Month: August 2020

I understand that good people never want to think of themselves as racist, white supremacist, or anti-black. Good people shudder at the thought that others might see them in this light. And good people certainly want to avoid perpetuating any of these horrific character flaws. Good people rightly and honestly want to be free of these both internally and externally. The reality is that racism, white supremacy, and anti-blackness are an almost inescapable infection living in the hearts and minds of the vast majority of people in the world. And black people aren’t immune from this infection. We too, are infected with subconscious impulses toward white supremacy and anti-blackness. None of this was by accident or divine providence. This infection of the human soul was created by elites greedy for more money and maintained domination.

Although the human tendency toward building a hierarchical society has always existed as part of the human DNA, for the majority of human existence, skin color meant nothing. It wasn’t until Europe and then particularly an emerging America, where the economic necessity for cheap labor made perpetual human slavery irresistible. Blackness became the number one determination of who was to be a slave in perpetuity. There were a few characteristics that made black people particularly attractive candidates. First, the color of the skin made them easy to spot. Second, was their resistance to European diseases, and third was the skill sets and ability to work they brought with them. The decision to create the harshest system of slavery known to man was purely economic but it also meant dehumanizing its victims in order to ease the minds of those participating in such an inhuman system. Success in establishing the belief that slaves were less intelligent, devoid of human emotions, in need of discipline like rebellious children, sub-human, and little more than machines, meant that working them 15 hours a day, feeding them scraps, buying and selling them, and beating or killing them at will was all okay. So ingrained were these notions of black bodies that even in the north where slavery was viewed as barbaric because of its cruelty, blacks were stilled viewed and treated as lesser humans.

Fast forward from 1619 through a Civil War that ended slavery in 1865 and to another 100 years of government sanctioned Jim Crow laws enshrining an American caste system to appease the southern mindset and making it legal to discriminate against black bodies in any and everyway in society throughout the country. Blacks were now solidly at the bottom of the social order. Those in power recognized that they needed to find a way to help poor whites and immigrants feel that they have a shot at the American dream and that they are not at the bottom of the social order. They could feel better about themselves at the expense of blacks. European immigrants coming to America were for the first time considered “white”. That designation immediately placed them in the mix of limitless opportunity. They could vote, they could own property, they could get education and jobs, they could get loans to establish businesses, they could travel where they liked. The sky is the limit. But for blacks and other people of color, none of this was true. Blacks who broke with caste were severely punished and financially successful black communities were met with white jealous rage. All with impunity. Our history reveals that the designation of whiteness was so essential that there were lawsuits from other groups of color petitioning to be considered white. Armenians were successful while Japanese were not. Strangely, and for weird political reasons, Mexicans were also designated as white.

People of color were second class citizens with limitations placed on their every move and movement. And at the bottom were blacks. Their rights and opportunities were and continue to be limited not only by laws, but by state sanctioned policies and practices. It took a whole Civil Rights Movement to end outright legal discrimination against blacks and to finally open the intellectual mindset of Americans to the fact that racism, white supremacy, and anti-blackness are evil. However, despite new laws, the hearts and minds remain entrenched in these flaws, reflexively acting out the enshrined racial social order in daily life, transactions, and interactions. The continued disparities in education, jobs, housing, banking, and criminal justice are the result and almost seem “normal”. As rationalization for these disparities, the actual flaws of the nation’s racist, white supremist and anti-blackness turned into imagined character and/or cultural flaws of blacks themselves. We were to blame for our low social position.

It is only now, with cameras capturing black people being brutally beaten or murdered by police and a president who caters to white supremacist views that America is again called upon to reckon with the racism, white supremacy, and the anti-blackness that plagues it. I believe there is a treatment for those who want to be free of this infection. However, it is not easy. And there has to be a willingness to pursuit a path that disrupts, challenges, and ultimately dismantles the current social order where whites are at the top and blacks are at the bottom. It will take the hard work of self-reflection, self-confrontation, and self-education, to cure the character flaws that make people hold black and brown bodies to a different standard. And like I said before, black people aren’t immune from this infection. You can see them at Trump rallies.

Start with self-reflection. Examine a wide range of black people through television, in music, through art, books, movies, in magazines, on the street, and in the places where you do business. What emotions emerge as you look at each image? When you look at Michelle Obama, do you think of her as a credit to her race or as just an incredible human being or something else? Compare those thoughts to Laura Bush? How do they differ? Did race even come into your calculus for Laura Bush? When you heard that another black man was shot by police seven times in the back in front of his three children, where did your thoughts take you? What did you feel? Where did you place blame? Would you think or feel differently if this had happened to a white man? When a black person speaks and a white person speaks, notice if you value one voice over the other. This is self-reflection. Don’t be afraid of what you find in your self-reflection. Don’t allow guilt to stop you. Remember, none of us planted these thoughts or emotions into ourselves. We inherited them and so it is time to confront them head on and one by one. I had to do this myself as a black woman.

Self-confrontation is interrupting one’s own negative thoughts and feelings about a person of color simply because he or she is a person of color. It is how we confront the unconscious bias we all have. It is literally saying to oneself, “Stop!” and evaluate this person on the basis of what he or she says or does as an individual, not as part of any particular skin color group. Imagine a white person were to say or do the same thing. Would you be offended? It is reminding oneself every day and in every situation that human beings are individuals that fall on the bell curve evenly across human characteristics such as intelligence and empathy. Some people are more considerate than others. That’s not a racial characteristic; that’s a human characteristic. Some people are more violent than others, but that too is not based on skin color, but on personality, upbringing, and lived circumstances. Compare the virtues of Trump and Obama? Imagine if Obama behaved as Trump?

And finally, self-education. First, learn the history of America and its impact on the entire world with its creation of white supremacy. Recognize how notions of white beauty have negatively impacted people around world. Then, learn about the impact of this history on people of color. This entails reading, listening, and watching to hear the stories of black and brown people and watching to see the ugly the truths that unfold about how our history has and does play a role in our current situation. There is plenty of literature, art, and music to consume to inform you. It is not the job of black people to educate white people. Some may be willing to do this, but I can tell you from experience that it is exhausting and traumatizing work because it triggers past emotional pain and reopens wounds. It takes days to recover from episodes that involve trying to educate white people about how it is to be black in America. The information is already out there to be consumed.

I believe that people can be successfully treated for this infection of racism, white supremacy, and anti-blackness. The road to recovery is doable, difficult though it may be. Set aside any guilt (deserved or not) and become brave, intentional, and willing to have a broken heart in order to heal. As I see it, this is the road to recovery. I know because I traveled it myself.

I created and posted a support Biden-Harris poster on my Facebook and Instagram pages this week. I’ll do what I’m able to encourage people to register, to vote, and to vote for Biden-Harris to lead our nation. Although I’ve been appalled by the continuous flow of false accusations, lies and conspiracy theories coming from the mouth of president Trump, I had not experienced them from anyone I was ever associated with until this week.

In response to my poster, a former white male colleague shared a quote from someone that said voting for democrats in November meant voting to transform the country into a communist state. Then he posted a poster about the “Obama legacy” with attending comments listing a ton of unfounded accusations against Obama. Then he later wrote about my poster calling Biden and Harris “Pedophiles, liars and criminals”. I wasn’t shocked, but saddened that someone I had worked with, albeit he wasn’t an educated professional, but a construction guy on campus, had been sucked into this delusional thinking. I couldn’t help but wonder why. And so I did a bit of research into why people believe these far-fetched theories, completely denying the evidence in front of them.

Psychologists have stepped up their research and theories into the proliferation of conspiracy theories and their followers. People who buy into or perpetuate these theories willingly suspend reality and simple critical thinking to believe lies, made up stories, and falsehoods to help them understand situations troubling circumstances. They are driven by fear and anxiety, the need for control, the need to feel special, and the need to belong. These are people who are generally uneducated, not kind, not dependable, and not cooperative in their daily lives. They attract likeminded people and reinforce each other. They are not people with strong analytical skills and so it is difficult for them to give up their beliefs even in the face of truth, facts, and evidence. These don’t matter. What matters is the social network they have built with those who contribute to their anti-social paranoid thinking.

With this in mind, it was evident to me that there wasn’t much I could or should do to engage this former colleague. I felt bad for him and for those around him. The most unfortunate part is that these people can be dangerous. Some become violent and take up arms or bombs, threatening or killing people. Some of them don’t vaccinate their children because despite the evidence they believe vaccinations cause autism. They believe in the deep state that wants to do all sorts of things to destroy America and so they vote for Trump who is literally destroying America right before their eyes. They believe that COVID-19 is a hoax created to gain control over us and so they refuse to wear masks as thousands of Americans die and schools can’t reopen. And now, some are running for government office. It’s bad enough that we have a conspiracy theorist in the White House. Look what he has gotten us! His niece (a psychologist), and now his older sister (a federal judge), have publicly called out his depraved character, exposing his lying, selfishness, and cruelty.

This November, we have to favor reason, truth, evidence, and facts at the ballot box across all political races. We have to expose the alternative facts for what they are: lies, false accusations, and conspiracy theories. And it all starts with protecting our ability to vote by mail during an actual pandemic despite the claims of conspiracy theorist want us believe that the deep state is using a made up pandemic to allow for rampant voting fraud through mail in ballots. Thinking citizens now have to protect the post office from the attacks of the conspiracy theorist in the White House. Can America and the world endure four more years of this? I don’t think so.

I’m pretty certain that I’m not alone in feeling that I am fighting for what is good, and right, and just on many fronts today. Many of our public battles are serious, like the battle to end systemic racism or the battle over how to provide economic support to the many who are unemployed because of this pandemic. Other battles are based on stupidity but nonetheless require energy to fight, like whether to mandate wearing face masks in public in the face of 171,000 U.S. deaths, whether college football should be played this fall, whether children should return to school for in-person instruction in COVID-19 hotbeds, and whether mail-in voting will be curtailed by defunding the post office. And of course now the ridiculous question as to whether or not Kamala Harris was born in the U.S.?

We are forced to pick our battles. I’m glad to hear that yesterday some Americans in Washington DC showed up to protest at the home of the major Trump supporter Post Master General who is doing the president’s bidding to curtail mail processing, making large scale voting by mail difficult if not completely impossible. Others are lining up to get food to feed their families and struggling to stay in their homes. And sadly, too many are dealing with COVID-19 illness and deaths. My family spent several anxious days this past week waiting on the results of my husband’s and daughter’s COVID-19 tests. Thankfully, both were negative. However, a new health battle in my family has just begun.

My husband had a COVID-19 test because he needs additional testing after coughing up a 1″ by 1/2″ lump of tissue or tumor last week. He has been coughing non-stop (pre-COVID-19) for several months and the doctors have tried to address the issue in numerous ways. But coughing up a lump of tissue changed their tune altogether. We are waiting for the results of the biopsy while holding our breath. And in the process of all the labs, he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. The constant coughing and resulting lack of sleep and energy have made him less active. Hence, he gained a lot of weight.

I learned from a wise person many years ago that we have to pick our battles. In a world with limitations on our time as well as our physical, mental, and emotional capacity, it is not possible to participate in every battle, no matter how worthy. Unfortunately, in my lifetime I have never seen so many battles to choose from at one time. And sadly, even though many of these battles are manufactured by this president, they are too dangerous to be completely ignored. So, I pray that while I take up arms in the primary battle to regain my husband’s health while protecting my own, that others will fight the good fight on these other important fronts. It is painful to admit that the best I can do right now is to stay informed, cast my vote, write my representatives, and post my weekly blog.

As they say in the Asian dramas I’m so fond of, “Fighting!”

We live at the end of a cul-de-sac and a sizable portion of our front and back yard are hillside. I’ve prided myself on keeping it well-groomed by spending hours on that hillside planting groundcover, plants and fruit trees, weeding and trimming. But lately I’ve developed a fear of falling off the hill itself or off the ladder I use to climb over the retainer wall onto it. I muse at how I once would have jumped down from that retainer wall without giving it a second thought. But now the thought of falling, twisting an ankle, breaking a bone or hitting my head make me reluctant to go up there as often as I should. Fear is a great motivator and I find myself motivated to do or not do things more today than ever because of fear.

My greatest fear has always been of losing a loved one. As a child, I recall being terrified of losing my mother to the point of not sleeping well during the times when my parents were together. I was extremely protective of my mother because I recognized the danger she was in because of my father’s alcohol-driven violence. I never hesitated to get between them in a conflict because of my fear of losing her. Because of my youthful brain, I never considered the threat to my own personal safety. In all honesty, I know that I saved my mother’s life on several occasions.

Fear is a powerful motivator. And as I get older, I recognize that I have much more of it than I did when I was younger. Gone are my days of being a fearless and invincible youth who takes risks to protect those I love, to get what I want, and to pursue my dreams. It is not at all surprising to me that during this pandemic, young people are partying without masks and engaging in all sorts of risk-taking. They are hard-wired to believe that they’ll be okay no matter what. This is why opening a high school or college this fall and expecting students under 25 to follow safety protocols is foolish. They are fearless. Some older adults aren’t necessarily fearless, but clueless, denying the actual existence of danger. They are like Trump, engaging in wishful thinking to alleviate their fears so that they feel free to continue life as usual. I marvel at their stupidity. But they should consider that Herman Cain lost his life following Trump-like thinking by attending that ridiculous rally in Oklahoma without a mask and social distancing.

A healthy dose of fear motivates certain behaviors and prevents other behaviors. I wear a mask and keep social distancing and wash my hands and surfaces frequently out of fear of catching COVID-19. I saved for retirement at percentages greater than recommended out of fear that I wouldn’t have enough, especially since Social Security has been threatened for so long. I’ve always had insurance policies for just about everything out of fear that something would go terribly wrong and financial disaster was just waiting in the wings. Perhaps it will take the fear of a stiff fine for some stubborn Americans to start wearing a mask in public. If they aren’t wise enough to fear this disease, maybe they will fear having to pay a $500 fine.

While it feels more noble to be motivated by love, or compassion, or ambition, or desire, or even patriotism, I find that these emotions are a bit less potent in the face of fear. When someone engages in risky behaviors, we often say they were blinded by love or they had blind-ambition. It means that they lacked a healthy dose of fear to moderate their behavior. People who “throw caution to the wind” may feel free, but they may also face the sad and final consequences for their actions. And the human brain generally isn’t mature enough until around 25 years of age to moderate itself. So, some decisions must be made on their behalf to keep them safe.

This November I am more than a little fearful that Trump will be re-elected. And I can only hope and pray that a huge number of Americans everywhere, and especially in battleground states, share my fear enough to be motivated to vote against him. We should all be scared shitless of his willingness to lie, cheat, and to sow all sorts of confusion about this deadly disease and now voting. So, it’s going to take our collective fear of another 4 years of Trump and fear of this pandemic to drive the masses to make sure every state government ensures that all Americans can vote by mail in November.

I’ve spent considerable time researching land for sale in and around Las Vegas and looking at custom house floorplans to price things out. We’ve decided to build our own home for retirement, although we haven’t concluded just where that home will be. My vote is somewhere close to younger family members, with decent weather, and a cost of living index that is friendly to seniors. So our options are limited. I’m a project person, all this excites me. With my background and formal education in interior design apart from my university degrees, I worked for a time as an interior designer and of course acted as my own project manager when we renovated our current house. I’m prepared to do it again. However, when deciding on our “must haves” for our retirement new home, I found it amusing that we want such a big home on a large lot for just the two of us.

This new home will be a one story, about 3,000 square feet, sitting on 1/3 to 2/3 acres of land. At first, I scratched my head when we decided that we needed five bedrooms. The reality is that only two will be utilized as bedrooms: our master and a guest room for family and friends who visit. Eventually one of the rooms will be use for an in-home caretaker if we live long enough. We will continue to have our separate office/den spaces. And because the climate will be different from California, the garage gym we have now, complete with treadmill, stationary bike, Bowflex, and free weights will have to be moved indoors. That makes for five bedrooms.

We’ve also opted for three full baths. One really large master, one Jack and Jill for the guest room and my office to share, and one guest bathroom that will be a full bath with an eye toward future occupants’ needs.

We debated whether we wanted to waste the money on a formal living room and dining room. For resale it is probably wise to keep them, although we realize we likely wouldn’t utilize them that much. I have been thinking of making the formal dining room into a game room for my puzzles, complete with a reading area with built-in book shelves and board game table. Michael might opt for a pool table. It could have a fireplace with a television above it, too. Future occupants could easily revert it back to a formal dining room.

We do want a super large kitchen with an open concept that includes a spacious informal everyday dining area and a family room with a fireplace and build-in television area. This will be the heart of the home.

One of the ways we plan to keep healthy besides utilizing our gym is to have a large yard and a workshop in the three car garage. The third space in the garage would be for Michael’s wood working projects. We’re accustomed to growing most of our produce, but we’re in California. I’m not really sure how to do in other states where the climate is different. Gardening is a passion for me and I’ll have a steep learning curve to learn what’s possible where we land.

We continue to argue about a swimming pool in that big yard. It would be a way to cool off in the summer. But I’m thinking about the added expense of the upkeep for a pool. Neither of us are big swimmers, but I think my husband believes the grandkids and family members would enjoy it.

Solar panels are a must have. Large doorways are also a must have. 10 foot ceilings are a requirement throughout the house. A large walk-in, lipless shower in the master is a must as are very large walk-in closets. Even though I am starting to question my need for such massive closet space since my commitment to start scaling down as I near retirement, I recognize that future owners will appreciate ample closet space. My commitment extends to not purchasing any more clothing unless I loose enough weight to warrant it.

It seems that we are talking about when I will retire almost daily. We can afford for me to retire today, but the question is whether I’m emotionally ready. Until I can answer that particular question with complete confidence, then I will be satisfied to make plans and proceed with finding and buying the land and then building our dream retirement home. In my mind, that means I’ll continue to work for about two years at least.