Fully Present Post 50

Like many Americans, I am both frustrated and furious with the recent decisions handed down by the Supreme Court. I decided it was time they heard how I felt about their decisions and about the obvious corruption among some of the conservative members, so I wrote to them. I share my letter with the hope to inspire to join the chorus of citizens who are making their frustration known.

Dear Supreme Court,

I have completely lost confidence in your judgment.  You have members who lack basic ethics.  You have members who take bribes, lied to get on the court, fail to recuse themselves, and have an agenda that goes against our Constitution and the health, safety, and welfare of our citizens.  You have broken this nation by granting criminal immunity to the Office of the Presidency when no other president in our history needed nor requested such a thing until Donald Trump who is probably guilty of many crimes against us, notwithstanding lying about a stolen election and trying to overturn the results to remain in office.  He’s taken money from foreign governments, stolen classified documents, and personally profited from his position as president.  We can’t trust a Republican Senate to hold him accountable because they too are afraid of him and his cult supporters who are armed and ready to kill on his behalf.  The threats of violence are rampant, and you empower it all with your decisions.

I have lost confidence in the rule of law and no longer believe we are a nation of reasonable laws.  You made corporations people and we’ve seen how horribly that has played out.  You made guns readily available and now we can’t go to the grocery store, church, school or a movie theater without fear of being gunned down.  You’ve taken away a woman’s right to choose whether or not to continue a pregnancy that could kill her, or a dying fetus, or even one that was unplanned.  Women will die and lives will be ruined and countless unwanted babies will be doomed to poverty and child abuse. Your decision robs women of their right to life, liberty and their pursuit of happiness in favor of a fetus that has no ability to exist on its own. You’ve taken away the power of expert government agencies to regulate greedy corporations who would readily pollute our air, food, and water for profit.  You’ve further opened the door to planetary disaster.  I pity my children and grandchildren who will live with the consequences of your actions.

You lack credibility and I have no idea which Americans will choose to abide by your unreasonable rulings moving forward.  In my eyes, you are completely illegitimate.  You have invited anarchy.  No reasonable person believes that a corrupt court should have the authority to make decisions that significantly affect their lives and well-being in so many negative ways.  I know I don’t.

Sincerely,

Dr. Juanita Hall, Citizen of the United States

As a voting citizen, I felt obligated to watch the entire presidential debate on June 27th between President Biden and former President Trump. I pulled out my yellow pad and sat in my office glued to the television, prepared to see the energetic Biden I observed at the State of the Union. Within seconds, it was evident that he was going to present a view of himself that dismantled any hopes I had that he was up for the task, not only of debating, but of successfully running for office again.

His voice was slow, raspy, and quiet. His demeanor was low key and lethargic. He moved and presented himself as a feeble old man. His answers were slow, sometimes to the point and other times, rambling and incoherent. He was unable to effectively counter all the lies and rewriting of history Trump threw at him. At one point, he simply says that everything Trump just said was a lie. He didn’t adequately defend his record, his decisions, nor present his accomplishment in a way that inspired confidence.

Although Biden was clearly a better president and is a more likable human being than Trump, he looked too old and feeble to continue on as president for four more years. It was painful to watch his obvious decline in mental acuity and mobility. But it was also a wakeup call to the Democrat leadership, which I pray they will act upon this time.

Biden needs to step aside and allow another person to assume the presidential candidacy before it is too late. Following the debate, I emailed my request directly to the White House, imploring President Biden to step aside for the good of the nation. I emailed the Democratic National Committee and requested that they convince Biden to step aside and find another candidate to run. I emailed Senator Chuck Schummer and my governor, Galvin Newsome, and requested the same.

Overall, I think Biden has done a good job as president and I commended his record in my emails. However, there is no getting beyond the perception that he presents himself as old and feeble on the world stage and that his inability to effectively communicate his ideas, stay on topic, or issue rebuttals with energy and conviction will lead to his defeat this November.

Everyone says that the choice is Biden’s to make. But that does not mean that as many of us as possible should remain silent and not try to pressure him to do what we are convinced is best for the country and the world. Our silence is our consent, so I hope many people around him and others across the country are encouraging him to step away.

I question why he would remain in the race. How much is ego? How much is hubris? How much is personal ambition? How much is delusional thinking? I don’t know. But I’m praying that enough of us speaking out can break through to him and convince him to take a bow for the wins of the past four years and pass the torch. He has left the country better than he found it. It would be a tragedy to hand over the country to Trump, White Christian Nationalists and their Project 2025 plans and the Federalist Society. We need a strong leader to counteract the damage they have already done and the theocratic plans they have for our collective future.

Of course, if after all efforts fail and Biden chooses to continue running, I will vote for him. I take comfort in the fact that he is surrounded by competent cabinet members, career administrators and staff. I’ve watched many of them testify before congress and the senate on multiple occasions and they exude integrity, confidence, and competence in their administrative areas. None of them shrink before the MAGA Republican nonsense their representatives throw at them. The opposite is true of the previous Trump administration where they were either silent, lying, or frustrated with Trump’s incompetence, law-breaking, and lying that they resigned, were fired, or helped him at the cost of their professional and personal reputations. The Republican lead Senate failed to convict him twice and that is shameful. And now the judicial system replete with just enough MAGA judges are failing us with unfounded delays.

No matter who the democratic candidate turns out to be, I will vote for him or her. I am actively joining the chorus of democrats encouraging Biden to step aside. But if he doesn’t, I will vote for him without reservation because the other choice is completely unacceptable. Trump and the current Republican Party is a threat to our country, the world economy, humanity itself, the rule of law, and the environment. I just wish more Americans were paying close enough attention to see this.

Since retirement, I have sought to rid myself of a lifetime of collecting stuff. I was never a spend thrift, spending money without purpose on expensive toys. I preferred watching money grow through savings and investments. I preferred the satisfaction of donating money to good causes. And I preferred spending money on education and travel. That isn’t to say that I didn’t spend money on things someone convinced me that I needed. I did.

Because I enjoyed dressing up for work, creating and maintaining a comfortable and beautifully decorated home, gardening, and cooking and entertaining, I accumulated a lot of items to help me achieve these lifestyle choices. But now I’ve slowed my roll. I don’t have anywhere to wear all these clothes, shoes, coats, handbags, scarfs, and jewelry. I no longer cook and entertain on the scale I once did. And I’m not so keen on redecorating for every season as I once was. In the past, I was fond of having an occasional garage sale, but those days are over. Now, I’ve taken to donating a lot of items, passing some on to the kids, and I’m writing down the instructions for an estate sale in my will. The point is that you can’t take any of this stuff with you and while you’re here, it all becomes a mental burden to look at while it collects dust.

It’s hard for younger people to grasp this. I had a heated conversation with a family member about the danger of spending every available dollar on expensive toys, foregoing savings and investments. I realize that people have different mindsets when it comes to owning things. In my opinion, that family member has an unhealthy attachment to his stuff because it interferes with his mental and financial stability. Despite the overwhelming credit interest and maintenance cost associated with his expensive toys, my son in law can’t imagine selling any of his items. In the past, I made the mistake of paying off their creditors when I saw interest rates to the tune of 25 -29%, only to have them turn around and purchase more stuff on credit because that money was freed up for new monthly payments. I learned my lesson to never do that again.

We live in a nation where most people don’t have $400 set aside for an emergency. I think we have created an unhealthy relationship with the accumulation of things. No item should be paid for multiple times because of credit interest. My credit card pays me, not the other way around! There are a couple of rules I learned in my thirties that have served me well. First is that immediate gratification and impulse buying lead to financial debt. The second rule is that things do not make me happy. While certain things have utility, I keep them around, but after that, I get rid of them because I find that clutter is a mental weight.

The problem is that everywhere we go, everywhere we look, someone is trying to sell us some item that is guaranteed to make us better or happier. It’s usually a lie. What I’ve discovered through the years is that there is greater happiness in breaking free of the clutter from useless items and even greater satisfaction in donating to good causes. However, the greatest satisfaction comes from watching my savings and investments grow with every dollar I do not spend on frivolous items. This practice has provided my current financial security and future benefits for my grandchildren. Some call it building “generational wealth” and you can’t do that by spending every dollar you make.

June 15, 2024

Dear Chief Justice Roberts,

I am a regular voting citizen of the United States.  I write to you out of my deep concern and regret that I can no longer trust the Supreme Court to make decisions that are in line with our Constitution and that serve the best interest of the people as opposed to the interest of wealthy individuals, religious zealots, and corporations.  It is evident that the Court has been compromised by a lack of accountability, right wing religious ideology, and bribery.  I speak specifically of Justice Thomas and Justice Alito. 

I feel like this is a stolen Court through the political maneuvers of Senator Mitch McConnell and hearings wherein Republican nominees lied to the Senators and the American public with regards to overturning Roe v. Wade.  No Supreme Court has a record of perfect decision making, however, none have been as suspected as our current Court of acting in bad faith.

I feel like your highly politized and religious Court has not only endangered the lives of women, but your Court has poisoned our political system with dark money, made us vulnerable to more gun violence and subjected to undrinkable water and unbreathable air.  Your Court has made a mockery of the rule of law by even considering presidential immunity.  You have successfully provided cover for a man who would essentially destroy our nation and remove the independent power of the press, the justice system, and even the Court. 

I grew up during the civil rights era.  I now understand why civil disobedience may be the only avenue left for many Americans to restore their civil rights that are clearly under attack by the religious right, wealthy ideologs, and greedy corporations. Our very freedoms and well-being are under attack by a Republican Congress that seeks to siege complete power over our lives and livelihoods with the blessing of your Court.   

No woman should have to jeopardize her mental and physical life in favor of an unborn, unaware, and unviable fetus. I do not believe that human life begins at conception.  According to Genesis, it begins with breath.  If religious members of your Court believe life begins at conception, then they should support a woman’s right to not have an abortion.  How is it constitutional to force a woman who believes differently to favor the life of another “person” over her own?  

Given the clear compromise of Justice Thomas and Justice Alito, I call upon them to recuse themselves in any dealings that appear to a reasonable person to be a conflict of interest.  To average Americans like me, they should have nothing to do with issues surrounding Trump or January 6^th.  They should never be involved in issues before the Court where they have received gifts from people involved in a particular case.  This is corruption.  At this point in my life, I believe we are being subjected to a highly politized and highly corrupt Supreme Court that lacks accountability and that cannot be sustained.  Your rulings will be viewed as illegitimate and civil disobedience will become the only recourse many will find.

Sincerely, 

Dr. Juanita Hall

Congressman Bryon Donalds is on Donald Trump’s shortlist for vice president. As such, he and the others on the list are making the most outrageous comments in order to gain favor among MAGA Republican voters. His latest comment to black Republicans explained how blacks did better under Jim Crow because marriage rates were higher. I decided to write to Bryon Donalds regarding his affinity for Republican policies that supposedly benefit black people.

Dear Representative Bryon Donalds,

June 8, 2024

I watched your attempt to clarify your unfortunate comment regarding the black family being together during the era of Jim Crow on CNN.  To be honest, I find your attempt to attribute Republican policies to the black progress we see today not only ingenuous but lacking credibility.  I’ve lived long enough to experience the many roadblocks’ conservatives have placed in our way since the Civil Rights Movement.  It takes an extraordinary amount of tenacity, courage, and intelligence to overcome them.  I’m one of the lucky ones.

I am a black female senior citizen and a democrat.  I am also a Christian.  I attribute my excellent progress with obtaining an education, getting married, raising three law-abiding financially successful children, and retiring comfortably to policies enacted by the Democrats and to my Christian values of love, kindness, and hard work.  My grandparents fled the Jim Crow south for safety and economic opportunities to the Motor City, Detroit.  My parents later moved us to California where red lining curtailed our progress.  However, when the Democrats passed the Fair Housing Act, my parents had the courage and foresight to move us into a white neighborhood where housing values appreciated, the schools were better funded, the groceries were cheaper and healthier, the police were not omnipresent, and the air and water were clean.  I followed suit with my own family.

The reality is that since the passing of the Civil Rights laws, Republicans have sought ways to curtail the progress of black people, women, religious minorities and LGBTQ folks.  In my experience, even though I was an excellent student and state identified as gifted, my mother had to demand I had access to college preparatory courses at the predominately white high school I attended.  It was Affirmative Action that opened the doors to colleges and universities for me to attend.  I lacked guidance from the college counselor who refused to assist me in choosing any college at all, so I chose the University of Southern California where my brother was already a student.  I later learned that I could have attended an Ivy League school with my academic credentials, but I was never afforded the knowledge that some universities were more prestigious than others. 

The Political Party that encourages continued discrimination against women, people of color, religious minorities, and LGBTQ folks is consistently the Republican Party.  Your Party does not open doors for people of diverse backgrounds in this country; it closes them at every opportunity.  Your Party has managed to make “diversity”, “equity”, and “inclusion” bad words and continually bans books designed to teach tolerance and reduce bullying among children. I will argue that the progress you see among black people is the result of reproductive choice, access to education, Obamacare, demands for criminal justice reform, and the ability to choose who and when to marry.  The ability is begin building generational wealth is despite the Republican policies, not because of them.  Your Party deserves no credit!

Your Party seeks to “Make America Great Again” when the only ones who experienced nirvana were white Protestant males.  The rest of us were second class citizens, locked out of schools, neighborhoods, healthcare, job opportunities, and some were locked in closets. There was no liberty and justice for all.  There was no realized aspiration of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for every American.  There was no equal justice under the law for everyone.  Those things were reserved for white males.  That was your great America!

Everything your Party is currently doing tells me, and many other Americans, that you want to return to those days.  Your Party’s unreasonable stance on abortion and contraception tells us how much you despise the intellect and aspirations of women.  Your attacks on the LGBTQ community tells us how you want to push them back into the closet and re-subject them to bullying so they will kill themselves.  Your attack on the justice system tells us that you want to return to a two-tiered criminal justice system where wealthy white men (like Donald Trump) are immune from prosecution and all others are over-policed and strongly prosecuted. Your attack on immigrants tells me you value white Christian people over all others.  And your attack on teachers and science, tells me you want a nation of ignorant workers who are easily exploited and expendable cheap labor.  Your attack on regulations means the maintenance of toxic air and water in poor neighborhoods, leaving folks sick and their children stunted.     

My family is building generational wealth.  But it has been through the policies of the Democrats that opened doors that were previously closed, giving us access to better education, better jobs, decent healthcare, bank accounts, capital, and allowed us to control our reproductive choices. 

I truly have no idea why you are a Republican.  They think men who look like you are criminals and belong in prison, not in professional careers.  Our country does need workers, but your Party can’t stand the idea of immigration when the pool of available workers are brown and black people.  It speaks to their inherent belief that all men are NOT created equal.  And that is the problem I have with MAGA and now with you.

Our Constitution promises equal justice under the law. School children and attendees at civic meetings begin with the Pledge of Allegiance wherein we proclaim a commitment to “liberty and justice for all.” But in many ways, these words are more aspirational than reality. Some Americans seem to be just fine with a justice system that harshly punishes the poor and people of color and seeks to pardon wealthy white men.

This past week, during Trump jury deliberations in New York, I asked my husband if he thought Erik Trump misspoke when he predicted they would win in the hush money trial because they were “white”, and the case was nonsense. My husband thought as I did that Erik spoke a truth that he might have preferred to keep silent. It’s evident to me that because Trump is wealthy and white, he has been able to break laws his entire life with near impunity until now; so being prosecuted feels really unfair to him and his family. We’re talking about a man who cheated on his SAT, dodged the draft, sexually assaulted women, discriminated against blacks in housing, cheated contractors, defrauded banks, defrauded Trump University students, and evaded taxes. Think of the many people through the years who were prosecuted and served time for crimes like this. He never did. For all his crimes, he was never prosecuted criminally until now. Most times, the law turned a blind eye. On occasion, he paid small fines, or he successfully tied things up in court leaving his victims without justice.

Many Americans, like me, are glad he was finally held criminally accountable for at least one crime. His more serious crimes involving stealing classified government documents and conspiring to steal the 2020 election have been successfully postponed by Republican judges who have co-opted our justice system through clever legal maneuvers. It is frustrating to say the least.

However, other Americans, most of whom are avid Trump supporters, are outraged that he is being held accountable at all. To their minds, Trump is somehow either incapable of breaking the law or is above the law altogether. No, it doesn’t make sense, but here we are. I hear them passionately proclaim that he hasn’t done anything wrong. I hear them echo his claims that this is all a political witch hunt. They aren’t interested in the truth; they are interested in protecting their dear leader. After the guilty verdict, the calls for riots and violence against the judge, prosecutors, jurors and all democrats are actually pretty frightening.

And then there are a handful of short-sighted Americans who submit to an unjust two-tiered justice system wherein some people are actually treated better than others and rightfully should be held to a different standard. They hold people like politicians and wealthy elites as somehow too valuable to society to be held to the same laws as average citizens. Unless someone is murdered, they seem to be okay with “white collar” crimes wherein elites evade taxes, falsify legal and business records, defraud banks and business partners, bribe politicians, extort others, and sexually harass women. They mistakenly view these as victimless crimes, failing to realize that we, the American people are the actual victims. The idea that any American would select a convicted felon as president is a terrifying thought. I’m hopeful the persuadable folks who are still reasonable will recognize what is best for our nation before it is too late.

In a way, I’m grateful that Trump has highlighted one of our nation’s psychological shortcomings when it comes to upholding the rule of law. We now see more clearly that we have yet to realize the aspiration of our founding fathers for equal justice under the law. But with the criminal conviction of Trump in this small and comparatively insignificant case, we have moved a step closer to that goal.

Throughout my life, I’ve utilized many of the proverbs I learned early in life as sound advice. One in particular fits the moment we are living in. Proverbs 27:12 states, “A wise man sees trouble and hides himself; the simple pass on and our punished.” That proverb is a call to notice warning signs presented to us and to act accordingly to protect ourselves, otherwise we will suffer negative consequences. As I consider the upcoming November election, I recognize signs of trouble ahead.

The first sign of trouble stems from the passionate and cult-like worship of Trump. Never in my entire life have I seen people in this country wave flags and clothe themselves in garments from head to toe in support of a political leader. They gather in rallies like they’re going to a church revival to listen to a man ramble and rant about nothing of actual substance to improve the nation or their lives. He feeds them a steady diet of fear, hate, insults, grievance, and promises of retribution and cruelty against their perceived enemies (immigrants and democrats) while lining his pockets, basking in their adoration, and trying to avoid prosecution his criminal acts. It’s not surprising that Trump says there will be a “blood bath” if he loses. He refuses to commit to conceding if he loses, so we must all be aware that his supporters are armed and will be enraged if he does lose–a dangerous combination. January 6, 2021 should remind us of what they are capable of. I predict that the days following a Trump election loss may be much worse. You won’t find me dancing in the street to celebrate a Biden win.

You also won’t find me at the polls on election day. I have been saying for weeks that Biden supporters should vote early or by mail to avoid MAGA chaos and intimidation at the polls on election day. Voting early or by mail will help ensure shorter election day lines, particularly in minority neighborhoods where there are fewer polls by Republican design. MAGA folks have proven their determination to win at all costs and I would not put anything past them. They will be watching the polls and some of them have volunteered as election workers. The brave among us must do the same. We need just as many election volunteers on our side to ensure a fair count. For fairness and safety, we should implore our county election officials to place additional law enforcement security around the polls and during counting. I’m thankful for surveillance cameras, and for this election, we should insist upon their presence during the entire process.

At this point, there is a good chance that Trump may win this election. I truly hope he doesn’t because I think his administration will destroy the reputation of our nation, will undermine any hope of addressing climate change, and will roll back the individual freedoms we enjoy. I read a synopsis of Project 2025. It provides a playbook for the dismantling and political reconstruction of the administrative state in order to turn this country into a Christian theocracy that lacks presidential accountability to the rule of law and criminalizes citizens who do not adhere to their theocratic laws. The authors of Project 2025 interpret liberty only within the framework of Christianity and reinterpret the “pursuit of happiness” to be the pursuit of “blessedness” that comes exclusively by adhering to God’s laws, explicitly banning abortion, gay marriage, and eliminating all training and adherence to the ideals of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Science takes second place to the Bible, the family is redefined, only ideological loyalists are retained and hired by government, and discrimination is legalized.

How does a person hide from a Trump or Project 2025 administration? Prepare now for a fascist government. Some will be best served by leaving the country for safety reasons. I advise others to move away from predominately minority neighborhoods because environmental injustice and over-policing will worsen. It’s a good idea to gather family and friends and move together to the suburbs of states where housing is affordable, schools are better, and jobs are abundant if telecommuting isn’t an option. Save and invest, rather than spend money. When I was in China, I learned that the people avoid political, social, and religious conversations with people they don’t know. We’ll have to quickly adopt that behavior. Grow your own produce because regulations will not only loosen, but there will be a lack enforcement personnel for those that remain. Stop consuming processed foods that destroy good health and exercise more. I predict that healthcare will become unaffordable and less accessible. Avoid unwanted pregnancy, opting now for permanent solutions if future children are not desired. They plan to prohibit contraception, abortion, and no-fault divorce in order to improve the birth rates and to re-subjugate women. Educate yourself for a better job and be the best at your job for job security. Keep emergency cash on hand in a safe. Get off of social media as surveillance will be used by a fascist state. Start listening to independent news outlets based outside the U.S. like the BBC because fascist lie and withhold factual information to maintain control. And finally, develop a greater collective mindset with family and close friends to ensure better mental health, financial security, and safety.

I suspect many Americans will actively resist the government whether Trump or Biden wins. I won’t be surprised if protests in the streets are met by military violence against citizens no matter which candidate wins. If Trump wins, I’m considering my options. But I’ll begin with prayers that God will intervene and deliver us from this threat of evil as horrific as the Taliban. I recognize that I’m married to a man, retired, financially independent, reside in an affluent predominately white neighborhood, and I live a Christian lifestyle, so I’m not the actual “target” of their oppressive policies. But people I know, love, and care about are, so I’ll have to think about ways to support them and to resist a fascist government should Trump win and adopt the Project 2025 playbook. There are some things worth fighting for. And for me, liberty and justice for all is one of them.

Trouble is foreseeable beginning in November 2024, and we will do well to prepare ourselves for it.

My mother was right. She once said to me that I could have it all, just not all at the same time. Well, by a stroke of luck (or fate), I did have it all and it wasn’t all at the same time. My “haphazard” life story, the journeys of my daughters, and the state of our society today inform my advice for mothers raising daughters, for ambitious and talented girls, and for young women entering adulthood.

The first thing I will say is that we as females in this particular country (for now) are much more than our uterus and our place is wherever we choose it to be, whether that is the boardroom, the studio, or the kitchen. If a girl is blessed with an average lifespan, good health, energy, talent, and intelligence, then with some strategic planning, she can assume different roles throughout her lifetime without foregoing the fulfillment each role has to offer. In other words, I reject the notion that the vocation of a woman is limited to that of wife, mother, and homemaker.

Let me be clear. These are not vocations, but possible roles and responsibilities that change over time. Let’s start with the role of being a wife. For me, being a wife has always meant being a full partner, confidant, and companion, not a servant. I like being married and both times I was careful to marry men who respect women and honored my independence. However, I realized as a 35-year-old “stay at home” mother of three that fidelity was also important to me so when my first husband decided he wanted a side piece, I had the job skills, the confidence, and the education necessary to forge a different path. I was prepared to take the reins when I filed for divorce, securing the property, alimony, and child support the court ordered.

I learned from that experience that a woman must always maintain her own credit, checking, investments, and savings accounts. Total dependance on another human being is a dangerous and unwise decision that has thrown many unprepared women and their children into sudden poverty. My advice is to be careful when choosing a spouse if marriage is desired. These days there are a growing number of men who are eager to offer women “security” in exchange for a return to the days when women were regarded as property to be controlled. There are men looking for a personal slave who will give them sex on demand, who will cook and clean up after them, who will do as they say, and who will raise their babies on their behalf. They demand obedience and exercise total control. They will use religion, financial security, emotional gaslighting, or brute force to break a woman’s will and to undermine the natural human desire for personal autonomy. So, any man who offers to “take care of you” should be a “no, thank you” because there are always puppet strings attached. You want a partner, not an overseer.

Now, let’s move on to motherhood for those who desire children. My first piece of advice is to pay attention to our biology and to utilize effective birth control to protect against an untimely pregnancy. The inconvenient reality is that our biology intends for us to give birth in our twenties. It is far easier to get pregnant, sustain a healthy pregnancy, give birth, recover from giving birth, stay up with crying babies, and run after a toddler when you are in your twenties and early thirties. And it is also much easier and better for the child to do this with a partner, so I highly recommend first getting married after a few years of college, work experience, and savings in the bank. If given the option, choose funds for a downpayment on a house rather than a fancy fairy tale wedding.

Motherhood and career choices is where the idea of having it all, but just not at the same time comes in. Too many women put off serious relationships and having babies in favor of building a career. Sadly, some find they have waited too long. Yes, there is the option of freezing eggs, but youthful motherhood is still better. I think we need to give ourselves permission to prioritize raising children for a decade or even two. If you do the math, say you graduate from high school at age 18. You go to college and work until you are 25, actively dating in search of the perfect partner. You marry and have your children by the time you are 30, prioritizing child-rearing over work. When you are 40-45, you can return to college for a master’s degree and start or continue your career in earnest, unimpeded by childcare demands. You can then work for as many years as you are able or desire.

Being a mother isn’t a vocation. Most mothers know that raising children is both fulfilling and challenging. But some fail to realize that it is a temporary role. Children grow up and the mother-child relationship along with its responsibilities shift. Mothers will always love and worry, but mothers are supposed to stop “mothering” when their children are adults. I’ve seen plenty of women who mistakenly think that being a mother is their primary vocation and identity. While motherhood is a temporary priority for sure, those who think otherwise panic when their children begin kindergarten, and many feel lost or go into depression when their children leave home. I was never like that because I viewed the role as a temporary one, worthy of my best effort.

While not right or not possible for many, I worked undemanding jobs for a bit and then chose to stay home with my children during their formative years because I wanted to give them my full attention. I wanted to monitor their homework, to teach them life skills, and to give them a very broad range of experiences. However, I always viewed staying at home with them as temporary and I looked forward to sending them into their adulthood as well-equipped humans so I could fully dedicate myself to a career. I lamented that the divorce cut some of that plan short, particularly for my son who was only eleven at the time and my second daughter who was a very vulnerable 14- year-old. However, I put aside my personal hurt and anger over the divorce and encouraged their father to remain active in their lives. They needed him, too, and we remained full partners in parenthood. Alimony allowed me the time to earn a master’s degree and to embark on a new career.

And finally, I’ll give advice about homemaking. When I was a stay-at-home mother, I was the classic Suzi Homemaker. However, in truth, anyone who lives in a home (of all genders and ages) is a homemaker. We each assume specific roles to ensure the security, cleanliness, and comfort of the place we reside. In my home, I happen to be the primary cook because I’m much better at it than my husband. He is better at fixing things, building things, and installing stuff, so he assumes that “handyman” role. We each do our own laundry from start to finish and we both do dishes and clean toilets. We garden and grocery shop together. He cleans the showers and takes out the trash. I vacuum, mop, and dust. We both clean windows. At one point we paid a housekeeper when we were working, but since we’re retired, we’ve divided up the household chores.

I’ve been fortunate to have experienced being married twice to men who respected my independent thoughts and aspirations and my autonomy as a human being. I’ve had the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom to focus on my children until the youngest was eleven. I’ve also had the joy of obtaining a full education, earning a bachelor’s degree early in life and post-divorce, I earned both a master’s and then a doctorate. When the children were gone, I remarried, focused harder on my career and traveled around the world for fifteen years. Today, I am a financially independent retired wife and grandmother who writes a blog every Sunday. My mother was right. I was able to have it all, but at different times.

I was frustrated by an online debate this week between a young black man and a black woman. The man argued that it was foolish to continue supporting the Democrat Party because it never does anything for black people. The woman argued that the Republicans do even less and would in fact roll back rights for black people. I was most frustrated with the idea that anyone would expect either political party to center the specific and very particular needs of black people since we remain a relatively small percentage of the population. We need to support the Party that ensures opportunities, public health, and non-discrimination policies that allow us to succeed in spite of our race, not because of it.

Before getting into the personal responsibility aspect of this post, I should define who I’m talking about. The category of who is black has changed and so have the numbers. According to Pew Reseach, the number and diversity of Black people in the country is rising. There are more black immigrants who now comprise 11% of us in 2022 as compared to only 7% in 2000. In addition, Pew expanded the category of Black people from single-race blacks (who alone make up 14.6% of the U.S. population) to include Black Hispanics and multi-racial non-Hispanics. Of the 47.9 million black people in the U.S., 2.9 million are Hispanic, 5.4 million are multi-racial non-Hispanic. Not surprisingly, the percentages of Hispanic blacks and multi-racial blacks are growing rapidly. And it follows that their median age is much younger too. The median age for single-race blacks is 34.9 while black Hispanics is 21 and multi-racial non-Hispanics is a mere 19.5 years.

That said, the windows of opportunity since desegregation, the Civil Rights Act and Affirmative Action have opened in the areas of education, housing, banking, marriage, and employment. There were and remain individual bad actors in every segment of society who exercise covert acts of discrimination based on skin color. The reality is that there may always be individuals who try to circumvent fair treatment, due recognition, acceptance, promotion, and the success of black people. However, we must always exercise our legal recourse and demand fair treatment. When recognized and called out, these individuals usually back off or they end up paying the consequences. We must always call out health care workers, teachers, property appraisers, bankers, and others who treat us unfairly. Many companies and municipalities have paid out enormous legal fees and punitive compensation for the discriminatory behaviors of their employees. Police officers finally face criminal prosecution for the wrongful deaths of citizens they once killed with impunity. This is progress that I would argue the Democrats are largely responsible for.

I would say to young black men and women today that their future success is up to them given the current laws and public policies in place. Black people are no longer restricted to living in poverty-stricken neighborhoods with under-resourced schools and services and greater environmental pollution. In fact, one of the fastest growing black populations is in Utah. The courageous and ambitious will take the opportunity to improve their living conditions, even if that entails moving. However, a majority of black Americans (56%) continue to reside in the South which represent the poorest states in the country, with Texas and Florida having the biggest black populations. The Midwest and Northeast are each home to 17% of blacks and the west, where I live, only has 10% of blacks living here.

There is good news and there are threats on the horizon when it comes to our collective progress. For starters, according to Pew Research, 26.1 percent of black people over age 25 have earned a bachelor’s degree or higher, up from only 14.5% in 2000. Unfortunately, the gap between black female educational attainment and black males has widened since 2000 with a comparison of 28.9% of females attaining degrees compared to only 22.8% of males.

This gap in educational attainment should not be ignored. For one, it means that black males will have fewer life opportunities for high paying jobs and social mobility. Higher education attainment is attached to increased earning capacity, higher level information processing skills, and social status mobility. On this Mother’s Day, I call upon mothers to monitor their son’s whereabouts, associations, and schoolwork. Parents must insist upon the academic achievement of their sons to a higher level to ensure opportunities and avoid exploitation. We must raise our academic expectations for our children to match or exceed the general population. If we continue to raise black boys to believe their opportunities lie only in becoming professional athletes or music moguls, then the school to prison pipeline will only increase. They can pursue a rigorous education while also participating in sports or music. However, without education, their legitimate job prospects are next to none without a trade or formal education if sports or music does not pan out. And for the vast majority of them, it will not!

I contend that it is far easier to adequately monitor kids, especially boys, when there are two parents at home. Unfortunately, many of our black children are being raised by single mothers who struggle to survive and have too few resources and too little time to devote to being an involved parent. It has always been a mistake to expect the government to rescue single moms to the extent that fully nurtures a developing child. And the truth is that it takes a super-woman to provide all the love, attention and educational opportunities a developing child needs to thrive and succeed. In red states where the greatest population of black people live, new abortion restrictions have gone into effect and access to health care is being rolled back. The threat of more black babies being born into poverty to single mothers is a horrifying prospect for our collective future. Education and marriage before babies are essential for our children and our collective future. We should be preaching this from the roof tops. Instead, online conversations feature angry uneducated black men complaining that black women are too independent and money grubbing.

There is definitely something going on in the culture that has affected marriage or the lack of it among black Americans. I suspect that the education and social gap between black men and women likely has some bearing on the fact that only 32% of black adults are married compared to 53% of adults who are not black. Additionally, unemployment, low paying jobs, and extremely high incarceration rates among black men don’t help the prospects for marriage either. And neither does the reputation for infidelity.

Nearly half of black men and women have never been married and of those who have 25% of black women and 15% of black men are divorced, separated or widowed. More black men are married (36%) than black women (29%). Of those, 21% of black men are married to non-black women while 13% of black women are married to non-black men. What I hear from black women is that it is difficult to find worthy partners among black men. Going back to parenting, I’m convinced that it generally takes two involved parents to raise a worthy black man. So, my guess is that more black women will soon be marrying outside their race and the trend of multi-racial babies will continue. Not surprisingly, my daughters are married to white men and my step-daughter is married to a highly educated (PhD) Nigerian immigrant.

It is also not surprising that mixed-race households have the highest median income ($60,000) followed by black Hispanic households ($56,500) while single race households have only $49,500. I attribute this to the likelihood that multi-racial couples meet in higher social circles outside racially segregated neighborhoods, typically in college or on the job. My son met his white pediatrician wife in the Peace Corps after college.

My point is this: for now, laws and policies are in place that allow us to determine our future prospects for success. We must take advantage of the choice to get an education whether that is in the trades or academics no matter our preference for athletics, acting, or music. Higher education is about learning how to process information and gaining social mobility. We can also move out of impoverished, under-resourced, high pollution neighborhoods. And finally, we can expand our marriage prospects beyond black men and women.

I began by saying that we need to support the political party that provides opportunities for success without regard to race. Which Party supports reproductive rights? Which wants to expand access to healthcare? Which Party cares more about clean air and water than corporate profits? Which Party wants everyone to vote? Which Party’s candidate just claimed that discrimination against “whites” is a major problem that must be dealt with?

Pay attention to Biden’s push to forgive student loans. This policy will help young people, many of whom are black men and women who obtained degrees or trades and now find themselves in overwhelming debt. Once free of this debt burden, my sincere hope is that they will be wise enough to save and invest, start businesses, get married, and buy homes. Those who say the Democrats have done nothing for black people are likely stuck in impoverished neighborhoods, are uneducated, and therefore lack the upward mobility a good education can provide.

I’ve been largely silent about the war between Israel and Hamas because I realize that I’m likely to offend people I care about who are personally impacted by what is happening. In truth, I am deeply sympathetic to both the Israeli and the Palestinian people. At the same time, I absolutely despise the leadership on both sides. I’m vehemently against oppression and violence and I am in favor of a two-state solution. I am neither anti-Semitic nor anti-Muslim. I respect the dignity, basic rights, and humanity of all people groups. Having worked with college age students for 25 years, I honestly believe that 99% of the students protesting the historic mistreatment of the Palestinians and the current war in Gaza feel the same way as I do. But their message is being lost.

The main reason for their messaging problem is that this country has a difficult time processing nuance, particularly when emotions are high. Nuance doesn’t make for good sound bites. Nuance takes more time to explain than people have the patience to hear. Nuance requires critical thinking skills that clearly half the country lacks. Nuance requires an exceptionally high level of communication skills that most people, especially college students, haven’t developed to the degree required to be fully understood.

The other reason the students are struggling to gain support for their protests is that there are unruly folks among them who steal the attention of the news outlets that pursue sensationalism for views and profits. I watch in horror everyday as the news media amplifies the occasional anti-Semitic rants and threats coming from a few protesters while putting a mic in the face of the rare Jewish student who feels threatened, not necessarily by specific acts of violence towards them, but by the subject matter of the protest itself.

The news media paints the protesters as anti-Semitic, creating an avenue for conservative politicians to hold public hearings where they could brow-beat college presidents about their radical anti-Semitic colleges where Jewish students are being continuously threatened while they do nothing. Although untrue, university donors only hear the headlines, and some of these presidents lost their jobs. It’s as though defending free speech and the right to protest is limited to donor-approved speech and non-confrontational protest. Nuance is completely lost. The monied interests behind the news media know that the public and politicians aren’t hearing the full story. The reality is that sound bites fit the narrative of those who pay for them. And right now, that means ending the student protests by painting the students as radical, immature, naive, and anti-Semitic bullies who don’t know any better. However, their stated demands prove this isn’t true.

Honestly, these students know enough to understand that the Israeli government has been mistreating the Palestinian people unfairly for many years. They know what oppression looks like. They know that if you kick a dog long enough, that dog might eventually bite you. They know Hamas is evil and visited that evil upon innocent Israelis on October 7th and wrongly continues to hold innocent people hostage while hiding behind a helpless population. They don’t support Hamas. But they don’t support Netanyahu either. They know that indiscriminate bombing and strategic starvation of innocent women and children is wrong. They heard how Netanyahu referred to the Palestinian people as animals and not human. They understand right and wrong and proportionality.

In truth, these are educated young people who are full of energy and who have a stake in the future of the world. They rightly want to shape the world they will live in. So, they protest, demanding that their college sever ties with the Israeli government whom they see as the root cause of the conflict. They want better for Israelis and the Palestinians. To garner greater attention, they set up camps in violation of university rules. They know that the Administration can’t ignore rule breakers and that is the point.

But the public likes order. Disorder gets attention, but when the stance is nuanced, the messaging is difficult. The students believe they are morally right even if the news media convinces the “adults” that they are uninformed radicalized brats who need to study and stop disturbing the peace. The reality is that there are more Jewish students among the protesters than there are Jewish students being threatened. But very few of the Jewish students who are protesting Netanyahu’s policies are being highlighted.

History has shown us that when protest is met with silence, it only gets bolder and louder and more dangerous. The aggrieved will be heard! As a former university administrator, I understand this. I believe Netanyahu is unwittingly creating more future enemies for Israel as he prosecutes his war on Hamas without regard for innocent human suffering. I also believe President Biden was throwing away his prospects for re-election by his silence on the student protests.

So, this past week, I became so frustrated by President Biden’s silence in the face of growing campus chaos that I emailed him three times in 24 hours. I’m certain others contacted the White House as well, especially after Trump went on record praising the police action against the protesters, altogether ignoring student grievances and even their right to protest. He was doing what authoritarians do.

Within two hours of my final email, President Biden did an unscheduled press conference. He touched on pretty much every talking point I articulated in my emails, except the reason for the protest: a ceasefire and humane treatment for Palestinians moving forward. While he emphasized the right to protest peacefully, he fell short in acknowledging the actual grievances the students had. He didn’t tell them that he is doing his best to bring an end to the violence and starvation in Gaza and to have the hostages released. He didn’t push hard enough against the characterization of protesters as anti-Semitic. His curt responses at the end showed everyone that he is above all else a politician who relies on donors to fund his campaign, so he can’t say too much to disrupt the fully funded media narrative against the students.

When all is said and done, I support the students. I believe that 99% of them are fighting for the right thing: an end to the slaughter of innocent lives and a peaceful transition to a two-state solution where Israelis and Palestinians can live in security, dignity, and opportunity. I hope these same students will vote to re-elect President Biden this November because he really is the lesser of two evils with regard to protecting the lives of the Palestinian people and mitigating a growth of anti-Semitism because of Netanyahu’s inhumane policies.