Fully Present Post 50

We were never promised an easy, carefree life. Part of being human is facing challenges, winning some and losing others. I recall how “The Wide World of Sports” broadcast always began with “the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.” I’m reminded of the lyrics to a 1971 song: “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine, there’s gotta be a little rain some time”. That’s where I find myself today, tasting the victory alongside the defeat.

The victory is in the God given skills of the surgeon who operated on my husband, successfully removing the upper section of his lung. Yes, he has lung cancer. However, the prognosis is good despite the lengthy treatment and recovery time we are about to embark on. We were afraid he might lose his entire right lung. We were afraid the cancer had spread to other parts of his body. We are lucky that neither of these things happened. I don’t want to say we are blessed because I believe God gives us the strength to deal with the problems that befall us; but that He doesn’t necessarily keep us from experiencing the problems and the outcome isn’t always ideal in our eyes. The blessing is in the grace and strength He provides whatever the outcome. I think about the battle my mother lost to breast cancer at only 57 years old. Countless others have fought this battle and lost at even younger ages. Even in the midst of that dark time, I felt God’s grace and strength in me. The same is true now.

In the coming months, I believe we as a nation will continue to experience hardships as this virus infects more people, political unrests expands, and financial distress engulfs us all. Like the surgeon, we need to put to use the tools and skills at our disposal to fight the good fight on all these fronts. We’re going to have to insist that we and those around us wear masks, practice social distancing, wash our hands, and clean surfaces. We’re going to have to ensure that the people we know have the means to drop off their ballots or make it to the polls to vote in person. For the moment, protest marchers need to put aside their sneakers to volunteer at the polls in place of older folks who have bowed out this year. Those of us who are able, need to give more generously to food banks and other relief efforts as the needy among us grows. We need to continue to insist on social justice, lending our creative talents and intelligent voices to the cause. We need to get serious about pushing government and corporate leaders to switch to renewable energy to ward off life-threatening climate change. And finally, we need to be forceful in our opposition to the few white supremacist who are aching to start a civil war.

Trouble is all around us. Indeed, these are turbulent times with many life-threatening challenges. But like the surgeon who operated on my husband, we have the tools and the ability at our fingertips to face them. The question is do we have the collective wisdom to use what we have or will we simply go down without a fight. Whether we win or lose, I know God will be gracious in our sorrow.

What a week! I’ve always seen life at any given moment as a mixed bag of things happening that are good and others that are pretty bad. That’s normal and expected when you live on this planet. But right now, at this moment, I feel like my bag is filled with more bad than good. Without going into details, I’ll just say that I’m dealing with my husband’s life-threatening illness, my daughter’s mental health, finance related changes at work that changed both work conditions and benefits, bad air quality, the pandemic, the white supremacy/racism conflict, and a consequential presidential election. To say that I am emotionally overwhelmed is an understatement. As a person with stress-related ulcers, asthma, high blood pressure and kidney disease, I’m not feeling well. But there are a few bright spots that have become my happy place to rest.

Beyond feeling the love of God and the inner peace that I will eventually get through all this that comes from my faith in Him, I am thankful for my family and friends. They are a loving and supportive group. I am especially grateful for my eldest daughter and her husband who have stepped up to emotionally support me and to provide actual help with my daughter struggling with mental health. I have an aunt who is a long time nurse, who is providing advice and a girlfriend who keeps checking on me. My boss has been supportive, too, encouraging me to take care of myself and my family. I’ve rarely taken a sick day, but that is about to change.

I am also finding a happy place listening to the music and watching the performance of BTS. I don’t understand how seven young men from South Korea can provide a respite from the chaos that surrounds me, but they do. They make me smile and give me energy. Their performances improve my mood and add to my well-being. I think it is the combination of music, dancing, and aesthetics working together that touches me. Their message is uplifting, their music is really good, their choreography and swag is amazing, and their staging and outfits are always so pleasing to the eyes. I have been so moved by them that for the first time in my life I took the time to write a fan letter to each member to let each one know how much I appreciate their individual contributions to the group. I found the address to mail fan letters and then mailed them. I heard that RM, one of the members, actually carries fan letters around with him. Of course, mine will have to be translated for most of the members, but I hope they feel my appreciation and are encouraged to keep working hard at their craft. I know I’m not alone in this sentiment. With songs like Dynamite and Stay Gold, specifically released to boost the spirits of their worldwide audience during this pandemic, they have gained my admiration and appreciation to an even greater extent.

Times are tough and right now I am trying to reserve my energy and protect my health for the fights in front of me. It means that I’m doing less outside my home and work. It means that I’m taking on fewer projects and temporarily stepping away from groups and organizations I love. My priorities right now are my husband, my daughter, my students, the November election, and of course, my own health. This is all the capacity I have right now. I covet prayers and well-wishes. And as always, I am optimistic that the bag will eventually shift from mostly bad to mostly good.

During the past few weeks, I’ve been reminded of my childhood when a kid who was older, bigger, and stronger set the rules of a game and then reset them in order to win. It wasn’t uncommon for the bully to change the rules in the middle of a particular game if he felt a loss was looming. I recall my utter frustration and confusion over unreliable rules that ensured my loss and the other child’s win. My cries of unfairness were usually ignored, laughed at, or provided with a bogus excuse. However, the result of the rule changes always lead to my bewildering loss and a gloating winner. I wondered how someone who won by cheating, could be so happy with the win. I’m still puzzled by that. The sad part is that I didn’t know how to stop the shameless cheater then and I can see that we collectively don’t know what to do about the shameless cheaters in our politics now.

It frightens and frustrates me that there are adult human beings in political leadership positions who believe it is acceptable to lie, cheat, suppress the vote, conceal evidence, and steal to win an election to remain in power. For these people, winning means everything. I don’t know if they feel they must win to satisfy personal ambitions or because they truly believe that the policies they will enact are best for the American people. It could be a bit of both. But with 200,000 dead Americans, I’m tending to believe that they simply egotistical power hungry politicians. With the level of COVID-19 spread, the economic disaster, the racial unrest, White House corruption, and a climate that is screaming at us to change our ways, how can these power grabbers genuinely believe that their ideas are better than their oppositions?

If it is true that they believe that their ideas are better for Americans, then why don’t they make the case for those ideas without resulting to lying, cheating and tactics to steal two Supreme Court justice seats? It appears that their personal integrity, their honor, their credibility, goodwill, and actual fairness mean less to them than winning in the moment. I want to hear about how they will improve healthcare, protect the lives of the living not just the unborn, provide equal protection under the law, equitable opportunities, and how they will prevent climate change from ending civilization.

How does a nation move forward and effectively address pressing issues when its political leaders show themselves to be this unscrupulous? How do people trust anything that comes out of their representatives’ mouths? The better question is how do we rid ourselves of political leaders who do not deserve to lead us?

I think the answer is to be as unrelenting in calling a lie a lie as they are about lying. It is to expose the cheating on a massive scale. It is to shine a bright light on the thieves as they are trying to steal. And then it is to ban together to vote them out by overwhelming majorities in all fifty states by helping each other to overcome every obstacle they put in our way. I applaud Michael Bloomberg and LeBron James for paying the legal fines of 32,000 ex-felons in Florida so they can retain the right to vote. This is one way the cheaters can be dealt with.

When I was a child, I felt helpless against the older and bigger cheater. It didn’t occur to me that I had options. I could have called for a parent or teacher to enforce the rules. I could have quit and refused to play with that child. Or I could have announced to all the other kids that this particular child was a cheater and not worth playing with. I did none of those things and suffered unfair losses. What will we do as we are now faced with Republicans who will tell any lie, make it difficult for Democrats to vote, conceal any ugly truth, and change the rules when it suits them to the detriment of the country and the environment? If we do nothing or very little, we will continue to lose.

Every American who has ever lived through or read about oppression should be terrified by the prospect that Trump will nominate and McConnell will move to confirm a Supreme Court Justice to replace Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. May she rest in peace. Our task in this very moment is to raise our voices and our fists in order to prevent the unabashed hypocrisy of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell who refused to give Obama’s nominee a hearing in 2016 because he claimed it was too close to a presidential election. In 2016 the election was 300 days away; today it is only 43 days away. If the Court becomes more conservative, the majority will soon experience the oppression of a right wing religious minority. It feels reminiscent of that book and Hulu television drama, “The Handmaid’s Tale”.

However, I’m really not exaggerating by using the word “oppression”. It is a harsh and scary word that means being subject to prolonged cruel and unjust treatment or control. History warns us that the Supreme Court stands between whether Americans are free or oppressed. The Court once decided who is human and who is not fully human, deeming African Americans as “chattel” and only 2/3 human. The Supreme Court decided who was “white” and could therefore be a citizen of this nation, could own businesses, could buy property, get certain jobs, serve on juries, were deserving of justice, and could vote. The Court upheld Jim Crow Laws for 100 years. The Court decided on a woman’s reproductive rights. It decided on the legality of Obamacare that provided health insurance for millions of Americans. It decided on Affirmative Action that literally forced open college doors and occupations previously closed to women and people of color. It decided the fate of same sex marriage. It made George Bush president instead of Al Gore. It was the Court that turned corporations into people. These are only a small fraction of the decisions from the Court that determine our quality of life in this nation.

Another Trump appointee to the Court could literally turn back the clock on women’s rights, minority rights, immigrant rights, same sex couples rights, and a host of other issues near and dear to the majority of Americans. When a religious minority who don’t value science are in control of the Courts, the earth itself is in peril. When religious minorities believe they have the corner on morality and the will of God, then the lives and livelihoods of non-believers and people who believe differently are in peril. I may be a Christian, but I don’t believe in forcing my beliefs down people’s throats.

Beyond physical peril, the education and mindset of the nation is at state. I watched in horror yesterday as Trump blamed history teachers for the unrest in the nation. He proclaimed they teachers should be teaching history with an eye towards recreating patriotism as opposed to exposing some ugly truths about our nation. Imagine a Court that says science teachers must teach creation, history teachers must gloss over negative historical facts, that whiteness is superior, that gender is limited to male and female at birth, and that contraceptive education is banned along with abortion.

Even though I am older and Christian and so I won’t likely personally suffer from the affects of decisions made by an ultra conservative Court, I’m still an empathetic human being who cares about how well young people will be able to live. So, this morning I wrote directly to Mitch McConnell urging him to wait on this nomination hearing like he did in 2016. I participated in a national poll to amplify the voices of we who are in opposition to it. If need be, I will gladly protest against any hearings scheduled for a nominee. I predict that if McConnell confirms a new justice to the Court this year that national unrest will ensue with greater vigor than we’ve seen. And with good reason.

It is time for us to join forces to denounce the hypocrisy of Mitch McConnell and to hold Republican senators across this nation accountable for their hypocrisy along with their silence and consent in favor of the most corrupt, morally depraved, and lawless president in history. We will have the leaders and kind of country we are willing to vote for or we will suffer under the tyranny of the few who do the voting.

When I was eleven years old, I recall for the first time feeling like this was my world, too, and that I should have just as much say in how it operates as anyone else. I don’t recall the exact event that inspired the thought, but my mother validated my declaration and actually empowered me to do some things. I was fearless, creative, a bit reckless, and certainly naive. What I didn’t understand at the time was that empowerment needed to be accompanied by enablement. Having the authority (empowerment) to do something and possessing the means (enablement) to do it are two separate things. I am eternally grateful to my mother for encouraging my sense of empowerment by putting forth resources (time and money) to enable me to follow through on many of my youthful exploits.

I took that new sense of empowerment and proclaimed that I should be able to decorate my own bedroom. My mother’s response was not only agreement, but shopping trips with her wallet wide open. I was into blue in those days and so I painted my walls a sky blue. I wanted an additional twin bed for a friend or cousin who might sleep over and she purchased it. I selected fabric for my curtains and two royal blue velvet bedspreads with matching headboards I fell in love with. She purchased them all. I selected and she paid for the new lamps, shelves, throw rugs, and pillows. I painted the walls, installed the shelves, sewed the curtains and put them up all by myself. l loved the finished product. But most importantly, by creating my own space as an eleven year old girl, I felt powerful and in control of my environment for the first time. My self-esteem and confidence blossomed to the extent that I dreamed up and took on other projects that at first only impacted my life and later those in the community.

The mindset that this is my world, too, has never left me and I’ve spent my life trying to encourage my children and my students to believe that they have the power and responsibility to influence and help shape the world for good. For women and people of color, this is a relatively new concept. Oppression is forced impotence in the minds of people through violence. For much of U.S. history, blacks and other people of color were made powerless through laws and violence. In the 1950’s it took the joint efforts of oppressed people and their allies to change the laws. As the late John Lewis said, they decided to get into “good trouble” by using what they had, their bodies. Perhaps my mother’s lesson to me about empowerment came from the Civil Rights Movement we were living through. Empowerment has to be accompanied by enablement. And the Civil Rights leaders were enabled by their bodies, their numbers, their pain, and their strong passion for right. They used the tools of their voice, their numbers, their organizing, and their courage. A person can only do what is in his or her heart and mind to do if he or she is able. Given the right resources and tools, we can be a force for change if we want it. Right now, I have turned my sights on changing the political leadership in our nation.

I’m a patriot and this is my nation, too, so I’m determined to use every tool and resource I have to help oust Trump and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and to help elect Joe Biden. I am forever grateful to the Civil Rights warriors for my expanded tool box so that today my power and capability can be fearlessly directed in my blog and social media postings. I can use my pocketbook to donate to the campaigns of Biden and McGrath (McConnell’s opponent). I will use my “blood-purchased” vote to help select Joe Biden and Kamala Harris this November. I’m thankful for others who continue to take to the streets, phones, use their art, music, athletic platform, and speeches to combat the white supremacy that seeks to maintain the remaining bastions of oppression.

As Americans we are empowered and enabled by our Constitution to protest, to express ourselves, and to vote. We have the power and the ability to design or redesign the destiny of this nation. Others made the ultimate sacrifice to not only empower but to enable us to make changes for the greater good. Let’s take our power and use our tools and resources to do what is good, right, and just in November. If nothing else, we have the power and the ability to vote. And for many of us, that was not always the case.

When I was a kid I discovered that embellished stories and outright lies were more compelling, attention getting, and sometimes “ass-saving” than simple truths. Adults were amused, entertained, moved, impressed, and sometimes acted based on my lies. At first I thought that this was a good thing. My exaggerations and false words were powerful. However, I soon learned that embellishing stories and telling lies often had dire consequences. I recognized that real people could be hurt by my lies. I soon understood that the damage to my personal credibility was too high a price to pay for momentary gratification. And because of these early lessons, I grew to value personal integrity as a virtue and a way of life. I think similar experiences have had the same kind of moderating effect on most people’s behavior. But what happens when a person who is prone to lying is addicted to the attention, craves constant adoration, is overly ambition, is shielded from consequences associated with his lies, and doesn’t give a damn about hurting other people?

What happens is what we are living through in this moment in our nation’s history: A liar in the White House. A liar who is addicted to applause and power. And so the outlandish lies just keep coming via tweets and public interviews. They get aired on television and repeated by Fox News commentators and radio hosts and end up on social media and then they are either silently ignored or endorsed by Republican politicians and religious leaders seeking Trump approval to further their own agendas. The lies are false accusations like, Biden wants to defund the police. Lies like voting by mail causes voter fraud. They take the form of saying you will protect Social Security while seeking to decrease the tax dollars to pay for it. They take the form of associating Black Lives Matter with violent protest groups. It’s saying a deadly pandemic will magically disappear. It’s claiming to be a Christian who doesn’t need forgiveness while being unable to name a single Bible verse that is meaningful to you. It is calling the press the enemy of the people. It is claiming to be pro-life when you separate babies from their parents and refuse to promote wearing a mask during a pandemic. It is saying whatever comes to mind that will boost his ego or gain applause no matter how ridiculous.

The outlandish lies garner attention and capture the imagination of desperate people who want to be entertained, to feel relevant, or who feel threatened by the changing diversity in the U.S. These people grasp unto lies like we’re going to build a wall and Mexico is going to pay for it. These people grasp unto lies like people coming through our southern borders are rapist and murders. They grasp unto lies like trade deals are really easy. Such a person easily stokes underlying fears, elevates deep seated prejudices, readily incites violence, and poisons the morality and reputations of otherwise decent people. Such a person is dangerous. And when the lies are continuously met with silence, or worse, complicity, all hell breaks loose. The chaos we are experiencing today has Donald Trump stamped on it as the creator.

It is difficult to counteract outlandish lies, especially when the lies are more interesting, salacious, emotive, inflammatory, and provocative than the truth. But if they are not loudly exposed every time, then the truth itself is co-opted. Americans must beware. We are obviously not immune to being dazzled by the cult of personality and we can be led down the same road that Nazi Germany was by a loud and bullying personality like Adolf Hitler. History is screaming at us that Donald Trump is not much different. Hitler wasn’t taken seriously until it was too late. The opposition within his own party were silenced through intimidation and later through death. Sound familiar? And our consequences will be just as dire if we are not careful.

We are already seeing that those who get caught up in his lies are at risk of damaging themselves and others. I think about the 28 year old man, Edgar Maddison Welch, who fired on a pizza parlor with an assault rifle, believing that he was disrupting a Hillary Clinton child sex ring. Or Trump supporters who attended his political rally without social distancing and masks and got infected with Coronavirus. Herman Cain was at that rally and is now dead from COVID-19. For Trump, there is no attention getting, self-promotion, self-aggrandizing lie he won’t tell.

If we allow it, the lies will take over like they did in Nazi Germany. The truth will be snuffed out and decent people pushed aside in favor of the murderous few. At this moment, our fate is in our hands. Will we allow our friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors to be enamored by outlandish lies every day until the truth is completely buried and more innocent lives are loss? The choice is ours. The vote in November has never been more consequential.

I understand that good people never want to think of themselves as racist, white supremacist, or anti-black. Good people shudder at the thought that others might see them in this light. And good people certainly want to avoid perpetuating any of these horrific character flaws. Good people rightly and honestly want to be free of these both internally and externally. The reality is that racism, white supremacy, and anti-blackness are an almost inescapable infection living in the hearts and minds of the vast majority of people in the world. And black people aren’t immune from this infection. We too, are infected with subconscious impulses toward white supremacy and anti-blackness. None of this was by accident or divine providence. This infection of the human soul was created by elites greedy for more money and maintained domination.

Although the human tendency toward building a hierarchical society has always existed as part of the human DNA, for the majority of human existence, skin color meant nothing. It wasn’t until Europe and then particularly an emerging America, where the economic necessity for cheap labor made perpetual human slavery irresistible. Blackness became the number one determination of who was to be a slave in perpetuity. There were a few characteristics that made black people particularly attractive candidates. First, the color of the skin made them easy to spot. Second, was their resistance to European diseases, and third was the skill sets and ability to work they brought with them. The decision to create the harshest system of slavery known to man was purely economic but it also meant dehumanizing its victims in order to ease the minds of those participating in such an inhuman system. Success in establishing the belief that slaves were less intelligent, devoid of human emotions, in need of discipline like rebellious children, sub-human, and little more than machines, meant that working them 15 hours a day, feeding them scraps, buying and selling them, and beating or killing them at will was all okay. So ingrained were these notions of black bodies that even in the north where slavery was viewed as barbaric because of its cruelty, blacks were stilled viewed and treated as lesser humans.

Fast forward from 1619 through a Civil War that ended slavery in 1865 and to another 100 years of government sanctioned Jim Crow laws enshrining an American caste system to appease the southern mindset and making it legal to discriminate against black bodies in any and everyway in society throughout the country. Blacks were now solidly at the bottom of the social order. Those in power recognized that they needed to find a way to help poor whites and immigrants feel that they have a shot at the American dream and that they are not at the bottom of the social order. They could feel better about themselves at the expense of blacks. European immigrants coming to America were for the first time considered “white”. That designation immediately placed them in the mix of limitless opportunity. They could vote, they could own property, they could get education and jobs, they could get loans to establish businesses, they could travel where they liked. The sky is the limit. But for blacks and other people of color, none of this was true. Blacks who broke with caste were severely punished and financially successful black communities were met with white jealous rage. All with impunity. Our history reveals that the designation of whiteness was so essential that there were lawsuits from other groups of color petitioning to be considered white. Armenians were successful while Japanese were not. Strangely, and for weird political reasons, Mexicans were also designated as white.

People of color were second class citizens with limitations placed on their every move and movement. And at the bottom were blacks. Their rights and opportunities were and continue to be limited not only by laws, but by state sanctioned policies and practices. It took a whole Civil Rights Movement to end outright legal discrimination against blacks and to finally open the intellectual mindset of Americans to the fact that racism, white supremacy, and anti-blackness are evil. However, despite new laws, the hearts and minds remain entrenched in these flaws, reflexively acting out the enshrined racial social order in daily life, transactions, and interactions. The continued disparities in education, jobs, housing, banking, and criminal justice are the result and almost seem “normal”. As rationalization for these disparities, the actual flaws of the nation’s racist, white supremist and anti-blackness turned into imagined character and/or cultural flaws of blacks themselves. We were to blame for our low social position.

It is only now, with cameras capturing black people being brutally beaten or murdered by police and a president who caters to white supremacist views that America is again called upon to reckon with the racism, white supremacy, and the anti-blackness that plagues it. I believe there is a treatment for those who want to be free of this infection. However, it is not easy. And there has to be a willingness to pursuit a path that disrupts, challenges, and ultimately dismantles the current social order where whites are at the top and blacks are at the bottom. It will take the hard work of self-reflection, self-confrontation, and self-education, to cure the character flaws that make people hold black and brown bodies to a different standard. And like I said before, black people aren’t immune from this infection. You can see them at Trump rallies.

Start with self-reflection. Examine a wide range of black people through television, in music, through art, books, movies, in magazines, on the street, and in the places where you do business. What emotions emerge as you look at each image? When you look at Michelle Obama, do you think of her as a credit to her race or as just an incredible human being or something else? Compare those thoughts to Laura Bush? How do they differ? Did race even come into your calculus for Laura Bush? When you heard that another black man was shot by police seven times in the back in front of his three children, where did your thoughts take you? What did you feel? Where did you place blame? Would you think or feel differently if this had happened to a white man? When a black person speaks and a white person speaks, notice if you value one voice over the other. This is self-reflection. Don’t be afraid of what you find in your self-reflection. Don’t allow guilt to stop you. Remember, none of us planted these thoughts or emotions into ourselves. We inherited them and so it is time to confront them head on and one by one. I had to do this myself as a black woman.

Self-confrontation is interrupting one’s own negative thoughts and feelings about a person of color simply because he or she is a person of color. It is how we confront the unconscious bias we all have. It is literally saying to oneself, “Stop!” and evaluate this person on the basis of what he or she says or does as an individual, not as part of any particular skin color group. Imagine a white person were to say or do the same thing. Would you be offended? It is reminding oneself every day and in every situation that human beings are individuals that fall on the bell curve evenly across human characteristics such as intelligence and empathy. Some people are more considerate than others. That’s not a racial characteristic; that’s a human characteristic. Some people are more violent than others, but that too is not based on skin color, but on personality, upbringing, and lived circumstances. Compare the virtues of Trump and Obama? Imagine if Obama behaved as Trump?

And finally, self-education. First, learn the history of America and its impact on the entire world with its creation of white supremacy. Recognize how notions of white beauty have negatively impacted people around world. Then, learn about the impact of this history on people of color. This entails reading, listening, and watching to hear the stories of black and brown people and watching to see the ugly the truths that unfold about how our history has and does play a role in our current situation. There is plenty of literature, art, and music to consume to inform you. It is not the job of black people to educate white people. Some may be willing to do this, but I can tell you from experience that it is exhausting and traumatizing work because it triggers past emotional pain and reopens wounds. It takes days to recover from episodes that involve trying to educate white people about how it is to be black in America. The information is already out there to be consumed.

I believe that people can be successfully treated for this infection of racism, white supremacy, and anti-blackness. The road to recovery is doable, difficult though it may be. Set aside any guilt (deserved or not) and become brave, intentional, and willing to have a broken heart in order to heal. As I see it, this is the road to recovery. I know because I traveled it myself.

I created and posted a support Biden-Harris poster on my Facebook and Instagram pages this week. I’ll do what I’m able to encourage people to register, to vote, and to vote for Biden-Harris to lead our nation. Although I’ve been appalled by the continuous flow of false accusations, lies and conspiracy theories coming from the mouth of president Trump, I had not experienced them from anyone I was ever associated with until this week.

In response to my poster, a former white male colleague shared a quote from someone that said voting for democrats in November meant voting to transform the country into a communist state. Then he posted a poster about the “Obama legacy” with attending comments listing a ton of unfounded accusations against Obama. Then he later wrote about my poster calling Biden and Harris “Pedophiles, liars and criminals”. I wasn’t shocked, but saddened that someone I had worked with, albeit he wasn’t an educated professional, but a construction guy on campus, had been sucked into this delusional thinking. I couldn’t help but wonder why. And so I did a bit of research into why people believe these far-fetched theories, completely denying the evidence in front of them.

Psychologists have stepped up their research and theories into the proliferation of conspiracy theories and their followers. People who buy into or perpetuate these theories willingly suspend reality and simple critical thinking to believe lies, made up stories, and falsehoods to help them understand situations troubling circumstances. They are driven by fear and anxiety, the need for control, the need to feel special, and the need to belong. These are people who are generally uneducated, not kind, not dependable, and not cooperative in their daily lives. They attract likeminded people and reinforce each other. They are not people with strong analytical skills and so it is difficult for them to give up their beliefs even in the face of truth, facts, and evidence. These don’t matter. What matters is the social network they have built with those who contribute to their anti-social paranoid thinking.

With this in mind, it was evident to me that there wasn’t much I could or should do to engage this former colleague. I felt bad for him and for those around him. The most unfortunate part is that these people can be dangerous. Some become violent and take up arms or bombs, threatening or killing people. Some of them don’t vaccinate their children because despite the evidence they believe vaccinations cause autism. They believe in the deep state that wants to do all sorts of things to destroy America and so they vote for Trump who is literally destroying America right before their eyes. They believe that COVID-19 is a hoax created to gain control over us and so they refuse to wear masks as thousands of Americans die and schools can’t reopen. And now, some are running for government office. It’s bad enough that we have a conspiracy theorist in the White House. Look what he has gotten us! His niece (a psychologist), and now his older sister (a federal judge), have publicly called out his depraved character, exposing his lying, selfishness, and cruelty.

This November, we have to favor reason, truth, evidence, and facts at the ballot box across all political races. We have to expose the alternative facts for what they are: lies, false accusations, and conspiracy theories. And it all starts with protecting our ability to vote by mail during an actual pandemic despite the claims of conspiracy theorist want us believe that the deep state is using a made up pandemic to allow for rampant voting fraud through mail in ballots. Thinking citizens now have to protect the post office from the attacks of the conspiracy theorist in the White House. Can America and the world endure four more years of this? I don’t think so.

I’m pretty certain that I’m not alone in feeling that I am fighting for what is good, and right, and just on many fronts today. Many of our public battles are serious, like the battle to end systemic racism or the battle over how to provide economic support to the many who are unemployed because of this pandemic. Other battles are based on stupidity but nonetheless require energy to fight, like whether to mandate wearing face masks in public in the face of 171,000 U.S. deaths, whether college football should be played this fall, whether children should return to school for in-person instruction in COVID-19 hotbeds, and whether mail-in voting will be curtailed by defunding the post office. And of course now the ridiculous question as to whether or not Kamala Harris was born in the U.S.?

We are forced to pick our battles. I’m glad to hear that yesterday some Americans in Washington DC showed up to protest at the home of the major Trump supporter Post Master General who is doing the president’s bidding to curtail mail processing, making large scale voting by mail difficult if not completely impossible. Others are lining up to get food to feed their families and struggling to stay in their homes. And sadly, too many are dealing with COVID-19 illness and deaths. My family spent several anxious days this past week waiting on the results of my husband’s and daughter’s COVID-19 tests. Thankfully, both were negative. However, a new health battle in my family has just begun.

My husband had a COVID-19 test because he needs additional testing after coughing up a 1″ by 1/2″ lump of tissue or tumor last week. He has been coughing non-stop (pre-COVID-19) for several months and the doctors have tried to address the issue in numerous ways. But coughing up a lump of tissue changed their tune altogether. We are waiting for the results of the biopsy while holding our breath. And in the process of all the labs, he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. The constant coughing and resulting lack of sleep and energy have made him less active. Hence, he gained a lot of weight.

I learned from a wise person many years ago that we have to pick our battles. In a world with limitations on our time as well as our physical, mental, and emotional capacity, it is not possible to participate in every battle, no matter how worthy. Unfortunately, in my lifetime I have never seen so many battles to choose from at one time. And sadly, even though many of these battles are manufactured by this president, they are too dangerous to be completely ignored. So, I pray that while I take up arms in the primary battle to regain my husband’s health while protecting my own, that others will fight the good fight on these other important fronts. It is painful to admit that the best I can do right now is to stay informed, cast my vote, write my representatives, and post my weekly blog.

As they say in the Asian dramas I’m so fond of, “Fighting!”

We live at the end of a cul-de-sac and a sizable portion of our front and back yard are hillside. I’ve prided myself on keeping it well-groomed by spending hours on that hillside planting groundcover, plants and fruit trees, weeding and trimming. But lately I’ve developed a fear of falling off the hill itself or off the ladder I use to climb over the retainer wall onto it. I muse at how I once would have jumped down from that retainer wall without giving it a second thought. But now the thought of falling, twisting an ankle, breaking a bone or hitting my head make me reluctant to go up there as often as I should. Fear is a great motivator and I find myself motivated to do or not do things more today than ever because of fear.

My greatest fear has always been of losing a loved one. As a child, I recall being terrified of losing my mother to the point of not sleeping well during the times when my parents were together. I was extremely protective of my mother because I recognized the danger she was in because of my father’s alcohol-driven violence. I never hesitated to get between them in a conflict because of my fear of losing her. Because of my youthful brain, I never considered the threat to my own personal safety. In all honesty, I know that I saved my mother’s life on several occasions.

Fear is a powerful motivator. And as I get older, I recognize that I have much more of it than I did when I was younger. Gone are my days of being a fearless and invincible youth who takes risks to protect those I love, to get what I want, and to pursue my dreams. It is not at all surprising to me that during this pandemic, young people are partying without masks and engaging in all sorts of risk-taking. They are hard-wired to believe that they’ll be okay no matter what. This is why opening a high school or college this fall and expecting students under 25 to follow safety protocols is foolish. They are fearless. Some older adults aren’t necessarily fearless, but clueless, denying the actual existence of danger. They are like Trump, engaging in wishful thinking to alleviate their fears so that they feel free to continue life as usual. I marvel at their stupidity. But they should consider that Herman Cain lost his life following Trump-like thinking by attending that ridiculous rally in Oklahoma without a mask and social distancing.

A healthy dose of fear motivates certain behaviors and prevents other behaviors. I wear a mask and keep social distancing and wash my hands and surfaces frequently out of fear of catching COVID-19. I saved for retirement at percentages greater than recommended out of fear that I wouldn’t have enough, especially since Social Security has been threatened for so long. I’ve always had insurance policies for just about everything out of fear that something would go terribly wrong and financial disaster was just waiting in the wings. Perhaps it will take the fear of a stiff fine for some stubborn Americans to start wearing a mask in public. If they aren’t wise enough to fear this disease, maybe they will fear having to pay a $500 fine.

While it feels more noble to be motivated by love, or compassion, or ambition, or desire, or even patriotism, I find that these emotions are a bit less potent in the face of fear. When someone engages in risky behaviors, we often say they were blinded by love or they had blind-ambition. It means that they lacked a healthy dose of fear to moderate their behavior. People who “throw caution to the wind” may feel free, but they may also face the sad and final consequences for their actions. And the human brain generally isn’t mature enough until around 25 years of age to moderate itself. So, some decisions must be made on their behalf to keep them safe.

This November I am more than a little fearful that Trump will be re-elected. And I can only hope and pray that a huge number of Americans everywhere, and especially in battleground states, share my fear enough to be motivated to vote against him. We should all be scared shitless of his willingness to lie, cheat, and to sow all sorts of confusion about this deadly disease and now voting. So, it’s going to take our collective fear of another 4 years of Trump and fear of this pandemic to drive the masses to make sure every state government ensures that all Americans can vote by mail in November.