Fully Present Post 50

It’s not very comforting to hear your doctor say that medicine isn’t a perfect science and sometimes a prescription that is good for one ailment can cause another.  At least he’s honest rather than arrogant.  But that is the situation I found myself in this past week when I visited my doctor’s office for severe intermittent stomach pains.  Thanks to WebMD, I knew my diagnosis and treatment before the words came out of his mouth and I had already taken steps to mitigate the problem. 

Of course, the doctor berated me for my proactive behavior.  After all, I hadn’t gone to medical school.  However, in my defense, I was in real pain and the earliest appointment I could get was three weeks out. I can read and I have the internet, so I did some research and diagnosed my problem as a stomach ulcer and took the proscribed steps to begin the healing process. By the time I made it to the doctor’s appointment, 80% of the intermittent pain was gone and I’d even considered cancelling the appointment.  Thankfully, my husband vehemently objected to that idea and so did the doctor.

The doctor confirmed my own diagnosis as being peptic ulcer disease. He officially took me off of my daily baby aspirin, something I had stopped taking two weeks before.  My bad kidneys already demanded that I leave other NSAIDs like Ibuprofen alone.  I changed my eating habits, giving up spicy foods, eating much smaller meals, and adding oatmeal in my morning shake along with my plain Greek yogurt and berries.  Since I don’t smoke or drink, I was halfway there. 

The doctor’s appointment wasn’t totally a waste, though.  I learned that stress doesn’t cause ulcers. Stress can exacerbate the problem. I also learned that apparently 80-90% are caused by an infection of H. pylori bacteria. I was given a breath test to determine if I need antibiotics.  True to form, the doctor ordered a battery of other tests to rule out a host of other potential problems for which I had no symptoms and which he admitted were highly unlikely.  I wanted to object, but having already been berated for my lack of an MD, I compiled with tests that will likely contribute to the skyrocketing cost of medical insurance. That was time and money down the drain, but I wasn’t bold nor confident enough to refuse.

The unsettling part of it all was that the baby aspirin I was taking for years is no longer recommended for most women because it causes bleeding and will worsen my ulcer if it wasn’t the actual cause.  However, I am a female exception to this newest medical finding because of my strong family history of stroke and having had a mini-stroke several years back.  For women like me, aspirin is recommended.  But for women like me with a peptic ulcer, aspirin is a big problem.  My doctor was at least humble enough to admit that he didn’t know what to do. The best he could do for now was see if I needed antibiotics, recommend Pepcid, keep me on the lookout for blood in my stool, and rule out other problems.

I’ve decided to do more.  I left the doctor’s office with a renewed commitment to get more serious about losing weight, eating healthier, getting enough sleep, restarting a lunch walk to my exercise regime, moving more through gardening and housekeeping (not shopping), and keeping my stress levels down.  My most important goal for 2020 is to develop a healthier lifestyle. Pain from a sore in my stomach was the best motivation I needed to do better.

I’m taking the next two weeks to fully enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Take some time to read or reread some of my past posts. Enjoy the holidays and stay safe and healthy. Thanks for supporting me in 2019 by reading, commenting on, and perhaps even sharing my posts with others. More to come in 2020.

In my estimation, the most dangerous man in America is not Donald Trump, but Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell.  Not only is he preventing a vote on most of the legislative bills that Congress passed, including those designed to protect our elections and reasonable gun control, but he is fast filling the federal courts with conservative judges.  And now, he is working with the White House to orchestrate the Senate impeachment hearings in favor of the president.  What the hell?

On what planet is it okay for a judge to work with the accused to mount a defense?  Essentially, the Senate sits in judgement as to whether a president’s alleged behavior against the interest of our democracy and the Constitution warrants that president’s removal from office.  The protection of our nation is why we have three co-equal branches of government.  For such a time as this is the reason the Framers of our Constitution gave Congress oversight of the Executive branch. Mitch has already announced on Fox News that he will definitely ensure that the president is acquitted.  There is not even a hint of trying to appear to give the facts of the case a fair hearing.

And that is the danger of Mitch McConnell.  He doesn’t even try to play fair.  He blocked the federal judges Obama put forth and he also blocked the appointment of Judge Merrick Garland to the Supreme Count.  But with a grin, he announced that in this election year he would readily approve a new nominee to the Supreme Court should an opening become available.  The hypocrisy is stunning!  But more than that, McConnell’s behavior will have real world consequences for Americans.

By stacking the federal courts and the Supreme Court with conservative judges, the hope of real gun control, the preservation of women’s control over their bodies, the civil rights of the LGBTQ community, the preservation of voting rights, welcoming immigration laws, environmental protections, access to health care, and so many other issues that provide protections to minorities and women will be challenged in court and lost.  The majority of Americans do not want these things to happen and sadly most do not even realize the consequences of McConnell’s actions. 

It is past time to flip the Senate.  The only way to get rid of McConnell is to take over the majority of Senate seats.  Although I would love for Kentucky to ditch Mitch, without a majority of Democratic Senate seats, even if he lost, another unethical Republican leader would take over.  The 2020 election is not just about dumping Trump, it is also about the Senate who protects a corrupt president and stacks our courts with far too conservative judges.

If we are to rid ourselves of the most dangerous American in the country, we must awaken our friends, family, neighbors, students, and anyone with a vote to the reality of the danger we are in.  We will get the America we are willing to fight and vote for.

I thought the Constitutional law professors who testified before the House Judicial committee last week were going to be boring. But they were anything but boring. The four of them were passionate, articulate, and informative in their explanation of the Framers reasons for including provisions for impeachment in the Constitution. Three of the four argued that the President’s actions warrant impeachment while the forth argued that he hasn’t yet seen enough to draw that conclusion. But he hasn’t seen enough because Republicans are hiding all the evidence they can from half of the country who watch Fox News. I think they are cowards.

A coward is someone who lacks bravery. And bravery is only called for when one is under threat. A brave person summons up the mental and moral courage to do the right thing in the face of danger. We can all see clearly that we have a bully in the White House who has surrounded himself with a news outlet and enough people who support his lawlessness to publicly humiliate any Republican lawmaker who goes against him.  And so, what they continue to do is skirt the issue of his bribery in Ukraine and his continuing corruption and obstruction of legitimate Congressional oversight.  It’s rather pathetic to watch.

In normal times, these same lawmakers would have defended the Constitution, the rule of law, morality, ethics, and the American people.  But they want so much to remain in office that they have become shameful cowards. As an American, I decided to use my freedom of speech to call them out publicly.

I reopened a Twitter account when the hearings began and followed the main Republicans like Devin Nunes and Keven McCarthy and Doug Collins and Matt Gaetz and I respond to their absurd attacks on process and even more ridiculous attempts to deflect from the president’s actual misdeeds.  I’m calling them out on their cowardice.  I remind them that they took an oath to protect and defend the Constitution, not a lawless President. Their inaction threatens our democracy.

In my book, these cowardly lawmakers need to be held accountable for their behavior during this important time and they should be publicly berated and then thrown out of office when they come up for re-election.  That is our duty as brave and patriotic Americans.

Thanksgiving in my early adulthood was spent in pleasant debate with my brothers over every issue imaginable. While others might have watched these Thanksgiving scenes in horror, we were actually having a great time interrogating each other’s arguments, sometimes loudly, but always in good humor. Those days have been replaced by something decidedly different. For starters, now I’m the cook and usually only a minor player in the dinner discussions. But not this year.

Instead of lively debate which my son and son-in-law might have engaged in had my son been able to come for Thanksgiving, I became the push back to my son-in-law’s musings about democracy, free markets, over-regulation, privacy rights, and government intrusion on our freedoms. I’m in the enviable position of loving not only my children, but their spouses as well. As a result, I greatly value these discussions and am grateful to have a small role in helping to shape attitudes or at least challenge existing attitudes and to have my own attitudes challenged in the process. As a naturalized citizen, my son-in-law is passionate about the United States and freedom.

My greatest take away from our discussion is that none of us can become complacent with corruption in our society. Corruption is the dishonest abuse of the public trust for personal gain. We can’t afford to become so cynical as to believe that all of Washingtion is so corrupt that we should simply ignor what is going on. The reality is that we will have the government we are willing to demand and fight for. If we fail to hold politicians accountable for their corrupt actions then we will completely lose a government that works on behalf of people and instead we will have a government that serves only the rich and well connected.

Now is not the time to turn a blind eye to the corruption of this president and his administration. It is time to uphold the rule of law. Is what Donald Trump did: withholding public funds for the defense needs of an ally until that ally did him a personal favor an impeachable and removable offense? Hell yes! If we look the other way and do nothing, then the United States will become no different from the corrupt country my son-in-law fled.

This Thankksgiving I’m thankful for family, real discussion over good food, and for a country that might just uphold the rule of law. I’ll be watching the new set of hearings this week. It is our collective democracy to keep. Happy Thanksgiving.

I’m grateful for the people who take the time to read my weekly musings about life from where I sit. This past week, a colleague asked if I shopped on black Friday and my affirmative response was a surprise to her. She found what I had to say about taking advantage of the opportunity to save money for the entire year worth sharing with my readers in my blog this week. So, I hope you find it helpful to you and your family as well.

I take a different view about Black Friday than some people in that it’s first and foremost about stretching dollars I can afford to spend on things I actually want to purchase for myself and others for the entire year, not just the holidays. This takes planning and a bit of research before Black Friday. I write a list and then I find out which store will give me the best deal for what I want. I have annual purchases that save me money.

Every year I purchase 1000 piece puzzles and App Store/iTunes gift cards at Target as well as door buster toys to donate. I purchase these gift cards because they have a buy one, get one for 30% off. I usually buy several packages that contain multiple $10 gift cards. In addition, I use my Target debit card for an additional 5% off. A bonus is that on Black Friday when you spend $50 or more, you get a 20% off coupon for another shopping trip. I use these gift cards for myself throughout the year and as gifts.

My other annual gift card purchases on Black Friday are Cheesecake Factory gift cards because they double the number of free cheesecake slices from one card per $25 to two. I love the Cheesecake Factory and so I purchase the gifts cards for me to use throughout the year as well as a few to give as gifts. Last year I ended up giving away about 20 free cheesecake slices which cost about $9.00 each. The only catch is that the cheesecake slice cards expire on March 31st. My husband and I enjoyed dessert a couple of times ourselves this year.

I’ll be adding Wood Ranch barbecue restaurant to my gift card purchases this year because they’re giving $10 promotion cards for every $50 in gift cards purchased. We visit that restaurant about six times a year, so the gift cards won’t go to waste. Again, the promotion cards expire on March 31st, so I will likely only purchase two gift cards.

I’ve always been an early riser, so sitting outside the door of a Best Buy at 4am in years past was not a challenge for me. I may not need anything from Best Buy this year, but those door busters are worth the savings. These days I visit Kohl’s on Thanksgiving night for gifts and staples like bedroom slippers, exercise wear, shawls or sweaters, pajamas, underwear, jewelry and toys to donate. The door busters plus coupons and the extra in Kohl’s cash ($15 instead of $10 per $50) make it worthwhile. I use the Kohl’s cash the following Saturday for more gifts that are on sale. Saturday is the best day to shop at Kohl’s.

Another favorite on Thursday evening or Black Friday is Michael’s. They have huge door busters and usually a coupon for an extra $25% off everything. I like fancy Christmas ribbon and I usually walk away spending $3 per spool instead of $10. I don’t need much these days by way of decorations, but in the past, I purchased a lot of items during this time, especially adding to my collection of 10″ black Santas that actually resemble my husband golfing, fishing, hunting, cooking, etc. I paid about $8 instead of $30 each for them after all the discounts on Black Friday.

So, there you have it. I don’t do much on-line during the holidays these days because I don’t need much. I’m thinking about purchasing a new iRobot Roomba vacume, and replacing my Magic Bullet and George Foreman Grill. Both are nearly worn out and this is the best time of the year to purchase all three items. One regret I have is not being able to save additional money when we got rid of our cable data boxes and replaced all six of them Ruko sticks. Yes, we saved $48 each month on those boxes because of the Ruko sticks, but they are a really good deal this Black Friday, each costing about $10 less than I paid for them at Target and Amazon. Not waiting saved us more in the long run, but I hate that I couldn’t get that additional $60 savings.

It should be evident by now that the start of the holiday shopping season for me is less about Christmas and more about the opportunity to stretch my hard earned dollars. The more I save, the more I get to save, and the more I get to give to the needy. To me, that’s just being fiscally responsible. Happy Black Friday.

This past week my department hosted a workshop on white fragility and anti-racism for a good number of diverse faculty and staff who were interested in the topic. Although emotionally charged and intellectually challenging, we must continue to address the pervasive role racism plays in the world. Even as a black woman who has been doing diversity work for much of my professional career, I walked away with a few heightened revelations. This week I’ll share one of the revelations that is foremost in my thinking since that day. It’s not new, but it is worth highlighting because of a recent work-related event.

At the forefront of my thinking is the hidden nature of how racism operates to undermine the lives and livelihood of people of color. Most people do not think of themselves as racist. They will never don a white sheet and hood to march with the KKK. In fact, to their credit, most people like to think of themselves as fair-minded and open to others. They don’t go around using derogatory terms to describe their Latina co-worker. They don’t ban the black male staff member they hired from attending the all staff lunch. They don’t relegate students of color to seating in the back of the classroom. But racism is at work in subtle ways that make it difficult to fight because it is operating under cover of darkness and often without the perpetrator being fully aware of what she is doing.

What I’ve experienced and observed is that we have all been inflected with the unconscious belief that what’s white is not only right, but normal, is the standard for what is best, and rightfully belongs in authority. When we bring that underlying system of thought to work or to a classroom, we put non-white students, staff members, and faculty members in the position of having to prove and protect themselves every minute of the day. There is no assumption of competence or worthiness, let alone excellence. In fact, there is an undercurrent of resentment and scrutiny that whites are not subject to. Any word or action by non-whites is often construed as below (white) standards or (white) norms and is taken as confirmation that the person of color is somehow lacking or doesn’t belong. And worse, persons of color are subject to push back if they dare to question or provide constructive feedback to students, colleagues, or subordinates. Much of this happens completely outside the awareness of the perpetrators,

I’ve watched my entire life how people of color are not given the same benefit of the doubt as their white counterparts when a mistake is made. One need not look further than how President Obama was treated as compared to President Trump. Even still, a person of color who demonstrates excellence is considered an “exception”. And sadly, accusations made against people of color by students or colleagues are taken on face value because they confirm the unconscious stereotypes of those in leadership.

I just learned that I am again the victim of a harmful and unsubstantiated accusation that I had no idea about until recently. A white colleague was spreading a negative insinuation about me that people took to be true without ever investigating or even asking me about it. These same people who listened to this frivolous claim and believed it also smile and say hello to me everyday. They may even give me a hug. But now I know that some of them acted against me based on the complaint of this ambitious white colleague who unwittingly fed into existing negative stereotypes about black women. Too much racism operates in the dark when people in power do not even question this systematic undermining of people of color. I’m aware that too many people of color, like me, are having their careers and reputations ambushed in this way.

The reality is that not only white people, but all people, need to challenge our standards of excellence and normal. Is white skin and European features really the highest standard of beauty? Is white leadership the only acceptable leadership? Is white really right or best? It’s also time that we throw out the false claim that some people are inherently smarter and possess greater moral character than others based on their race. Science has proven these notions to be false, but our subconscious has not caught on. We have to consciously remind ourselves that every colleague, faculty member, leader, and student possesses their own individual intellectual and moral strengths and weaknesses, disconnected from their race. It’s not easy to do, but it is possible, and it is necessary if we want to stop these hidden forms of racism from destroying lives and limiting our collective human potential.

I am exhausted from an undercurrent of anger cursing through me every day that I watch my fellow Americans subjected to a mind-boggling amount of gas lighting coming from the highest office in the land: the president of the United States. Donald Trump abuses us every day to feed his own perverted needs. I’m not psychologist, but I know what emotional abuse is and how gas lighting works as a tool of an abuser to bend victims to their will.

Simply put, gas lighting is when a person methodically makes his target question reality so that he can feed whatever perverted need is driving his behavior. The need might be power, control, ego, or money. Gas lighters are without moral character and conscience as they emotionally abuse their victims for their own gratification. They do it in a number of ways.

First and foremost, gas lighters are liars. They lie all the time. Their lies are blatant and they will shamelessly deny having said something even if they are caught on audio or video or email or text message saying it. Even worse, they will claim that everyone else is a liar and that only they are telling you the truth. Sound familiar? They are constantly insisting that targets suspend their belief in previously trusted sources of information such as the news media, teachers, historians, and even science. They use bravado and charm and empty compliments to endear themselves to the unaware as they keep insisting that they are the truth teller while everyone else, even with factual evidence in hand, is lying. Think about how Trump often tells his rally audience that they are the smart ones and that they are the true patriotic Americans and that they together will make America great again.

The unrelenting efforts of Trump gas lighting wears down his targets to the extent that he can successfully cast doubt on everything his followers once believed to be true, decent, and right. Look at the corrupting effect he has had on everyone who enters his orbit. This week he pardoned three convicted war criminals against the advice of military leadership. I feel sorry for people like Jeff Sessions and the now seven of his associates who have been convicted and sent to prison. He demands loyal but his loyalty is not reciprocal and once they have served his purposes, he discards them like trash. And if they wake up and leave on their own, he publicly ridicules them.

Like all gas lighters, he actively works to uproot our sense of stability and foments mistrust of normal channels of information so that he alone becomes the source of reality and truth. He has gotten Fox News and some conservative radio hosts to align with him and Trump rallies are filled with a cult base who have aligned to protect and defend him. I see all these folks as victims who are being abused and used and will one day wake up empty and full of shame.

The other characteristics of a gas lighter are evidenced by his constant need for an enemy to attack. Trump has turned public servants, Democrats, immigrants, and the media into public enemies. He attacks what is important to us such as news and information, the intelligence community, the FBI, science, immigrants, and even President Obama. The “deep state” is supposed to be out to destroy him and therefore, America. He tells his followers that you can’t trust anyone who accuses him of wrongdoing, labeling them as traitors or “Never Trumpers”.

Once his enemies are established, he projects, accusing them as individuals or groups of every wrongdoing that you can almost guarantee he himself is committing. For example, when he calls someone stupid, I think to myself that he believes he himself is stupid. When he calls for draining the swamp, he is really pointing out the swamp where he is most comfortable. He is so quick to publicly attack people that Republican lawmakers are terrified of him because his cult base will align with him against that person.

And finally, the words of a gas lighter will not match his actions. He says he will provide the best healthcare when in fact he is dismantling it. He says he always hires the best people, but look who he has hired. He says he will protect Dreamers when he is literally working to end DACA through the Supreme Court. His followers are not getting the benefit of tax cuts or the “easy tariffs” and the water they drink and the air they breathe is getting worse because of deregulation.

This week, the nation is fighting for its survival against a man hell-bent on destroying it for personal ego, power, and wealth. The Impeachment Inquiry is shedding light on just how pernicious this president is and just how much Republican lawmakers have become pathetically submissive to the gas lighter in chief. It is high time we impeach and remove Trump. And at the same time, we have to provide a way for Trump victims to redeem and rehabilitate themselves.

It’s evident to me that a lot of Americans aren’t paying much attention to what is happening with our government. I can’t say that I blame anyone for this inattention because we are all busy just trying to live our lives. We work, we sleep, we groom, we pay bills, we take care of family, we clean and maintain our homes, we eat, we worship, and we play a bit. There is very little time left for paying close attention to politics. And yet, our lives and the lives of our children might be fundamentally changed if we don’t.

For too many Americans, their notion of the current turmoil comes from a few sound bites here and there. And Donald Trump has mastered the art of delivering sound bites that are riddled with lies and distractions. Unfortunately, he has a news channel and radio pundits who are happy to accommodate him. And sometimes they even feed him the next set of talking points to obscure our understanding. Trump has been able to convince a number of people that he is looking out for their best interest when in fact he is destroying and undermining their health, livelihood, and futures. It’s mind-blowing to think about how many times in a day this man lies to the American public. The lies themselves make him dangerous to public health, national security, safety, and our economy. His administration is actively dismantling the protections provided in Obamacare while he says he will protect pre-existing conditions. The truth is the exact opposite. He lies about climate change, covers up the science and then promotes deregulation that will further pollute the air we breathe and the water we drink while speeding up climate change itself. All the while he calls climate change a “Chinese hoax”. He breaks the law in plain sights and brags about it as if the law itself is actually wrong and not him.

Americans who voted for Trump knew that he sexually assaulted women, cheated on his three wives, filed bankruptcy six times, defrauded consumers, didn’t pay contractors for their work, hired undocumented workers, discriminated against blacks, falsely accused people, called his opponents names, and lied excessively about just about everything. His moral bankruptcy and corrupt tendencies were, and continue to be in plain view, and yet they supported him and 80% of Republicans continue to support him, even in the face of his obvious obstruction of justice and now his abuse of power with Ukraine.

The question is who are we as a nation and is our Constitution, the rule of law, and common decency worth preserving? Donald Trump deserved to be impeached long ago but he has been protected by lawmakers who are afraid of his cult-like base that revels in his unorthodox, break-all-the-rules, brash and unhinged behavior. They are entertained by his clearly ignorant proclamations and blatant lies about facts. They are amused when he openly bullies other politicians and nations who are considered our allies and friends. They give a nod to his relationships with despots like Putin. And they blindly cheer his not-so-simple trade war with China that negatively impacts them. They think he is strong when in reality he is the weakest and most dangerous kind of leader. He is the boastful emperor who has no clothes. He has surrounded himself with “yes” people who are afraid to tell him the truth. These foolish Americans enable and empower a fool and are unwitting participants in his folly. It is all the more imperative that the rest of us wake up and start paying closer attention.

In the coming weeks, we must find the time to get beyond the sound bites and watch the public impeachment inquiry hearings in the House. We must watch and encourage our friends and family members to watch. We must share what we see with those who are still too busy living life to watch for themselves. And whenever possible, we have to provide an alternative narrative to people living inside the Fox News bubble. It is only when public opinion about the reality of this president’s misdeeds are more widely rejected that those Republicans in the Senate will find the courage to do what their oath to the Constitution and their duty to Americans requires of them: remove Trump from office.

Before my husband left for the golf course at 5:00am yesterday morning, he admonished me to get off the couch today and do something. He is tired of seeing me sitting on the couch and frankly I’m tired of sitting there. However, I felt a surge of frustration when he said that. He really doesn’t understand what it is like to struggle to breath when the air is polluted with smoke and debris. I have asthma and I’m struggling. I hear myself wheezing through my own ears. I feel the constriction in my chest. My noise is clogged with mucus and I can capture very little air needed to move. The fires in California impose great restrictions on my movements as they have become an annual occurrence.

I skipped a lunch with colleagues on Friday because I couldn’t walk across campus to the cafeteria where we had agreed to gather. I felt bad having to cancel my Friday evening plans to attend two outdoor events scheduled by student groups who went out of their way to invite me. They understood that I couldn’t be outside when the air was this bad because of my asthma, but they were still disappointed. With my mask firmly placed across my face, I at least looked at their decorations before making my way back inside the building. I even wear my mask to walk the short distance between my car and my office and my car to my front door. Asthma is no joke and asthma attacks are frightening and could be deadly.

I was diagnosed with asthma when I was two. I thought I had grown out of it until it reared its ugly head again in my late twenties and early thirties when I was plagued by constant attacks and was prescribed steroids. I eventually whined myself off of them and my rescue inhaler. I keep the rescue inhaler handy for days like this. But mostly, I have learned to control my environment and curb my behavior to avoid attacks. I’ve never had the benefit of full breath, but I’ve managed. I had to train my husband to stop polluting our home air with beach and other harsh chemicals that set off asthma attacks. I have houseplants in every room, particularly pothos, snake plants, peace lily and a few others that purify our air and I dust and vacuum more than many, using a vacuum with a hippa filter. I’m careful with my bedding and I get a flu shot every year. I’ve gotten the pneumonia vaccine, too.

These last two weeks, I haven’t been able to walk on the tread mill or ride the stationary bike in my garage because of the bad air. I’ve taken to stretching and a bit of yoga instead. But this can’t last forever. When I finally retire in a few years, we’ll need to move to a state where fires are rare. I don’t do well with humidity either. So, Nevada or Arizona might be in our future. Right now, I just need to find a place where I can breathe and sadly, that is my couch. Sorry, hubby.