Fully Present Post 50

I’ve taken a good number of personality tests over the years and every one  of them has reached  the same conclusion about my personality.  Of course, each uses a different label.  I’m type A, I’m a driver, I’m an achiever.  What is true is that I measure the success of my day by how much I have accomplished.  I set goals.  I like crossing things off my to do list. Although I like people,  I’m more task oriented than people oriented.  This is what makes the notion that I’m taking a vacation a kind of a misnomer for the weeks away from my job.   Continue reading “The Type A Vacation”

My 32-year-old son tied the knot in spectacular fashion last Saturday.  I give credit to the bride’s family, the Nonanthum Resort staff, and the city of Kennebunkport, Maine for welcoming the wedding party and guests and for creating a celebratory atmosphere for the entire destination wedding weekend.   Continue reading “The Beautiful Wedding”

In less than a week, this coming Saturday, my youngest son (age 32) is getting married.  A two year engagement seemed like a very long time, but here it is and I’m in full mother of the groom mode, which is notably far less stressful than the traditional mother of the bride mode. Continue reading “Mother of the Groom”

There is a lot of finger pointing going on today.  People are accusing each other of wrongly thinking they are somehow “entitled” to one thing or another.  I hear complaints that students today think they are entitled to good grades for simply showing up to class and turning in an assignment, no matter how substandard the product.  I hear that white males think they are entitled to the best jobs over women and people of color without having to be exceptional at anything (Donald Trump).  I even hear that the elderly think they are entitled to Social Security benefits and Medicare when they retire.  But wait.  Didn’t these folks pay into Social Security and Medicare while they were working?  I would say that this is an earned entitlement.  I object to entitlements based solely on group identity and false assumptions. Continue reading “Entitled to what, really?”

I count it a privilege to dress up in my academic regalia to honor the marking of a milestone achievement called graduation or commencement. Graduates are relieved to be done with final exams and are happy to be celebrated by family and friends who will fill the stadium to hear their name called as they walk across the stage to shake the hand of the University President.  Alongside the glee and great celebration, I also see and hear the anxiety that comes with leaving the comfortable nest of the college campus.

Working at a University, we try to make students feel like they are a part of a community.  We work hard to get to know traditional aged students (18-24) during a time when they are trying to transition from childhood to “emerging” adulthood. They are at a stage in life where they are finding out who they are and what they care about.  They are merging their classroom lessons with the life lessons gained in community. Perhaps the world has become much more complicated so that it takes these four years to get the basics down?  Many say that a bachelor’s degree today is what a high school diploma used to be. 

 I recall my own rude awakening to this as a parent when shortly after my daughter’s graduation from Pepperdine University she announced during a conversation that she wasn’t an adult.  She was only 22. Her not being an adult was news to me!  Up until then, I had considered 18 to be an adult. My generation considered themselves adults at that age. I now muse over how my generation of women called themselves “old maids” if they weren’t married by 25.  Times have changed.  The American students I work with today do not consider themselves fully adult until around age 26. Yes, international students are different; more mature and do consider themselves as adults.  For American students,  I’ve adopted the term, “emerging” adults from a book I read titled, “Not Quite Adults:  Why 20-somethings are choosing a slower path to adulthood, and why it’s good for everyone” by Richard Settersten and Barbara Ray.    

If High School and College graduations can no longer be considered the launching pad into adulthood, what are they?  I guess that depends on who you ask.  One student I spoke to is taking the next few months to travel around the world.  Another is heading directly to graduate school, sometimes considered a delaying mechanism of either work, the outside world, or paying off student loans.  It is true that some professions require graduate degrees, but as a former professor of graduate students, I’m in favor of graduate  students who have gained a few years of life experience beyond the academic corridors before entering the graduate classroom.  Others, who can afford to combine social consciousness with adventure choose a beeline to the Peace Corps or to teach English in a foreign country, like my son..  There are a privileged few who shrug their shoulders, having no plans beyond having a good time for now.  But the vast majority, facing student loan debts, have sent out resumes and been to a few interviews in hopes of landing a great job that will eventually enable them to live independent of their parents. Long gone are the days when the next step after graduation was a wedding. For now, most just return to the family home and claim a weird combination of independence and dependence (emerging adulthood).  The weddings I see now happen 5-15 years post-graduation.  This excludes the fun trips to Vegas for a wedding, followed by an immediate annulment. But back to the important day itself.

Graduations are still laborious events with the occasional interesting, if not humorous speech. These days, I marvel over the creative messages pressed onto the black mortarboards that dawn the heads of the graduates.  Some express gratitude to parents, others express pure joy over their accomplishment.  Some are just incredible works of art.  My favorite yesterday was the one that read, “I’m done with this B.S.” Maybe she was referring to her degree or all she had to deal with to get it or both.  All are a form of entertainment during a ceremony that can last for hours with the reading of each and every name.  One sure sign of relief is that I can now pull out my cell phone rather than struggle to stay awake.    

I’m fascinated and horrified by the new show on Hulu, “The Handmaid’s Tale“.  It intensified the empathy I feel for my ancestors who were slaves in this country and for the millions of people living under the tyranny of religious zealots like the Taliban or despots like in North Korean.  It reminded me that today there are many people still enduring the torment of slavery around the world, and even in our own country.  I realized as I watched the first four episodes, that falling prey to tyrannical rule is possible if we aren’t vigilant. Continue reading “Freedom at risk”

I know who I am and who I am not.  So, after a long day of work, Friday evening I agreed to tag along with my talent agent daughter to watch one of her clients perform in the theater production of “Sister Act”.  And why not?  The orchestra seats were complimentary and I’ve wanted to see the production for a while.  What I neglected to take into  consideration before agreeing to the excursion was that I’m an introvert and my daughter is an extrovert.  So, I was in for an exceptionally long evening beyond the play itself.  When I finally got home, I was exhausted,  but we were both deeply satisfied as Type A, driven, achievers. Continue reading “Finding Self-acceptance”

I’ve spent my life being on the receiving side of an abuse of power by males. Admittedly, there is little I have done to hold my abusers accountable and I feel a degree of shame behind it.  Until now, my response has been to acknowledge the abuse is happening and then to either cut and run or bear the pain of the situation in silence.  Perhaps my behavior is what it is because the cost of holding the abuser accountable is too high.  I think a lot of women can relate. Continue reading “Abuse of Power”

On this most holy and hopeful of days, Resurrection Day, my only thought for this post is that people of good will can use the day to celebrate not only that Christ has risen (as Christians believe), but that His teachings can also rise again. Continue reading “Resurrection Day Hopes”

We all make mistakes.  We make them because we are perfectly human.  But a work colleague and I both noticed that the frequency of human errors that affect our daily lives have become so frequent as to be more than merely annoying, but a bit scary.  I have to challenge the work habits of many in the workforce today.  It is not okay to adopt a cavalier attitude about mistakes.  The massive amount of errors supports the claim of employers that it’s difficult to find good help these days. I write this week’s post at the behest of my work colleague.  Continue reading “To Error is Human”