the House of Representatives shows just how depraved and unhinged this party has become. Truth and integrity are not a priority; power is. It’s clear to anyone watching a Congressional hearing that they are opposed to allowing science, academic research, and medical professions guide decision making regarding climate change, abortion, public health, and transgender issues. The evidence shows that they want to hide or manipulate history so they can characterize any attempts to rectify the damage done to minorities as attempts to discriminate against whites. They are against immigration from non-white countries. Like moderate Republicans, they too want to end Social Security and Medicare as well as income taxes. So then, what are they for?

First and foremost, they are for re-establishing white male “Christian” dominance in the United States and the world. They embrace a false narrative that this is a “Christian” nation. They embrace the strong man approach over the constitution that now grants freedoms to minorities and women. To reestablish white Christian male dominance, they are willing to hand over the reins of government to a leader who is willing to kill, imprison, or silence anyone who threatens what they believe is their God-given right to rule and dominate. In their distorted view of things, the founders created freedoms solely for them. They alone truly have the right to vote, so voter suppression of minorities is good until they can again eliminate that right altogether. This is why they think there are stolen elections. If you don’t believe people of color legitimately have the right to vote, then you view their votes as fraudulent. They believe that freedom of speech applies only to them, even if their words cause chaos or puts others in harm’s way. They believe the right to their religious practice justifies denying the civil liberties of other citizens. They believe they have the right to protest, but others are unpatriotic if they do so and should be punished. They believe they have the right to bear arms, but view others as a threat to be killed on the spot by police if they bear arms.

Behind this anti-democratic stance is the underlying reasoning that white people discovered and fairly conquered the indigenous people to establish this country as a white protestant nation. In their minds, only white people are true Americans. The surviving indigenous people belong on reservations. All others are merely guests and inferior humans who were brought in (in chains) or allowed to enter to help build the infrastructure, industry, and agricultural foundations that made this country to function and prosper for them to enjoy.

However, those few white protestants realized that they were quickly outnumbered by indigenous, blacks, and immigrants from around the globe who were pouring their blood, sweat and tears into this nation without rights. Their answer was to expand what it meant to be white and therefore an “American” with full access to education, voting, and positions of authority. Immigrant groups literally petitioned the Supreme Court to be classified as “White”. Some were granted whiteness while others such as Southeast Asians and Japanese were denied. My Armenian son-in-law was shocked to learn that he is white because the Supreme Court said so. Some Mexicans cling to their whiteness because of a similar Supreme Court ruling. The expansion of whiteness was a way to maintain dominance over people of color and to restrict competition for land, education, employment, and power. Legalized discrimination made the escape from poverty nearly impossible for all but the extremely talented or lucky.

As second-class citizens who fought in every war and helped build the country, it was inevitable that people would form an alliance to demand full citizenship rights. Jews, who are white, are most hated for joining with Blacks, feminists, and other people of color in fighting for Civil Rights. This ongoing the alliance of feminist women, ethnic, religious, and LGBTQ minorities makes up the democratic party today. They are continuing to fight for access to opportunities and the expansion of higher education and a safety net. While Conservatives are individualists, Democrats see us as being in this together and affecting each other’s lives.

It’s undeniable that strides have been made to educate and give more access to land, capital, education, employment and power to people who were previously excluded from all these opportunities. What we’ve achieved with the limited access we earned is remarkable, but it is also scary to some white conservatives, particularly those like Trump.

The election of Barack Obama awakened fears within the hearts of some white people that “their nation” is being overrun by outsiders and overly ambitious people of color. MAGA Republicans are fearful of losing what power they think they have and so they have unleashed an all-out war on feminists, ethnic minorities, Jews, LGBTQ folks, and immigrants. “Make America Great Again” really meant, “Make America ‘White’ Again” where white males hold all the wealth and power.

The MAGA Republican agenda is simple: Restore power and privilege to white Christian Americans. First, they will close the borders to non-whites. They will force pregnancy upon women to stifle their ambitions and curtail their progress. Then they will cripple poor communities by eliminating all social safety nets while re-establishing discrimination (disguised as freedom) so that poor people and LGBTQ people will no longer have the energy nor desire to seek political power. They will replace income tax with a national sales tax that unfairly taxes the poorest among us. If they can create a permanent underclass of cheap labor who must work until the day they die (and they will die sooner with more poverty-driven crime and without decent food and healthcare), then they will have achieved their goal.

The time is right now to acknowledge that we have a problem in this country that will not be ignored, avoided, nor wished away. It matters that we stay informed and that we use our individual and collective voice to advocate for what is true and just. We must defend those among us who are under attack. It matters more than ever that we vote for officials who are inclusive and who value equal justice under the law and who tap into the current wisdom of science, history, and medicine. This is our collective fight to win against a very vocal and relentless MAGA Republican Party. So, watching or reading a little bit of news every day is a task that must not be entirely avoided even though it makes me uncomfortable.

Anyone watching the news this past week saw drama unfold as the two faces of the Republican Party did battle over who would become the next Speaker of the House. The situation sparked a conversation with my husband over what the Republican Party stans for. In my mind, there are two agendas and neither of them suit my taste. This week, I’ll share my take on the moderate Republicans

What I’ve observed about the moderate or traditional Republican Party is that they are primarily rugged individualists who believe that everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps without government intervention and low taxes. They point to the “American Dream” as though every American has the capacity, pathway, and opportunity to achieve it if they go to school, get a job, get married before having babies, and work hard enough. With that mindset, they view the poor as failures.

The reality is that Republicans choose to ignore the reality that some people cannot follow their prescribed path for a variety of economic, physical, social, and emotional reasons. Few children born in poverty have the extraordinary talent, courage, and drive to overcome the trauma and lack of resources associated with growing up in poverty. In my opinion, Republicans are far too quick to demonize the poor as lazy “welfare queens” looking for a handout instead of looking for a job. To them, poverty is a character flaw to be punished, not mitigated. As rugged individualists, I watch as they continuously vote to withhold the funding needed to address both the immediate and underlying problems of the poor. Instead, they are willing to allow children to go hungry, be under-educated, and to become desperate enough to view crime as an opportunity if they aren’t especially talented in some way. Their answer to the crime their individualism inspires is to invest in greater numbers of police and prisons. They simply lock up the criminals and the mentally ill, the majority of whom are black and brown people as a direct result of this country’s history of systematic discrimination that perpetuated poverty.

Moderate Republicans have a staunch belief in limited government, free enterprise, a strong military, and fickle immigration. They assert that people should be trusted to make decisions for themselves as individuals regarding gun ownership and mask wearing, despite the obvious risks to public health. Like poverty, they believe that people are fully responsible for their own outcomes, whether positive or negative. Their repeated answer to innocent lives taken by Covid-19 and victims of mass shootings is the offering of “thoughts and prayers”. They expect individuals to take precautions like arming themselves as though the good guy with a gun can always stop a bad guy with a gun. They seem to prefer a self-imposed isolation for Covid-19, not mask-wearing or vaccine regulations. I’m disheartened, but not surprised by their policy of going out in public at your own risk. This explains their opposition to universal healthcare. They believe an individual’s health and related expenses are personal and should be handled on a personal level.

This rugged individualism extends beyond public health. They allow for blatant discrimination against women, LGBTQ people, and people of color, while also allowing for the exploitation of illegal immigrants by employers as “free market strategies”. Employers in labor intensive industries like agriculture, meat packing, and construction desire cheap labor and so Republicans refuse attempts to increase legal guest-worker programs and to increase governmental capacity to process more immigrants. Their strategy has been to score political talking points by demonizing migrants as drug dealers, murderers and rapists while forcing desperate migrants into an illegal status that provides industry with cheap slave labor.

I don’t find the moderate Republicans to be overtly racists. In fact, they hate even the idea of it. Instead, they approve of a false “meritocracy” that gives obvious advantages to the children of wealthy people in education, business, and housing while crippling the historically less fortunate, who just happen to be primarily black and brown people. They genuinely claim to be “color blind” and they truly believe that they are adhering to Martin Luther King, Jr. speech about character being more important than color. This is why they so easily demonize the poor as deficient in character and so happily praise the few people of color who have risen out of poverty to join their ranks. So, of course, they cry, “reverse discrimination” should any special access to opportunities be given to those who have been historically disadvantaged through discrimination. This is why they are quick to highlight the extraordinary accomplishments of the few minorities who are successful as though they are living proof of the righteousness of rugged individualism.

Moderate Republicans chose to ignore history, science, and sociology in favor of advancing “opportunities” for personal and corporate economic gain. If a vaccine, clean energy, or technological advances makes money and creates jobs, then they are all it. However, I think they approach history and science and social change as threats to the status quo and so they inject the fear of losing what they have into every argument. This is how they earned the title, “conservatives”. For example, they continue to adhere to a disproven theory of trickle-down economics in order to continue to support policies that favor the wealthy “job creators” who are in reality labor exploiters, not much different from slave owners. Their policies have only increased wealth inequality because nothing really trickles down.

In the seventies, Republicans needed more Americans to join their ranks and so they added issues to their agenda that appealed to white evangelical Christians. They put forward the protection of the unborn and the notion that the U.S. was a “Christian” nation in danger of being taken over by secularism. They boosted their numbers among white evangelical Christians.

But it was the election of the first black president that ignited the racism and white supremacy that has become the Trump “MAGA” faction of the Republican Party. Next week, I’ll talk about what they stan for and why they must be defeated.

Like many people, I welcome the new year as an opportunity to reflect on the past year and to reset my priorities for the new year. I take time between Christmas and New Year’s Eve to consider who I want to be, how I want to live, and what I hope to accomplish in the coming year. Often times I make resolutions to lose weight, change bad habits, learn a new skill, or do more of something good. I always use the time to review, reorganize, and revise my finances (and this year was no different). I created my financial strategy for the year including a budget. This year’s reflections and revisions are heavily influenced by the fact that I’m about to become a grandmother to two additional grandsons in February and March and the relief that my husband’s 2 1/2 years of treatment for lung cancer have been officially concluded with success. He will start 2023 without any traces of cancer in his body!

I’ve reviewed the charities and political organizations to which I contribute on a monthly automatic basis and I’m not making any changes. My giving reflects my desire to help in areas that touch my heart the most. I have limited resources, so I can’t give to every worthy cause, although I would really like to. I’m thankful that my husband has his own set of charities that he donates to at the end of each year, and they are different from mine. He prefers to write big checks, while I like the monthly approach. So, I’ve made the tough decision to continue to give to St. Jude, Doctors Without Borders, Women for Women International, FINCA, UNICEF USA, the Boys and Girls Club of Southern Michigan, and World Food Programs. On the political organization side, I’ll continue to give to MoveOn and Emily’s List. Throughout the year, I’ll donate to individual campaigns during election season, give one-time donations for disaster relief efforts, and donate to educational institutions and scholarship funds during fundraising campaigns.

On the educational and social justice front (my vocational purpose), I’ll continue with the Fully Present Better Human Project using my social media accounts, website, and promotional products. It’s not a money-making venture, but a passion project with the hope of encouraging better human behavior. Starting in January, my daily posts will be posters promoting the nine better human behaviors to build a safer and more equitable society. I’ll also put forth my social justice poems and promote the products I’ve created to help others spread the message with me.

I drastically changed our eating in 2022 to a plant-based diet (except Fridays) and I practice intermittent fasting where I eat during an 8-hour window and fast for 16 hours. These changes along with exercise have improved my health and even improved my kidney function, which I didn’t think was possible. I firmly believe this new diet also helped with Michael’s recovery. I’ve lost ten pounds so far and all my lab numbers are within the normal range. So, I’ll just continue eating this in 2023 alongside my gardening and other activities that involve working with my hands.

I spent most of the last two years knitting for my grandsons. I made hats, booties, blankets, sweaters, and mittens. That’s all done. I’ve put the yarn and the knitting needles away. However, during a time of stress in early December, I found myself wanting to paint for emotional relief. I also purchased a Cricut Maker that went on sale at Costco. I’d been eyeing it for crafting purposes for a couple of years. I watched YouTube videos to see all the projects I could make and to learn all the tricks. I was fortunate to catch all the Christmas sales and after Christmas clearance to stock up on paints, vinyl, wood, and supplies at greatly reduced prices. My husband purchased a Cricut hot press for me on Amazon as my Christmas gift. I’ve found many premade designs and fonts in the ETSY Store for a nominal cost and easily downloaded them onto my computer for use. This completely eliminated the need for the $10/month Cricut subscription. The Dollar Tree has been my go-to place for multiple surfaces to embellish and for small paint canvases. I even found youth t-shirts to customize at the Dollar Tree. I have so much stuff to work on to keep me crafting in 2023. And it’s been nice watching my husband put his wood working skills to work for some of my projects.

Although I paint like a 5-year-old and my crafting skills aren’t that great, I’ll enjoy crafting when I’m home. But with two new grandsons on the way, I plan to spend a lot of 2023 on the road visiting these precious little ones or filling in with childcare for their busy parents. I sometimes wonder if they waited for me to retire to have their babies. In some ways it is nice that they are older parents with established careers, but pregnancy after 35 isn’t the best way to go. I message to young women seeking a career first is to freeze those eggs. We’ve talked about driving to Texas for Michael’s granddaughter’s college graduation and then taking our time to sightsee in New Mexico. In any case, my crafting projects will likely be focused on the kids and the grandkids as I have very little desire to accumulate more things.

And that leads me to my one resolution for 2023. I’m going to get rid of things in a big way. I plan to send precious items to the kids. I plan to update my will. I plan to throw things away and shred papers. I plan to have a huge garage sale by this summer. And I plan to donate items to charity. My first task though is to reorganize my crafting space to accommodate all my new supplies.

My goal for the new year is to be lean and clutter free moving forward. I did one pass through when I first retired, getting rid of a lot of things. But now that I’m in my second year of retirement, I realize how much less I want or need. So, 2023 will be the year I achieve freedom from extra weight and extra stuff.

The past few years have been isolating and difficult for many of us. I know our family has been unable to gather in our home for the holidays since the pandemic conspired with my husband’s colon cancer to keep us apart. It’s been disappointing. I deeply miss the laughter, the hugs, the games, the conversations, the presents, and the breaking of bread together.

While health issues and distance continue to keep us apart for yet another year, I’ll make the best of our “couple’s only” Christmas at home. At my husband’s request, I’m making Cornish hens stuffed with wild rice, basil balsamic green beans and peach cobbler for dessert. I mailed Christmas gifts to the kids and grandkids along with most of those therapeutic hand-painted items I completed. We purchased gifts for each other to open, too, although mine is a Cricut hot press that I chose myself. And just for a fun surprise, I purchased $40 worth of holiday-themed scratchers. It will be fun to see if we win something. I’m planning to speak with all the kids and close family members today to help close the distance between us.

To you readers, please know that I appreciate you taking the time each Sunday to read about my life experiences, my thoughts, reflections, and ideas about how to improve our lives as humans. I pray that there is something in my commitment to be transparent and vocal about life as an older black woman in America that helps or inspires or encourages you.

I wish you a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Holidays. May the joy of the season surround you whether you are alone or surrounded by family and friends. If you feel a bit lonely today, I encourage you to treat yourself well and then to reach out to family and friends who will love hearing from you. I pray that 2023 is better in many ways than 2022.

Along with others, I was deeply saddened by the suicide of TWitch (Stephen Boss). I had followed this young man’s career from his beginning on the dance competition show, “So, You Think You Can Dance” through to his DJ and executive producer position on the “Ellen Show”. He seemed to have it all. He had a charismatic personality, a lucrative career, a beautiful wife and three children, and a star that just kept rising. But obviously he still wasn’t happy enough to want to keep on living. I’ve known how that feels.

I consider myself to be a successful person, too, having worked hard to overcome discrimination and childhood trauma. I have a lovely family, I’m educated, I enjoyed a fulfilling career and I’m financially stable enough to allow me to travel and pursue my passions. My passion has always been to help alleviate human suffering and to help secure social justice for humanity. I’m highly empathetic, deeply feeling the emotional and even physical pain of others. Experiencing sympathy pains was such a frequent occurrence during my adolescence that my mother strongly advised me against pursuing a career in medicine. I’ve never been able to sit by and watch people suffer. So, I’ve spent my entire life fighting against suffering and injustice, worrying about these things, warning and protecting loved ones to avoid danger, and praying about these things.

However, in these last few years it’s been really tough to watch humanity spiral toward hate-fueled destruction of everything I hold dear. The bad actors seem to be gaining ground and hurting more people while so called “Christian evangelicals” are actively working to roll back gains in social justice. And so, while taking our daily walk last week, I found myself confessing to my husband that I’m discouraged by the growing lack of human decency and outright human inhumanity to other humans and the planet. I confessed that if given the choice of whether or not to return to this earth to live another life, I would choose not to. I told him that the only reason I was still here was because of the people I love. I couldn’t hurt him or the children and so I live on and press on.

As the tears flowed down my cheeks, taking him by complete surprise, I confessed that I really needed to ride around the neighborhood at night to see the Christmas lights. I explained that those lights and decorations people put up are expressions of kindness to others. They are meant to feed the soul and I really needed to see them right now. I explained that Christmas lights aren’t put up for the enjoyment of the people inside the home, but for others to see and enjoy. I told him that I really needed to see that right now to feel that there were positive humans in the world. As I was expressing this sentiment, a couple with a home nicely decorated for the holidays, was moving towards their vehicle, apparently on their way to work. I stopped walking, turned to them, and said, “Thank you for decorating your home for Christmas. It really means a lot to me to see your decorations.” They simply smiled and I think my husband thought I had truly lost my mind.

The following week, despite all my prayers, personal tragedy struck our family and I felt yet another wave of discouragement and anguish over life on earth. I had begun painting as a therapeutic measure from the previous week. And so, I just redoubled my painting efforts. I painted nearly all day, every day for about 10 days. I know my husband was worried about me because the only thing worse than seeing the world in turmoil was to see my children in pain. And they were in pain over this unexpected loss. And so was I. I moved quickly from disbelief, to sorrow, to anger at the universe.

On another morning walk a couple of days ago, I reassured my husband that I understood and accepted that life was a mixed bag and that I couldn’t pray myself nor family members out of experiencing the random meteors that strike our lives. I admitted that I thought the universe was just as “mean” as it was generous and that I had to accept that. I explained to him that I had enough joy in life to keep me here and that I knew I had to expect the ugly, the awful, and the painful just as much as I accepted the beauty, the gains, and the lucky breaks. I was thankful that the universe provided the beauty of flowers and trees, delicious foods, creativity in the arts, technological innovation, and the comfort and support of family and friends. With the cruelty came comfort in these things like Christmas lights. They offered me hope for humankind and a restoration of my soul, if I looked for them.

My bout of discouragement ended as I realized that although the universe is cruel and random in its distribution of destruction, I can choose how to respond to it. I’m not clinically depressed, so I can choose to not give in to bitterness, hopelessness, anger, nor resentment. But many are clinically depressed and need to seek help from a mental health professional. Whether through medication or talk therapy, depression can be overcome. I’m thankful for the ability to dial 988 in case of a mental health crisis and I’m sad that TWitch wasn’t in the state of mind to access the help he so desperately needed.

That said, I choose to be a person who puts up Christmas lights to remind other humans that there is kindness, joy, and beauty to be found on this earth. I choose to use my voice and my pen to pursuit social justice. I choose to give to those who are in need. I choose to continue to pray and warn of danger. And I now choose to spend a bit more time looking at the Christmas lights for the strength to continue to fight against the negativity than vows to consume us.

The other day, my husband and I were watching television together when a commercial featuring an affectionate same-sex couple filled the screen. My husband groaned and got up, exclaiming that he can’t watch it. And that’s his right. I groaned too, but for an entirely different reason. I felt frustration and sadness and a renewed desire to help others, who unlike my husband, aren’t willing to at least tolerate an expression of humanity that doesn’t harm others.

But the reality is that we are in a continuing battle to determine how our society will function with its relatively new reversal of legal discrimination against women and every kind of minority group. At the forefront are important issues surrounding the legalized freedoms, equitable treatment, and inclusion of minorities, women, and poor people throughout our society. I admit to being a progressive when it comes to equal access to opportunities, to dignified and just treatment, and to the freedom of human beings to openly express who they are so long as they do not endanger the lives of others.

I’m also a Christian. But no longer in the conservative evangelical Christian sense. I grew up listening to a self-serving chauvinistic view of Christianity that infantilized women, demonized homosexuality, and sanctioned tyranny as God’s order. I think I was about sixteen years old when I began to reject this view of Christianity.

I recall a conversation with my eldest brother after one of those sermons about men being the head of the household and how wives had a Christian duty to obey their husbands and to follow his lead as though they were following Christ Himself. I told my brother that I would never marry if that was the case. I couldn’t understand why God would give me a brain and a will if I wasn’t allowed to use them after I got married. That mindset carried through to their belief that women were unsuitable for leadership over men in the church, the workplace, and in public life. For me, this relegation of women to second class status was without regard to a woman’s intelligence, talent, and wisdom and it was the first crack in the worldview of conservative Christianity.

I was also taught to believe that the wages of sin was eternal damnation in a fiery hell, but that the gift of God was eternal life through the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross. I was taught that our job as believers was to share this “Good News” to save sinners from their inevitable fate. The difference between evangelical Christians of my youth and those today is that we didn’t try to legally force “sinners” to live as saints or to at least hide their sinful behaviors to make us feel more comfortable in society. In the more conservative society of my youth, we could simply remove ourselves from situations and segments of society that were offensive to us. But things started to change as society loosened its restrictions on what was considered decency and legislatures codified civil liberties around speech, marriage, and access to opportunities.

I recall ministers spending a lot of time telling us what music we couldn’t listen to, what movies we couldn’t watch, which television shows were inappropriate. One time our youth choir was not allowed to sing on a Sunday morning because they were caught enjoying a secret dance party the night before. School became difficult. In fact, I gave up drama class and drama competitions because the material I was being asked to perform was too offensive. Conversations with non-believers became difficult. Parents began home-schooling their children to protect them from exposure. Ministers began preaching against higher education as a corrupting force to be avoided. But I intended to go to college and my family understood higher education was an economic necessity for good employment. The list of restrictions kept growing as society became more openly accepting of the full spectrum of the human condition. Churches began to fracture over what constituted sinful behavior and what didn’t. Conservatives worked to produce contemporary music, movies, television programs, spiritual dance teams, and to build schools that would educate young people.

However, the revelations of sexual and monetary improprieties were exposed among prominent church leaders across the nation, including in my own church. Political pundits stepped in and offered a return to public decency through government. They asserted that this was a “Christian” nation, and that the nation would be destroyed if Americans didn’t repent and return to “God’s ways”. I eventually left what was obviously an institution full of self-righteous hypocrites who had adopted a “do as I say, not as I do” model of leadership. I decided to follow Jesus’ teachings and not those of self-serving controlling men. And once I left, I met decent people who thought differently and lived differently. I took a world religions class in college. I traveled abroad. I experienced secular music and movies and television and broadened my worldview. I learned that I could love and mingle with people from a wide range of backgrounds and not be contaminated by them.

I learned to trust myself and to listen to the voice within to decide how to be a good Christian. I could decide for myself what music and shows inspired and encouraged me to do good and what was a bit too much for me. I gained a different perspective on what sin actually was and wasn’t. I now view sin as intentionally doing harm to others. I discovered that I don’t like violence. I don’t like seeing people intentionally hurting others. I realized that I don’t like things that are too sexually explicit. I don’t like exploitation of any kind. And I especially don’t like the tyranny we are witnessing today.

A tyrannical form of Christianity has joined with white nationalists against freedom-seeking people in a fight over how this society will function moving forward. These white conservative evangelical Christians and white nationalists want to move about freely in the country without having to see gay people, transgender people, or women and people of color in positions of power. They think their bigotry, sugar-coated as morality and “greatness” is more important than other people’s civil liberty and so they vehemently argue that their religious freedom is being challenged by someone else’s same sex marriage or abortion or sex change operation. They demonize teachers who teach equity and inclusion as “groomers” and they think everyone is trying to recruit children into homosexual lifestyles or to confuse them regarding their gender, as if that was even possible.

I realize that their hatred of Jews stems from the prominence of Jews in the media that produces music, movies, and television shows that showcase the spectrum of humanity. They blame Jews for helping with the Civil Rights Movement, for promoting diversity, and for rising to economic power through education and business acumen. White nationalists in particular are frustrated that they are no longer the ones pulling the strings. Their chant in the Charlottesville march was, “Jews will not replace us!” However, in a free-market democracy, those with the capital and the creativity get to produce the products for consumption. This is precisely why they are now willing to terrorize minorities, demonize “wokeness”, and throw out the democracy.

My message to Americans is to first protect the democracy against religious tyranny and white nationalists and then choose with your feet and your pocketbooks what you will consume. If you don’t like abortion, don’t get one. If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get gay married. If you don’t like sex-changes, don’t have one. If you don’t like violence or explicitly sexual movies. games, and music, don’t consume them. Jesus never forced anyone to follow Him; He was all about our freedom of choice.

Last week, I wrote about the wonderful shows we enjoyed on our trip to New York. But New York is also known for its great variety in dining options. It’s on par with San Francisco, notably the highest ranked city for dining in the country (primarily by me and a few experts). So, I understood that this was going to be fun. I mentioned that my daughter left me in charge of our dining arrangements because of my self-imposed eating restrictions. For this trip, I did ease up on my restrictions on the consumption of animal products, opting for chicken and fish, while also maintaining my intermittent fasting schedule.

That said, I began my research on the internet where I selected top ranked restaurants in Manhattan from a variety of categories that were close to the theater district. I purposely left a few slots open for on the ground recommendations from locals and that strategy didn’t disappoint.

Our food journey began with a recommendation from the door man who stored our bags at the hotel prior to check-in. It was 11am and I was ready to eat. My daughter craved a hamburger, and I craved a relaxed atmosphere post train ride to enjoy a tasty meal. He directed us to one of his favorite spots that is frequented by locals called the Red Flame Diner on West 44th Street, just a few short blocks away. My daughter ordered a burger and onion rings as well as country fries (just to try them). I was happy to see that they had an Impossible burger with French fries on the menu. So, I ordered that. This was a bustling diner with decent service and an extensive menu. We’re not drinkers of soda nor alcohol, so throughout the trip, we only asked for water. The burger was average, but the onion rings and French fries were outstanding. The country potatoes went largely untouched. The pre-tip total for the meal was $45.80. That’s quite a bit for hamburgers. So, on a scale of 1 – 5 stars, I give the Red Flame Diner 3.5 stars.

For dinner, I had made a reservation online through Open Table at Carmines, a highly recommended Italian restaurant, also on W. 44th Street. I didn’t know about the family style portions when I made the reservation. Thankfully, we were seated next to two other couples who, like us, were visitors to the city and were unaware of the huge portions that were to come. The young couple beside us were on an anniversary trip from Virginia and ordered the House salad to start their meal. What came out was a shock to the six of us. They offered to share the salad with us and the other couple who were visiting from Puerto Rico. We gladly accepted. There was more salad than the six of us could consume. We ordered Chicken Lemon over angel pasta for our meal and ended up offering the untouched leftovers to the hotel clerk who was happy for a nice meal from Carmines. Both the salad and chicken entree were delicious. The service was exceptional. The price was reasonable at $50.57 pre-tip. Granted we did have free salad as a starter. I give Carmines 4.5 stars only because I wish they offered a meal option for two. Having to select the same main course was limiting.

The following day, we had reservations at a tiny Chinese Restuarant called Kung Fu Kitchen on 8th Avenue (in Hell’s Kitchen) that I found during my internet search. This place specializes in dumplings and buns and didn’t disappoint. We had guests join us for this meal and we seemed to order nearly everything on the menu because my daughter is really into sampling. My favorites were the green onion pancakes, the chicken and vegetable dumplings, and the noodle stir fry. The restaurant was busy and had a booming take out business. The food easily earns 5 stars, but the ambiance gets only 3 stars as there was nothing pleasing to the eyes about this little hole in the wall.

The opposite is true of the fine dining experience I booked for that evening at Del Frisco’s Double Eagle Steakhouse on Avenue of the Americas. The service was excellent, the ambiance was outstanding, and the food was worth the high cost of every bite. At least that was true for me. We agreed that the dinner salads we ordered were the best we’d ever had. I had a Ceasar, and my daughter had a wedge. But we had divergent experiences with our main courses. My daughter ordered a steak (well-done) and au gratin potatoes. Neither met her expectations. I ordered crab cakes and a baked potato. Both were so delicious that I forced myself to continue eating past being full. (Note to self: listen to the server when she suggests that one crab cake might be adequate.) The blue crab cakes are huge and honestly far better tasting than all the crab cakes I’ve consumed in Maryland. The price tag on this meal was well over $120 each before tip and we only drank tab water. Thankfully, being the frugal person I am, I only scheduled one expensive meal for the trip. Not surprisingly, I give this restaurant the full 5 stars, although my daughter might only give it 4 since she didn’t enjoy her entre as much.

We ate cheese pizza slices from a busy hole in the wall pizza joint that operated like a well-oiled machine and loved it. I enjoyed an almond milk hot chocolate from Starbucks in Times Square while chatting with a Brazilian tourist. We ate with Nicole’s actor clients at Junior’s, a famous diner that has two locations in Manhattan and is extremely busy. The food was unremarkable, but plentiful, earning it 3 stars from me. I think it was bit overpriced as well.

We also ate at Serafina’s on West 49th Street, an Italian restaurant frequented by two of her New York agents. The restaurant was located on the ground level of the Time New York Hotel, just steps away from the theater where the “The Book of Mormon” was showing and where one of the agents had just finished performing when he joined us. I had an incredible mushroom pizza at 9pm. This was the only time I ate past my allowed eating window because I felt it was worth trying a pizza made from ingredients all imported from Italy. My daughter boasted that her simple pasta dish was the best she ever tasted. I give that unknown restaurant 5 stars for great food, great ambiance, beautiful decor, and excellent service.

And finally, we had reservations at Virgil’s Real BBQ in Times Square on West 44th Street. The southern soul food menu and the black wait staff was a refreshing change. I had fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, collard greens, and corn bread. Nicole had ribs and a bunch of sides she wanted to sample. This meal was exceptionally satisfying and priced just right. The ambiance was relaxing, and our server was friendly, honest, and knowledgeable, steering us in the right direction. He was so charismatic that my agent daughter had a private conversation with him afterwards. (Agents are always looking for new talent.) Anyway, it turns out that Vigil’s is a sister restaurant of Carmine’s without the required family sized portions. So, I give Vigil’s Real BBQ the full 5 stars and a promise to return if I’m ever in New York City again.

If and when I do return to New York City, I will also revisit Kung Fu Kitchen and order my favorites. I would spend the money and return to Del Frisco’s and order their Cesar salad and just one crab cake. And I would buy a slice of pizza from any one of the many pizza vendors in the city. Dining in New York City is worth the time, money, and effort to travel there.

I’m no stranger to New York City, nor to Broadway Shows. However, this trip to New York City was very different from my previous excursions. For starters, it was a freezing cold third week in November, and I was accompanying my daughter who owns and operates a talent agency after a career in musical theater herself. She has many contacts and talents working on Broadway and what was a business trip for her was an opportunity for me tag-a-long to discover the joys in a visit to New York City worth blogging about. And there were a lot.

Few successful trips happen without preparation. I wanted to enjoy everything to the fullest and that meant setting the foundation for physical and emotional comfort and convenience. First and foremost, years of travel taught me the importance of traveling lightly. I use a small carry on and a small travel purse that fits in my light backpack. My small carry on is adequate for four weeks because I pick a basic color theme and plan my outfits around this theme, washing clothes each week (sometimes by hand). This time I chose black and dark grey with burgundy and teal as my pops of color. I purchased two important items specifically for this trip: black walking sneakers and a burgundy down coat. I got lucky on the coat. Macy’s was having an early Black Friday sale and I was able to purchase a Michael Kors burgundy down hooded coat for only $99, shocking the sales lady at the register. The retail price was $270. That purchase was a gift because it was freezing in New York City, and I wore that coat every moment we were outdoors.

Since I’m on a plant-based diet and do intermittent fasting, my daughter tasked me with finding restaurants. Before researching the best restaurants in New York City, I made a couple of decisions. First, I loosened my strictly plant-based diet for the week. I would allow myself diary, fish and chicken, but no processed meats. I would limit sweets and concentrate mostly on vegetables at every meal. And second, I would continue to eat only during my eight-hour window that coincided with my California eating times. That meant eating our first meal at 11am and our last meal before 7pm. It worked out perfectly because my daughter doesn’t do breakfast and we generally missed the crowds at very popular restaurants where I couldn’t make a reservation.

I’ve never been one to get star struck. Perhaps it’s because my parents exposed me to so many entertainment industry people growing up in California. That early experience exposed me to the sad reality that many celebrities have greater insecurities and fewer freedoms than others. As I’ve aged, many of the actors I encounter refer to me as “Mom” and find a weird comfort in my company. This trip was simply more of the same as we dined and socialized with Broadway actors, producers, and production people after shows and between shows. I enjoyed the VIP treatment while watching my highly competent daughter be the networking guru that she is as a former performer turned businesswoman. We met with her New York agents, and I got to see first-hand how highly respected she is as a boss-lady.

As for the shows, upon arrival in New York, we attended the video taping of Sherri Shepherd’s show as VIPs because my daughter’s good friend is the producer. It was fun. Sherri really caters to a Black female audience whom I would characterize as “church ladies”. That evening we went to see “MJ”, sitting center orchestra. I highly recommend the show to anyone who, like me, was a fan of Michael Jackson. The young actor who plays Michael, Myles Frost, won a Tony Award for his portrayal. Personally, I was amazed by his presence and his dancing, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. It might have been a problem with his mic or my plugged ear situation acting up. The playlist included all my favorite Michael Jackson hits and that alone put a smile on my face.

My daughter’s long time best friend, Jewelle Blackman, is starring as Persephone in “Hades Town” and so we went to see it. We later had lunch with her and one of the production designers who is also her boyfriend. It was by far my favorite show of the week. I loved the story, the music, the production, and the set design. No wonder it won a Tony Award for the Best New Musical. Again, we had the best seats in the House, but I hated the lack of leg room in that theater.

We also had great seats for “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child”. The magic in that production is unbelievable, the production stellar, and the story is really interesting. But what impressed me the most was the diversity of the cast. Unlike the movies, there were people of color cast in a variety of roles. Most surprising of all was that the role of Hermione Granger was played by an amazing Black actor, Rachel Leslie. Again, the lack of leg room afforded to audience goers was uncomfortable and detracted from the overall experience. It may just be me who hates feeling cramped.

And finally, we went to see K-Pop pre-opening (front row seats) and then again on Opening Night (back row seats) because my daughter has two actors in the show. Trust me, the back row seats in the small theater is much better. I’m a big BTS fan, but not a huge K-Pop fan. However, the show was a real treat for the eyes and sometimes for the ears as well. The lights, the costumes, the dancing, the production and even the story were on point. My favorite songs were performed by the K-Pop star, Luna. Some of the other songs were less memorable and there was one song in particular that I actually hated. I was tempted to make a comment about that song to one of the producers whom I met in the lobby the first night. I held my tongue since opening night was the following day and I knew the entire cast was under tremendous pressure. So, I complimented him on the show, hoping that someone would catch and correct that one egregious moment when everything was so off. Unfortunately, it was still there Opening Night and I just wanted to cover my ears until it was over. Thankfully, Broadway shows are notorious for self-correcting weak moments.

I thoroughly enjoyed our jam-packed four days in New York City despite the cold weather. It neither rained nor snowed and we felt safe in the city. We interacted with wonderful people every day including industry people, restaurant servers, hotel staff, Uber drivers, and tourists. In my experience, being kind and caring towards others brings out the best in people and that’s what we experienced. On day two, our doorman began hugging us every time we returned to the hotel to welcome us in from the cold. Upon our final departure, I left a thank you note for him with the front desk clerk whom we had shared untouched leftovers from Carmine’s a couple of days before.

Well, this post is getting way too long, so I will save our restaurant and other great experiences for next week’s blog post.

I’m taking a break to be fully present in New York City with my talent agency owner daughter as we dine at recommended restaurants and enjoy five shows plus an opening night, a talk show taping as VIPs, and meet with her industry clients and associates. I’ll share the experience at a later date.

For today, I’ll share one of my seven October 2022 poems. The entire set of frameable poems and other promotional products are available in the store at www.fullypresentbetterhuman.com. All proceeds go to further the Fully Present Better Human Project.

Woke up this morning to hear about yet another mass shooting. This time at an LGBTQ nightclub in Colorado Springs. What sadness we keep inflicting upon ourselves as humans. We must be better and do better.

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A few weeks ago, I went to get some blood work done. Like many medical offices and businesses, the check in process is now handled via a touch pad where you enter your information. I found it easy and pretty straight forward. While waiting, a big screen displayed my place in line and an approximate wait time. I thought the system was easy, efficient, and a definite improvement. However, an older woman who sat in the socially distanced chair beside mine wasn’t at all happy. In fact, she was unnerved enough to look my way and comment that she hates all these changes. I confirmed that there are in fact a lot of changes coming our way pretty fast and that it’s sometimes difficult to keep up. And then she expressed how she hated the changes and how she wished it would all just stop. I tried to empathize and point out how that many of these new ways have actually improved our lives.

In that moment, I was reminded that change is very difficult for a large segment of the human population. They see change on a continuum ranging from inconvenience to a life-altering threat. However, I happen to be one of those people who is excited by change and innovation. That doesn’t mean I love every change, but I’m not opposed to change because I tend to imagine greater efficiencies or new doors of opportunity. I find change akin to the eagerness I feel when opening a gift to discover the treasure inside. Admittedly, some treasures turn out to be better than others. These days, change is rapid with innovations in language that reflect changes in culture, social awareness, and technology. And those technological innovations create changes in how we work, shop, and interact socially. I’ve noticed that many of my fellow baby boomers are somewhat resistant to change. It takes us a while understand the rapid influx of new systems, new technologies, and new social norms.

In fact, my husband is definitely one of the slower adopters, especially when it comes to social changes regarding human sexuality and sexual orientation. He struggles every time he sees a transgender person on television. He has a physical reaction when he sees same sex affectionate behaviors. After many conversations with him on the topic and numerous interactions with some of my students over the years, the best I’ve been able to expect from him is respectful behavior. My husband is the type of person who won’t even try food that he didn’t grow up eating. I have to assist him with new technology because he is often too impatient to bother learning how to use it. In so many ways, I feel he is missing out, but the rapidly changing world causes him stress and anxiety, not anticipation for new experiences that might be enjoyable.

My husband’s resistance to change helps me understand why so many Americans embraced Trump. Like my husband struggles to embrace new foods, new technologies, and transgender and gay people as full members of society, Trump supporters were unprepared to see people of color and LGBTQ people in positions power. Trump promised to turn back the clock for change-resistant Baby Boomers and Silent Generation folks who reject the changing times that make them feel powerless and left behind. The changing demographics and outspokenness of people who were previously hidden and silent now appear before them at every turn and they find it unsettling, even repulsive.

Obama was a wake-up call that social progress was here. When you think about all the changes such as climate change, same-sex marriage, gender fluidity, female sexual empowerment, a “Me Too Movement” that exposed the prevalence of unchecked male sexual misconduct against women, and Title IX reforms that insists on female equity in education and sports, it’s easy to understand why some older people are simply overwhelmed. Even some Generation X people are distressed by the notion that the values of their parents and ministers are being overrun by the masses of “godless” Americans they see on television and in the movies.

I get that change is hard for some people. But not all change is bad, nor does every change affect us. It is our responsibility as those who see the opportunities for inclusion, equity, and improvements in these changes to have sensitive conversations with our resistant friends and family members about the changes, employing our empathy, understanding, and patience. We can ask them how same-sex marriage impacts their heterosexual marriage and listen to their response before pointing out elements of our constitution that grant everyone the right to life, liberty, and the pursue happiness. We can listen to their complaints about pronouns and gently remind them of how much they, too, want to be respected for their identity. We can talk about climate science and why changes in how we interact with the environment is consequential to the livability of the planet. We can ask those Christians among us who embraced Trumpism for examples from the Bible where Jesus asked His followers to harm others to make them comply to their values and beliefs. Our best chance to bridge the divide that is tearing our nation apart is to listen with empathy and respectfully share our own perspective.

Change is inevitable. It has always been a part of the human experience. Our job as citizens is to elect and then insist that our lawmakers and governors adhere to the basic precepts of our Constitution that grant us the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and that they pass laws that acknowledge the truth that all humans are created equal. We must insist that they acknowledge that we are guaranteed freedom of religion and that there is no state religion. It is our duty as citizens to not only vote for candidates who will uphold these principles but to petition the government and leaders when they try to violate them.

With this new, almost evenly divided Congress and Senate, I plan to take every opportunity to reach out to our representatives via email, written letter, or phone call to let them know that I expect them to adhere to enact laws that protect lives and that adhere to the principles in our Constitution that give us the freedom to live and love as we see fit so long as we do no harm to others. I will let them know that I value dignity and justice for everyone and that equal protection the law is a priority for me. I will let them know that although I am a Christian, evangelism is not the job of the state. I will let them know that I value integrity and allegiance to the nation, not a lawless political bully and that I will hold them accountable for their actions moving forward.

The opportunity I see with historically different mid-term election, makes me excited about the opportunity to encourage lawmakers to address issues like immigration reform, climate change, crime, and truth in information in the public square. These are issues where we share common concerns and so if we join forces as citizens and insist, I anticipate a robust debate that can result in the enactment of changes that benefit the nation moving forward.